Bonds of Affection

Harry glanced up at Severus and saw a shadow of torment crossing his face.



“Well,” Harry prodded. “Does it mean what I think it means?”



Severus nodded reluctantly. “I don\'t recognize the words, but I recognize the ... signs. Apparently, Wailing Willow Bark is the termination ingredient.”



Hermione glanced at him, her eyes narrowing dangerously. “Explain,” she demanded.



Severus nodded. “It goes back to the times when... child slavery was prevalent. Many centuries ago. Quite a few owners preferred to have children as slaves – but did not want to keep them past a certain age... So the slave-traders discovered and harvested what was known as termination ingredients, something that would simply end the slave\'s life, when the slave reached the age when the Master would no longer be ... pleased with her. Or him.”



“Pedophile\'s paradise,” Hermione said grimly. “No wonder we couldn\'t find any information on it. It must have been wiped clean centuries ago, when the wizarding world got rid of child slavery and banned the termination ingredients?”



Severus nodded dejectedly. “I should have guessed – simply by the conspicuous absence of information - that it was something of the sort...”



Harry was listening to the conversation with distant curiosity, as if it was about someone else. He could scarcely believe that something running through his bloodstream at the moment would turn on him and destroy him in a month\'s time. He looked at Hermione\'s hand and re-read the words.



“But this is different, isn\'t it?” Harry asked quietly. “This won\'t just kill me.”



“No,” Severus said slowly, with a tremor in his voice. “Of most foul creature\'s kiss, a twin – this ingredient ... apparently, acts in a manner similar to Dementor\'s Kiss. It will wipe out your mind, your soul, your personality. When you turn seventeen.”



Hermione bit down on her lip hard, and shook her head stubbornly. “This doesn\'t make sense,” she said faintly. “Why go into all that trouble? I mean... why not just make Harry drink something that would kill him instantly? Why bother with the enslavement potion? And why make him drink something that will destroy his soul at seventeen?”



Harry smiled bitterly. Next to him, Severus looked frozen numb with terror.



“Because,” Harry told her quietly. “Not all of me will be turning seventeen on July 31st.”



Hermione gazed at him in terror. “Harry...”



“The piece of Voldemort\'s soul in me, Hermione. It\'s what – sixty? Seventy years old? The ingredient won\'t affect it. Its seventeenth birthday had already passed. When I turn seventeen, my mind and personality will die. At that time, the only thing still living in my body will be the fragment of Voldemort... that\'s all.”



Severus was staring in front of himself vacantly. “I should firecall Albus and tell him,” he said absently.



“Yes, you should,” Harry agreed easily. Severus stood up and walked out of the lab, shutting the door behind him.



Hermione glanced at Harry abjectly. “Harry... I am so sorry... so sorry that I didn\'t fight you on your decision ... I am such an idiot...” She shut her eyes in a desperate attempt to suppress tears, and Harry hugged her hesitantly.



“Don\'t be sorry,” he said quietly. “This doesn\'t change anything, you know. Not really. We all knew that I had to die. All this does is give us a timeline. Like you heard Dumbledore say – it doesn\'t matter anymore. What\'s done is done.”



She looked up at him with dread. “Do you think he already found out what it was, and didn\'t tell you? Do you think that\'s why he called off the investigation?”



Harry shrugged. “I wouldn\'t be surprised.”



She sniffled a little. “But why... why wouldn\'t he tell you? Why would he keep something like that from you?”



Harry grinned light-heartedly. “Because,” he said with a crooked smile, “he didn\'t want me to run off and do something stupid and self-destructive.... before my time was up. At least that\'s what I think. He really does care about me. In his own way.”



He found that he couldn\'t resent the Headmaster anymore. He could not fault him for not willing to disclose such a horrible fact. They would both die shortly, he thought – and the manner of death did not really matter a great deal. The only thing that mattered was how they lived out their remaining days, and what they did with the time that had been allotted to them.



Hermione studied her scarred hand thoughtfully. “Harry...”



Harry interrupted her. “Hermione, you should tell Ron, and the rest of Dumbledore\'s Army. I want you to promise me that you all won\'t let my body walk around with nothing but the fragment of Voldemort\'s soul in it. If Severus hesitates, then you must kill it - when the time comes. Promise?”



She nodded silently.



“You can even tell them about the enslavement potion if you think it\'ll be helpful. I have one month left, it\'s not like I care about my dignity anymore,” he added with a smirk.



She stood up and hugged him again. “I should go... tell Ron. We\'ll see you soon...”



“I know,” he said. “Go.”



They both left the laboratory, Hermione departing to Floo back to the Burrow, and Harry, heading to look for Severus.



Harry found Severus in his bedroom. Severus lay on his bed, face down.



“Did you tell Dumbledore?” Harry asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to him.



“Yes,” Severus said. His voice was muffled and subdued. “He... told me to look after you.. that\'s all.”



Harry nodded, unsurprised.



“Severus,” he said gently. “Look at me.”



Severus sat up abruptly, and stared at Harry, even as unrestrained tears were streaming from his black eyes.



“I\'ve killed you,” Severus said painfully.



“No,” Harry reached with his hand to his face and wiped his tears. “Voldemort killed me,” he said calmly.



Severus was shaking his head abjectly. “I had you drink it from my hand...”



Harry grasped him with both arms. I would do it again, Harry thought – if he hadn\'t, Severus would have been dead by now. But he said nothing of the sort, not willing to add to his lover\'s anguish. Gently and cautiously, he drew Severus into his embrace, until the man\'s head was resting against his chest. He stroked his hair over and over again, parting the dark, silky locks with his fingers.



Severus pressed his forehead to Harry\'s body and sobbed quietly, brokenly, as muttered, disjointed words fell off his tongue:



“Harry... beloved... what have I done to you...”



Harry held him tighter. “You have extended my life by sixteen years,” he said. “Try not to forget that.”