An Inspired Idea

Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling owns everything, I don\'t. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 3 - What\'s Wrong With Those Two


\"If you don\'t do something about your little friend, than I will!\"

Harry and Ron had been minding their own business, enjoying a relaxing lunch when they were interrupted by a very angry Slytherin. Standing proudly before them, the irate student had made sure everyone was looking at him -- the Slytherin sex god. Harry Potter may have struck the final blow against Voldemort, but he was the real chosen one and he wasn\'t about to let anyone forget that.

\"Hello Draco,\" Harry drawled, \"and how nice it is to see you too.\" Even though the Death Eaters lost the war, and his father ended up in Azaban, Draco Malfoy was still under the misconception that he was the grand wizard of Hogwarts. Sure he had his mild moments of humility -- like when he turned against Voldemort just before the final battle -- but when he didn\'t get his way he still turned into a bleating whinger.

But due to Draco\'s change of heart and the assistance he gave when it really mattered, Harry had graciously put aside his differences with the other boy and welcomed him into the fold. It was a rocky road to be sure, but things were progressing in a positive direction... usually.

\"Enough of the niceties Potter,\" Draco snapped back. \"Granger has gone too far -- and you have to put a stop to it.\"

The two Gryffindors would have loved to have feigned innocence as to the cause of the ferret boy\'s anger, but it actually wasn\'t the first report they had received. Apparently, after deciding that the Professors weren\'t assigning enough homework, their industrious friend had convinced them to add more. Not only had she negotiated a 5-foot scroll on the merits of the Animagi registry for Advanced Transfiguration, but they also had to do a comparative essay on the effects of inbreeding for Magic Through the Ages, using the European royal community and the pureblood wizarding world as examples.

The fallout had been substantial, and needless to say it had not been an easy day for the friends of Hermione Granger.

\"Draco, I know she\'s been a bit high strung lately-\" Harry had meant to placate his former rival, but he was interrupted long before the effects took hold. Ron had noticed Hermione\'s entrance into the room and was busy making slashing gestures across his neck. Harry wasn\'t sure if that meant for them to cease their conversation or that his voracious appetite had finally choked him mute. He was prepared to concede the former while secretly wishing for the latter.

\"She\'s impossible this time every year,\" Draco retorted, and wine fne final glance at his quickly approaching adversary he hissed out his final warning. \"She has to be stopped. If you aren\'t man enough to handle her, then I\'ll find someone who is.\"

Hermione reached the table just in time to see the Slytherin drama queen spin on his heel and stalk away. \"What\'s up with him?\" From the way he was acting, she was sure it was some female problem. Sighing inwardly, she lamented his lot in life. It was going to be quite a blow to his ego when he finally figured out he was gay. Some men didn\'t handle that well, and she suspected he might be one of them.

Opening a book and digging into her intellectual lunch, Hermione was oblivious to her two friends and their volleying gestures.

She always seemed to get moody around the middle of February, and it wasn\'t until recently that they realized why. They had both come to the conclusion that she had never gotten over the apparent \"crush\" she hard fod for each of them, and was in a constant state of heartbreak when Valentine\'s Day rolled around. It was almost enough to make them sorry that they were so attractive to members of the opposite sex... almost.

They knew that their friend needed a distraction, preferably something that would alleviate her pent up frustrations over school. It was clear what would fill the void -- a man -- and for their sake he couldn\'t come soon enough. Although they knew what had to be done, neither was prepared to offer the ultimate sacrifice. They were friends after all -- basically family -- and it just didn\'t seem right. They just didn\'t understand why she didn\'t see that.

Before they were rudely interrupted that had been discussing who might be convinced to take on such a monumental responsibility, but their efforts had fallen short. The prospects at the school were rather slim, so they had decided to take her into town and see she sparked the interest of anyone there. After all, everyone at school knew about her use of the time turner and they were well aware that she was now older than everyone else by a year or so. That was rather intimidating to most of the \"boys\" at school.

When the final glance had been cast, it appeared as though Ron had lost the volley. Gathering up his courage he plowed forward with his usual tact. \"Hermione, we- and by we I mean just Harry and I,\" he said quickly. \"Well, we were thinking about your prospects.\"

Looking up warily she had a bad feeling about the start of this conversation. \"What prospects would that be Ron?\"

Thinking that nothing was worth the wrath of Hermione Granger, he quickly abandoned his earlier thoughts of including her in on their search, and decided to use straight deception instead. \"Yes the... prospect of you joining us tomorrow at Hogsmeade. It\'s been so long since we\'ve had lunch together at the Hog\'s Head.\" It did after all offer a much older crowd than the Three Broomsticks.

\"Ewww... Ron, I\'m not eating there. There are always bugs circling the food.\" She was disgusted at the thought. Honestly, he would eat anything.

Aggravated more at Harry\'s lack of assistance than her comments he retorted, \"Well, bugs are protein.\"

\"So is sperm, but I don\'t give blow jobs for breakfast.\" She looked at their shocked expressions with a bit of exasperation. Sure, it was ok for them to talk about sex, bet het her mention it one time and they look at her like she\'s Voldemort reincarnated.

After a moment to compose himself, Ron considered her comment and said, \"Well, maybe you should try it. You might get more dates that way.\"

\"Might? I Might get more dates that way?\" This was bad. If the assurance of fellatio wasn\'t enough to ee hee her a date then things were worse than she thought. She saw proof that Umbridge got all she could handle, and yet she couldn\'t even get a date with the promise of a blow job. Her anger swelled again and she thought of the plans that she and Snape had made. They were moving along nicely, and come Valentine\'s Day they would all pay.

In the meantime, she decided to recapture a bit of their earlier shock and pushed forward an in-depth discussion on the act of giving head. She had read enough books on the subject that she could describe the finer points like a pro, and was determined that by the end of lunch she would have them squirming in their seats. There was no reason that her payback shouldn\'t start a bit early.

On the other side of the room only Professors McGonagall and Hootch noticed the Potions Master as he beat a hasty retreat from the Head Table. Returning to an earlier abandoned conversation, the two teachers discussed possible dates for their brooding friend. They were determined that this year he would not be alone on Valentine\'s Day.

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A/N: Sorry to all for the long wait, but it became clear that I needed this chapter to set up the next one, so I\'ve been writing a bit out of order. I know this was light on the sabotage aspect of the story, but there was more to the challenge and I\'m itching to get it all in there!! (Do you all know what\'s coming next chapter?)

Thanks to all that have read and reviewed -- definitely an incentive to write more quickly. To all that commented on Umbridge I can sympathize. I had to close my eyes when I wrote that part, but she was screaming for some action and couldn\'t pass it up ;-) Last but not least -- a big thanks to NegativeNine for her beta work!! I\'ve been overloading her with chapters lately and she\'s been very kind to fit me into her busy schedule -- You are the best!!