Dragon and Savior

Dragon and Savior


Session 3


“Harry, your file says that you were trying to push a hoof pick into your chest when Mr. Malfoy found you. Can you tell me about that?”

“THAT’S NOT HIS NAME! DON’T YOU EVER CALL HIM THAT! THAT’S NOT WHO HE IS!”

“Okay, Harry, okay, I’m sorry. Can you tell me why you were trying to commit suicide?”

“Because of what I had done.”

“To the other horses?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you do that?”

“They deserved it.”

“Who?”

“Them. They hurt me. They hurt…him.”

“The horses?”

“Yes…no…I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I think we should, Harry. You blinded five horses with that hoof pick before you turned it on yourself. Why didn’t you do the same to Dragon?”

“What?? I would NEVER do that to Dragon! How DARE you say that!”

“Why were you in Dragon’s stall with the hoof pick?”

“I don’t like what you’re insinuating, you bloody bastard.”

“Interesting choice of words.”

“Fuck you. I told you…Dragon protected me…he made me feel safe…”

“But you were trying to kill yourself in his stall.”

“You can’t just do that anywhere; you have to do it somewhere that it’ll mean something.”

“What did it mean for you to be in Dragon’s stall?”

“It was an apology…and I just wanted to be protected one last time…even though…”

“What were you apologizing for?”

“Not being strong enough to protect him…”

“But he protected you?”

“Yeah…he was stronger than me…”

“Who was, Harry?”

“Draco…”
*****


Session 4


“You look better now, Harry.”

“Your fault. You made me say it, and you made me cry.”

“Crying is good. It helps the soul to heal.”

“I need to do a lot of crying then…”

“Do you think you need a lot of healing?”

“Well, duh.”

“What do you need to be healed from?”

“My sins.”

“Blinding the horses, you mean?”

“If you say so.”

“Okay, Harry, let’s go back to what you said earlier about the horses you hurt deserving it. What did you mean by that? Did the horses hurt you?”

“They reminded me…”

“Of what?”

“Bad people from my past.”

“People who hurt you in your past?”

“Yeah.”

“I see…and you lashed out at them to get revenge?”

“When they hurt me in the past, I couldn’t protect myself. I couldn’t protect him. But then I could. And they deserved it…but after…I wasn’t strong enough…”

“Who is Watcher, Harry?”

“My fucking aunt.”

“Petunia?”

“Stupid nosy bitch.”

“Did she hurt you when you were a child, Harry?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I think you should.”

“I’ll cry again.”

“That’s okay.”

“Fine. You’re a right bastard for this, you know. She…she hated me because I was a wizard. As if it was my bloody fault. She wouldn’t feed me…I was so hungry every summer…”

“Why did you call the horse Watcher?”

“Because that’s what she did…all the time…watched me. Waited for me to make a wrong move…waited for me to fail…and then, she would tell…”

“Your Uncle Vernon?”

“Beefy, you mean. Yeah, she would tell him. And then he would beat me. I’d cry myself to sleep every night, black and blue and hungry. And I never knew what I did to deserve it…I was just a little kid…I was a bad kid, apparently.”

“No, Harry, you weren’t a bad child. What happened to you was not your fault. They were not very nice people, and it is a shame that you ended up with them because you deserve so much better.”

“Nice of you to say…even though I don’t believe you.”

“Who is Traitor?”

“Fucking, goddamn Snape.”

“Why is he a traitor?”

“He…he was a Death Eater. And he was a spy. For your dad. But…but he took Draco away…”

“That’s the second time you’ve mentioned Draco.”

“I didn’t. You did.”

“You just said he was stronger than you, and that Snape took him away.”

“You mentioned him first. He is NOT, and I repeat, NOT Mr. Malfoy…he is nothing like his fucking father…”

“You don’t like Lucius, I take it?”

“Like? HA! That stupid, no-good, fucking coward Death Eater! He didn’t deserve a son like…”

“Why didn’t he deserve Draco?”

“…he hurt him…”

“What do you mean, Harry?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve never told anyone before…not even him.”

“You’ve never told Draco?”

“No.”

“What have you never told Draco?”

“I saw…”

“You saw what?”

“I saw what he did to Draco…in second year. He was only fucking twelve years old! His fucking father did THAT to him when he was only twelve!”

“Did what?”

“Hurt him…from behind. I didn’t mean to see…the school year was over, and I was stalling cuz I didn’t want to go back to the Dursleys…I thought I was the only one at Hogwarts…but Draco was there too. He doesn’t know that I saw…he had been so mean to me…we fought all the time…that stupid smirk on his face…I always wanted to see his face without it…just once…and then I did. It was horrible…”

“What did his face look like?”

“Pain…fear…Lucius was standing behind him…thrusting…he pulled Draco’s head up by the hair, and I saw the panic on Draco’s face…I saw the tears…the smirk was gone…and I saw the real Draco that he never let anyone see…and I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t protect him…I couldn’t make Lucius stop…then…”

“Well, you said yourself that you and Draco were only twelve. What makes you think you could have stopped a very powerful adult wizard?”

“I don’t know…I’m the fucking savior of the world, right? I should’ve been able to protect him…I failed…and he was hurt because of it…”

“Is that why you hurt the white horse?”

“Fucking Abuser…he got what was coming to him…”

“And Darky?”

“…Voldemort. For obvious reasons. It’s all his fucking fault…the war…the curse…my scar…if it weren’t for him, I could have been normal. But now I’m so fucking screwed up…no one will love me.”

“Did someone love you in the past?”

“Yes.”

“Was it Draco?”

“How-how did you know?!”

“Harry, I’m a psychiatrist. It’s my job to know.”

“Oh.”

“Tell me about your time with Draco. When was it?”

“Our last year…seventh year. We stopped being enemies…and then it just happened one night. We kissed. It felt sooooo right. We would meet up regularly after that…just us…no one else knew. Until…”

“Until what, Harry?”

“School ended. The war began. Then Snape took him away, and when they came back, I didn’t see Draco anymore.”

“But you were working at Malfoy Stables, weren’t you?”

“Yes…and Draco was there. But he wasn’t Draco anymore…he was Malfoy again. He-he looked right through me, Albert. Like I hadn’t meant anything to him…his eyes…so grey…so cold…except sometimes. If I caught him when he thought he wasn’t looking, I could see it in his eyes for a split second before the mask came back down. I saw…wistfulness…and love…”

“Do you think Draco still loves you?”

“…I hope he does. I still love him. I love him so much it hurts. I think Snape said something to him…did something to him…and now Draco’s afraid to love me. But he let me take care of Dragon…”

“You love Draco so much it hurts?”

“Yeah…only…after our time together…it was so pure…right…good…it felt perfect…but now, whenever I look in his eyes, I see Malfoy…not Draco…I see Malfoy like I saw him for six years…and I know there is so much pain behind his mask…pain like I saw that one day in second year…he’s in pain, and I can’t help him…”

“So what did you do?”

“I tried to stop his pain…my pain…those who had hurt us…I tried to stop it…but then I felt bad…I felt bad…guilty…for hurting those who hurt him…and that’s when I realized. I hurt Draco, too. Our time together…so beautiful…it hurt him worse for having known what true love felt like…only to not have it anymore…I did that to him! His own fucking father raped him…but I broke his heart…there’s your answer, Albert. I avenged his pain…I hurt fucking Abuser…but I failed to avenge his broken heart…cuz I’m still alive, you see.”

“What did Draco do when he found you?”

“He…he opened the stall door…found me curled up at Dragon’s feet…I looked up at him…it was kind of hazy…I saw that look again…that same scared, panicked look that I first saw…the smirk was gone…only, this time…I made him look that way. Not Lucius…it was me.”

“He was worried about you.”

“I guess.”

“Did he touch you?”

“Fuck off.”