The Pains of Becoming

This chapter is now beta’d! –Thanks Pensieve Plotter!

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Sorry for the long break!
-Really, this story is not abandoned, I have more chapters lined up and am writing on the finally at the moment.

LuciusDreamer: thanks! I am glad you like all the sex!

Mary Jane: Your reviews are always highly appreciated! And I am extremely honoured that you find partof my dream sequence Lynch-y! I LOVE David Lynch! About the girl shrivelling up, I don’t want to explain to much really, but I had a dream once where I tried to save a small kitten from a terrible shop and I picked it up and tired to run but it stated to strangely blow up in my hands like a balloon than made a PUFF noise and started to shrivel up and milk came out of it. It was really horrible and ugly! And I remembered how terrible that was and how it felt like I could not save that kitten and that maybe it was my fault for picking it up and holding it to tightly and how terrible that was. I was just thinking that Kristy would subconsciously feel very strange about this girl. The girl had experienced the real version of something she herself craves and loves to play. And it was her lovers doing it, so she must be stuck between a bit of jealousy and guilt. While writing the dream I tried to think of how I dream. I mostly find that what I am thinking in my dream is highly illogical. And something that is very typical for my dreams is, that as soon as I notice that I am dreaming I will take of my clothes and try to have sex with someone… I wonder if I should be worried about that lol.
Well I will try to write more sex, since people seem to like that!

Oh yeah… here, have more sex…
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Chapter 32
A Warm Welcome

Kirsty looked around the deserted chamber. Somehow she did not trust the place.

“Are you going to tell me why I have to stay here?”

“No,” Snape only said. Kirsty’s strange feeling grew. She felt oddly as though he was locking her in with something dangerous, but she was sure this could not be the case, still the feeling remained.

She stepped one step towards him and looked at him pleadingly: “Please Professor, tell me what is going on? …Are you sure this is not about … about what we did?”

“I told you, it is not.”

“Then… what did Dumbledore talk to you about?”

“The house elfs will make sure you get food and what ever else you might need.”

“What if… Can I get in touch with you?” She turned to the fireplace.

“No.”

She turned back to him in surprise.

“Why? Are you going away? What’s going on?”

“Don’t stress yourself out. Everything is well. I just can not speak to you about it until it is over.”

She sighed: “This is ridicules.”

“You may think what you want.” He turned towards the door.

“Professor!” she called after him but he did not stop. She wanted to pull him back but she did not dare, instead she jumped forward and threw herself between him and the door. He stared at her.

“You can’t just put me in a cage like this. Tell me what is going on.”

“This isn’t a cage. Get away from the door”, he said in a quiet thunder.

“Or what?” she asked and looked him up and down, ravishing in taking note of his body so very close to hers, “you put me across your knee again?” she purred and fluttered her eyelashes as she peered up at his fierce, black eyes. She could feel her heart starting to hammer against her chest and rising up to pulse in her head, she did not care that she blushed.

She was surprised by his low but angry reply: “Not today. But believe me, the next time you are lying across my knee you will deeply regret your wanton behaviour.”

She could not help but shudder visibly at his comment.
“So there is going to be a next time?” she breathed. Realising that what he had said had only excited her more he scowled at her, grabbed her shoulder and pushed her harshly aside. He stormed out of the door, slamming it shut.

For a long moment Kirsty only stood there. Then she grabbed the doorknob and pulled. It didn’t open. He had actually locked her in. She suddenly remembered how she hated to be locked up not knowing what was going to happen.

She kicked the door angrily. She should have fought him. She should have demanded an explanation instead of grabbing a useless opportunity to flirt. She just had not expected to be actually locked in. She walked back towards the fireplace. She looked around. There was no floo powder. She could not even communicate. She walked over to the only small window and looked out into the sunset. She was in one of the towers. Far down she could see the grounds.

She turned away again, only feeling more confined. There were two doors, one smaller than the other. Kirsty walked towards the bigger one and entered the small bedroom. There was another small window but rather high up on the unusually high wall and the bed stood in the middle of the room with hardly any space around it. There was only a small trunk for clothes and a table with a mirror.

She sighed and walked back into the living room. In her short absence dinner had appeared on a small coffee table. She ignored it and paced up and down the room. Why did he not tell her? He had said it was for her safety. Safety of what? And what if something happened to her here? She could not think of anything but what if she injured herself or something? Was anyone watching her? Would anyone know? What was going on?! The room got darker and darker as she paced. Finally she sat down and picked on the food the houses elfs had made appear. The room was so quiet. She could not help but pick up on an untrustworthy, creepy atmosphere.

“Well, this is ridicules,” she said to herself in a casual tone and paced some more. She could not wait for this to be over, not only to be free again, but the more she was alone with herself with nothing to do but wait the more she thought she had to get her life on track somehow.

She had to get a grip and find a way back to Lucius… or she had to get a grip on Snape. She felt it very strongly, a strange bond between them, one that seemed to have been there for a while, but she had never really noticed it and unfortunately he seemed not to have noticed it at all. She hated how he looked at her as though there was something deeply wrong with her, as though he was shocked by her sexual behaviour. She grew angry thinking about it, how could he make her feel dirty? He was the one who tortured and raped muggleborns in the past. Then she tried to clear her mind from anger, she had told him that it did not matter what he had done, that it was the past and she meant it because she knew it still troubled him and it hurt her to see him suffer for victims that were long at peace. She would never use his past against him. And once more she felt that bond between them that pulled on her, wanting to make her come closer to him, wanting to make him feel better, make him enjoy his life again.

The thinking and the boredom of having absolutely nothing to do, mixed with the growing darkness in the room, she decided to get ready for bed. It looked like she would have all of the next day to continue pacing and being bored. She might as well try get as much sleep as she could.

Half an hour later she snuggled up in the fresh sheets and noted that this bed was a lot bigger and more comfortable than hers in her dormitory. So at least there was something good about this stupid situation, she thought as she quickly dosed off.

It could have been only moments but just as well hours later that she awoke with a start. There was something in the room. She could hear it very faintly moving behind her on the other side of the room. She could feel it too. There was something there that was observing her.

Not sure if it had escaped her dream she still did not dare move, she only stared into the blackness of the room before her and wished she was lying on her back so she could see what was going on, on the other side of the room. It was quiet now. She knew she had dreamed it, it was just that strange atmosphere getting to her, yet she could not allow her eyes to fall shut again.

But there it was again, and now she knew there was someone there, yet she simply froze, trying not to draw attention to herself. The covers were lifted and she quickly tried to turn at the same time as throwing herself out of the bed, but too late, a strong arm grabbed her, holding her around her waist, firmly pulling her back against a familiar male body.

“Where is it you think of going, my pet?”

“You!” she exhaled, unable to believe it. It had to be a voice in a dream, but no, she knew this was real, she had really heard him very near behind her, and she felt that possessive grip around her. It was real. But she could not understand how he could suddenly be there. She did not dare turn.

“They actually think they can just hide you away to keep you out of my reach.”

She closed her eyes to take in every bit of his voice that she had so missed and that now filled her with dread just as much as longing. She felt his fingers grace her thigh as he let his fingertips slide up and down over her skin.

“I missed you so much!” she gasped, still not daring to turn to face him. He still had his grip tightly around her waist the way she loved it and did not give much choice to move and suddenly she realised what he probably was thinking, how it all had to look to him, as though she had not tried hard enough.

“They took my wand away. They did not let me go anywhere.” She could suddenly feel his breath on her neck. His face must be very close.

“Well, who can blame them, after that stupid little revenge act you tried to pull?” The displeasure was clearly audible in his voice and his tight grip became just a little bit more threatening.

“I’m so sorry! The occlumency got to me. Snape said I had to find a way to deal with my past, so I … I did it for you. I wanted to kill my muggle father for you. I am sorry, I was out of my mind, not quite there… I messed it all up, I know I did, I’m sorry. You have to punish me for it, Master.”

“All in due time…”

She held her breath as his fingertips slid down between her thighs, he found the mark, his initials cut into her flesh. He traced it down with his finger. She felt whole again. But as he had gone quiet she could not keep herself from asking a question, she dreaded the reaction to because she still thought he might disappear into thin air if she tried to find out how it was possible.

”How can you be here?”

She felt his lips moving closer to her ear: “Magic makes it happen my little halfblooded fool,” he only said and kissed her neck. She shivered.

“Now lets see if everything is the way I left it.” He said playfully and his hand moved away from her mark upwards, cupping her sex. His fingers found their way into her folds and started exploring. It seemed to draw her breath away from her a little.

“Snape been here in the mean time?” he whispered into her ear as he pushed in one finger. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“Yes,” she breathed.

“So he has?” Lucius commented in surprise and moved his finger lazily inside her.

“How very interesting. Did you like it?”

She hesitated, she did not know how to answer this. If she said yes, was he going to be angry? Was he going to see it as betrayal? If she said no, was he going to see it as a flaw in her commitment to him? After all he had wanted Snape to take her. She decided to give way to a sweet moan that he created, working his finger inside her and pressing down his palm on the right places as he did so.

“How was it?” he asked again.

“What do you want me to say?”

Suddenly she felt him remove his hand from between her legs and instantly felt it grip her hair and pulling her head back so his mouth was on her cheekbone as he hissed: “Have you forgotten your manners around me already, pet? What I want you to say? You always speak the truth!”

“Yes, Master!” she breathed and though seriously worried, the grip in her hair and his commanding voice was fuel in the fire of her excitement.

“So tell me?” he hissed, getting impatient.

“He found me masturbating and I refused to stop and then he took me. He was very rough. I liked it very much.”

She could hear herself, but it sounded like a voice from far away.

He hesitated and then released her hair: “So he is still just like the rest of us, after all. Thank you for that, my pet.” He kissed her on the cheek then his hand trailed down again, stroking down her hips and her bottom, she could still feel the bruising of her last spanking when he rubbed her bottom. She blushed and hoped Lucius could not notice the bruise.

“Did they know you were coming? Is that why they locked me in here?” She asked.

“It seems that way, doesn’t it? Dumbledore is such a fool. Here I am again doing bad things to his little pupil.”

His hand slipped between her thighs again, this time from behind. She shivered. It reminded her of the moment, in which she was lying over Snape’s lap and his fingers dipped down into her wet pussy. It had been an electrifying feeling, and there it was again.

“I missed you so much!” she burst out.

“I should hope so, kitten,” he replied and slowly removed his hand.

But then she heard a strange noise, a click followed by a sliding sound of metal and possibly wood. It was only a small noise and it was instantly gone. She had heard it before but could not place it. Then she twitched involuntarily as she felt something very cold and hard sliding down her bottom and pressing to gain entrance between her legs. She felt his hand holding this object as he pushed her further from her side onto her stomach and parted her legs just enough for the object to gain access to her pussy. His left arm loosened his tight grip around her and settled to hold her down by the back of her neck.

Though she was thrilled and felt somewhat drugged by all the things about him that she had missed for so long and that she was now wrapped up in she grew alarmed. The cold, hard instrument stroke over her stimulated folds. She could not figure out what it was. He started to direct it over her entrance and let it slide over it again and again as he stroke her with the instrument. She held her breath, noting the harsh nature of this object and that it was of a strange shape, flat on the top and wide, not something that would fit easily should he want for it to go there. And it seemed to be only a matter of time.

“What are you doing, Master?” she dared to asked quietly and clearly worried.

“Only playing. Why?”

She hesitated and remembered, there was no way she could deny him what ever he wanted. If he wanted to force that thing into her, he could do it. Nothing she would say made a difference to him and if she tried to object he would hurt her very much. His question was a test, he was asking why it mattered what he was doing to her, since whether she enjoyed it or not had no influence on the matter what so ever.

“Are you going to hurt me?” she whispered instead and gasped quietly as he unexpectedly started rubbing that object over her clit. If it had not the right shape to fuck her, it certainly had a very suitable shape to stroke her.

“You would like that, you bad girl, wouldn’t you? Oh do tell me, little one, have you been bad in my absence?” he drawled with his honeyed voice.

“No, I’ve been good, Master. I’ve been loyal to you and I wanted nothing but to return to you.”

“And are we quite sure about that?” he teased

“Yes.”

“Because I had to come across some nasty rumours during the last couple of weeks.”

As she suddenly remembered how she had blurted out her kidnapping story for the entire school to hear he forced the object into her for real. She gasped in pain and grabbed the bed sheets with both hands, as she was otherwise immobilized. The thing that was forced inside her was wide and hard and now she realised what it had to be. It had been his wand she had heard being pulled out of it’s secret place, the cane and what was fucking her was the handle of the wand, the metallic snake. She shuddered at the thought of it’s sharp teeth and only hoped they would not catch flesh inside her. But the pain was already bad and she muffled her gasps into the pillow.

“Some people thought it was funny to accuse me of abducting students and molesting them. Do you think that is funny?” The sound of his voice now was sharply biting into her ear. He gave a harder thrust with the metal snake. She cried out.

“No!”

“Neither do I. Why would they say such terrible things about me, do you have any idea?”

It finally broke her and she started crying: “I don’t know! I don’t know!”

“I am sorry,” he said softly and removed the snake. She used the moment to catch her breath. But his grip on her neck was still firm. Then he continued softly, “but I can not have you lie to me,” she felt the tip of his wand on her back, “ Crucio.”

Every molecule in her body seemed to be pierced with hot needles. She started shacking. She could hear herself trying to beg him to stop but she was not quite in control of her mouth and her voice. It stopped only seconds later and she felt his wand sliding down her back again and the metal snake was back forcing its harsh way inside her. She gasped for air and tried not to choke on her tears.

He kissed her softly on her cheek and her neck and whispered: “Sorry about that but you needed a little reminder, I think. Now, why do you think, would people say such preposterous things about me?”

“I didn’t mean too, I’m sorry, I.. it was so hard being taken away from you. Everyone wanted to find out what had happened to me and … one day I told the others I had been kidnapped by a Deatheater. It was so stupid of me, but …but I never mentioned your name! I don’t know why people thought it was you, I swear! I think the Potter boy and his friends guessed it, I don’t know how.”

He was silent for a moment and continued fucking her with the snake. It was not at all comfortable, but still she tried to concentrate on the long missed feeling of being owned. And she tried to remember everything she had ever done wrong to feed her guilt and let the snake take it all away. Her crying ceased a little. Then he spoke again:

“You never tried to escape.”

“Snape was watching me all the time.”

“Snape is on our side, you know that. One would think there was something that could have been done.”

She desperately tried to remember what she had overheard when she had listened in on Snape’s and Lucius conversation: “He would not let me go. He was too worried about his cover.”

“Selfish bastard,” Lucius snarled, “but well, I suppose I can not blame him, he belongs to the Dark Lord, but you, my dear, you belong to me.”

The thrusting increased again and made her squirm.

“Yes Master.”

“Could it be you were scared to come back?”

“No, Master. I never wanted anything but to return to you.”

His lips came very close to her ear and he hissed: “Already forgotten your little lesson about lying?”

“Dumbledore wanted me to believe you would kill me, because I had become too much of a risk,” she blurted out, terrified he would use that curse again on her. She froze waiting for his response. He did not answer for a few long seconds and he seemed to be distracted slightly from his grip on the snake for the thrusting subsided.

“Imagine that,” he said as though stunned; yet the sarcasm was obvious in his voice, “what a terrible thought. Don’t you think?”

“Yes!” she only whispered, yet she put all her hope into her small answer that Dumbledore would be wrong, “The Ministry never heard about my attempted murder. Dumbeldore saw to that. I have not given anything away, I never would. I only waited for you to come and get me. I am loyal to you.” She held her breath waiting for his reaction. At first the snake started to work harder again and she suppressed a pained gasp.

“Severus said the same, “ he said eventually and continued thrusting the snake into her hard. She cried and pulled on the sheets in pain. The hand that was holding her neck started stroking her neck softly, while he kept hurting her below. It was a strange contradiction, of hurt and comfort at the same time, but it fit to how she was feeling both content in her place and hurt.

“Does it hurt, pet?” he asked as she cried into her pillow. She was shaking by now, almost sure the snake’s teeth were tearing her inside.

“Punishments are meant to hurt!” she cried, “I deserve it!”

“Oh, but this,” he thrust in even harder and made her scream, “isn’t your punishment, my love. This is a warm welcome back to my side. Unless of course, you want me to stop…” he stopped a moment and stroke her hair. She understood, if she asked him to stop, he would see it as an act of disloyalty. It meant she was not willing to commit to him and he would kill her. That was not her intent. But she shivered in fear and anticipation as she breathed: “No, c…continue.”

She could only imagine him sneering devilishly and he started again, letting the snake take her and tear her whenever it caught flesh.
After what seemed to be an eternity, when he felt he had exhausted her enough, he pulled the torturing device out of her, it hardly mattered to her, it still hurt.

“Shhhh,” he softly kissed her neck and her cheek. Then she felt the snake on her face, carefully pulling back strands of her hair. The snake handle was moist. She wondered how much of it was blood. He put it away and stroke down her body with his now empty hand.

“Are you taking me with you now?” she asked quietly, her voice broken.

“I can’t. There are many wards on this room, which keep you from leaving it. Thankfully no one seemed to find it likely that I would know your location when I came to the school to see my son. So they did not bother protecting the room from my entering it. Surely I was not supposed to know, but after all I still have some, lets say, influence on a particular former house elf of mine, who now works here. Of course he had to know were you were in order to take care of your meals…”

His whispering and stroking of her hair made her sleepy, she almost slipped away. She did not care how he had found her. It did not matter.

“They will let you out of here tomorrow. Do not tell anyone about this. Go to Snape and let him heal you. But don’t tell him what happened. The less he knows the less he has to risk his cover. You will not say a word about how you got hurt. You understand?”

“Yes, Master,” she breathed almost asleep.

“Keep this, do not tell anyone, not even Snape,” he pressed something metal on a chain into her palm and closed her fingers around it. She hardly noticed.