You Can Call Me Severus

~
Sometimes it's good to get things out even if you'll have to pay a price afterwards. It's another morning and once again I'm preparing his breakfast and his coffee just as black and just as bitter as my husband. But this time he watches me from the doorway. I try not to pay attention or not to be too terrified as I continue. I hope he can't see the way my hands shake. Though who am I fooling? He knows me too well. And he never misses anything just for the sick pleasure of tormenting me later on. As soon as everything is ready I turn to face him. I debate for milliseconds with myself which better way to greet him and decide that a kiss on the cheek and a simple 'good-morning, sir' I mean Severus will do. So that's what I do. I walk up to him and kiss him on the cheek.
"Good morning, sir." Damn. He smirks. I almost scowl. No I indeed scowled. His smirk grew bigger and nastier. Does he plot which better way to punish me? Well let him think while he eats. Maybe food will improve his mood. "Severus, your breakfast is ready."
"Yes, I can see that." as he walks to the table he takes me by my waist and places me on his lap. I don't get it. Why does he always do that? Does it help his digestion or shinghing? I put my head on his shoulder as his hand slides up and down my back. I shiver and then I start trailing kisses along the side of his neck and face that are exposed to me. I must have a death wish. I never initiated anything before but for some reason I can't stop myself now as I lick a path along his jaw-line taking along a corner of his lips. He doesn't seem to mind though as his hands find their way under my robes. I am sick. Positively. I am sick to be that affectionate with this man. I am sick to fall in love with the man who has no qualms whatsoever to hit or hex or hurt or humiliate me simply because I exist. I won't be surprised to find myself the next moment unceremoniously discarded on the floor watching asleavleaves as if nothingk plk place. Oh well…on the brighter side of things I am still sitting on his lap. I might be sick but in reality what is so wrong about loving your own husband and initiate whatever I wish? His breakfast is now forgotten as he starts paying more attention to my lips and my neck. If we follow the scenario soon enough we will find ourselves on the kitchen table once again and that is not such a good idea because in 10-15 minutes Shahinaze will come downstairs to have her breakfast and I don't want her to get used to this picture. I guess my husband is thinking along the same lines because he stands up and carries me, he actually carries me upstairs to our bedroom.

~

"You can invite your friends tomorrow, if you wish."
This is the first thing he says to me afterwards. So that was it? All I had to do to get my way was to initiate sex? Well, if I only knew…
"As to your job…"
I hold reatreath.
"I've been thinking and decided if there is nothing to occupy you besides taking care of Shahinaze (wow! That's the first time he addressed her by her name and not 'our daughter') you are more than welcome to help me in my potion's laboratory. I do believe you know where it is."
Yuck! It's absolutely disgusting! Only my husband could come up with something as vile as this for me to do. Oh I know where his lab all right. Damp stinky because of all those potions dungeon. I hate him.
"Of course, sir."
"No arguments?" he smirks. He has the audacity to smirk when he knows perfectly well that I can't refuse.
"What do you want me to say, sir?" I mumble. The less he hears the best for me. "You won't change your mind even if I don't like your idea."
"Well if you're talking about working for Lucius no I don't think I will change my mind. Besides I want you to be in as much proximity to me as possible. I want you to be by my side. I wouldn't like to lose the track of what you're doing. So you can throw all other working possibilities out of your mind. You are going to work with me and that is final."
"Yes, sir and thank you sir."
"You are most welcome."
What a b…

~

It's not that bad after all. I met Ron and Hermione. They started talking about getting a divorce. They said that I can do it. That enough time had passed and I can ask for a divorce and my wish will most probably be granted. But I don't want to divorce Severus. They looked at me as if I was nuts. When I told them that I like my life now their worst fears were confirmed. But does Severus want a divorce? Would he divorce me if he found someone else? For all I know he had someone else all these years. What better time to ask all these questions than present while I'm working on this volatile potion. He surely wouldn't dare to make anything drastic. He's been working on this potion for three months and he won't do anything to botch it at its final stage.
"Severus?"
"What is it?"
Go, Harry, go.
"Would you divorce me if you found someone else?"
"What are you talking about?"
In a matter of seconds he stands behind me. His hands are slowly circling my waist and his breathing is caressing my neck.
"I-I mean that technically we don't have to stay married. So you can divorce me if you want." I think my voice is shaking. I think he kisses my neck.
"Do you want a divorce, Harry?" he purrs into my ear making me shiver. Shit! I need to stir the damn potion.
"N-no, sir."
"You don't?"
"No."
"And why not? I would think that was your dream to get rid of me."
"Maybe, but what am I supposed to do without you? You on the other hand don't need me…"
"You might find yourself wrong here, Harry. I do need you."
"You need me? But why? What if you found someone you liked? Someone you would like to spend the rest of your life with? You don't need me."
"I might meet someone but that doesn't mean that this someone would meet all my standards. Besides I am quite satisfied with you."
"But is it enough? Don't you want to meet someone who would love you?"
He chuckles. I've never heard him do that before.
"But here it once again comes back to you. For all you went through at my hands somehow inexplicably and totally unnaturally made you fall in love with me, didn't it? You love me Harry and you know it."
"Yes, sir, I do love you but you don't love me."
It feels nice being held like that by him for a long time. Tenderly and gently and if I thought that a word affectionately could be applied to him I would use it.
"Well, here you might be wrong as well."
"Excuse me?"
"You see Harry no one ever made we want to hate and to love at the same time but you. The only sight of you makes me want to hurt and to humiliate you before I would make love to you till you can hardly walk. I simply adore leaving bruises on your skin. I like to see you in pain. You look beautiful like that. I like to see you humiliated. But I also like to see you bold. You might think that I don't see it or that it doesn't exist anymore but there is always that reckless brave fire in your eyes when I make you suffer that I love to watch. And it makes me want to hurt you more just to see that fire burning me through. It is always there. In your eyes. It doesn't sparkle and go away no it burns all the while. You never did get broken after all. No matter what I made you go through. Besides you carried and give birth to my child. I might not show it and don't think I will after admitting it but I really like watching Shahinaze and you cuddled up together by the fire. I like to watch as you teach her some silly muggle stuff. I like the way you brought her up all polite and dignified and proud. All in all I don't think that I need anyone else but you. And it's a good thing that you are not thinking about divorce because you would never get it from me." with that he smacked me on the ass and walked away to work on another potion of his.
I stand still. Absolutely gobsmacked. Was it a sort of love confession Snape-style or something? Does ean ean that the beatings will continue? Does it mean that he has no intentions of leaving me? Maybe we can compromise?
"Severus?"
"Yes."
"Maybe you can find another way to see that fire in my eyes besides beatings and hexing? Less painful maybe?"
"I'll think about it."

~

Three years later find me in his arms my head resting on his shoulder as he is reading some stupid potions journal and Shahinaze is playing with a small black kitten by the fire. After the conversation I mentioned before I wasn't allowed to see Ron and Hermione ever since. Severus said they had bad influence on me. I still work in his laboratory. He doesn't beat me anymore. Though it took some time to get away from this addiction of his. Now though I have an addition to my last name. The black kitten we found today par park where I finally managed to convince him to take Shahi and me. It took me a couple of uncomfortable and rather painful positions but it was worth it we are going to come here every week. His hand is peacefully resting around my waist. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and…loved. Shahinaze watches us and smiles like an angel. That is until the kitten scratches her knee and she starts running around the room after him with a wild look on her face accompanied by a very loud roar. Severus looks at her, tightens his grip around me, sighs and goes back to reading. It is my turn to smirk. I wonder what House she will be sorted into.

THAT'S IT.

Thanks for reading my story and for your wonderful reviews. It kind of helps to go on. It was supposed to be a one-shot but you were so nice that I decided to continue. Thank you all once again. Me