Complicated Romance

Title: Complicated Romance
Author: Brianna (Bree)
Pairing: Severus Snape / Harry Potter
Rating: Eventually NC-17
Summary: Teacher student relationships were a rare occurrence at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but not unknown. What happens in the time of death, love and most of all, companionship? Will Harry find someone just as lonely as he and will they bring a new meaning to love? Who better for the position than Severus Snape? But with what complication will this love come?
Warning: This chapter contains suicidal themes and might cause an uncomfortable setting. If you are not comfortable with suicide as a topic than I suggest that you do not read this chapter (though you will miss a lot of important details).
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Previous Chapter: “NO PLEASE, uncle Vernon, don’t hurt me…” Harry cried out, tears falling from his eyes.

Severus shook the boy slightly, causing Potter to wake with a start. Severus watched the emotion play in the boy’s eyes as he slowly gained realization that he was not Vernon. Severus brought his hand to Potter’s face, wiping away the drying tears. He couldn’t stop himself when the hand began to stroke the boy’s cheek.

Harry watched Snape with slightly wider eyes as his cheek was stroked, “P-professor?”
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Chapter Three: Mistake

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Severus finally gathered his senses and pulled his hand away from the boy, wiping it on his side from the wet salt that he had wiped. He gathered his thoughts and reactions, placing the emotionless mask back onto his finely pale face. He didn’t hint towards his anger, noticing the boy was in a frail position and that by letting his anger show, thereby making Potter upset. Not that he cared. He just would rather not have to calm the boy down twice, knowing that his last attempt was a failure due to lack of self-control.

Damn the boy for seeming so innocent that comfort came easily. Damn the boy. Damn himself. He sneered slightly, trying to regain what was lost with the show of caring. The boy just continued to stare baffled, making it even more difficult for Severus brush it off as nothing.

They stayed quiet for what seemed like hours. Finally, Harry raised his eyes to meet his professor’s and decided with the way the man was glaring that it was best not to push the situation. Instead, he sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes. “Thank you, sir.”

Severus looked down, seeing the boy finally take the hint and going back to sleep. He ignored the thanks that was delivered and stood, taking his leave from the room and into his own bedroom. He needed time to gather his thoughts and remember who exactly he was dealing with. This was Harry Potter, his most despised student and that would never change, even if the boy was suffering.

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Harry rose bright and early, taking no time at all to get ready and leave the dungeons. While he would like to stay cooped up in the darkness of the dungeons and private quarters of Snape, he would rather go and practice Quidditch. The turning in his stomach hadn’t ceased since Snape had left the prior night.

When Snape had brushed his cheek with the tenderness of a lover, Harry had felt his world melt around him and his heart speed. He soon found himself wanting those thin, pale lips against his as well as that overpowering glare to take him fully into desirous languidly movements. He had wanted, desired more of the man’s touch and cursed himself for it. Somehow, in the presence of Snape, he had felt completely safe and away from the pain on the inside.

Harry walked down the corridor, taking his time with each step that padded on the floor. What was he going to do the rest of his holiday? He had a few assignments that he could finish, but not today since that would mean that he would have to be near Snape and with what happened last night, he wasn’t quite sure he could face the man without blushing. He was still not wholly convinced that it wasn’t a dream.

He slipped into the entrance hall and out the enormous doors that led out to a grassy plane that was the front of the school. Taking his time, he walked down and grabbed one of the brooms that the other Quidditch players used.

The air brushed through his body as he swerved and dodged through the trees. The snitch was in sight as he took more speed by leaning forward on his broom and watching with keen eyes as the golden ball made a dip and turn through surrounding trees. He too was focused on the trees, dipping and turning just as the snitch did when it hit an obstacle. He was right behind it, having his arms outstretched and reaching for the quick orb. With the shift of his body weight, the orb was in his hand and tightly held with his clutching fingers.

Harry landed softly on the floor, placing the snitch back into the chest and wiping away the sweat that was glimmering on his forehead. He breathed heavily, gathering his strength and dragging the heavy trunk back into the storage room. He placed the broom back with the others and took off to the boy’s showers.

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Harry walked down the hallway, feeling the day leaving through the windows and hearing the soft breathing of the sleeping paintings around him. He sighed slightly, having forgotten the time during the day. He didn’t feel like returning to the dungeons, knowing full well who awaited him there.

He made a detour to the bathrooms that were located on that floor, feeling the pain swell in his stomach once more. His mind was filled with images of his uncle standing over him, holding a bloodied belt and scorn that would frighten anyone in its path. His body quivered with the images and his pace increased, breaking into a run.

The darkness captivated him as he entered the deserted lavatory. The stalls were empty and the void noticeable. Nothing moved but the boy now breathing heavily in the corner. From his pocket, he took the razor and slowly took it to his skin. The pain cooed at him to continue and his will shriveled into nothing at the sight of the deathly glimmer the blade presented.

The sharp edge rode the skin, slicing another thin red line along the two other cuts, just not as deep but enough to bring about blood. He let out a sigh of relief as the blood swirled beneath the skin and exited the abrasion that he had created. He sighed out his relief feeling the blood take a path down his arm once again - the soothing filler that he had been looking for all day. It was his way of getting away from the pain that throbbed on the inside.

He breathed out, taking his arm to the facet after about a half-an-hour of basking in the blood. He cleaned it and took to wrapping it in the same material as the first two had been, that way he wouldn’t look suspicious.

Harry looked at his clock, his eyes going wide as he noticed the time. He sighed out and turned to leave the area. Everything was dark outside of the bathroom, but was expected after it was almost eleven o’clock at night. Harry shivered knowing full well that he would have to deal with an angry potion’s master when he got back.

Harry walked down the corridor, his eyes plastered to the floor. He walked with leisured pace as he slowly made his way back to the dungeons. He heard the soft thud of feet and brought his eyes to look up. Snape watched his with emotionless obsidian eyes, his eyebrow raised.

“Mr. Potter, it is an hour past curfew, I had expected you in my rooms earlier. Where were you?” Severus walked closer to Harry, who in turn walked slightly backwards.

“I was just taking a walk to calm my nerves.”

“Potter, do not assume that since we are on holiday that you can still break the rules, though even in the school year you seem to have a conscious for breaking them. Ten points from Gryffindor for lack of judgment and being out past curfew.” Severus sneered at the boy, turning and walking ahead, expecting the boy to follow.

Harry followed Snape at a distance, taking his time to glance around and fade the blush that had reddened the most of his face when he had noticed the man advance on him. Though the moment was short-lasted, he still felt the heat in his cheeks and instantly felt guilt take its ugly course over his thoughts. He made sure that his arm was completely covered and continued into the dungeons and finally into the living area that belonged to Snape.

Severus turned around, watching the boy for a moment. He could see something different about those eyes and noticed the boy was fidgeting in his presence. He made no attempt at connecting that with what he had done the prior night. He was about to say something snide when his eyes caught something trickling down the boy’s arm. His eyes widened at the sight of clear-as-day blood that pooled in the boy’s clenched palm.

Harry looked up at the man and then down to his arm, his eyes going wide and he quickly drew the arm to himself, taking a step back at the horror of the situation. Unfortunately, the man had already seen the arm and was immediately in front of him, taking the arm harshly and displaying it so that he could assess the damage.

“Potter, what did you do?” Severus growled through clenched teeth.

Harry was dumbfounded and completely speechless. He tried to pull his arm away, but the hand clenching it was without release. “I…well…um…I,” he couldn’t form coherent thoughts as he tried to think through possible excuses that would sound convincing enough. None came to mind and he was left with his pain exposed to the man that would probably happily use it against him.

Severus could feel the anger boil within him as he threw down the arm, “What an insolent thing to do, Potter! I would have thought that you would be a bit more intelligent to hide the cut somewhere I wouldn’t look. Not Harry Potter, he is too good for that. He must gather as much attention as he can possibly to get others around him to bow to his every wish. Not me, Potter. I will not be taken for a fool.

“It might have worked on all you other professor’s and your friends, hey even the headmaster; but Potter, it will not work on me! Get out of here! I do not want to see your face again in here, you understand you impertinent brat!” Severus pointed to the door. His eyes were pitching black with anger.

Harry shook with fear and immediately turned, fleeing the room. His Gryffindor bravery failed him with the head of the Slythrin house. He ran as fast as his feet would carry him, tears forming in his eyes. How could Snape say all those heartless things? When did Harry begin to believe that there might be a caring person beneath that emotionless bastard!?

Harry fled into the bathroom, taking heavy gasps of air as he cowered in the corner. He hadn’t fought the urge to cut and in turn made Snape angry. He felt hopelessness settle over his thoughts as he slid along the wall. All of his tears fell from his eyes and his body shook with fervor.

His heart hurt within the confines of his chest and his head wouldn’t stop throbbing. His body was gathering adrenaline with the heat of the moment and his shaking only being increased. The pain on the inside was throbbing violently and Harry did all he could to ignore it. He was losing as he had already taken out the razor from his pocket and was drawing it lightly over his skin.

He wanted to stop the movement, but couldn’t as the blade took to more depth and sliced open the large part of his arm. Blood spilled from the lesion, training down his arm. Harry, however, did not stop his slicing as he dug deeper allowing his eyes to blur with tears. His heart was clenching violently, feeling as though it was about to erupt with pain. How could Snape do this to him? How could he do this to himself? What did he have to live for, other than his own destruction after saving the same world that had caused him so much pain? Did he deserve to live any longer?

Did he deserve to live any longer?

That thought clung deep inside as blood pooled out of his arm and onto the floor. His robes soaked in the heavy liquid and weakness began to over throw him into a black vision. He could see the see nothing but blackness. He let the tears run down his cheeks as his voice rasped out, “I don’t want to live.”

“I don’t want to live.”

“I don’t want to live.”

“I…don’t….wa…” He fell to the ground, his head striking the tile harshly and throbbing in response.

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This time, the one to find Harry was not Severus but Dumbledore himself. He had been aware of something wrong in the beginning of the day and created a link between himself and Harry to assure that the boy was safe. When he felt the link waver completely, he knew that the danger was great and that if he didn’t move fast, Harry would be dead before he had a chance to heal him.

Albus had pledged as long as he lived, he would protect Harry with everything he had. That promise was one that pounded his heart when he found the boy once again at the edge of death. He felt his insides stop as the blood loss was once again great. Without another word, he began to perform the spell that would eventually save the boy’s life.

Albus effectively, though it took a few minutes, transferred his blood to the boy’s body, having prior known that they shared the same blood type. He closed the wounds and cleared the mess of blood that had stained the floor. His eyes rose to the sleeping boy and picked him up, though his strength was fading. He needed to get the boy to the hospital wing quickly to finish the process.

Madam Pomfrey carried out the rest of precautions before she had declared that he was successfully out of danger. She looked at Albus, her eyes sullen as she examined his exhaustion.

“Albus, why did you give the boy your blood?”

“As his new guardian, it is my position to assure that he is safe and always kept alive. For whatever reasons he was upset tonight, I need him to strive.” His voice was soft and his eyes sadden. He was not angry with Harry, for that would be unjust. The boy was having a hard time with his feelings. As soon as he was completely healed, Albus decided it would be best to have him stay with Hagrid.

Dumbledore nodded his appreciation at the med-witch and went to pay Severus a visit, knowing well that this had some connection with him. He smiled lightly, realizing his mistake and knowing that he must correct it as headmaster.

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“Headmaster.”

“Hello, Severus.” Dumbledore walked through the door and over to where Severus was sitting. Severus looked up from his papers, noticing that the man looked exhausted. His expression remained the same, but his mind was now going over the many possibilities. The boy, he thought regretfully.

“I was wondering if I might have a word with you, Severus.” Albus took a seat near the man, his hands curling into his lap as he watched with a tired expression. He continued without any form of confirmation, “I found Harry in the boy’s lavatory just an hour ago. He is out of danger as he had cut so deeply that if I hadn’t preformed an immediate blood transfer, he would have not survived. I am relieving you of your duties to watch over the boy, since I understand that it might have not been the best idea. He will now be staying with Hagrid after he is better from the transfer.”

Severus was awe-stricken, though he did not show it. Something in his chest fell, causing him to wince slightly. He realized right after completely registering the information that the boy had run after he told him to never return to his rooms. “Albus, it was my fault that the boy had cut.”

Dumbledore held up his hand, “Now is not a time for accusations, Severus. The boy was merely overstressed and just needs some times to relax.”

“No, Albus, he ran right after I had yelled at him and told him to never return to this place.” Dumbledore gave him a slight eyebrow raise, motioning for him to continue. “The boy had come back after being out an hour after curfew and I had found that he had once again cut his arm after discovering blood. I lost my temper. I apologize and take full responsibility for the boy’s actions.”

“Now, now Severus, calm down. You are only human as all of us are. You had no idea that Harry would go and try to once more kill himself. You mustn’t take all the blame. Harry just needs time to relax. I apologize for causing you discomfort with having the boy stay with you. That was my misjudgment.” Albus smiled at Severus.

Albus stood from his seat, sighing out. “Well I am exhausted and have much to do with the guardian papers, so I will leave you for the night.” He began for the door.

“Guardian papers?” Severus questioned.

“Yes. I have taken guardianship of Harry as of today.” Severus was completely stunned by this as he watched the man leave with a smile and silent goodbye that also included the glint in his eyes – a trade-mark thing for the headmaster.

Severus felt guilt well up inside him, even though he continuously told himself that the selfish boy was the one to blame. He had not done anything to pr—well maybe he had been a bit inconsiderate with his choice of words. Maybe he shouldn’t have thrown the boy out after finding that he had cut himself. Damn. Why did he have to take the blame for Potter’s insecurities and bad choices?!

Shouldn’t he feel relieved knowing that he was no longer responsible for the boy’s actions? Why was he feeling this emptiness inside of him? Why did his heart clench at the thought of Harry alone in the lavatory once more, almost dead from the loss of blood? He felt another jerk of his heart and the sudden urge to go see the boy. Well he had a right to. He had to make sure that the damage wasn’t great. He needed to know that the boy wouldn’t try to blame him for his idiocy.

Another jerk of his heart sent him out the door and on his way to the infirmary. He was not concerned for the boy, simply curious and furious. He would not be blamed for this. He sighed out, his pace increasing as images of Har—wait, since when had he started to call him Harry? He shook his head, bringing the topic back to what he had been thinking about. He was not worried for Potter just concerned for his own well-being.

Though, I already know that the blame was not one me. He cursed himself for canceling out his thought.

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Severus watched the boy sleep, his eyes going to the arm that was bandaged tightly, but not enough to cause problems. The soft breathing was reassuring as well as the soft rise and fall of the boy’s chest. Severus had taken a seat near the bed, his hands tightly clasped in his lap.

He felt his heart beat fast and his face impassive to anything but the boy in front of him. Why did his chest hurt just looking at the boy, knowing well that tomorrow he would probably not see him as well as the days to follow until school came back in. Why was it hurting to think about not having the boy around? He continually told himself that he wanted this, wanted the boy to leave.

The boy seemed purely innocence as he laid there, not a thought in his mind. What had the boy been thinking when he was in that lavatory alone, just after being told that he was selfish? Severus groaned at the thought of causing this. Did he really make the boy so unhappy that death seemed to be the only option?

Severus had recalled the time when death seemed to be the only option. It had been just after he joined the Death Eaters. He had witnessed a boy being beaten and raped by fellow Death Eaters. It had made him cringe in fear.

Severus hadn’t any idea what the boy had experienced over at his families house. He didn’t want to know to be honest, purely for his own sanity, what was left of it that is. He felt another jerk of his heart as he stood, looking at the ghostly pale face of his student. The boy looked extremely ill and tired. His hand unconsciously rose, wiping away invisible tears; tears that had been forgotten by his hand when he made the boy leave.

His thumb traced over the pale lips, and then once more over the entirely too bony cheek. The boy looked as if he hadn’t eaten in years. Severus noted that he would tell the headmaster about his lack of eating.

“I see that you came to check on the boy,” Severus turned to find the headmaster smiling from the doorway.

“How long have you been there?” Severus’ voice was the same tone, but carried worry in it. He didn’t want the headmaster to believe that he, Severus Snape, most hated teacher at Hogwarts, had shown compassion to another human being.

“Long enough to understand that you did in fact care for the boy, and were not ‘simply doing your job.’” That damned glint was back in the man’s eyes as he moved forward. He was smiling widely at Severus, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Harry will be fine. You can rest assure that he will be better come tomorrow.” Severus could not find his words; they had packed their bags and left him in fear of giving something away.

Albus continued to smile, “Severus, I have known you for years and for as long as I can remember, I have never truly seen you show as much caring for another person as I had seen you just show for Harry. I hope that you realize that and make sure to never lose it, because Harry shows the same for you.”

Damn the man for knowing him too well. Damn the man for sticking his nose into his affairs; most of all, damn the man for being entirely too accepting.

“We can’t, Albus. He is my student; I cannot show such emotions for him.” Trying to justify himself now? Did he really think that it would faze Albus Dumbledore, known match maker? He sighed out his frustration.

Of course, Albus was way ahead of him. “Harry is a boy with the responsibilities of an adult and he should be at least treated as such. Harry also needs someone in his life that completes him. For the past few days, he seemed happy with you, did he not?” Severus didn’t answer, fearing that his voice would once again give him away.

“Would you continue to watch Harry over the holiday, Severus?” Dumbledore smiled at Severus, already understanding the answer and very happy to be able to have Harry safe with someone he trust.

Severus looked up, sighing out, “I don’t really have much of a choice.”

Albus smiled widely, “Good. Then it’s settled.”

Severus damned himself and his emotions. He especially damned the man making all these possible. He needed a drink.

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Next Chapter: Harry watched Snape from across the short distance. His hands were in his lap and his heart beating fast against his chest. He looked down and then looked up; he was caught off guard to see the man also staring at him. His heart stopped when the man rose from the couch and walked over to where he was sitting.

Snape grabbed his chin, forcing him to rise with the strength of the hold. Harry tilted his head back to look into the man’s eyes. Snape leaned forward slightly, his hot breath touching Harry’s lips. Harry felt his body shaking and his eyes close.

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Author\'s Notes: Thank you for your reviews. Next chapter should be posted soon. Thank you to my beta for all of the changes. (Edited version posted tomorrow)