Deception Hurts More Than Death

Ron spent the next day trying to avoid Hermione’s office. He didn’t want to venture into the pensieve anymore. He felt all it would bring was heartache. But no matter how much he tried not to think about it, he couldn’t help but wonder why things ended up the way they did, him with Hermione and Harry with Ginny. Why, if they loved each other as much as he had seen, did they end up marrying the siblings?

After a six hour attempt at not ending up at the office, Ron now stood in front of the big oak door. He opened it cautiously, as if it would attack him for the rage he let upon it the night before. He saw the strewn papers covering the floor and the shards of glass from the frame in the corner. He slowly made his way around to the pensieve, carefully navigating the broken glass with his bare feet. He slowly swirled his wand in the shiny liquid and closed his eyes.

He fell, once again, into the tent. But this time he was happy to see that he was there this time. He was somberly standing in the tent, he watched himself hand Harry the extra wand he had, exchange a few words with him and Hermione muffled something from beneath her blankets. Ron chuckled as he remembered he had mentioned the birds from the previous year she had set on him after Lavender.

Harry walked to the flaps of the tent and looked out into the night. He walked to the nearby table and took his extra coat off the chair and bundled up.

“I’m going to go have a quick look around the perimeter, just to make sure nothing is out of place. Besides, I need some time to unwind after what just happened.” Harry winked at Ron, who smiled. Hermione jumped from her cot, and walked to Harry.

“I’m coming with you. I need some fresh air after all of this too.” Harry smiled to her. Ron started to walk towards them and opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped with Harry raising his hand.

“Why don’t you stay here, Ron. You need to rest after all of that. We’ll be fine.” Harry smiled to Ron, who took the few steps back to where he was and continued to pull out his maroon pajamas. Hermione grabbed Harry’s arm, looped hers inside of it and they ventured outside. The real Ron stood back, amazed that he had not noticed that before. But then again, it probably wouldn’t have raised any alert back then cause Harry and Hermione had always had a closeness no one could explain.

Ron followed Harry and Hermione out, leaving his eighteen year old self back in the tent. He followed them into the woods to a clearing. They weren’t even looking around, not checking on things to make sure of their safety, they had lied. Used it as a cover to come and be alone. They stopped by a log and Hermione removed her arm and sat down. Harry remained standing, pinching the bridge his nose.

“So what now, Harry? How do we approach this with him?” Hermione nervously questioned.

“I don’t know, Hermione? This is so bad, this is so wrong. I can’t hurt him.” Harry turned his back to her, too hurt to look at her sad face.

“Why Harry? He left, he abandoned us. And now he comes back and the last month is just forgotten? I thought it meant more to you than that? Was it just a fling, something to do to pass the time until her came back? Is that all it was to you?” Hermione begged Harry for some explanation. Harry turned to look at her, a stern look on his face.

“No, of course not, you know it meant more than that. You weren’t there tonight, you don’t understand.” Harry looked away from her again, his heart breaking with the disappointment on her face.

“Then make me understand, because I’m dying right now!”

“When we were out there, he rescued me, I would have died if it weren’t for him. He had the sword and we put the locket down, and Riddle had all of these hurtful things to say about Ron. And then he had these versions of us come out, we were saying all these hurtful things, especially you, about how Ron was nothing and someone would have to be stupid to choose him over me. I kept telling Ron to stab the damn thing, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of us. And then Riddle made us kiss. And I’ll never forget the look on Ron’s face, he raised the sword and stabbed the locket. He collapsed and he was crying, I’ve never seen him cry before. And he was crying because he saw us in love. So I told him that you cried after he left, and that I thought of you as a sister. I couldn’t stand to see him hurt like that. Not matter how much I love, it’s plain wrong to fall in love with your best mates girl.” Harry looked to Hermione for something, any kind of understanding.

“I’m not his girl, Harry. If I’m anyone’s girl I’m yours. You’re not taking anything from him, because I’m not his to take. He’s had his chances with me, and he’s fucked them up. I was giving him one last chance and then he left us and that was it. I’ve always loved you, but you always loved someone else. So I sat waiting for the day you would see me, and in the mean time I fell for Ron, but he never got his shit together.” Hermione stood from the log and got inches from Harry, trying to make him understand how she felt.

“Give me a break Hermione. He’s loved you since third year. He’s just not the brightest, especially when it comes to you. He may have fucked things up, but that doesn’t mean he’s not head over heels, and I know that. I know how he feels, which is the same thing. I can’t stand to do that to him. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do?” Hermione walked up to Harry and placed her hands on either side of his face.

“Be the strong man I fell in love with and march in there and tell him you love me and you want us to be together. That is what you want, isn’t it?”

Ron backed away. His back hitting a tree. He was awe struck. His wife was begging Harry to be with her. She wanted Harry to tell him to bugger off and let them be in love. She chose Harry over him, after all. Ron placed his hand over his heart, the slow beating the only thing letting him know he was alive.
“You’ll never know how much I want that. I thought I loved Ginny, but like I’ve said, if what I feel for you is love, what I felt for her was nothing close. But this, us, it’s not what’s expected of us. Too many people will get hurt. Ron will never understand, and Ginny too, they’ll never understand how one day we looked at each other and knew it was different. How with one look we fell in love. I think Ron realized one day he had a beautiful girl in front of him and it was too easy to love you. And Ginny fell in love with a hero. They wouldn’t understand how we feel. This last month, just me and you, was amazing. But Ron coming back, brought me back to reality. Besides, I saw the way you reacted, you don’t get that worked up over someone you don’t care about.” Harry turned away from her, jealous of her reaction when Ron walked in the tent. He knew Hermione, and she only got violent when her heart was at jeopardy. Ron smiled, seeing Harry hurt for Hermione’s feelings for him. Ron knew there must be some feelings there, deep inside.

“I reacted that way because I noticed how you couldn’t look at me and how you backed away, trying to blend into the tent. And I finally got a glance of your face, and you had that look, that apologetic look and I knew something had changed. And I wanted to kill Ron. He left us to die for he knew, we discover this for each other, we’re doing fine without him, and then he comes back and ruins it. And now your ‘saving people thing’ is coming into play. Why are you so willing to sacrifice your own happiness for everyone else’s? You deserve to be happy too.” Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry’s chest and laid her head against his back. Harry reached up and grabbed her arm with his hand. Ron stared at them. If it hadn’t been for the fact that she was his wife, he would have felt sorry for Hermione, watching her hurt like that. And he looked to Harry, he saw the pain on his face, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful for his ‘saving people thing’ because it got him Hermione.

“I guess it’s my ‘saving people thing’ like you said. You can’t be ‘the chosen one, the boy who lived’, whatever the fuck they call me now without being able to sacrifice things for yourself. It’s not just Ron and Ginny that we would hurt. The whole Weasley family would be devastated, and besides you, they’re the only family I have. I just don’t know Hermione, you know that I love you, but I don’t think we can do this.” Harry turned in her arms so that they were now hugging. Hermione looked up at Harry and saw the hurt on his face. The tears she had bravely held at bay now flowed down her face. Ron could tell she had given up.

“I love you too, and I’ll respect your feelings about this, no matter how much this hurts. I’ll be here, waiting to see if you change your mind, but I can’t wait forever.” Hermione lightly kissed Harry’s chin. Harry dipped his head and captured her lips in a final kiss, crushing her to his body with the strength of love. When they pulled away Harry was now crying as well, and Hermione pried herself from his arms and walked away.

Ron stayed with Harry, remembering how Hermione had come back to the tent, alone, several minutes before Harry. He looked at his best mate, alone and hurting, and despite everything he wanted to reach out and touch his shoulder, comfort him. Thank him for loving him enough to give up Hermione. He watched as Harry wept for the loss of his love and how he collapsed to the ground with grief. Ron cried along side Harry, thankful for whatever power had brought Harry into his life. Ron closed his eyes and brushed away his tears.
When he reopened them he was in the office again, the shiny liquid in the pensieve slowly churning itself still. He sat for a moment taking in all that he had seen. Harry had given up the love of his life for him. He had sacrificed his happiness for him. He walked to the corner and picked up the broken frame and picture he had thrown the night before. He pulled the moving picture from the mangled frame pieces and brushed it off. Hermione may not have always loved him, but she ended up with him, she loved him in the end. For the first time in three days he began to mourn their loss again, instead of burrowing it away for rage.

AUTHOR'S NOTE.... THIS IS NOT THE END, OH NO, MUCH MORE TO COME. MORE H/HR, AND NOT THE KIND THAT RON WILL BE HAPPY ABOUT LIKE WITH THIS CHAPTER. IF JK ROWLING WAS GOING TO FUCK THINGS UP AND GET R/HR TOGETHER I WILL PUT BETWEEN THE LINES WHAT WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED, H/HR!