Bonds of Affection

Undone, and broken, Severus sobbed in Harry\'s arms. His past, all of it, every snide remark, every cruel word, every attempt at bullying Harry, were swarming in his mind, a host of dreadful, guilt-filled memories.... and now, the final atrocity, the potion that would claim his soul.



And throughout all of it, Harry held him, kissing his hair, telling him something over and over again, quietly and desperately.



Finally, Severus was able to make out the words.



“I love you,” Harry was saying softly.



Harry guided Severus to lie back on the bed, and took his hands, covering them with kisses.



“Please, Severus,” Harry pleaded with him. “Don\'t ... I need you.”



Severus turned to Harry and gave a faint smile. “Tell me what you need,” he offered.



Still holding his hands, Harry looked at him seriously. “Not what. Who. You.”



Severus reached for him and pulled him close. Harry sat on top of Severus, straddling his waist. Their fingers locked furiously, almost painfully, and Harry stared at him intently, silently demanding an answer.



“You\'ve got me,” Severus said quietly. “For as long as you want.”



Harry grinned, wrinkling his nose in an almost childish fashion. “Forever then?”



Severus smiled back weakly. “Forever then. However long that lasts.”



Harry leaned forward to kiss him, but suddenly froze in mid-movement, his face wincing from pain.



“Harry – what is it?” Severus asked – but the burning on his own arm was his answer. The Dark Mark was summoning him.



“He\'s calling you,” Harry whispered, climbing off. “I can tell.”



Severus sat up and nodded. “I\'ll be back soon,” he added, seeing the expression of utter misery on Harry\'s face. “Don\'t worry. Go to your room, try to get some sleep.”



Harry gave him a harsh glare. “I don\'t think so. I know I can\'t help – but I will stay with when you come back.”



Severus sighed deeply. “If you must,” he muttered, getting up, and heading out of the bedroom. Harry walked with him, side by side, through the hallways, until they reached the main exit.



“Well,” Severus said awkwardly, placing a parting kiss on Harry\'s forehead. “See you shortly.”



Harry nodded, and stood in the doorway, until Severus Disapparated.



Arriving to Voldemort\'s location, Severus saw that some of the others were gathered this time as well. Peter Pettigrew, Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange – along with Volemort were waiting for him. The location was one of the abandoned haunted castles they had been in before. They sat down in a circle, lowering themselves on chairs that looked like they hadn\'t been used for decades. Smell of mold and decay was everywhere – and Severus wondered why the others did not seem to mind it. Perhaps Bellatrix and Peter were too far gone, but even Lucius did not appear to be bothered by it. It was as if Voldemort\'s presence held them all in his thrall, not allowing their senses to connect with their minds.



“Welcome, Severus,” Voldemort said in a soft voice, but there was an undertide of danger within it. “Any news to report?”



“Nothing noteworthy,” Severus said absently. Voldemort was reaching into his mind again, looking for answers. Severus put up the shields around his affectionate conversations with Harry, and around McGonagall\'s and Dumbledore\'s plans to destroy the Horcruxes .



“Liar,” Voldemort hissed vehemently. “Filth.” Severus shuddered inwardly.



“My Lord?” he asked with an expression of confused abjection. “How have I displeased you?”



“The child found out about the Termination Ingredient,” Voldemort said bluntly. “How could you have let it happen?”



Severus smiled a bit. “Because I knew it would not matter. He confessed me as his Master, and said he would accept death from my hand.” Generating a false mental image was easy, and it seemed that Voldemort was pleased with the outcome.



“Well done, Severus,” he said with unfeigned delight. “Truly well done. And you... were you surprised to find out the truth of it?”



“Yes,” Severus confessed. “Although in retrospect, I should not have been. It\'s an ingenious plan, my Lord.”



Voldemort scrutinized him with his yellow serpentine eyes.



“Kind of ironic, really,” Severus added casually. “Usually, Willow Bark is meant for pain relief...”



Lucius glanced at him strangely. “It is,” he said in a tender voice. “Death of the soul is the ultimate pain relief, wouldn\'t you say?”



Severus chuckled a little. “I suppose so. Still, seems a bit far-fetched, if you ask me...”



Lucius smiled defensively. “It\'s been used for millenia. It\'s a natural agent... nothing can counteract it. The natural lifecycle of the tree is seventeen years. The bark, properly treated, becomes intangible, and attaches itself to the human mind, or soul, if you will, as if it were a tree-trunk... binds to it... and, if the soul is younger than seventeen, ensures that it never lives past that age.”



Bellatrix Lestrange laughed wickedly, with a note of delirium in her voice. “The legends say that the Willows used to wail and weep for their young victims... hence the colloquial name. It\'s almost romantic, don\'t you think, Severus?”



“Yes,” he said sardonically. “Almost.”



“Of course,” Lucius said smugly, “Only the young are affected. The five of us could be feasting on Wailing Willow Bark all night long, and suffer no ill effect...” he chuckled softly. “Poor little Harry.”



Severus smiled distastefully. “Indeed. Well, he will be put out of his misery soon enough.”



Voldemort chuckled benignly. “My my, Severus. I had expected more of an attachment from you. Do you not love your pet, your slave – even a little?”



Severus glanced at Voldemort briefly. “My Lord... I do not know what love is. I only know that it\'s a dreadful weakness.”



“Go home,” Voldemort said suddenly, looking at Bellatrix, Lucius and Peter. “We will see each other again, shortly.”



They departed one by one. Severus lingered a bit. Voldemort glanced at him. “You\'ve come full circle, Severus,” Voldemort said gently. “I\'ve used you to dispose of Potters once and for all. Does it please you?”



“Immensely,” Severus said with a cold smile.



“Until later, my servant.”



x X x



When Severus was gone from Voldemort\'s presence, and arrived to the door of the Manor, the delirium caught up with him. The inner voice screamed and threatened, demanded and berated... but this time, it did not sound like Dumbledore, or Voldemort, or even Severus himself. It sounded like Harry.



Severus could hear his voice in his mind, speaking in a cold, harsh tone; and what\'s more, he could almost see Harry\'s face in the corner of his vision.



You know what I am, don\'t you? Harry taunted him. I am your slave-consciousness, Severus. I\'ve caught up with you when you weren\'t looking.... shall we play?



Severus shut his eyes, his hands scraping along the walls, as he advanced to his bedroom, step by step.



Murderer. Liar. Traitor. Harry laughed at him. Look at you go. You\'ll never make it.



This isn\'t real, Severus told himself.



Are you sure? How do you know? Do you really think Harry loves you? Or – pitiful old fool - do you think that you love him?



Yes, Severus thought desperately. His resolve was beginning to weaken.



Harry\'s voice laughed sadly. Severus... You speak of love – but you don\'t know the meaning of the word. People who love – well.. they don\'t get off on hurting their beloved. They don\'t whip them, or cane them, or rape them till they bleed... you have a rather twisted view of love. And now, you\'ve twisted me too. You\'ve turned me into something that I was never meant to be. You should die, Severus. You should die, and set me free.



Severus entered his bedroom, and stood in the doorway. He saw Harry getting off the bed, standing up, looking at him, with his eyes wide open. Severus stared at him blankly, not certain whether Harry was real, or a figment of his imagination.



Then the storm of physical torment overtook him, and Severus collapsed on the bed. The last thing he could feel was Harry\'s arms catching him, and drawing him in. Severus clung to them shamelessly, as if to a buoy that was floating on the dark waves of agony that was seeking to drown him.