--Holding On--

—Holding On—
Summary: Harry is forced to learn Occlumency; Severus is forced to teach it. Harry finds out soon enough that everyone has their secrets; Severus finds out a new little something about himself.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, and I do not gain profit from these stories.
All the errors are mine, since I have yet to get a beta.
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Rated NC-17 for sexual situations, violence, rape, and language.
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Genre: Angst, romance, and thriller.
Pairing: Severus Snape/Harry Potter
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Author: Brianna aka Bree
Email: oxymoron_leader@hotmail.com
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Chapter Three

The grass moved with ice droplets, winter finally beginning to set the tone and weather of the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. All of the quiet pines that lined the Forbidden Forest shifted with easing grace, following the winds path.

Harry looked out the window from the tallest tower, his eyes hiding any emotion. Held in one hand was a letter, with only a few words written on it. A tear made a short path down Harry’s cheek, resonating at the bottom of his chin.

Dear Harry,
I miss you dearly, my most beloved godson. Unfortunately, I am still in hiding. Death eaters are said to be after me so I must keep this short. Please forgive me for not visiting you this Christmas, but I have to stay in hiding.

Much Love,
Sirius

Earlier that day, Harry had been called out of class, shortly after receiving the letter from his godfather. Dumbledore stood at his desk, for the first time, his eyes not quite meeting Harry’s and as for the smile he always seemed to carry, there was nothing but a frown corrupting his lips.

“Harry, I am sorry to report that your godfather, Sirius, was killed earlier today. I am so sorry, Harry.” Dumbledore rounded the desk and hugged Harry tightly to him, Harry’s eyes widened as far as they could go. He couldn’t feel his body, everything inside had stopped. His breathing ceased and with a jerk, he ran from the office, running to the tower, hiding away from the world.

Memories of his godfather swam in his head, as he tried to hold back the rushing stream of tears. He shuddered violently, falling to the ground and holding his head so tightly that it might have burst from the grip. His world ended, with the sound of the words Dumbledore had delivered. He was lost in grief, mourning and most of all, hopelessness. How was he to defeat Voldemort without the kind encouragement of his godfather? How was he to live without knowing that the one he loved the most had left so abruptly?

Soon grief turned to anger, his hands hitting walls and breaking items, screaming at the top of his lungs that it ‘wasn’t fair’ and ‘he didn’t deserve to die.’ But nothing could fill Harry, he was a bundle of tears, pooling at the ground and damaging the floor with their depression.

Now, he was nothing but a blank expression and a few tears falling from his salt-bruised eyes. He couldn’t feel anything, nor did he want to with the surrounding world. Everything was over; nothing mattered anymore.

“Harry,” arms embraced him tightly, drawing him back against a solid form, a bit taller than he was. He recognized the voice immediately, feeling guilt and embarrassment rush over him as he stared at the bloodied hands, caused by anger and rage. He broke down when he felt that body hold him close. He was turned and held tightly against Severus’ chest, a reassuring hand running the length of his spine in massaging gentleness.

“I’m so sorry, Harry.” The man continued to run his hand over Harry’s back, hoping to bring a bit of comfort. Even though he never liked the mutt, Harry was the one most affected. He felt his protective emotion overflow him.

He had just returned from his daily potions check-up, when he over heard a few of the other professors talking. When he listened more closely, his eyes grew wider.

“Sirius was killed earlier by death eaters, poor Harry.”

He had immediately rushed to the headmaster’s office, missing Harry only by a few minutes. He entered the office, his chest heaving with the activity of running. Dumbledore immediately pointed out towards the hallway, leading to the tallest tower. Severus merely nodded, not stopping to ask the Headmaster how he knew.

He held Harry tighter to him, the boy’s tears and grief were unbearably sad. The boy he loved was in pain and all he was able to do was be the one to comfort him. He let the boy weep, for what seemed like hours. Finally, the shuddering cries turned into soft whimpers and soon into heavy breathing. When he thought it was safe enough to speak, he lifted the boy’s chin with his hand and stared into the emerald eyes.

“Harry, I am so sorry. Would you like to come to my quarters, so that we can talk?” Harry merely nodded and was held closer once more by the older man. He was led from the tower and down to the quarters behind the dungeons. He sighed, feeling a bit better at the comfort that he was receiving from Severus. He still felt his eyes burn with the need to cry, but he simply breathed in deeply.

Severus moved Harry to the couch, holding him still closer, hoping that his presence would reassure the teen. He sat down, draping an arm around Harry’s shoulders and leaning his head on top of the boy’s head. Harry shivered beneath his touch, breathing out irregularly.

Harry looked up, watching those onyx eyes look to offer any kind of comfort. Harry felt happy that he was the only one to really see these emotions from his potion’s professor. Worry was all over the black depths, meeting Harry’s with a pleading ‘what can I do to help?’ look. He saw the man lean closer, finally capturing his lips in a gentle kiss that stole away Harry’s air and put his mind at ease.

Harry couldn’t help but feel comfort in that kiss. He was still aching for the death of Sirius, but was also glad that Severus was there to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright. He sighed, bringing his arms to encircle the man’s neck. When Severus finally pulled away, he kept his forehead to the boy’s, breathing out a sigh.

“What can I do to help ease the pain, Harry?” His eyes were focused completely on Harry’s, his arms draping loosely around the boy’s waist.

“Be here…” Harry said with a trembling voice, but was once again cut short when a mouth captured his to distract his mind. Severus slowly parted the teen’s lips, allowing his tongue entry into the hot cavern, tasting the salty tears on the boy’s lips and inside his mouth. He pulled away once more. No longer was there a need for words, his eyes locked with the boy’s to tell him a different story.

Harry took the bottom lip slowly into his mouth, abusing the skin with his anticipation. He felt the easing hand that ran the length of his spine, and the dark eyes that seemed to tell a story of the most tragic life. Harry couldn’t remember the last time he had truly seen an emotion in his professor’s eyes, but today they were raw, and full to the rim with concern.

Severus slowly leaned towards Harry, placing his forehead to the boy. They sat in silence, flames dancing in the hearth of the fireplace with furious intentions. Shadows ran over both of their bodies, eyes pinned to one another. The only comfort that was needed offered.

~*~

“Is he there, Severus?” came a voice from the hearth. Severus had just finished his shower, and was walking into the room when he saw the face of the headmaster in his fireplace. He blew out an irritated breath and stepped forward.

“Yes, Albus.” Dumbledore nodded with that flaming glint in his eyes as always. Severus did all he could to leave the man and go to sleep himself. He knew the next question before it was asked.

“How is the boy? Where is he now?” He raised an eyebrow towards Severus, a small smile playing over the half-mooned glasses. Severus sighed out once more, irritably. He hated when the headmaster would drop in to give advice of any sort, or more so, tasks in which he had no patience to do. He, however, was never able to turn down the man, even if he wanted to.

“He’s fine. He is asleep now; completely exhausted.” Severus shifted beneath the happy glare of his headmaster, making no move to offer information. Finally, the head simply nodded and looked at him with a sad grin.

“Would it be too much trouble to ask you to watch him, Severus? I know you did not have much caring for Sirius, but could you perhaps take care of Harry until he is ready to return to classes. It also might be possible to continue the lessons while he is with you.” No longer was it a request. With the last part of the ‘request’ Severus knew that Albus, once again, did not expect him to turn down what was asked.

“If I must,” he rose from the couch and waved a hand in annoyance. The headmaster gave a small chuckle, whispering a small goodbye before disappearing into a burst of blue flames. The eruption was not gone unnoticed. Harry shifted under the blanket that was covering him on the couch. His eyes fluttered open, in attempt of dazing the sleep.

Severus walked to the side of Harry; his eyes masked once more of the raw emotion. He was able, over the hours, to rethink his status with the boy. He felt once more engulfed into those emerald eyes, penetrating them with his small desire to comfort the boy. Harry smiled stupidly, his grin reaching his eyes, but slowly fading when he remembered why he was there.

Harry felt his insides turn as he rushed off into the general direction of the bathroom, but didn’t quite make it before his stomach contents were plastered to the floor in some attempt to create art. Severus was immediately at the boy’s side, rubbing the back and pointed his wand at the mess that now decorated his floor.

“Incido Cleanse,” the mess cleared off the floor, leaving a coughing boy, his hair dragged clumsily over his face in an attempt to hide his emotions. He felt the sudden beat of his pulse as his whole body played over the conversation with Dumbledore in his head.

“Harry, I am sorry to report that your godfather, Sirius, was killed earlier today.”

Harry coughed violently, shuddering beneath the tried comfort of the other man. He felt his body quake with sudden realization of what the words meant exactly; he was never going to see his godfather again. He hadn’t even had time to say goodbye, or even a whisper of “I love you with all my heart.” He took quick breaths, his face shading the color of blue at the new breathing pace.

Severus made his actions quick, turning the boy over and pulling the shivering form into a tight embrace. “Harry, you must calm down, you are hyperventilating.” He knew the words were lost, but tried none-the-less in an attempt to sooth whatever part of Harry’s mind was still there.

Not long, Harry had passed out with tears fanning his face and his breathing finally normalizing as much as it could. Harry still shivered beneath the embrace, but was unconsciously aware of anything.

~*~

It had been two weeks since his godfather’s death, yet the pain was still as clear as it had been the day he had found out. He walked around the school, his mouth falling out of words and his appearance one with morose character. He hadn’t spoken since that night--the night he spent with Snape. He couldn’t bring himself to words any longer. He simply did as he was told.

Severus noticed the complete change in the boy. His eyes were never focused, and no matter what insult he battered with the boy in his potion’s class, Harry would remain silent, eyes still heavily drawn down to the floor. His friends had given up their attempts at conversation with the boy, but made quite clear that if anyone said a word about it, they would bring trouble.

That day had come when Harry was traveling the hall without any purpose. His eyes were always drawn to the floor, his footsteps soft thudding against the heavily drawn of the other students. Malfoy appeared behind him, his voice purring into his ears.

“Still moping over the death of your stupid godfather, Potter?” He smirked as he noticed the anger that grew like a wild fire in absent eyes. “I bet he died with the most pain they could enforce. My father told me that they tortured him before they preformed the Imperius Curse on him.” Harry’s breathing had grown heavier and a tear made its way out of his eye.

“What’s wrong, Potter? Shall I give you the details on the torture?” Harry looked up and at that moment, Draco knew what he had done. The burning flames hadn’t dispersed, but grown to a multitude that would scare even a Dementor. Draco continued his smirk, though fear was now rousing within his blood stream. I have to control the situation, he thought quickly.

Harry was suddenly pulled into a deserted room and pushed against the wall. Malfoy sneered at him, pushing Harry’s arms above his head. “What will you do now, Potter?” Harry growled low in his throat, but was sudden kicked in the stomach. Malfoy barked a laugh and positioned himself between the slightly spread thighs.

“I am going to make you wish you had died with him, Potter.” Harry felt a painful bite to his throat, yelping slightly from the pain. Blood slowly dribbled down the pale surface, pooling and running along the collarbone beneath his robes. Malfoy immediately threw him to the ground, making sure Harry knocked his head on the way to the floor. “My father would be glad to see you in such a compromising situation, Potter.”

Harry felt the tears stream down his face, but he did not fight back, his attempts ceased with the thought of Sirius dying in pain. He felt dizzy and nauseous at the same time. He was jerked back into reality when an equally naked body covered his. He felt the hard erection placed between the crevice of his arse and whimpered from the sensation.

Harry felt his world rush in and out of consciousness. The pain was too much for him, causing him to faint and reawaken when the pain jerked at every end of his body. Alarms were sent through his system, causing cries of pain and tears that streamed from stubborn Gryffindor eyes. Blood pooled on the floor, naked and without loss. Harry was faltering when he saw the presence over him.

Draco groaned at his final release, pushing a great thrust into Harry, before pulling out, exhausted. He cleaned the mess as quickly as he could and rushed from the area without another word. Harry could barely remember how he had gotten himself into this situation. His best friend’s boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, had succeeded in being the first to rape Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived.

~*~

Author’s Notes: I know this is a very angst chapter, but I am glad with the turn out. The next chapter should be out soon.