Bound in Leather

well, here we are once again. sorry this has taken me so long. my brain has been mush as RL has been such a bitch. but we're soon done. there are only a few chapters left. hold on to your hats. its going to be something of a wild ride. i hope. anyhow.... you know the drill. so not mine. i'm only borrowing. i'll give them back when done, though i can't say for how long. everything other than the few measely characters i've created are owned by jo rowling and i wouldn't dare try to upstage her brilliance. she makes all the money, not me, so please don't sue me. i have nothing.

sorry, kiddies. no smut in this one. but there should be plenty of smut in the next. promise.

also, if you find you like, please leave me a little review. it helps to feed my ego. it isn't necessary though. just helpful to poor, deprived, starving artists like me *bats eyelashes enticingly*

Chapter Twenty Eight: The Horror Of It All
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The Great Hall was teeming with students and staff alike. The noise of conversation was overwhelming. Gossip still rolled through the throng of children and young adults like a slow moving thunderstorm. It had been this way for over a week, ever since Dumbledore had announced a special end of term surprise. The knowledge of that surprise and what it might be had been on the minds and lips of nearly everyone who inhabited the large castle. Al hung to the back of the room, hiding in the vastness of the crowd, merely waiting with everyone else to find out what the end of year surprise was. She, like everyone else, was curious as to what the Headmaster had planned for them. She'd heard from more than one of the staff that he had a tendency to be quite sneaky when the need arose.

The large, cavernous room had been cleared of tables. Candles flickered from their places along the wall, as well as overhead, to cast soft, golden hued light out over the entire student body as it milled around in the vast open space of the floor. The walls between the windows were hung with alternating panels of black, green and silver material. The banners that normally hung from the ceiling were gone, replaced with a deep, fathomless blackness that did make the room seem larger than it was. Teachers stood around amidst the children, both overseeing them and waiting for the big, secret, surprise event. She caught sight of Professor Dumbledore, dressed for the occasion in bright blue robes and a matching hat that sat slightly askew on top of his head, as he moved through the crush of the crowd toward the back end of the room.

The dias where the staff's tables usually sat was covered by a large set of curtains that seemed to writhe and shift. She hadn't gotten close enough to see what the curtains were made of. From where she was, she thought perhaps it was something akin to snakes. The candle light shone off the large mass as if it was glinting off thousands of scales. She didn't dare get any closer, because to do so would draw attention to herself and all she wanted was for the night to end. She could return to her rooms in peace. She wouldn't have come at all, but the Headmaster had insisted that she attend the function. 'After all,' he'd told her with an ominous twinkle in his eye. 'You're a member of the staff and this is for the staff as much as its for the students. I'll send Neville to collect you around seven. That should give you time to freshen up and get ready.'

Al had had no idea what she was supposed to be getting ready for. Her mind was caught in a loop. All she could think of was the peace that would come when there were no longer any students in the castle. The children would leave tomorrow and, a few days later, the staff would return to their respective homes for the summer. She was certainly looking forward to the break. The tension of trying to appear as if the continued gossip didn't bother her was taking its toll on her already frazzled nerves. She needed respite from the tedium. There'd been so much on her mind of late that she was ready to drop even now and it was only a scant few moments after eight.

It had been several long weeks since she'd had her encounter with Neville down by the lake. She spent most of her time alone in her rooms. She did join the staff for dinners, but the rest of her time not spent behind her desk in the newly added room to Dumbledore's office was spent in her private rooms. She'd dedicated much of that time carefully going through her thoughts and feelings, cataloguing each and every one of them. It had been a long and exhausting undertaking, because she'd stopped and cried more than once during the process, but she felt she'd given all of her attention to each detail fully and had finally come to the right decisions in respect to each of the major areas of her thoughts.

The first thing she'd come up with was that she still loved Severus. She always would. No matter what happened in the future and no matter what had passed between the two of them in the past, her love for him was as strong now as it ever had been. Nothing would ever change that. While the knowledge thrilled her, she was also saddened because she knew she'd never be able to tell him that. She honestly couldn't recall if she'd had the chance to mention it to him before. She didn't think she had and she wished now that she could. But he thought her to be little more than a whore and she doubted she'd ever see him again.

That thought had brought her mind back to Neville's proposal. Neville was everything that Severus wasn't. Kind, charming and shy, Neville was the kind of person any woman would be lucky to have. He was a handsome young man and she'd seen a humorous side to him on occasion, though he tended to appear serious when working. He was the kind of man who would be good to her and would treat her with respect. He would love her and cherish her. It wasn't such a bad proposition and yet she found that her heart wouldn't even consider the idea. Her head would, but her heart was against it completely. That traitorous organ had already been given to someone else and there was no way she could ever think to replace him with someone else.

She knew she should be happy that someone wanted her. And she could do far worse than Neville. But she simply couldn't find the courage to answer him. One way or the other. That wasn't fair to him. He'd given her plenty of time to think things over. He'd been a constant presence in her life, letting her know he was there without actually pressuring her into making her decision. He seemed genuine about how he felt for her. But she just wasn't able to give him an answer. She sighed. She could give him an answer, but it wouldn't be the one he wanted to hear. It was the second part of her life about which she'd come to a conclusion. Much as she didn't want to hurt Neville, she needed to tell him that she couldn't marry him. She just didn't know when. Or how.

She knew that there was little time left. Everyone would be leaving soon. As would she. She'd wondered what she'd do at the end of the term, now that she was staying. Neville, along with Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore had talked her out of going back to the States. The Headmaster had been very unhappy to know she'd been thinking of it and had asked her very directly what he was to do the next year without her there to keep him in order.

They'd all been so kind to her that she'd suddenly realized she was considering being a schmuck by thinking of leaving. That had finally decided her on staying, because she did like what she was doing. Despite the students and their wagging tongues. It had been Madam Pomfrey who had finally come up with a solution to her dilema. It helped to solve the worry of where she was going to go when the staff vacated the school for the summer holidays. And it had taken care of the final part of her life that she'd been concentrating on. What she wanted to do and where she would go.

Al was going to spend her summer with Professor McGonagall. The older woman had seemingly assumed a motherly position in Al's life and had more than happily agreed to Poppy's idea of having her spend the summer at Minerva's cottage on the shore. Al had been most appreciative of her enthusiasm to the idea. She was quite looking forward to the change of scenery. As much as she liked being at the castle, she was tired of feeling like she was hiding here. Which was what she was doing. She'd done a fine job of blocking her mother and Remus from her life, afraid to see them for fear of what they'd say about her. And about Severus. She knew now, having had time to think on it, that she owed them both an apology. She just didn't think she was up to facing that yet, because it also meant facing her own problems.

Silence fell as the Headmaster stepped up onto one of the steps fronting the dias. He had his hands lifted so that everyone would give him their undivided attention. When everything was silent, he smiled. "Welcome, everyone, to our end of term event. I know you are are very anxious to find out what kind of surprise you have in store for you. A bit more patience and everything will be out in the open. I can guarantee that you'll enjoy it very much."

A murmur went up as the gathered throng tried to unravel the mystery surrounding what was about to happen. Once more, Dumbledore held up his hands to silence the crowd. When it was quiet again, he went on. "As you all know, Hogwarts has produced some of the finest minds and talents of our world. There isn't a soul here who doesn't know the story of Harry Potter. While his story is large and deserves to be made public, he isn't the only student to graduate here and move on to bigger and better things. The founders of this school were the first members of our society to become important to our way of life. Your History of Magic books are loaded with many fine Witches and Wizards who have done a great service to our community."

The murmuring started up again for a few moments before Dumbledore once more motioned it to silence. "There is one individual who graduated these hallowed halls some years ago who deserves to be listed in those books. Most likely, he will not because many people do not see him in the same light as they do people like Harry Potter. But make no mistake, he is a hero. Many of you know the name. Some will know the face. Some only know the reputation."

The way the Headmaster spoke gave Al a very bad feeling about what was going to happen. She pressed further back into the shadows, wondering why she suddenly felt as though she were caught in a trap from which there was no escape. "For tonight, and tonight only, I have managed to secure for your entertainment one of the premiere muscial bands in the world. Not just our's, but the entire world. Their singer is one of our own. A former student and teacher of Hogwarts, I am glad to have him here with his group. Please, students and staff alike, give a warm welcome to Severus Snape and Sweet Pain."

The candles all went out at that very instant and strong lights came up over the dias at the other end of the room. The suspect curtains were gone, replaced with five men in all black. All but one seemed awed to be where they were. Deek's drums were green, the paint catching the light and sparkling as if it had been dipped in diamond dust. Black marbled veins ran through the green, little forks of ominous evil that split up the unity of the twinkling emerald. Jesse, Fallon and Turlough all sported instruments painted in the same manner, the guitars and bass reflecting the light even though they weren't moving. Al's breath caught in her throat.

Severus stood center stage, his hands wrapped around a microphone that still rested in its stand. He wore leather trousers so tight as to almost be indecent. She knew he'd always worn leather on stage, and it was always almost so tight that anyone could tell just how well endowed he was. But this pair bordered on being obscene. He wore a sheer, stretchy top that clung to his torso like a second skin, giving her a perfect view of his taut belly and firm pecs. Over top of that, hanging agape, was a frock coat of black silk that shimmered in the light that poured over him. His hair was unbraided and hanging around his body like a cloak of rippling ink. He was simply standing there, staring out over the crowd with a scowl on his face, a sense of pent up energy swirling around him. It made Al think of a black panther in a cage, biding its time until it could escape.

The room around her was in an uproar as students screamed and yelled. It was obvious to her that, even here, the band was highly popular. As if it were a single entity, the crowd swelled and surged forward toward the stage. Al thought for a moment that they would storm it, but they were stopped short as if by some invisible barrier. A loud, thumping beat started on the drums. It was taken up and echoed by the bass, then the guitars joined in and music pulsed over the crowd. Al, along with the others, was swept up in the tidal wave of sound as it crashed over them.

~*~*~*~*~

Severus stared out over the crowd as the music throbbed and jumped around him. Even over the loudness of the amplified notes, he could hear them screaming madly. He was struck with the image of mindless sheep once again and his anger swelled at the idea that even those here in his world were not immune to the lure of music and the magic it possessed. He allowed that rage to pour out in each syllable that passed his lips, in each word he uttered. It was not lost to him that in a few short months he'd once more be back in the castle, teaching the idiotic, mindless masses that now writhed and danced before him as if possessed. His loathing and hatred climbed. They would be there to see him fall so low after reaching such lofty heights. It was almost more than he could bear.

He still didn't know why he'd agreed to this ridiculous notion of Dumbledore's. All he could think was he'd temporarily lost his sanity when saying yes. That was all there was to explain his lunacy. He had to admit, though, that he'd hoped for a moment or two alone with Headmaster to ask after Alasdair. So far, the old man hadn't been co-operating with him on that count at all. Typical of the old goat. No doubt Albus was hiding in the shadows at that very moment, laughing at Severus for his inability to find just what it was he'd been missing in his life.

There was something mildly perverse about him standing on the makeshift stage that had been erected over one end of the Great Hall. It was where he'd once sat as a staff member. Even more ironic was that students who'd loathed and reviled him stood before him and screamed their rotten little hearts out as if he were some ancient pagan god they sought favor with. They were begging him for more. They were nothing more than fucking sheep and he planned on giving them exactly what they deserved. His voice dropped to a low, caressing pitch as he sang the words to their first song of the night. The crowd before him went wild.

He'd learned, over the course of their touring, that one crowd was much like the rest. Some were louder than others but, on a general whole, they all tended to be alike. When he'd first joined the band, there had been an air of anticipation about him. After having read the Vampire Chronicles and then having seen the movies based on the books, he'd thought that being a musician in a band would be an exciting and rewarding thing for him to do. And, at first, it had been. The attention from the females who came to see the group as they played small club venues, first in the UK and then in the US, had been drawn to him as if he were possessed of a magical charm that had made him irresistable.

Severus had reveled in that feeling of ultimate desire and superiority that he'd never before had. Only when it had come to matter of the mind and potions had he been able to outshine anyone else. Even then, little attention had been paid him. He'd thought, foolishly, back then that he'd been missing something of great importance and magnitude. Now, having spent so much time giving his all, night after night before crowd after crowd, did he realize that he'd been seeking something that he couldn't find in such a mundane and simple manner. The greatness he thought was due him, that he deserved, was more important when it came from genuine emotion. Only a handful of people in his life had ever gifted him with such a rare and special gift. Albus Dumbledore had been the first. Alasdair Wyndham had been the last.

The pulsing beat of the drums throbbed in his body, his system keyed to the rhythm of their music almost without trying. This night would be their best. It was, in some ways, a pity that it was their last. As a group, the five of them were far more in tune with one another than many of the other bands that they had shared stages with over the past few years. He was, in fact, quite proud of how well they worked together as a single entity. He would miss that when he returned to teaching. He knew, though, that the band would be alright without him. They would go on to bigger and better things. They didn't need him so much as he needed them. The thought gave him pause and he was glad to know that his mind was on automatic pilot, as the words continued to pour from his mouth while the part of his brain not dedicated to the music went over the discovery he'd just made.

For the first time in his life, Severus felt he had good, solid friends that he would always be able to count on. He really didn't want to give them and the band up, as they had become terribly important in his mind. Both as a group and as individuals. Perhaps there was a way he could keep that in his life, even while he fulfilled his obligations to Dumbledore as the most hated teacher at Hogwarts. He would have to give this notion a great deal of consideration over the course of the next few months. The idea now a firm one in his head, he put it aside for a moment and gave himself over to the flow of the music, the roar of the crowd and the feel of adrenalin as it pumped through his veins.

~*~*~*~*~

"I got my head but my head is unraveling
can't keep control can't keep track of where its traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
and you're the only one that's understood"

Al frowned and watched Severus as he stood in one place, his hands clasped around the microphone as if it were a lifeline. His eyes were closed, his face as relaxed as she'd seen it all night. She knew the words were to her, for her, about her. There was such raw emotion hiding in the tone of his voice and the lyrics of the song he sang that she wanted to weep. The thing she didn't understand was why he'd chosen this particular song to play. She'd always thought that "The Perfect Drug" was something of a psychotic love song, told from the point of view of a person who was falling for someone, even though they didn't want to. That it was about an addiction that they couldn't and didn't want to beat.

Severus hated her. He'd told her so himself all those weeks ago on the stairs of the Quidditch tower. Right after he'd ruthlessly fucked her.

"I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but your wrenching, dragging, shaking me
turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you, the more I die."

'Excuse me,' a hand settled on her shoulder at the same time the words were practically shouted into her ear. Al jumped and turned, her eyes going wide to find herself staring into a face she knew but didn't recognize. The young man smirked and motioned to the doors on her right. She nodded the moment she understood what his gesture meant and dutifully followed behind him to the large double doors that would take them both out into the near silent hallway. Once the doors swung shut after them, the loud, pounding music faded into a muffled thumping. The young man turned to look at her and she found herself looking into a younger version of a face that she loathed. The blonde saw her expression and grinned at her mirthfully. 'Ah yes. I forgot that you've had the displeasure of meeting my father. My name is Draco. I'm Lucius' only son and heir. And trust me when I say I'm nothing like him.'

'Pardon me for asking, but what are you doing here?' she blurted out, still in mild shock at the similarities between the person she was staring at and the man who'd sired him.

'Snape's return to Hogwarts and the Wizarding World is a big deal. Dumbledore sent out invitations to nearly all Hogwarts alumni. Frankly, I was a bit shocked to hear he'd done something so mundane as to become a musician. He never struck me as the artistic type. Tempermental and easily angered, yes. But not artistic. I had to come see for myself. Trust me when I say I'm surprised that he's as good as he is."

'He's very good,' she nodded, making note of a pair of fifth year female students hurrying for the double doors. They took a moment to stop and stare at Alasdair, their eyes going to Draco in an almost knowing and jealous manner. Al was surprised when he leveled a glare on the two of them that brought embarrassed blushes to their cheeks and a look to their faces that spoke of shock and humiliation. They slipped into the Great Hall, the few moments they had the door open allowing music to flood out and wrap itself around Al. She could hear Severus' voice crooning into the microphone and she felt a flush of heat flood her body.

'Oh, no doubt. He's definitely very good at what he does,' Draco drawled, his gray eyes going over her with what she thought was an appraising glance. Then he sighed and shook his head. 'He's also a bloody fool.'

'A fool? What do you mean?' she asked, curiosity getting the better of her. She didn't think he was a fool, but she supposed that Draco knew Severus better than she did. 'I've never thought of him as a fool.'

'If he's determined to give up love because of what my idiot, asinine father told him,' Draco pinned her with his cloudy gaze, a knowing look in them that she was afraid to interpret. 'Then he's the biggest bloody fool I know.'

'Love?' she whispered, feeling hope flare to life in her heart. She tried to quash it, but found she was only partially successful.

'I have known Professor Snape for well over ten years. In all those years, I have never once seen him threaten my father. Until a short time ago,' Draco informed her, brushing over-long blonde bangs back from his face. 'I believe, had I not been standing there, Snape would have hexed my father's testicles from his body in as painful and disgusting a manner as he could. There is now a very deep sense of animosity between the two of them.'

'Your father was...' she began, only to have her companion cut her off with an abrupt motion of his hand. She fell silent at the exceedingly arrogant look on Draco's face, though the smile he gave her was far from matching that look. His smile was chagrinned and apologetic.

'My father is a consumate horse's arse,' Draco told her with a pained smirk that had her believing he knew better than anyone just who and what his father was. She thought she saw regret in his eyes, but the look was gone almost as quickly as it had come and she was left to wonder. 'He's buggered up every single good thing in his life and, because that wasn't enough, has decided to do the same to other people. I can't tell you why he picked Professor Snape other than to say that its always driven my father mad to know that Snape could get away with going his own way. This little foray of his into the Muggle and musical world was, I think, the last straw for Father.'

'Your father treated me like I was cheap and common,' Al pointed out softly, the pain of his words rising up to coil around her once more.

'You, my dear, are far from cheap and common. Professor Snape simply does not do cheap and common,' Draco informed her, his hands reaching out to take possession of one of hers. She watched as he lifted the extremity he held up to his mouth and dropped a gentle kiss onto the back of it. 'And intelligent, I suspect. Don't take his words to heart and let my father ruin the most wonderful thing to ever happen to the one man who deserves it most. You don't know me at all, but believe me when I say Professor Snape loves you.'

'But he said that I was nothing to him,' she whispered, her gaze moving to the closed doors, behind which the music the band was playing thumped loudly.

'Alasdair, believe me when I say that he loves you. I saw it with my own two eyes. Give him the chance he deserves to prove it to you,' the young man said softly. There was something in his face that tugged at her heart and told her that he was speaking the truth to her. There must have been some hesitation on her face, because he pushed on. 'Please? He deserves to find his own happiness. And I strongly suspect you are it.'

Before Al could say anything to him, Draco moved away to the doors. They opened, allowing a tidal wave of rhythm driven music to wash out over her. She watched as he slipped in and melted into the crowd. The doors swung closed slowly, the music tapering off from a flood of pulsing bass and grinding guitars to a trickle of sound and then to nothing at all. She stood alone in the hallway and merely stared at the doors.

~*~*~*~*~

Severus watched the crowd as they swelled forward slightly. Their eyes were bright with excitement and enjoyment. Some of the boys in the crowd had shucked their shirts along with the band, so strips of flesh mixed with the predominantly black garbed crowd. Several of the girls were wearing very low cut tops that blatantly exposed the upper swells of their breasts and the lacy cups of their bras. It was both heartening and disheartening to know that the girls here within the confines of Hogwarts were the same as those of the Muggle world who stood before him and his band and screamed for their attention.

A low, pounding bass line started behind him, the speed slow and almost sensual. After a few bars, the drums and guitar joined in, leaving his voice as the only thing left that was required to finish the song. Soone enough, the point where the words started in arrived and he drew the mic to him as if it were a long time lover, his movements slow and measured. His eyes closed and he practically made love to the microphone he held as he sang.

"It was long ago
seems like yesterday
saw you standing in the rain
then I heard you say."

The song was older than many of the children who attended the school and he doubted that many of those on staff had ever heard it before. It was a safe choice for him to express feelings that he couldn't express any other way. No one had ever accused Severus of having such paltry and human things as emotions, of actually being human. There were those who thought that he was descended from demons or vampires. He supposed there was a certain amount of truth behind their reasons fro thinking such things. Even as a child, he'd been less than open about what he felt and who he felt it for. But things had changed in the past year. Alasdair had happened to him.

"I want to love but it comes out wrong
I want to live, but I don't belong
I close my eyes and see
Blood and Roses."

The song wasn't about her. It was about him. Those were words he could never say. Not in public. Not in front of other people. Part of him wondered if, given the chance, he'd be able to say such things to Alasdair. Something told him he would, but he wasn't sure he'd ever see her again. He had no clue where to find her. Every attempt he'd made to pry the information from Remus had been met with a stone wall and a stony stare. Even Aletha had blatantly told him to take a long walk off a short pier. While the colloquialism was nothing he was familiar with, the sentiment and meaning of it were perfectly clear. Neither one of them were going to tell him where to find Alasdair.

That left only Albus and the old man was harder to pin down than a writhing worm on a display board. He was beginning to think that the lot of them were conspiring against him, as if they wanted to keep him away from Alasdair. He knew for a fact that she was still in Britian somewhere. He'd returned to her home in Minnesota and found it had been sold. Someone else now lived in it. He'd gone to the diner and found Brenda still working there. The woman hadn't seen her younger friend in some time and had honestly been worried about her. Severus had assured her that he would relay her feelings to Al when next he saw her.

He wasn't entirely certain what he'd say to Alasdair when he saw her again. And he planned on seeing her again. He didn't intend to simply let her get away without his trying to explain things to her. If she chose then to shove him from her life, he'd abide by her wishes. But he felt he should try and make it right. Somewhere along the way, he'd grown accustomed to having Alasdair beside him. Her absence was like a knife to his heart, twisting and turning and driving deeper every moment he couldn't simply reach out and touch her. He'd never realized before just how lonely and empty his life had been until she'd wiggled her way into his blackened heart.

And now, without her there with him, he was once more lonely. He missed her more than he could have ever imagined doing so. More than he'd ever missed anyone in his life. He needed Alasdair and he knew now that there was nothing that would stop his looking for her. Even though he had no clue as to what he'd say, he still had to find her. If only he could discover a clue as to her where-abouts.

Severus was going to find the old man after the show and speak with him. Even if he had to put a binding curse on Dumbledore and pour Veratiserum down his throat to do so, he would have his answers. And then he would put his energies into finding Alasdair.

After that... he would have to wing it as best he could.

~*~*~*~*~

The bass and guitar throbbed together as the music pulsed around her. Al was lost in a storm of memory and emotion, her body on sensory overload. Somehow, she knew that every song that had come out of Severus' mouth was directed at her, even if it hadn't been written that way. She didn't know why he was doing such a thing. He'd told her he hated her. Given the cold tone he'd used as he'd said such things, she could do nothing but believe him. So why did it seem like everything that slipped past his lips meant for her?

Her talk with Draco had given Al quite a bit to consider. Somehow, she didn't think that the young man would have sought her out unless he'd had good reason. As much as he reminded her of his father, she somehow got from Draco a feeling of honesty that his father had never had and never would. She also suspected that Draco knew Severus more than just about anyone else she'd met, with exception of the Headmaster. So she thought she should trust in what he'd told her. If Draco was to be believed, though....

...That meant Severus still loved her.

A thick, painful shaft of hope speared through her and left her breathless. Al stared up at the stage, where Severus stood. He had the mic cradled between his hands as if it were a cherished lover. His face was as open as she'd ever seen it, his eyes closed as he sang. And there was an air of... peace about him that she couldn't recall ever having seen. As if some great burden had been lifted off his shoulders. She wondered what it was and what it meant. The thoughts in her mind were cut off as his words spilled out into the empty space above the crowd's head.

"I see hell in your eyes
Taken in by surprise
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside."

She had been swaying with the music, but stopped when the words washed over her. Her eyes, large and luminous, full of what she felt, were locked on Severus' figure as he crooned the words into the mic. She wasn't sure how she knew, but she knew that this was more personal than any of the other songs that he'd sung so far. It wasn't just about her and for her. It was also about him and for him. A small smile curled the corners of her lips up, twin tear drops rolling down her cheeks as she realized what he was trying to say.

She'd come into his life and given him something that no one else had ever been able to give him. A reason. Joy burst forth within her breast like a rose blooming under the loving, warm touch of the sun. He wasn't actually saying it, but she knew that this was his way of telling the world that he loved her. He loved her. The tears flowed faster and she knew, at that moment, that she had to go to him after the concert was over. She had to go to him and she had to tell him she loved him.

"I've slept so long without you
Its tearing me apart too
How'd it get so far?
Playing games with this old heart

I've killed a million petty souls
But I couldn't kill you.

I've slept so long without you."

Al couldn't believe what she was hearing. She stood there, staring up at the stage, at Severus as he sang to the crowd. To her. She'd had many long talks with both Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall about him. They'd both told her that Severus was very closed and tight when it came to his feelings. He didn't dare show much by way of emotion. This was as close as he would ever get to a public display. It didn't matter that none of the people present would know that he was proclaiming his love for her in song. It didn't matter that he more than likely didn't know that she could hear it. That she knew what he was saying and feeling. It didn't even matter that the words weren't what one would call romantic or gentle. All that mattered was that he was willingly proclaiming his love for her.

She was glad she was half hidden behind a pillar that had been erected in the hall to provide atmosphere for the concert.Tears coursed down her face unheeded as she allowed Severus' words of love to wash over her, carried to her on the throbbing pulse of the music the band was playing around him. Her arms were wrapped tightly around herself, her hands clutching at her elbows. She was sure she looked a mess and she wanted nothing more than for the concert to be over. She was going to do something she'd never given consideration to doing before. She was going to sneak backstage.

She turned to make her way to the door and came to a startled halt. Neville stood there, staring at her with a slightly sad look in his eyes. Al sighed and realized that she had to deal with Neville and his proposal before she could go to Severus and tell him how she felt. For a long moment, the two of them simply looked at one another. When Al finally opened her mouth to speak, Neville gave her a reluctant smile and held his hand up. 'Don't say a word, Alasdair. I think I already have your answer,' he said gently.

'I'm sorry, Neville. I didn't mean to...' she began. His reply was to simply turn her around so that she once more faced the stage, Severus lined up perfectly in her sights.

'Its more than obvious to me that you love him. The kind of love that nothing will ever be able to touch. Its there on your face, in the way you watch him. I know I don't stand a chance. The lucky bastard doesn't deserve someone as good as you. Still,' Neville's voice was thoughtful as he stared up at the man who had been his Potions professor. 'Snape does deserve some kind of happiness after all he sacrificed before and during the war. He'd better be good to you, though. If he isn't, I'll be sure to properly brew a potion that will most certainly show him the grievous error of his ways.'

Al turned to search his face so that she could gauge how serious he was. While much of his pained expression hadn't changed, there was something in his eyes that told her he was very serious about what he'd said. She offered him a smile, hoping it might help take some of the sting out of the situation. 'I really am sorry, Neville. The last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt you. You've been a good friend to me while I was here. You don't deserve this.'

'There's nothing to apologize for, Alasdair. I care about you and I would have happily married you,' he told her softly. She gave him a watery smile, blinking back the tears that came to her eyes. She didn't deserve someone as wonderful as Neville.

'You deserve someone so much better than me,' she told him. 'You deserve someone who'll love you unconditionally. And I know someday you'll find her.'

Neville opened his mouth to make reply, but he was cut off before he could utter a word. Professor McGonagall was suddenly standing by the two of them, a rather pained expression on her face. She glanced at Neville with what Al guessed was a typical, stern look that she'd given a million times before. It was obviously something Neville was used to and understood completely, because he nodded and left the two of them without saying another word. Al looked up at the older woman and frowned. 'Professor?'

'You need to come with me, Alasdair. The Headmaster needs to speak to you,' Minerva told her in a voice that sounded strained. It was that tone that made Al nod her head and follow after the normally stern and unflappable woman. They made their way with some difficulty to the door, the hall packed with students and others curious to see the former Potions Master in his present element. The purposeful and hurried way Minerva shoved her way through the unrelenting crowd was all Al needed to know it was something very serious.

The doors closed behind them and the sudden silence was nearly deafening. The only sound to accompany them on their way to where ever they were going was the clatter of heeled shoes on the stone floor and the swish of cloth as their legs carried them away from the Great Hall and Severus. Al barely noted the way the paintings whispered and pointed as they passed. A few wore looks of sympathy that she only slightly acknowledged. It wasn't until they were in the hall that would bring them to the feet of the gargoyle guarding the stairs up to the Headmaster's office that Al realized just how serious it had to be.

The statue slid away and revealed the stairs. Minerva silently urged Al up onto the first one and gave her a weak smile of reassurance. The stairs twisted into motion and carried her away from the face of one of her closest friends. Minerva watched her go with sad eyes and Al couldn't help but suddenly fear what was awaiting her at the head of the stairs.

The door to Dumbledore's office hung open in expectation of her arrival and Al hesitated to step through the door. The Headmaster was seated behind his desk, a solemn expression on his face. 'You wanted to see me, sir?' she enquired as she stepped through the doorway. The wooden panel swung shut behind her, affording them complete privacy. Albus made a singular motion to one of the chairs placed on this side of his desk, indicating she should sit down. Her knees suddenly felt weak and she sank almost too rapidly into the chair.

'Alasdair,' the older man sighed, his voice sounding so sad that she almost burst into tears then and there. Something terrible was about to happen. Her fingers found the arms of the chair and she curled them, her nails sinking into the fabric beneath them. Albus cleared his throat and glanced to his left. It wasn't until then that she realized there was someone else in the room with them. Al turned and looked, startled to find Remus slumped into the other chair.

He looked thinner than she remembered, almost as if he were hollowing from the inside out. There were great circles under his eyes that bespoke of sleepless nights while a shadow of facial hair colored his chin. His clothes looked unkempt and ruffled and she wondered if he'd slept in them. When his eyes met hers, they were full of such deep sorrow that she wanted to get up and leave the room. 'Alasdair, I'm sorry but...' he began. She cut him off.

'Don't say it. Don't you dare tell me that she's gone!' she whispered. She couldn't bear it if her mother had died and she hadn't made an attempt to repair the rift between them. Remus shook his head and she felt her world falling away from her. 'What happened?' she demanded.

'She isn't dead, Al,' Remus replied, tears choking his voice. 'But she's very ill.'

'How ill?' Al looked at him, pain ripping at her just to see how much this hurt him. And she'd been so uncharitable when she'd discovered his secret. She'd hurt both him and his mother with her inability to understand. He'd always been a good friend to her and an ally in the battle to make Severus understand that he needed her. And she'd repaid him with mistrust and hateful accusations.

'I don't know. For the past week, she's been bed-ridden and I thought maybe she had a cold or something innocuous like that. But I finally had to give in and take her to see the staff at St. Mungo's. She's there now and the Medi-Wizard assigned to her case is doing his very best to find out what's wrong with her. He hasn't said, but he doesn't think its good.'

'Take me to her. Now,' she ordered hoarsely, her throat tight with fear and unshed tears. She watched as Remus glanced to Albus a moment, as if asking permission. Then he looked back and stood, nodding his head. Al stood and staggered, her head spinning in a scary way. Remus was there in a moment to wrap an arm around her securely.

'We'll go by Apparition. You have to hold tight to me, though,' he told her softly, managing a faint smile for her. She nodded and slipped her arms around his waist, holding on to him as if her life depended upon it. He glanced at the Headmaster once more. 'Just this one time, Albus. Please?'

'Of course, Remus. As you wish,' he nodded. Al didn't know what Remus was asking for. She would have questioned him about it but the question was shoved from her mind as she felt an odd sensation fill her and the world simply swam out of view.

~*~*~*~*~

The gargoyle was smirking at him. Severus would swear it. Granted, it was a stone statue. But he'd always felt that the damned thing had more to it than the simple task of guarding the stairs and looking menacing with its stony face. It seemed to be waiting for something from him and he finally realized that the damned thing wasn't going to open without the password. 'Open the bloody hell up. I have no time for this childish behavior,' he snapped at it impatiently. 'The Headmaster wishes to see me and that should be good enough for the likes of you.'

There was a moment where he swore the damned thing was pouting and considering his demand, then it moved aside and revealed the stairs to him. He gave a sneer to the carved face, then stepped up onto the stairs and rode them to the top. The door hung open for him and Severus simply walked in to find Albus seated behind his desk, his hand moving fluidly over a stack of parchments as the quill he grasped scratched out an uneven rhythm on the smooth surface. 'Good evening, Severus. Do have a seat,' he said, his face never lifting from his task. 'I'll be with you in a moment or two. Must get this report to the governors finished. You know what a fuss they'll make if I don't get it done before the end of term.'

'It is the end of term, Albus,' Severus pointed out nastily, feeling a touch smug. Albus said nothing, simply kept writing. The two of them fell into silence, the only noise to be heard the nib of the older man's quill moving across the paper. Severus took the moment to itemize the things he needed to do. Most importantly was finding Alasdair and apologizing to her for being a consummate horse's arse. The next, though no less important task, was shagging her so senseless that she'd merely nod her head in acquiensence when he asked her to marry him. His priorities seemed to be a bit fuzzy after that, those two being the only ones that immediately leapt to mind as needing to be done.

Finally, Albus settled the quill into its holder and sat back in his chair. The very first thing that Severus noticed was that the old man seemed somewhat distracted. It appeared that there was sorrow clouding those normally maniacally twinkling blue eyes. If Severus knew anything about the Headmaster, and he knew far more than he had ever wanted to know, there was something troubling Albus. He opened his mouth to question him, but was stopped as Dumbledore stood and moved around the desk.

'I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for accepting my request, Severus. The potions course has been very much lacking since you left us. Your return will once more put us at the head of the other schools,' Albus began, his voice older and more tired than Severus could ever recall it being. Before he could open his mouth to say anything in reply, Dumbledore pressed on. 'I would like to thank you as a friend, as well. We've missed you since you've been gone. It'll be good to have you home.'

'Since every other area of my life has failed, I see no reason not to come back,' he drawled. The words held no heated emotions, though. They were merely words, an automatic reaction. Albus smiled at him sympathetically.

'Nothing in your life is a complete failure until you're dead, my boy. Remember that,' Albus pointed out with a chuckle. Severus managed a slight quirk of one corner of his mouth in response.

'Your reasons for summoning me, Headmaster?' Severus prompted finally when the silence had stretched between them for some time. It had been with some surprise that Neville had greated Severus in the room that they'd been given to use as a dressing room after the concert. Even more surprising was the way young Longbottom had greeted him. Almost as if he were threatening Severus in some way. A laughable idea, as he knew that Longbottom was incompetent. But it did make him wonder just what had climbed up Neville's backside and died. But nothing other than the message of an asked for meeting between employer and employee had been mentioned by either of them. And then Neville had gone, leaving Severus to consider what had just happened.

'Ah yes,' he nodded. 'I'm sure you've not forgotten, but I thought I'd take a moment to remind you because of your lengthy absence. The year's plans for your classes are due the week before the students return. A full list of every item needed for the supplies cupboard is due at such time, as well. I expect you to take a full inventory of all the supplies there and report to me what will be needed so that I can work the budget. Also, before we send out letters, I'll need any new text books that you plan on adding to the cirriculum. The files of all students who are already in attendance and will be returning with the next term will be sent to you so that you may familiarize yourself with abilities and problems. You know, the same thing that happens every year.'

'Of course, Headmaster. Is there anything else?' Severus asked, completely bored by the meeting. There had been some small part of him that had hoped, if some what irrationally, that Albus had called him to the office to discuss Alasdair. He was loathe to admit his disappointment that they weren't going to talk about her at all.

'No, my dear boy. Nothing other than welcome back. I can rest easy, knowing that the students are in such capable hands.'

'Your confidence is thoroughly underwhelming,' Severus snarled, some small amount of his old fire making an appearance. Albus grinned at him.

'Of course, you'll have your old rooms back in the dungeons,' Albus added, his eyes holding the faintest bit of a twinkle in them.

'I trust Longbottom has not blown my classroom out of the dungeons?' Severus arched a brow, clearly telling the Headmaster what his opinion on Neville's abilities were. At this, the older man grinned and motioned to the door.

'Get along with you. I have business to take care of before the students leave in the morning. And I'm sure you have things you must sort out as well.'

Severus frowned, recognizing the dismissal for what it was. Even if he managed to ask any questions about Alasdair, it was unlikely Albus would answer them. He sighed and stood, moving for the still open door. He was almost out into the new, outer office, when the Headmaster's voice halted him. 'Severus? There is one thing,' Albus called after him.

Severus stopped and turned, lifting an eyebrow in silent invitation. The Headmaster grinned and looked him over from head to toe. A knowing twinkle finally filled the old man's eyes. 'Wonderful trousers, my boy! I shall have to get myself a pair,' he commented. 'Where ever did you get them?'

Severus' eyes were still wide with shock, and the inability to see anything but Albus parading his old, wrinkled ass about Hogwarts in a pair of low slung leather trousers, when he finally joined the rest of his band for the post-gig party. He immediately scooped up a glass of the strongest drink he could find and tried to drown the obscene image from his brain.

How in the hell was he supposed to return to Hogwarts and teach with that image forever burning in his brain?

end chapter twenty eight.
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first and foremost, thanks go out to all my good good friends and the cast and crew of the wenches. they all know who they are and they keep me going. they have faith when i don't, the silly heads. and to my sweet kitty Cat and onyx, too. for so many more reasons than i can name here. i love you all very much. *huggles*

many thanks go to those of you who keep reading. it means alot. you can't know how much. again, if you like this. please leave a review. we authors really do like to know what you think.

the songs used in here are naturally none of my own creation. i shamelessly borrowed them from other sources. i am making no money from them. i only picked them for the content and because i enjoy them so much. they are as follows.

"Perfect Drug" by Nine Inch Nails, copyright 1997(or somewhere in that vicinity)
"Blood and Roses" by the Smithereens, copyright 1988 (i think. if you remember this song... woo!)
and
"Slept so Long" written by Jonathan Davis of Korn and also Richard Gibbs, from The Queen of the Damned Soundtrack, copyright 2002

and finally....

to sheedy: nope. Neville didn't stand a chance. but it was something that i had to do. to let Al know that she was fine where she was. hope this chapter is as good as the last.

to l'etje: thanks. i hope you like this one, though they didn't get to talk and make up. but they're on their way! promise.

to kodiak: thanks. i'm glad you've been enjoying it. i've loved writing this one, because its such an interesting thing to do to Severus.

to star: does this answer that demand? did you doubt her love for Severus? hope you like this one as much as the last.