The Death of a Soul

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Chapter Thirty Two

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The Daily Prophet, Friday, June 12, 1998

Harry Potter collapses at Hogwarts.

Harry James Potter, known throughout the Wizarding World as The Boy Who Lived, collapsed late yesterday in Professor Albus Dumbledore’s office at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry after learning that his well-known marriage to Severus Snape, Potions master at Hogwarts, may have been based upon false premises. He was transported to the Intensive Care Unit at St Mungo’s Hospital where he is said to be in “serious condition”.

It is unknown at present just how young Mr Potter obtained this crucial piece of information.

“There have been several rumours in regards to Mr Severus Potter’s Life-Debt and the ‘marriage of convenience’, questioning its authenticity,” confirmed Amelia Susan Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. “We here at the Ministry will be investigating this matter extensively and, after obtaining enough substantial evidence, we will be making an official announcement of our findings at that time.”

No other statement was given.

As to be expected, the entire Wizarding World is in a state of shock. Speculations are now beginning to surface as to whether or not the events reported on October 31st, 1997 involving You-Know-Who, Severus Snape and Harry Potter were factual.

Inside sources have revealed that Severus Potter was taken into custody and is currently incarcerated in the Maximum-Security Level at the Ministry. As of this writing, no official charges have been made.


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Harry's breathing was calm and serene as he lay on his side and squeezed the pillow tighter, fluffing it up just enough to lift his head. Unconsciously, he slid his left leg in front of him causing his torso to tilt down. As his leg went forward, something that was as long as his leg followed it, nestling in between and resting on top of his right leg. Immediately, Harry's eyes snapped open and he quickly rolled off the bed, bringing the bunched up sheet with him. He kicked his legs frantically, trying to untangle himself from the twisted linen. Harry pushed himself up to his hands and feet, scrambling backwards until his head hit the wall.

Harry scooted upwards until he was standing against the wall, palms lying flat. His body pushed into the wall as if he wanted to bury himself within it. Harry’s eyes darted around the room, searching for the person that was lying next to him. But no one was there. Harry remained frozen, panting heavily, and waited for the mysterious individual to appear.

But no one was there.

After finally convincing himself that there really was no one there with him, Harry bent over and sunk to his knees and covered his head with his arms. Of course he was alone. He wanted to be alone. He demanded it in fact.

As Harry raised his head and looked around the bare room, he remembered.


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It was only four days ago that Harry was rushed to St Mungo’s after he had vomited violently in Professor Dumbledore’s office. He had learnt that his 'husband' Severus Snape's Life-Debt had been based on a lie and that Snape had never saved Harry from Voldemort's Killing Curse. Snape had stopped Harry's instead by using Expelliarmus, thus propelling Harry against a tree and rendering him unconscious. Harry had awoken seconds afterwards, just long enough to cast the Killing Curse again, killing Voldemort. Unbeknownst to Harry, the impact to his head caused him to develop temporary amnesia, so that when he awoke for the second time, he remembered nothing about Voldemort's death or the fact that he was the one who had killed Him.

And so, through greed or other motivations, Snape had taken that fragile moment and convinced Harry - and the entire Wizarding World - that he, Severus Snape, had struck Voldemort saving Harry Potter’s life in the process, and proclaimed that Harry had owed him a Life-Debt.

And everyone believed him. Even Harry.

But now - thanks to Snape's own Pensieve – Harry had learnt the truth of that fateful day and he was in such a state of shock that Dumbledore and Amelia Bones had sent for Madam Pomfrey and together they immediately Floo’d Harry to the Intensive Care Ward at St Mungo’s Hospital. The Wizarding World’s most qualified physicians were brought in and for two and half days, they had tested Harry’s blood, thoroughly checking for every type of poison known to wizard-kind, and particularly searching for traces of the potion that was found in Snape's robe.

Fortunately, none was found.

Whilst Harry was receiving the best possible care at St Mungo’s, Snape's quarters were extensively searched and the secret laboratory he used to concoct the potion was found - hidden behind a tapestry located next to the drinks cabinet in his lounge. The Philter, authorities discovered, was a highly illegal compound, used only by dark witch and wizards. It was a complex potion that compelled the subject’s mind to be susceptible to whatever the administrator had chosen for an altered memory. It was a wizard-form of hypnosis and with the spell that would’ve been cast along with it; the memory would have become permanent and unchangeable.

Other highly illegal potions, tomes, and ingredients were found in Snape's private lab as well, and the Ministry took pleasure in adding each violation to Snape's already long list of charges.

Even now, Harry still shuddered recalling the extensive list. He always had suspicions about the most obvious violations, but he never realised that there were that many.


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MARRIAGE AGREEMENT VIOLATIONS:
Section 1: d, e, and f. Section 2: b and c. Section 3: a, b, and c. Section 8.

OTHER VIOLATIONS:
Psychological and Emotional Abuse; Sexual Abuse; Rape - Obtained unavoidably from Harry Potter’s Pensieve; Coercion; Enslavement; Actual Bodily Harm - Use of the Expelliarmus Spell; Reckless Endangerment; Malicious Intent - To use a highly illegal potion with the intent of altering victim’s mind involuntarily; Possession of an Illegal Weapon - Having a weapon in a weapons restricted area, i.e. Hogwarts; Intent of using an Illegal Weapon; Perjury - False statement regarding the night in question and Snape's involvement; Deception - False pretenses regarding Snape's own interference with the Killing Curse; Fraud - Knowingly making false claims to the Ministry about goods and/or services to be rendered for the purposes of gaining or maintaining position, wealth or power - namely Mr Potter’s; Blackmail - The threat to expose information exposing a hidden and/or possibly embarrassing piece of information (not collecting Snape's Pensieve) about the victim – Fudge - unless goods, services or currency is rendered. (Lie to the public in regards to the change of Life-Debt.); Treason - The violation of allegiance to the Wizarding World by conscious deception by continuing the war by concealing Voldemort's demise and falsely claiming a Life-Debt.


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Almost all of the information had been obtained from Snape's Pensieve. The rest was from Harry's.


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Harry closed his eyes, regained some normalcy in his breathing, and remembered what the Aurors had told him. Severus Snape's trial, for his unforgivable offenses, would commence in three months and until such time, he would be confined at the Ministry’s Maximum-Security Ward, restricting Snape's magic and any other type of extrasensory skills that he had obtained during the course of the “marriage of convenience”.

If Severus Snape was to be found guilty – and there was really no question that he wouldn’t be – Snape would not be sent to Azkaban but rather to the mental ward at St Mungo’s for the criminally insane. Granted, Snape would hardly be depicted as insane, however, Healer Alexander Graham, along with other specialists with extensive knowledge of physical and psychological behaviours, needed to determine just how the unbreakable bond, if severed, would affect Harry and if by chance the unbreakable bond could in fact be breakable.

Therefore, Severus Snape would not receive a lifetime sentence in Azkaban. Or worse - the Dementor’s kiss.

Snape’s life debt and the “marriage of convenience”, however, would be terminated.


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After two and half days, Harry had appeared to be coherent enough to join the Healer in the predetermination of Harry's immediate future. For his part, Harry had conceded to turn over his Pensieve to the Ministry regarding the three abominable months he had endured at the hands of Severus Snape. He had also concurred with the decision to be transferred to a private ward at St Mungo’s for his healing process to commence. Harry knew that it would be a long and tedious process, but he was determined that he would not let Snape ‘win’ and take away what he had left of his sanity.

During the initial orientation, the healers and Harry met. They explained to him exactly what would be happening, what was expected from Harry, what was expected from them, and what Harry’s goals would be.

For the first ten days, Harry would be in total isolation so that he could use that time to adjust to everything that had happened to him. After that time, Harry would be required to begin counseling with four different healers. One would focus on Harry’s anger, another would concentrate on Harry's adaptation back into the Wizarding World should he decide to rejoin, the third would talk to him about ‘relationships’ – Harry argued that it wouldn’t be necessary since he would never be in another relationship again – and the fourth healer would be there to help Harry with himself. As a person. Not just a wizard, or a husband, or a friend … just a person.

There were, however, a few stipulations:

1.) Harry was to be kept on a twenty-four hour watch whilst he spent the first ten days in isolation.

2.) No one was allowed to question Harry – per Harry's request - about the sexual relations between himself and Severus Snape.

No one.

Harry had agreed that he would talk about anything else that he had experienced. But not that.

Healer Graham and the other physicians had agreed to comply with Harry’s request. They knew in time Harry would eventually feel the need to discuss that part of his ordeal, but definitely not anytime soon.

There was also one more precondition that Harry had insisted upon whilst he recuperated at St Mungo’s:

No physical contact. At all. He simply did not want to be touched.

In the meantime, the healers had ordered that Harry would not receive any visitors of any kind for the first two months. Even in his current state of mentality, Harry couldn’t agree more. He just wanted to be left alone.

Away from everyone.


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The first four days in isolation were the hardest for Harry. The days were spent in silence with Harry staring numbly at the four blank walls in his room, but the nights… the nights were agonising for him. Harry would wake up in a panic every few hours, convinced someone – someone specific – was touching him … demanding sex. He had rushed to the bathroom on several occasions vomiting.

Harry’s greatest fear was that his ‘husband’ would escape and take what was ‘his’.

So, because of this incessant feeling, Harry never fell into a deep sleep. When he felt anything touching his body, Harry would wake up screaming and scramble off his bed and huddle in the furthermost corner. It would usually only be the lightest breeze tickling his body hair, but most of the time it would be from the sheets that twisted around his body - caused by Harry tossing and turning during the night.

As Harry’s thoughts came back to the present, he uncurled himself from his protective stance on the floor and looked around his room. The room was empty save four hanging candles, a double bed and a small bedside table that held only the basic items – underwear, socks, and comb. The drawers were transparent. A set of clean clothes hung on the far wall. Each day a new set would appear, but only when Harry requested them. There were no windows and no doors – just four bare walls save one that had illuminated numbers that revealed the time. Occasionally, Harry would request a window for him to look out of, but the window and the scenery were always fake.

The bare necessities were all at Harry's request. He was becoming paranoid and trusted no one.

And so, morning, noon and night, a tray full of food would appear at the exact same time to insure that there would be no surprises, and vanish immediately once Harry was finished. If he so desired a shower, a transparent door would appear, verifying that no one was inside.

Finally after a week, the nightmares and the fear that someone was always present and lurking in the shadows lessoned.

Then the disbelief sank in.

How in the world could Snape had done that to him? What had Harry done to deserve it? Snape swore that he would never hurt Harry. Snape swore he never would lie to Harry. Why did he do that to him then? Did Snape really hate him that much? But he couldn’t have, could he? He said he loved him. Said he'd die for him. So why did Snape promise him all those things if he didn't really mean them?

But then there were the questions that had plagued Harry the most:

Why didn’t anyone come and 'save' him? Didn’t they know what was happening to him? Didn’t they care?

Was Harry not worth it?

The more Harry dwelled on these unanswered questions, the angrier he became. He started shouting obscenities at no one - yet everyone - in his small, secluded room. He began throwing his dinner plates at the wall and even tried to turn over his bed. Fortunately, it was magically secured to the floor. Finally, after three days of rampaging, Harry collapsed on his bed exhausted.

He began to cry and began asking himself a new set of questions:

How could he have let Snape do this to him? Why wasn’t he strong enough to stop him? If he wasn’t able to even stop his own husband, how was he expected to stop anything else from happening in his life? What kind of man did that make him? Maybe Malfoy was right. Maybe he was a coward. Perhaps he was weak. And pathetic. How could he face himself every morning? How could he face anyone for that matter? What would they think of him?

And more importantly: What purpose in life did he have now?

Harry stopped eating. He slept more. Harry didn’t think he could face anyone ever again. He sank further into depression.

At the end of the ten stressful days, the healers came.

It was time for Harry’s counseling to begin.


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The first step Harry was required to do was to venture out of his closed off room and into the lounge that the healers had set up for him. Like the drawers in his room and the door to his bathroom, a transparent door would appear, showing every inch of the room, assuring him that no one was there.

The furnishings in the lounge, like his bedroom, held the basic necessities – a sofa, chair, desk, an empty bookshelf and a fireplace. If there was anything else that Harry desired, he would only have to speak out loud to the empty room, and it would magically materialise. From a safe distance, of course.

The next step required Harry to Floo directly into one of the healer’s office for one of his four sessions. They began gradually, consisting of each of them taking turns to meet with Harry for just a half an hour at a time. Then after they felt Harry was comfortable enough, they had increased it to one hour. The psychiatrists always had Harry lead the conversations in the beginning, waiting patiently until that day when Harry was ready for the simplest questions:

How was he feeling? How was he coping being alone? How did he feel about that?

As to be expected, Harry’s answers were always vague.

Next came the harder questions:

What did he think of the Wizarding World as a whole? Did he want to be a part of it again? Did he feel the desire to still be a wizard now that Voldemort was dead? How did he feel now that Voldemort was dead – and the fact that it was Harry who had killed him? Did he still hold everyone in contempt; thinking everyone had betrayed him?

That last question caused an outbreak of such hateful and violent reactions from Harry that he had to be put in isolation again.

Instead of being grateful and embracing his solitary confinement, Harry was now suddenly aware of the fact that he did not want to be alone. He apologised to his empty room over and over again, and repeatedly promised that he would ‘try’ to restrain his temper.

After two days, Harry began again, but this time, the question was rephrased:

In what way did he think his friends had abandoned him? Did he honestly think that they didn’t try to help him? What could they have done differently? What would Harry have done if it was one of his friends that were forced into marriage?

Understandably, Harry needed time to think about that, so the healers decided to wait before bringing it up again.

After one long month of intensive therapy, Harry decided that he was ready to take the huge step by venturing outside of his self-imposed ‘sanctuary’. He began short walks around St Mungo’s corridors and then, much to the relief of everyone involved, he took the gigantic leap of going outside. Harry made small talk with other patients and healers on his excursions, and felt a tremendous sense of relief that his social skills - and his confidence - hadn’t left him entirely.

Harry quickly made friends with the entire staff at St Mungo’s, and even began to feel comfortable enough to joke with them. His therapy was becoming easier, and Harry started opening up a little more with each session. He soon began to feel that he was confiding in friends and not just ‘healers’. He confessed all of his fears, his self-worth, his self-doubt and his anger – not just towards everyone and everything, but towards his self included. They listened attentively, and when they felt Harry was ready, they offered him their advice.

The healers helped Harry realise that, even though all of his emotions were absolutely justified and warranted, and they assured him that they would always be there to help him heal, he had, in fact, alienated himself from the people that he had loved and who loved him. The healers helped Harry understand that he was never really alone, and if he had only bothered to look, he would've seen that. His friends were always there. They never gave up on him. It was Harry that had pushed them away.

Suddenly, Malfoy's words rang true.

“Not everyone is your enemy, Potter. It isn’t the world against Harry Potter… The only one who’s abandoned you is you. You’re just too blind to see that.”

The healers broke Harry’s rule of no physical contact and held Harry for hours as he broke down and cried.


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Being Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Amelia Bones was the first person outside of St Mungo’s that met with Harry. It was in regards to Snape and the charges against him. Harry co-operated in offering as much information as he was capable of – with the exception of the sexual acts. To Harry’s surprise, it was at his own request that he wanted to know about Snape's progress. She explained that Snape was also receiving counseling, and that his ‘sessions’ were improving daily. She also stated the reasons behind the decision of why Snape was not sent to Azkaban. Though Harry already knew why.

It was at this point that Madam Bones informed Harry that he would eventually have to meet with Snape before any further legal action was to occur. She also told him that his former husband was now at St Mungo’s. Harry’s eyes widened and blinked several times before he ran out of the room. Harry's healers stormed in, infuriated with her for her lack of consideration of Harry's feelings, and that they were supposed to be the ones who were to tell Harry all of this.

Harry didn’t sleep that night.


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The first person Harry felt he was ready to visit with was Albus Dumbledore. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a minute or so until finally Harry gave him a warm smile. Taking that as an encouragement, his one-time mentor started by assuring Harry that he was cleared of all charges against him including attempted murder. Harry already knew all of this, but nodded anyway to be polite. Dumbledore also told him that even though the N.E.W.Ts had come and gone, Harry would still be allowed to take them whenever he thought he was ready to.

The room fell silent again as they both were suddenly at a loss for words. Finally, Albus cleared his throat, and began a lengthy explanation of the reasons behind his actions, and why he had …

The visit was abruptly cut short. It occurred to Harry that it was just too soon for this particular topic. He was still bitter, and he still felt betrayed by this man. He was supposed to have protected Harry.

It would be months before Harry would finally be able to listen to anything that his 'friend' had to say.

Albus Dumbledore left quietly.


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By the middle of the third month, Harry requested a visitation with his friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley.


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It was the beginning of Harvest and the air was becoming colder with each passing day. It didn’t matter to Hermione or Ron that Harry chose to sit outside for their first visit with him. They were just glad that they were finally able to see their friend.

Harry cast a Warming Spell around the three of them as they sat outside on blankets under a large tree, and began chatting about nothing of importance. Hermione had past her N.E.W.Ts with flying colours, and Ron had barely squeezed by – much to Hermione's dismay. For the first time in months, Harry laughed. It wasn’t a hearty laugh, but to Hermione and Ron, it may as well have been. It was so good to see the shadow of the Harry that was once there, and it filled them with a sense of hope that he was indeed on the road to recovery.

It almost felt like old times.

After completely updating Harry with all the information they knew, a strange silence had fallen over him. He looked away and took a deep breath. His friends looked at him curiously and with sincere concern.

“I want to apologise to you both,” Harry whispered and he could actually hear the two of them hold their breath in shock. He knew that they were both told specifically not to press Harry into discussing anything about the ‘past’, and if it were come up, they were told to allow Harry to set the pace.

Harry still waited for a response. Seeing that there was none coming, he continued.

“I realise now that you were trying to help me, but,” Harry stopped, unable to find the right words.

He saw through his peripheral vision that Hermione had opened her mouth to speak, but was stopped by a gentle touch from Ron and a small shake of his head.

Harry continued.

“I realise now,” Harry paused again to take a deep breath. “I never ….”

“Harry…” Hermione started but was stopped this time by Harry.

“Please, Hermione. Let me finish,” Harry said kindly, still not looking at her. “This is kind of hard for me.” He sensed rather than saw Hermione blush. “When everything first happened, I ... expected that you two would come up with some sort of miracle and ‘save the day’. I expected you to have all the answers. So when I lost the trial, I was hurt. I felt betrayed," Harry whispered then took a deep breath. "I just ... I just took it for granted that you would 'fix' everything. So because of that, when you had offered me the only help you could do, I never accepted it, nor did I want to listen. Not really. Nor did I take it upon myself to ...”

Harry stopped again and closed his eyes. “I never ...” Harry sighed. “I was too angry and I ... I took it out on everyone. I blamed you and everyone else for my ‘situation’, and I couldn’t see past that fact, and that you were trying to be there for me ... You were trying to help me - offering only what you could.” Harry sighed again, then whispered, “I expected more than what you were capable of, and when I didn’t get it, I pushed you away.” Harry hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

Harry looked up and saw that Hermione was biting her lower lip, and a steady stream of tears was running down her face. Harry glanced over to Ron, who was holding her hand, and he too was crying.

“Harry,” she finally managed to choke out. “I wish we could've done more.”

Harry nodded slightly and smiled softly. “I know, Hermione. But I know now that it simply was an impossible expectation on my part ... It was an impossible expectation to ask from anyone. Especially from my two friends who had meant the most to me.” Harry closed his eyes and swallowed hard before looking back into Hermione's eyes. “The truth is, I just expected your help ... without helping myself. I never came to you for help and I should have." Harry paused and then took hold of Hermione's hand. She flinched in surprise. "Can you ever forgive me?” he asked, his voice just above a whisper.

Hermione clenched and unclenched her fists, obviously holding herself back from hugging Harry.

She whispered back, “Oh Harry! Please forgive me!”

Harry nodded. “Of course I forgive you.” He gave her a warm smile then looked away, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. “I want to thank you for your help with, you know, giving the Ministry information on … um …”

He couldn’t finish but he didn’t have to. Hermione knew he was referring to the ‘Muggle’ books on emotional abuse within a marriage and the ‘Muggle’ laws regarding them.

“I’m glad they helped,” she said in a gentle voice.

He looked back at her and smiled. “No, Hermione. You did,” Harry corrected.

Hermione blushed. It became deathly quiet for a moment; none of them quite knowing what to say next.

Finally, "Harry?" Ron's voice was soft and almost timid.

Harry and Hermione looked curiously at their friend. Ron's head was turned away, and his face was pale.

"We ... I should have told you about Ginny," he whispered.

Hermione scooted back, and knelt in front of Harry nodding. "We both should have. We just... we were so caught up in trying to help you that we..."

"We thought it would hurt you more if we talked about Ginny," Ron finished, now looking directly at Harry.

Harry looked away. "It did hurt, Ron. I loved her. You know I did. She meant everything to me and then..." He sighed deeply, closing his eyes as he lowered his head. "She was gone."

"I know," Ron whispered. "We should have..." He stopped, pursing his lips tightly to stop himself from crying again.

"Do you know where she is?" Harry asked softly, glancing up.

Hermione and Ron shook their heads. "No," they quietly said together.

Harry hugged himself and bent over.

"Harry, I'm so sorry. I wish I knew. I wish we could go back and change everything. You were hurting and we never... We should've talked to you about her."

Harry thought for moment and then shook his head. "No. It probably would have made me angrier. I probably wouldn't have wanted to talk about her anyway."

Harry was still hunched over, and silence fell over the three of them again.

"Harry?" Hermione whispered, lightly touching his shoulder.

Harry peered up through his fringe. He was crying.

"Merlin, Harry. I really am sorry." Hermione said and Ron nodded in agreement. "Please forgive us, Harry."

Harry opened his arms and Hermione rushed into his embrace. She hugged him fiercely, completely disregarding the ‘no physical contact’ rule. Harry held onto Hermione tightly, and stroked her hair in comfort. Ron knelt forward and circled his arms around them both.

“Shh. Forgive me,” Harry whispered.

“What say we all forgive each other,” Ron said, breaking the tension.

The three friends laughed and tightened their hold on each other.

“Deal,” Harry and Hermione said together.


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