Where Do We Go From Here?

Disclaimer: It all belongs to te inestimable J K Rowling, except the plot.

Author\'s Note: This chapter is a bit longer than the others, and ended up being more angsty than I\'d intended. I have a pretty good idea where this is going now, and it\'s not going to be some huge epic . . . but it will be longer than I originally thought. Hope you all stick with me.

Thanks to all my reviewers:

Aunt Bijou-I hope your cats don\'t become too alarmed by your reaction to this chapter! Hopefully it\'ll live up to expectations.

icestar-Thanks for the kind words. Harry\'s definitely his own person in this fic.

Faith-I hope it continues to be . . . interesting to you. ;-)

Jessica-Thanks for the encouragement. I\'m glad you liked speechless Snape, as I have reason to believe he\'ll be that way again before the end of this fic.

Hambares-Glad you like Harry\'s internal dialogue, as it should continue throughout the fic. There\'s plenty of it in this chapter, too!

Goddess_of_the_Night-Thanks again for helping with the italics! I fixed it in the other chapters, and I like it so much better than trying to use some symbol for it. Hope you enjoy this update!

Lightgoddess-Your encouragement really means a lot to me. I feel like I almost know you between the stories you\'ve written, your responses to my reviews, and yur reviews here. Thank you so much! I never thought I\'d get this good a response, and it\'s all thanks to your encouragement that it\'s even here. Your screen name definitely fits! Big hugs to you.

antipyro-Well, it took a bit longer than you wished, but I hope it\'s worth the wait. As far as seeing internal dilogue with Sev, I don\'t think it\'s going to happen, at least not with this fic. I think I\'ll be keeping it from Harry\'s POV. And if I ever leave a cliffhanger, I apologize in advance because it won\'t be intentional.

Triskele-I\'m glad you\'re enjoying it.

darkmoore-I\'m really not mean, I promise! Here\'s more, and I\'ll try to keep it coming quickly.

cdkobasiuk-He kind of had to, there wasn\'t really a way for him to sneak into it. Sev had to know how Harry was feeling. Hope you like Sev\'s reaction . . . there are a few more outbursts from both of them coming up.

Arianbrightside-Thank you so much! It really gives me a boost when people compliment me! I\'m glad you like the story so far, and I hope I won\'t disappoint you.

shade-Glad you like the beginning, here\'s more. See if you like this as much!

Lynx-Well, you\'re going to get Sev\'s reaction soon. Hope you like it!

One more quick thing to say to all of you, then on with the story: A lot of you thought Harry\'s internal dialogue was funny. I\'m glad that you\'re enjoyng it, but let me know if it becomes too much or too serious. When I wrote it I wasn\'t thinking humour, but if it came out that way I\'m glad, and I don\'t want to disappoint anyone.

Anyway, here\'s the chapter!

Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, appeared to be completely flabbergasted. Harry watched as he leaned back in his chair, mouth hanging slightly open, looking like he’d just been slapped upside the head. If Harry hadn’t been so worried that when Snape recovered he would react badly to his idiotic outburst, he probably would have been amused.

Oh shite! he thought. Now I’ve done it! Hopefully, I haven’t broken him permanently.

Maybe this is a kind of Sleeping Beauty situation. Maybe all he needs is for you to go and kiss him! I’m sure he’d snap out of it then.

If I did that, I’m sure he’d come around, but then he’d hex me into next century! Oh, but to actually kiss those lips, to see what he really tastes like . . . no, I can’t think like that.

Why not? You know you want him, why hold back?

It wouldn’t be right. I’d be taking advantage of him!

How very Gryffindor of you. If Malfoy were in your shoes, he wouldn’t hesitate.

Malfoy has nothing to do with this. I know the Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin, but I made the choice not to go there. I’m in Gryffindor because that’s where I belong. It doesn’t matter that I want to run my hands over his chest, down between his legs, just to see if I’m right about what I think he’s hiding underneath all those robes. I’m not going to do it.

Keep telling yourself that, Harry. You do realize that you’re about to do what you’ve been telling me you won’t, don’t you?

Harry’s internal argument screeched to an abrupt halt with those words, as he finally took notice of his own actions. The whole time he’d been arguing with himself, his body had been moving, slowly but surely; now he was standing on Snape’s side of the desk, inches away from his chair, already beginning to lean in for a kiss. Harry checked himself abruptly, registering the fact that Snape still appeared to be stunned.

He didn’t move away, though; he was enjoying the spicy scent that hung around Snape, breathing it in and memorizing it, wondering if he’d ever be able to smell it again. His face was only a centimeter away from Snape’s neck, and he couldn’t stop himself from closing that tiny gap and tasting the skin of the hollow behind Snape’s ear. A sudden hiss of indrawn breath caused Harry to pull away slightly, almost salivating in his eagerness to taste more of the cinnamon-chocolate that was Snape’s skin. He was opening his mouth to apologize when he felt Snape’s hands sliding up his shoulders and neck to cup the back of his head gently--a more gentle touch than he’d ever thought the snarky man to be capable of--and pull him toward his mouth.

Snape’s lips were covering Harry’s, his tongue plunging deep before Harry even had a chance to respond to the fact that Snape was touching him at all. As soon as comprehension dawned, though, Harry eagerly returned the kiss, his own tongue moving to plunder Snape’s mouth as thoroughly as his own had been. It tasted of tea and lemon, and something else that he couldn’t quite name . . . but it didn’t really matter what it was because it meant that he was in Heaven. The whole world could fall apart around them and it wouldn’t matter because he was where he belonged.

Harry had automatically braced himself with his hands on Snape’s shoulders when he’d been pulled forward; now he allowed his hands to roam up Snape’s neck to stroke his cheek, then on into his hair. It’s not greasy at all! he thought. Just silky smooth and baby-fine. I could stay like this forever.

Long before Harry was ready, he was being pushed away gently. He heard himself whimper at the loss, then became embarrassed about how pathetic he sounded and stopped fighting to stay where he was. He forced himself to look into his Professor’s eyes, wondering what was going to happen next.

“Harry.” Snape was looking at him, seemed to be searching his face for something. It made him a bit nervous, like he was being weighed, and he wondered briefly if he measured up. He waited, trying not to squirm and refusing to lower his eyes, for Snape to continue.

“Harry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s not right . . . you’re still my student. I’m old enough to be your father. There are so many reasons against this that it would be ridiculous to even start something.”

What a load of horseshit! “That has to be the most idiotic statement I’ve ever heard you make!” Harry didn’t try to stop his anger from showing, even when he saw irritation flash through the onyx depths of Snape’s eyes. “That had to be the most perfect kiss in the history of the world, and you’re looking for reasons not to take this any further? You’ve got to be out of your mind!”

Snape’s eyes flashed dangerously again, and Harry thought briefly about backing down. He quickly decided against it, knowing that if he backed down now he’d never get another chance to make this work. He finally realized that the emotion coursing through his veins was more than lust. The thought struck him with the force of a sledgehammer.

I love him. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before! That’s what made that kiss so incredible . . . and that may be why he didn’t respond the way I’d hoped.

Actually, I think it was just as good for him as it was for you. I think that’s why he’s freaking out about it. He’s feeling more than he wants to be. Something tells me that if it was just lust on his part he wouldn’t hesitate.

I hope you’re right, because I’m not going to let this go.

His thoughts were interrupted by Snape’s next words. “I’m out of my mind? You’d better monitor your step a bit more carefully, Mr. Potter. You are treading upon dangerously thin ice, and if you’re not careful you just might fall through and drown.”

“You’re not going to start that, are you, Sir?” Harry couldn’t help rolling his eyes as he spoke, knowing that Snape’s reversion to the use of his surname was the best indication that Snape was becoming annoyed; usually Harry would leave when that started happening so that their relationship wouldn’t regress to what it had been. This time, though, he wasn’t going to allow himself to be intimidated.

“What do you mean, Potter?” Harry could tell that Snape didn’t like that he hadn’t backed down; knew that he did indeed have to ‘tread carefully’ or he would lose his best chance taking this relationship to a whole new, wonderful level.

“What I mean is that you’re calling me Potter again. You only do that when you’re getting ready to close yourself off from me, or blow up at me. Neither option is one I’m planning on allowing. We’ve become friends in the last year, and I’m not going to let you get away with back-stepping. This relationship is too important to me.”

Harry watched Snape, waiting for his response. He fervently hoped that he hadn’t already ruined his chances. His thoughts were all over the map, flying past too quickly for him to grasp any of them. Snape was sitting with his hands in his lap, breathing slowly through his nose; he appeared to be deep in thought. Harry didn’t want to move, fearing he’d break Snape’s concentration and thereby lose whatever ground he may have gained with his last little speech.

Harry is so lost in trying to catch his thoughts that when Snape moves it startles him so badly that he almost falls off the desk. He catches himself quickly, feeling his face begin to burn, hoping his little mishap won’t make Snape think any less of him. Before Harry had even recovered, Snape was standing in front of him, leaning over him with an unreadable expression on his face, hands braced on the desk next to Harry’s hips. Harry’s heart seemed to stop for an instant, and his breathing hitched. He didn’t know what was going to happen next, but he really hoped it would involve those talented lips claiming his again. Without conscious thought, Harry’s lips parted slightly and his tongue slid out to moisten them in anticipation of the kiss he was almost certain he was about to receive. It came as a shock, then, when angry tones washed over him.

“I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, Potter, but this is not even remotely amusing. Are your friends waiting outside to laugh with you about how you tricked the ‘greasy old git’? Will you tell them how I responded so greedily when you kissed me, then laugh about how desperately alone I must be? I had thought that we’d moved beyond such childish games, but apparently I was wrong.” Harry heard the underlying note of pain in Snape’s voice, and was unable to stop himself from reaching out to comfort the older man.

Harry’s hand moved almost of its own volition, coming up to caress Snape’s cheek tenderly. He was a little surprised and very grateful when the other man didn’t move away, and responded as gently as he could. “I would never do that to you, Severus.” He paused for a moment, seeing discomfort and the beginnings of anger flash across Snape’s features, but pressed on before Snape could interrupt. “I know it’s presumptuous of me to use your given name, but anything else would be inappropriate in this situation. I’m not playing a game with you, I’m not planning on laughing it out with my friends later. This is solely between you and I. Our relationship has changed so much over the last several months . . . I didn’t really realize until moments ago that my respect for you had grown into something more, something I don’t think either one of us would ever have expected. What I’m feeling for you is more than just lust. Severus, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you. I think if you just give this a chance, we’ll be very happy with one another.”

Harry could see the hesitancy in Severus’ eyes, knew that he was struggling to decide whether Harry was lying to him. Harry thought, Maybe I can get one more kiss, even if he decides in the end that I’m making it all up as a cruel joke.

“Severus, let me kiss you again. I really think that if we kiss again, you’ll know that I’m not lying to you.” As Harry speaks, his thumb gently caresses Severus’ cheek before his whole hand moves to cup the back of his head. Please, please let me kiss you! I know you’ll feel just how right this is, and it’ll be the start of something great! What else can I say to convince you? Oh yeah! Gotta love Aretha!

“Aretha Franklin once sang a song about exactly this kind of situation. It’s called ‘It’s In His Kiss’, and the chorus goes: If you wanna know if he loves you so it’s in his kiss.” Harry sung the chorus, then paused for second before speaking again. “I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the song or not, but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is the truth in that statement . . . a kiss can’t lie, Severus. Let me show you, please.”

When he was done speaking he slowly leaned in, allowing Severus plenty of opportunity to back away if he didn’t want it. When their lips touched, Harry felt like he was in Heaven. Who would have ever thought that such a simple act, two pairs of lips pressed together, could be a gateway to happiness beyond measure? Keeping it gentle, pouring every ounce of his love and respect into the kiss, Harry parted his lips slightly and ran his tongue lightly over Severus’ lips; just a quick touch with an even quicker retreat. Over and over again Harry flicked his tongue lightly against Severus’ lips, pleading gently for entrance. After what seemed an eternity, Harry felt those lips part slightly and almost screamed for joy. Oh thank God! Is my patience finally to be rewarded?

Don’t get too excited yet. You’re still walking on the edge here. You need to keep it gentle and slow. You don’t want to scare him away just when you’ve got him on the road to accepting this!

I know! It’ll be hard, but I’ll keep myself in check. I don’t want to mess this up any more than you do.

Harry slowly allowed his tongue to slide between the lips of the man he loved, finding and stroking Severus’ tongue once before retreating, only to repeat the action. His erection had waned a bit during all the discussion, but it was back full force now. He shifted a little bit, trying not to be too obvious about it. Unfortunately, Severus must have noticed something because he pulled away from the kiss, far too soon in Harry’s opinion.

“Harry, I . . . well, I just don’t know what to say. I never thought that I’d be in a position like this. I believe that you never had your friends outside, waiting to laugh at me. In all honesty, I never really thought that, I just said it so I wouldn’t have to deal with this.” Severus paused and took a couple of deep breaths. Harry waited, thinking Please don’t push me away now, when we’re so close to being together! We belong together, I know it now, and you know it too or I would already be gone. His thoughts were interrupted when Severus continued. “I want to give this a try, see what might happen . . . but I don’t know if we should. I know you don’t care about the age thing, but I have to tell you that it could become a problem for one or both of us. The fact that I’m your teacher really shouts against us doing anything. I could lose my job! I don’t particularly like it, but it’s what I have, not to mention that I need to be here in order for me to do my other job.” Another pause, another deep breath. “I feel like I don’t know anything anymore, Harry. I need time to consider what I can do. Can you understand that?”

Harry watched Severus as he spoke, and the expression there nearly broke Harry’s heart. There was fear and pain and joy and hopefulness, longing and pleading and something almost like desperation . . . and there was love and caring, too. All Harry could think was, I’m so sorry, Severus. I never wanted to hurt you. I just couldn’t hide this from you. Now I almost wish I had; at least then you wouldn’t have been burdened with making a decision.

Oh shut up! You know very well that he wouldn’t have wanted to be kept in the dark about something like this, no matter how much it hurts him. He doesn’t get a chance to make decisions about his own life all that much, between Dumbledore and Voldemort. This is something he’s actually going to get a choice on, and he wants to asses all of the risks and rewards of continuing this before he has to decide what to do about it. It makes sense; he’s got a lot more at stake than you do at this point.

Yeah, I know, but that doesn’t mean I like the idea that he might decide against this, especially when I feel in my very bones that this is the best thing that will ever happen for either of us. I just can’t shake the feeling, now that I’ve recognized it, that we were meant to be together. I know I need to let him decide, but that won’t stop me from hoping that he’ll decide to be with me.

That’s the spirit! Don’t give up on him before you even really give him a chance.

Severus was still looking at Harry expectantly, waiting for his response. Harry gathered his courage, pulling it around him like a cloak, then spoke. “I understand, Severus. It really is a lot to think about, and it wasn’t really fair for me to just drop it on you like this. Please believe me when I tell you I never meant to hurt you or burden you further. I’ll go ahead and leave now, so you can think about it.”

Harry turned to leave, but before he’d taken a full step he felt Severus’ hand on his shoulder. Harry turned his face, and felt Severus’ lips press gently against his once more. Before he could even think to deepen the kiss, Severus had already pulled away.

“You may leave now, Harry. Be back here at eight o’clock.” Severus allowed a small chuckle to escape as Harry’s disbelief showed itself on his face. “You still have detention tonight, for blowing up your potion.”

Harry nodded and, knowing there was nothing else to say, turned and left. He paused at the door, looking back at Severus . . . his elbows were on the desk, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose as though he were trying to prevent a headache from developing. Harry thought, I love you, Severus Snape. No matter what you decide, this will not end tonight. You and I will be together. He sighed deeply, then turned to make his way to Gryffindor tower, deciding what to tell his friends as he went.