The Sins Of A Father

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Worthless







“Knock, knock”



It was nearly the end of August. Nothing much different had happened for the past few weeks, well nothing much new for me that is.



Until now, or then, which ever way you look at it since I’m writing in this little journal of mine. Well, shall I continue?



“Come in,” I said calmly, scribbling away in my workload knowing fully well who was - or dare shall I? - walking into my office. ‘How delightful’ I thought sarcastically, not that you would know my dear little brown leathered covered book of mine.



“Ah Severus, do you ever stop working? Now days I only see you paying attention to your clients than me…I’m almost jealous of your pen right now”



Right then I just wanted to see how sharp my pen was against human flesh, preferable against the blonde man’s ivory skin. But of course, I could not and must be calm… seductive…



Not homicidal.



I hold my shudder inwards. I briefly looked up to get a glimpse of him, which he was currently reading through a file of mine. “Well, I have been ill Lucius,” and I went back to my work.



I heard a sigh, “You’ve been ill recently Severus, first on the airplane coming back here from Japan and now just a couple of weeks ago…You must of caught something dreadful for you to be ill quicker than usual”



Yes, it is the disease is called Malfoy syndrome, dreadful indeed. I smirked, “must be”



Out the corner of my eye I saw him place the file back onto my desk and heard him softly walking to the left to stand right behind me. He placed his hands upon my shoulder leaning down to softly whisper into my ear, feeling his hair brush against my skin. “Or perhaps you’ve missed me so much all the time that you’ve fallen ill hmm?” His hot breath washing over my skin.



I resisted another shudder and continued in a calm unfazed voice, “behave Lucius, I need to finish this before I become ill again”



“Well before you do, I think I’ve got something that will make your day Severus…” He looped his arms around my neck, leaning further down to brush his lips against my jaw. “Something that you will not be able to ignore for a very,” he purred, “long time”. He began to trace up and down my jaw with feather light touches of his lips.



I place my pen down onto the counter, knowing fully well I will not be able to finish any sort of work with him around me, and it was not even a good reason too. “I’m beginning to think you’re carrying a permanent hard on Lucius,” I took hold of one of his hands to place a disgustingly soothing kiss onto the back then onto the palm. “Please Lucius, let me finish this and I promise I’ll give you my un-divided attention alright?”



“No” He had said so simply, so calmly. I turned my head sideward to see him with a smirk looming onto his lips. His dark grey eyes burrowing into my own.



I sighed and raised an eyebrow, “is that so?”



The smirk transformed into a sly grin, “Yes, very much so in fact and do you know why my dear lover of mine?”



I resisted the temptation to sneer into his face, but nonetheless I shook my head in a negative. “No, why?”



“Because…you and your family would be joining mine for dinner”.



My brows furrowed in confusion. “What?”



He leaned away and stood up straight, “Yes, you and your delightful family would be joining mine for dinner tomorrow night Severus. Of course being served only in the finniest, I know a splendid restaurant in Oxford street also the dinner will be on me-”



“Why?”



He moved slightly to sit at the edge of desk in front of me with his arms crossed loosely, “Well I did invite you so of course I will be paying, besides you’ve paid last time-”



“No, I meant why did you want dinner with my family along with yours? What were you thinking Lucius? Do you know how dangerous this could be?” And did he know how dangerous it could be for my little plan to fuck him over? But then again, he knew nothing of what I had in stored for him. He was truly naïve sometimes, he became to overconfident and that was his downfall.



His jaw muscles slightly tensed, “for your information Severus it was my wife’s idea, not mine but being the ’loving’ husband that I am I let her invite you and your family…” Here his features softened, “don’t worry about it Severus. Harry and Draco are good friends, we are also ’good’ friends, and the mothers just want to know each other…” He gave me that infuriating smile of his, “it will be alright Severus, no need to become frantic, nothing will happen. We’ll just be professional with a hint of charisma as our guidance”



I closed my eyes, “you think it will be that simple?”



No answer had been said until I felt him hovering above me, his hands supporting himself onto the arms of my chair. “Besides…” He whispered huskily, “this was not what I meant by saying ‘this will make your day’ no, not at all”. I now felt him straddling my lap, his hands trailing up on my chest then burying it deep within my hair to settle itself at the nape of my neck.



My eyes opened up slowly to gaze at him, damning myself for being curious “why is that?”



Here he let out a throaty chuckle, which after so many successful attempts of holding my shudder down I had failed to resist the one upon hearing his laugh. The grey cold eyes had now had a crazed look gleaming into mine, “Because Severus I have a very special gift for you, something that you un-regrettable enjoy to the fullest…”



I quirked up my eyebrow, “what is that then Lucius? If you do not mind me asking that is?”



He gave me a quick kiss before leaping off and walking towards the door, “it’s a surprise Severus, a…” He gave me a quick glance accompanied by that grin, “wonderful priceless surprise. Do keep it to yourself when you have received it after dinner tomorrow night”



Then he was gone leaving me confused and admittedly a little unnerved.



Late in the evening when I had finished the majority of my paperwork I had left my office and arrived at my car without being - which was rare itself - ambushed by Malfoy. So of course I could not help but be pleased by the outcome and let my self a small satisfactory smile tuck at the corner of my lips.



Of course later on it had to be completely ruined.



While driving back to my home I had almost forgotten about what would happen the next day, I had paid not much thought afterwards considering that Malfoy would not do anything to even give the slightest hint to the fact we had-or rather having- an affair since his family would also attend. One thing I most certainly sure of is that he takes his appearance and status very seriously when it comes to present itself towards others.



Once I had arrived home the first thing I had noticed the silence, though it was just around nine pm so it was understandable. But that night was different, almost the silence was filled with tension of some sort. I could feel it, and of course I was right later onwards.



Walking towards the staircase I had notice the living room doors completely open and had noticed within the room that Harry and Lily was sitting opposite each other. Harry was in an armchair while Lily was on the corner sofa, with a quirked eyebrow I slowly stepped forward towards the living room. Harry gave me quick glance before adverting his eyes back to the floor, his hands fidgeting in his lap tightly. This made me confused and slightly worried, thinking that he was in trouble of some sort. “Is there something I should know?”



Lily looked at me and gave out a tiny smile, “Severus…Maybe you should sit down”



With another glance at Harry I went over and sat down next to Lily, placing my coat and briefcase onto the floor in front of me. “Is Jimmy in bed?” I asked Lily softly.



She nodded slowly, still not leaving her eyes off of Harry who was still looking down at the floor. “Yes, I put him to bed half an hour ago…”



I leaned back against the sofa feeling tired and tried to relax, “so…what is wrong then petal? Is there something I should know about? Is Harry in trouble?” Glancing at the said boy briefly.



“No, he’s not…”



“So what is the problem then?” I began to take off my blazer, slowly unbuttoning it while looking at Lily.



She bit her lip softly in thought, “well…Harry’s friend had come over for a few hours and-”



“You know this is embarrassing. You don’t have to tell him that part” Harry said, now braving to look at us, well more like to Lily than me. He kept avoiding my eyes in nervousness, of course I could not blame him when I knew why.



“Tell me what?” I was getting a little annoyed then with all the question avoiding, and it did not help the matters when I came late from work so I was tired and irritated.



“I’m gay Papa”



I lifted up my eyebrow, feeling the urge to blurt out ‘DUH’ but I held it down. “Alright…” I said slowly, looking back at my wife, “is that what was the problem about Lily?”



She furrowed her brows, “Well…No…Yes? No, no…”She sighed deeply, “I don’t know what to think. I mean…I do have some friends who are homosexual, and I’m completely fine with that but…” She trailed off.



I was beginning to think she had forgotten that I was bi-sexual myself. “But?” I asked.



She bit her lips once again, “but…I don’t know. I guess it’s a little different to know one of your children are gay”



I moved a little so I could face her more thoroughly, for a fleeting moment I thought she would say something that would of ultimately upset Harry, though I was sure she did already with her choice of words at that moment. But I did not want it to get any worse for my son. “Is there something wrong about that? I personally don’t think there is”



“Yes but you’re bi-sexual Severus, so of course you’re alright with it”



“And are you? Are you all right about Harry being gay? Because right now I’m beginning to think that you are far from being alright…”



“Well it’s hard to explain…”



“How hard is it? You either love him or not still”



“Of course I love him Severus!” She looked at me with her green eyes flashing in anger and sincerity. “He’s my son, I can not stop loving him from all those years caring for him”



I took hold of her hand gently, trying to sooth her anger away. “Then how hard is it to keep on loving him? He’s still our son, still our Harry, still our little boy, “ I glanced at the said boy to see him looking at us.



“I know he is,” she sighed deeply, “its just hard to explain cause I’m a little shocked by it. I still love him, I’ll just need a few days to let it settle that’s all, I mean if I was really homophobic would I’ve married your arse?”



I broke out to a smile, briefly forgetting that Harry was still in the room. “You love it really, I do recall your hand has a very close relationship with my arse…”



She gave out a little loving smile, “I felt sorry for it because I thought it was lonely”



I chuckled, “How considerate of you”



“Erm, can you please stop? I’m right here you know?” Harry piped up.



I looked over and felt a bit guilty on what he had heard, but he seemed to be not that bothered by it, of course I would make it up to him later on.



Lily smiled at Harry, “I love you Harry, you know that right?”



Garry gave a brief smile, “I love you too mum”



Lily’s smile widened and continued speaking softly, “ so it s fine by me-even I’ll need some time to settle it in-that you and Draco are happy together”



Red, anger, rage, wrath, furry, betrayal, perfidy, violation was boiling and swirling all around and inside of me when I heard those words. And when I looked back at Harry, as he finally looked into my eyes and what I had saw I did not expect: a broken soul.



“Draco? So was that the friend who came here today Lily?” I said it calmly enough. Well enough to insure that I would not give the hint of blacking out in rage.



She gave a quick glance at Harry before answering me, “Yes, a nice boy. Well mannered and polite, he’s in the same year as Harry here”



I nodded, “I know, I’ve met him…” I looked back at Harry who now stared blankly towards the floor, I continued, “in fact I know his father. He works with me, you’ve met him the other day remember? He looks a lot like Draco”



“Yes…” Was all she said, unsurprisingly enough.



Now I gave all my intention to my Raven, though he was not MY Raven anymore was he? “Petal, how did you find out exactly about them? Did they both tell you?” I had the right to know I should think. I had the right to know that all I gave to Harry meant nothing to him at all.



I could hear her hesitation slightly, “ they didn’t. I…I walked in on them in the dinning room where they was studying. You can guess the rest I think”



But that was the point, I did not want to think.



A broken soul, much like what I had felt right after when I looked into his beautiful eyes. All the anger and betrayal had left me, just feeling nothing because for the first time with Harry I had given up. Not on him, but the relationship we had or if you can even call it that. Thinking what was the point in all this, why should I even bothered in betraying my wife over and over again?



It’s simple really, because I was in love with my son.



“Severus? Severus what’s the matter?” I could her my wife’s concerned voice next to me.



“Nothing…” And all I could do was shake my head and get up slowly, tiredly, “is just that I remembered we will all be having dinner with the Malfoy’s tomorrow night”. I went towards the exit of the living room to go upstairs, the words of Harry being together with Draco already haunting my exhausted mind. “I’m feeling tired right now, so I’m going to sleep”



“But you haven’t eaten Papa…” Harry’s voice was so soft, so innocent, yet so painful to hear.



“ Suddenly I’m not feeling too hungry right now”



And suddenly I felt worthless.