it will never happen...it can\'t

...he never knew that a touch could be so intoxicating...just having her so close to him made him lose it...and the fact that she was half naked and her skin so hot...it didn\'t help much...he was tracing her neck gently with his lips when felt a resistance,then in a second,her palms,placed on his chest, were pushing him away.....
„please....stop....“a thiny whisper „i\'m sorry....we can\'t..i don\'t know what came over me....“she continued,pulling her nightgound back on her breasts“ i\'m so ashamed of myself...“i didn\'t think...“

„don\'t,...just,don\'t think please....I need you...“ she coul feel his breath on her skin...burning „...don\'t leave me like this...“
With her eyes closed and the last pieces of strenght, she managed to tear herself away saying...“it\'s wrong...you know it is“....i couldn\'t live with myself“...“i\'m sorry“

And as she stood there,in front of him...looking so innocent ,but determinate,with her head down,trying to avoid his eyes...he knew.He will never let her know the truth...the truth only few people knew...and he also knew that she will never be able to forgett.She maybe doesn\'t blaim him anymore...but she will never forget.and he will never have her... And with that as his last thought, he stood up...and not looking at her he said „i\'m sorry,too.“before closing the door behind.


****

At the moment he closed the door,she fell on the floor,her fingers pulling her hair...\'how am i suposed to fight it?...HOW?...i can\'t be near him,feels like drowning....whose idea of a joke this is? Wasn\'t there enough? ...who brought him back? So perfect...so everything he didn\'t use to be...Can you please just let me hate him?let me hate his name...?please?...i want him to be the same evil creature he used to be..I NEED him to be everything his father was....it would be so much easier....to hate him,to just despise him... why won\'t he just torture me,call me names..? why won\'t he glare knowing that it ruined me?....make me hate you MALFOY,make me hate you again,please...or else, I will lose my mind...\'


******

„what the?...“ harry managed to mumble,...he must have fallen into sleep on the sofa.again....

„well,potter, why am i not suprised to find that your dear wife likes you better out of her bed,than in it?“

„malfoy?“

„you must forgive me,for barging in this way and,this late...but ...well,let\'s just say that there is an issue that i might need your help about.“

„what happened? Is hermione ok?“

„look,to make it clear from the start: if i had any other option,i would not be here...but you are aware of that. „ ........“you see, she is a bit shook up at this moment,and probably would appreciate a shoulder other than mine...she needs a friend,potter.“

„it\'s those dreams again,isn\'t it?...but,why,she was doing so well...“

„she lives at the Manor,now,potter...and i\'m not sure whose brilliant idea that was...considering...well,you know...“

„did you tell her?“

„are you mad?no,of course not.and i forbid you to let her know even a hint of it.!“

„i\'m asking you again to reconsider that decision. It would...“but draco didn\'t let him finish

„YOU WILL NOT TELL HER“

„damn it,malfoy,she\'s got the right to know...and if she knew,she would probably stop tormenting herself.and you,as much as i can see.she would stop feeling all that guilt,and finally let you in.isn\'t that what you want?“

„no.you will not tell her.she can\'t know that.i don\'t want her to know.“

„fine.“

„now go to her, and do whaterver it is that you need do to make it better for her“

Harry left, deciding that he will take the freedom to interpretate that as a litteral permision,pemision to do one thing he knew had to be done long ago.

******


„\'mione?“....“\'mione are you ok?“

He found her sitting on the floor,trembling,her face all wet and messy...Lord he had seen this too many times before....
She lifted her head up,watching him,her lips tightening,trying to fight a new wave of tears...She was crushing him.all over again.He couln\'t stand to watch her cry...so he just got down to her and held her close....

„you smell like home...“she muttered „i want to go home...i can\'t stay in this house. I can fell his presence all around...and as i pass the rooms,i see flashes of his white hair....he comes to torture me in my dreams,harry...he tells me all the things he did to them...i\'m going crazy...“

„mione,...i would give anything to be able to help you...but you have to go throuhg it on yourown...“

„you can help me...ask ministry to let me go away from here.anywhere...please,you can do that.then i wouldn\'t have to feel like betraying them...please...“

„you are not betraying them hermione....draco isn\'t his father...he has changed..he\'s a different man now....though still anoying,i must add.give him a chance.you know i would never ask you to do it if i didn\'t trust him“

„but i CAN\'T TRUST him...“

„why, hermione, is that so hard?“

„i can\'t do that to my parents,to a memory of them...i can\'t give my trust and myself to him...just can\'t“

„it\'s been long enough hermione...you have to move on...“

„IT\'S NOT BEEN LONG ENOUGH! A LIFETIME WOULD NOT BE LONG ENOUGH TO FORGET THEM,TO FORGET THAT NIGHT....HIS FATHER KILLED MY PARENTS,HARRY..!AND YOU ASK OF ME TO ACT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED...LIKE THEY WERE NOTHING....I WANT HIM,I CAN\'T BREATH AROUND HIM,HE MAKES ME FALL APART EVERYTIME HE LOOKS AT ME,HE MAKES ME DROWN IN HIS PRESENCE,HE MAKES ME FORGET...BUT THEN CONSTANTLY REMINDS ME...OF HIS FATHER...AND THE LAST DECENT PIECE OF MY SOUL IF FIGHTING SO HARD NOT TO BE PULLED INTO HIM... CAUSE I WOULD THEN BE SPITTING ON THEM BOTH...AND THEY WERE ALL I HAD,THEY GAVE ALL THEY HAD FOR ME,AND WERE KILLED BECAUSE OF IT...AND I\'M ALONE NOW...ALL ALONE...I LOST IT ALL IN ONE NIGHT,ONE HORRID NIGHT WHEN A MAN WHO HATED ME SO MUCH DECIDED TO TAKE THEIR LIVES,BECAUSE THEY WERE MY PARENTS.....DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS LIKE?.....she stopped at that moment,realizing what she just said,and how selfish it was....she saw the hurt in his eyes.and she caused it...and the pain she felt the next moment,hearing his broken voice say „you had seventeen years with them....i woud give my life for one minute of their presence...“ was something she deserved for not thinking ....

„harry,.....i didn\'t think,.....i\'m sorry“she started

„i know you didn\'t....that is the problem...you don\'t think at all anymore hermione....you are just so bitter and sad...i don\'t know you anymore...you are smarter than this...how can you say that you are alone? Do i mean anything to you? Ron? Ginny? Weasleys took us in,you and me,as if we were their own children...how can you say that? And besides,since that night we all love you more...can\'t you see that hermione? ...and draco,he loves you like a mad man,he\'s so carefull around you...so protective...trust him,just trust him,will you? He is not Lucius.“

„why are you so sure,harry...you keep telling that for four years now...why are you so sure...this could be a mask...he followed his fathers orders,he was that exact person,he admired him...what if...“

But harry didn\'t let her finish...

\'\'Draco is the one who killed Lucius\'\'