The Pains of Becoming

@Luciusdreamer

thanks for your very nice review! I hope you continue to like the story!



This is a special chapter, since the story has been developing towards what happens here for a while. And also I had no idea how the story would go on from here, but by now I am a lot further already, but this is clearly a big key chapter, hope you enjoy it!



Dear Pensieve Plotter helped me out of a hole and betaed this chapter for me, Thank you lots!!



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Chapter 30



An Awakening



Kirsty walked down the corridor of the dungeons. She was late for her after dinner revisions with Snape. She did not want to be late. She did not want to disappoint him. It would disappoint him terribly if he had to wait for her. She turned a corner, but was this right? She felt she had been on her way for ages and she kept forgetting where she was going and why. She got annoyed, tried to concentrate on finding the Potions classroom. Why was it so hard to focus on something so simple?



As she turned the corner there was Draco alone, leaning against the stone wall playing with a yo-yo.



“Draco,” she said. Draco looked up at her. “I can’t find the Potions classroom. Can you tell me which way it is?”



Draco threw a sudden, very hard laugh at her. He closed his mouth and dropped his gaze back at his yo-yo.



There was something moving down the gloomy corridor. The corridor was not a corridor anymore. It looked like a huge ballroom in an abandoned, very grand castle. Dusty curtains divided the long hall and made it look slightly warmer. It was empty and the furniture had a thick layer of dust on it. Her footsteps echoed over the polished mosaic stone floor. In the far back was a group of people, sitting in armchairs, leaning against the cabinets and tables. A record player was playing a quiet tune, rather odd in sound. She did not know the people. But there was she herself, dancing dreamily alone. But then she recognised the long red hair of the girl sitting nearest to her dancing self. It was the girl from the pensieve.



She stopped dancing and asked, “Where is Lucius?”



The girl only smiled. She stood up and took her hands. Slowly, she closed in and gave Kirsty a hug. She did not let go, but started to make her move again to the dreamy song.



Kirsty felt the girl’s small waist. Her body was so fragile and small, her hair so shiny, her skin so white. She dug her fingernails into the girl’s back. She wanted to feel if the girl was more sensitive to pain than herself. First the girl did not react. Kirsty dug her fingertips harder into the girl’s flesh. Suddenly the girl gave an ugly cry and then she seemed to shrink in Kirsty’s grip. Her skin grew floppy and saggy and Kirsty could feel bones more and more distinct in her hands and against her chest. She let go and stumbled back in horror to look at what was happening. The red-haired girl was shriveling into a dried out version of herself, as though Kirsty had pulled a plug out of a balloon. Her face looked pained and pleading at Kirsty and a shriveled hand reached for her.



Kirsty turned and ran, into a dark tunnel that seemed to just have appeared in the wall, and before she knew where she was, and what had happened, she was lying on her back with the pleasant pressure of a man’s body pressing her into a firm mattress. Two strong arms framing her and lips kissing her. Thrilled by the possibilities, although she remained half-aware that this could not be real. She narrowed her eyes to see who her lover was. Excitement washed over her, seeing that it was Lucius. She wrapped her legs around him to invite him in.

“Please fuck me,” she whispered. For nothing mattered except this moment. How likely was it to disappear again? She needed him inside her now; there was no time to loose.



But he did not seem to hear her at all. Instead she could feel him slipping away somehow. She held onto him tightly. But the more distressed she became, the more she seemed to lose him. And then he was gone. She was alone again. She sat up and realised she was in Snape’s living room, but a bed was standing in the middle of the room. She hurried out of the bed quickly. How embarrassing would it be if Snape walked in and she was lying in a bed in the middle of his private rooms? She stepped away from the bed. She did not like being alone. It was somewhat creepy.



“Professor?” she asked carefully.



“What are the ingredients for Veritaserum, Miss Flame?”



Kirsty turned quickly to find Snape right in front of her. They were standing in front of the entire class.



“Uhm….” She knew she should know this.



“She doesn’t know Professor, “Draco said in a bored voice from a chair down in the rows.



She looked around to where he was sitting. He stood up: “The ingredients are…” and he started to count them down. But no matter how hard she was trying to listen, the sounds coming out of his mouth didn’t make sense.



“Very good, Draco. Tell your father I owe him.”



This didn’t make any sense! Kirsty balled her hands to fists.



“Professor Snape!” It turned quiet again. He glared at her. She tried to speak but no words would come out of her mouth and the harder she tried to speak the more she struggled to get air. She gasped and coughed for air. There she felt Snape’s wand circling her nipple through her shirt.



“Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked.



Kirsty dropped to her knees before him.



“I can be your girlfriend if you like, “she said quietly and dropped her gaze to the floor before her. When she looked up again, she saw Snape holding the red-haired girl in his arm. Both looked down at her. Fear struck Kirsty as she remembered how this girl could suddenly shrivel up. She did not want to see that again!



“Professor! She is not the one! She…”



“If you play fair, she will too,” he interrupted her.



The girl reached out a pale hand and smiled at her. Kirsty took it and was pulled up. She kept looking at Snape as the girl hugged her again and started kissing her face and then started focusing on her lips. Kirsty felt that narrow waist again in her hands. Snape’s eyes glittered at her. Kirsty decided to play along and kissed the girl back more passionately. She could feel that feeble hand brush over her breasts and nip under her clothes to touch skin. Kirsty felt annoyance wash over her about the girl being so fragile. She stroked the long strains of red hair aside and kissed the girl’s shoulder. She tightened her grip around the girl’s neck with one hand and bit down hard into her shoulder. Again, the girl did not react at first but with a long delay suddenly moaned in a strained voice and an odd popping noise appeared with a brush of wind near her ear. Kirsty stepped back and saw once more the girl shrivel up before her.



She turned away to not have to look at it and only saw Snape, his eyes black and glittering.



“I didn’t do it!” Kristy cried and backed away into the blackboard. She remembered how this all had to be a dream, it was too bizarre to be real.



She thought, ‘none of this matters!’ and started to tear off her own clothes, holding Snape’s stare, ‘this is only a dream. It won’t matter. And maybe this will distract him and he won’t kill me.’



She felt the cold air of the classroom make her nipples harden. She could feel the eyes of the students on her, but kept focusing on it only being a dream. Snape still stared at her. Rid of all her clothes, she pushed herself up on his desk and laid back, spreading her legs slightly to expose herself, and she closed her eyes. She thought she could hear him moving towards her.



“Wake up!”



She opened her eyes and shook. Her shoulders were hurting. She had fallen asleep at her desk, with her head on her crossed arms. Snape stood before her. She could still feel his presence just like in her dream. The class around them was quiet. It was Potions theory today, there wasn’t even the bubbling of hot caldrons softening the silence.



“Uh, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened …I-”



“You were deep asleep…that’s what happened. Now for the tenth time: What are the ingredients for veritaserum?”



Kirsty rubbed her face: “Um…”



She tried desperately to remember the strange words Draco had used in her dream, as though that would be any help.



“Am I boring you, Miss Flame?”



“No, Sir. I don’t know how I…”



“Stay after class,” he hissed and walked away directing his question at somebody else. Kirsty breathed deeply and rubbed her lips. She felt hot. As she shifted in her chair she felt that her panties were soaked. She realised she was so aroused she felt swollen between her legs and her nipples were roughed up straining against her blouse. She stroked her hair out of her face and tried to calm down. How could she have fallen so deeply asleep? She did not remember being particularly tired. But now all she wanted was a cold shower to lose that sticky feeling and freshen up her mind…. Or a rough, male-hand grope her sex. She shivered pleasantly. She pressed her palm to her flushed cheeks trying to cool them.



Class ended twenty minutes later. Kirsty still had no idea what the ingredients for veritaserum were, nor did she care. She remained slumped in her seat while the others packed together and left one after another. She hoped Snape would keep his scolding for her falling asleep in class short, she wanted to go and freshen up before dinner to rid herself of that sticky feeling. Finally the last student had closed the door behind him and it was deadly quiet again. Kirsty looked up at Snape, without straightening up in her seat.



“I’m sorry I fell asleep, Professor, but as you know, I simply do not care about veritaserum at the moment. I don’t see the point in any of this.” She shrugged her shoulders. Snape remained quiet. He stepped a bit closer and only observed her. She felt as though he was looking through her. She started to feel uneasy. She shifted, suddenly hoping it was not her hard nipples straining against her shirt that he was staring at.



“What were you dreaming about?” he asked.



She shifted again: “I don’t know… nothing…. It’s not your business, is it?”



“Tell me.”



“No. That’s private.”



He only stared at her. Then he stepped back from her and pulled his wand.



“Legilimens!”



Kirsty had not seen it coming. The spell hit her like a needle into her brain. She found herself in a turmoil of memories again, that drowned her. But there she could feel her dream being pulled forward. She struggled but it wasn’t helping. All these bits ran past her in high speed and before she could do anything about it, the spell was broken and she slumped back in her chair, grabbing her head to still the spinning feeling.



“Where have you seen her?” she heard Snape ask her so quietly it was almost a whisper.



“Who?” She still held her head and did not look up, but then she felt him advance on her. He was a black shadow above her. Now she looked up into his face. His eyes were cold and piercing.



“That red-haired girl, where have you seen her?”



Cold panic grabbed her. Her eyes widened: “I don’t … I don’t know!”



He stared a moment, then said, “You went into my bedroom, that morning. You stuck your nose in my pensieve.”



She shook her head, whilst crying, “No!”



“You are lying!”



“I…! I didn’t mean to! It just pulled me in!



“You had no business to go in there!”



“I know…I… Dumbledore said he only gave you the pensieve so you could sleep better!” She did not actually think it was a good idea to try taking the focus off her by mentioning Dumbledore’s conversation with her, but what else could she do. As she stared back into his eyes she only wanted to run away.



“None of this is your business!”



“If you had restored the memory as you should have, I would not have seen it!” she shouted, desperately trying to get out of her situation. She shielded her face with her hand in reflex, expecting to be hit but Snape, who only blinked and didn’t move.



“I usually do. However, considering the way you approached me the night before, crawling over my floor in such indecent demeanor, begging me drunk out of your mind to bed you, and then having you sleep on my sofa, I felt more comfortable to forget certain things for a bit longer.”



Kirsty stared ahead. What did this mean? So did she have an effect on him that night after all? She thought he had only found her embarrassing and silly.



She stood up, careful not to move too suddenly as though she feared he would attack her if she did.



“Who was she?”



“I don’t know.”



“I mean… the girl you loved.”



“Now what do you know about that?,” he hissed quietly, eyes narrowing.



“Nothing, I…just picked up things. You know… I feel really sorry about that.”



“Stop it! I don’t need your pity,” he hissed again, his hands tightening to fists at his sides.



“I don’t pity you.”



“Get out!”



She hesitated. She did not want to leave. She felt as though he always did this with her; he threw her out when she desperately wanted him to get closer. She had thought it was because he found her repulsive, now she thought she understood him a lot better. He was scared to be close to anyone, to feel something, something he should not be feeling.



“GET OUT!,” he spat.



She breathed deeply and held onto her desk.



”No, Sir. I don’t care what you do to me, but I won’t go away. I hate being abandoned. My father did that all my life. I won’t let you ignore me anymore.”



He only stared at her and waved his wand at the door. She could hear the lock click. He advanced at her and leaned into her:



“Did you like what you saw in the pensieve? Have you seen any of the other things I have done? Did you like those? Did you? Do you want me to do these things to you?”



She only shook her head faintly. She did not know what else he had done. He stepped back again.



“You are nothing but a child that got screwed up in her head. Running after a Death Eater like a puppy. Throwing herself at any man with a dark past. You don’t even know what you are dealing with!”



“I think I have experienced enough to know what I want to deal with.”



“Silly girl! I didn’t ask for your strange idea of attention.” She let go of the desk and stepped closer to him, about to drop on her knees before him. But he grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up again.



”What do you think you are doing? What nerve you have to assume I want anything from you.”



There it was again. He wanted to make her believe it was her fault that he did not want her, like she was repulsing him. She could not decide if that was the truth or not. She dropped her arms and only glared at him, trying to see the truth while his grip on her arm was starting to bruise her.



“Just call me selfish if it makes you feel better.”



He squeezed her arm harder.



“I don t tolerate such insolence from any student, certainly not from one that is in my care.”



“Then I suggest you get the cane out again,” she raised an eyebrow and looked at him challengingly, “after all, you don’t dare to put a hand on me.”



He jerked her closer towards himself. She could feel the heat radiating off him: “I don’t need the cane to get my point across.”



“Really?” Her eyebrow rose even higher. She could feel her heart racing.



“Wipe that cheek off your face, girl!” He threw her across the room into the chair that was pulled out from under his desk. She grabbed it to not fall to the floor. He came after her immediately. Excitement washed over her, she felt she was about to lose control and give it all to him.



He grabbed her neck and pulled her up. Everything happened so fast she could only try to keep up. He dropped himself in the chair and pulled her across his knee. She would not have been able to hold her balance, but he held her tightly around her waist. Her skirt had jerked up in the process. She felt his hand grabbing her panties by the waistband and pulling them down her thighs. She felt a shudder coming over her. She felt deliciously exposed. She felt like she was going to melt away.



He smacked her hard across her bottom with his hand. The sound of flesh hitting flesh filled the cold room. She gasped at the sensation and shuddered.



He held her more firmly, securing her right arm behind her back and smacked her again.



“Oh!” She could not hold back. She embraced the pain and the power behind his hand and the shock it sent into her core. She could feel him so tightly against her. She could feel his cock straining against his trousers into her side, only slightly. It felt so intimate, so forbidden and dirty, and he kept spanking her hard and controlled. This wasn’t up to her, he was doing it to her. She closed her eyes to feel as much as she possibly could and exhaled with a growing cry at his disciplining her while something deep inside her was stirring and made her feel deliciously naughty. A moan escaped her and the next time his hand came down on her bottom it hurt a lot more. He paused to squeeze her burning flesh that had started to grow numb and another stroke followed.



Kirsty got slightly distracted from her pleasure. –‘Did she feel his cock pressing slightly harder against her’?



She gasped in pleasure as he smacked that area leading down to her most private place and it’s strength hit home. He repeated it several times. The pain drove tears into her eyes but mixed so wonderfully with the stimulation each blow caused in that hidden place. He suddenly paused. She used the moment to gasp for air and calm down to control the useless weeping that was about to break out of her. But then she felt his left hand tightening more around her arm that it was securing and his right hand simply lingered on her throbbing flesh for a moment. She held her breath, shaking slightly as she expected to cum any moment from stimulation and anticipation.



Then his fingertips slipped down, as though unintended, just about touching her hot, wet core, then removed. She held her breath so he would not hear her response to this. But her body gave her away as she flinched. But even before she had decided whether he really had touched her or whether his hand had nearly slipped, he harshly pulled up her panties and pushed her off his lap. He jumped up and strode past her, unlocking the door with a wave of his wand and stormed out, throwing the door shut behind him and locking it again.



Kirsty tried to catch her breath and scraped herself of the cold stone floor. Her knee hurt from the fall, but she didn’t care. The need inside her was pulling hard on her.



She slowly walked backwards, staring at the door. Where was he going? What was going to happen now? Her back hit the wall and she let it support her. She had tried so hard. She had refused to let herself be intimidated and pushed away. And still she ended up beaten and alone on the floor. She closed her eyes. She was long gone. She pinched her own nipple through her shirt, hard until it hurt so much that she had to cry out. Another strong shiver came over her and she tore down her knickers, hating the feeling of the damp fabric between her legs where her pussy was arching for attention. She pushed her hand between her legs and squeezed her swollen flesh. She kept her eyes tightly closed and she let out her cries of months of suppressed lust. But sadness and loneliness crept through her at the same time numbing her. She did not hear the door opening again, or maybe she did and just did not care. She was long gone. She continued stroking herself hard.



“Stop this,” a breathless voice whispered. She did not have to open her eyes to recognise that it was Snape’s voice.



“I said stop it!” She heard his footsteps coming closer. It only turned her on more and the sadness inside her felt threatened and tried to pull on her nerves harder, tears broke out of her closed eyes.



“Tell me that I’m bad. I’m lost.”



He did not reply, but suddenly she could feel the heat of his body very close and before her inner eye it seemed to get darker. She could feel his arms framing her against the wall. Could she hear him breathing hard?



“To hell with you,” he growled and his hand gripped her wrist and pulled it away. She cried with need and gasped as she felt his rough fingers force their way between her legs and rubbed her sex possessively. She cried out the small shockwave that grabbed her entire body and forced her eyes open only for a moment to see that what she felt was real. His face was so close to hers she could not resist to put her cheek against his. He smelled of spicy potions. His middle finger slipped deep inside her and made her shiver. She cried out and grabbed his shoulder to hold onto. She let her lips grace his neck carefully, not knowing if he would like it or if it would make him stop what he was doing. He inhaled suddenly in response and she let the tip of her tongue slide down his neck.



“I wanted you to do this so much,” she muffled into his ear. He forced another finger inside her and stretched her slightly. She moaned sweetly. She wanted more. She wanted something to stretch her more. Her hand wandered down under his tightly buttoned jacket and she lay her fingers around the bulge in his trousers and stroked up and down, applying pressure. He breathed hard down her neck. She wrapped one leg around him and held him close to her.



”Please,” she breathed into his ear, “please, or it will kill me.” He pulled her hand away from his manhood. And she could hear him open buttons. She closed her eyes again and wrapped both her arms around him. How she had missed the feeling of holding on to a man. She felt him grab both her thighs and pulled her up. He pushed her harder against the wall and as she sank down again, she felt his hard cock waiting for her and breaking into her. She cried out once more and she felt her inner walls stretching around him. She kissed his neck, testing out how close he would let her to his mouth but not quite daring to kiss him. His fingers dug into the flesh of her sore bottom and the reminding pain sent another shiver over her.



“Oh, harder!” She heard herself cry into his ear.



He pushed into her again and her back hit the wall once more. She had not been filled out like this for such a long time. It overwhelmed her and she bit his neck in reflex of his cock invading her so roughly. He pulled her head back by her hair to stop her and began fucking her hard. She cried out each and every little shock he drove into her. His grip on her hair tightened into a painful pull but she didn’t care. She tried to hold on tightly to his robes and she felt more fluids gushing around his cock and running down her thighs. She hardly realised she had moved her open mouth onto his and moaned into his mouth. Then she muffled her squeaks into his shoulder again as she came. He continued fucking her as though he did not care and breathed hard down her neck with a frequent gasp for air but hardly any more escaping his mouth. Another orgasmic shudder came over her and her walls gripped and squeezed his cock just as she felt him exploding inside her. She clung to him tightly and cried into his shoulder, not letting go an inch, even though he stopped moving, catching his breath.



Now she felt the cold wall giving her goose bumps and she held on even tighter to his hot body. She did not want this moment to end. And he let her hold him for a long moment. Then he lifted her up slightly to pull out of her. She came to stand shakily, still holding onto him. She felt his exhausted breath still caressing her skin.



But then he moved away slightly to look at her. But she only caught his black eyes for a moment. Then he looked away.



He tugged himself back in, and tried to compose himself, as he seemed still short on breath. The more he moved away, the colder she felt.



She tried to smile at him, letting him know she enjoyed it. He gave her another brief look and then gazed around while pulling his robes in place. It seemed as though he was trying to find himself again in the room. ‘Was he embarrassed’?



Kirsty feared disappointment if she waited for him to say something. So she hurried forward, kissed him quickly on the cheek, and ran from the classroom.