The Sins Of A Father

Chapter Twenty-Five: No Remorse







It was in the middle of August. And everything had gone as usual as one can expect due to the circumstances of my upbeat life.



Since that confession with Harry we had made love that night, of course I had to sneak away in the middle of the night once my Lily had fallen into a blissful sleep. I had felt bad, I had very much but I just wanted to feel him in my arms once again. Feeling like a love struck teenager, defying its parents to be with the person they love.



But gradually, with each passing day it had gotten better. Less sinful you could say, though I did feel like I should be shot for doing these unspeakable things with my son. Lily’s son.



Every time I made love to Harry, all I could think of was my petal. And every time I made love to Lily-which I still did- I kept on thinking about my Raven. And every time I fucked-notice that I did not say made love- Lucius I just wanted to be sick afterwards.



Oh do not get me wrong, I still felt guilt running through my veins but I could-or rather did not- want to stop this. I loved them so much that I wanted to see them happy, to smile, to laugh, to be safe in my arms! Was it that wrong to do so? Yes I was cheating on both of them, but each one I had a different reason as to why I had to do it, but linking at it to the same conclusion; I was doing it to protect the ones I love.



After all, that was my duty as a husband and father was it not?



Of course, it just had to get worse and worse.



It was still mid morning, around eleven o’clock. My beautiful petal had not felt well that morning, running into the bathroom throwing up every content she had for dinner. She had no temperature, just slightly flushed skin but being the worrying Husband that I was, I told her firmly to stay in and not go to work. She of course protested but one small glare she gave up by settling into the blankets.



Before giving her one last kiss I went to get ready for me to go to work, but since I was running a little late to one of my appointments I had forgotten a few files and my mobile. I did not need it for my first appointment, but I did need it during the day so that was why I was heading back home.



“Severus!” Well, I did not say alone, unfortunately.



I turned around to notice a man that I had wanted to avoid at all possible given moment, but alas I did sign my fate to this particular person. “Lucius” I said in a polite tone, after all, what else could I do?



“Severus” He placed his hand upon my shoulder, giving a slight squeeze which made me purse my lips in annoyance. “Ah, I do certainly hope that you are not to busy right now?”



I raised my eyebrow. “Well, yes, I was going to get some paperwork that I have left at home for a client. So I need to go and collect them quickly”



Now it was his eyebrow, which rose, though he doubted my answer. “Quickly? What time do you have to give the files Severus?” His fingers began to slightly play at the ends of my hair. He stared into my eyes, daring me to lie.



For a few seconds I was thinking whether or not to take my chances, testing my luck with this man. And I was about to lie, but knowing him he would soon find out in someway or another, most probably through my Uncle. “Around in the afternoon…”



He brightened up, looking side to side making sure no one was watching- which the corridor was empty- and began to lean forward to place his lips onto mine. Just a touch of skin-which I was grateful- and no tongue. “Excellent my dear Severus, then I assist that you come with me. I need to collect a rather special item for my lovely Narcissa, and it would be rather pleasant to spend some time with you”



I just stared into his silvery eyes. What else could I do? I had no choice but to do what he says, but I at least would fight a little. Perhaps if he cared for me as much as he said he did, maybe I could play with his heartstrings to my advantage. So rather then being a bastard, I would play as a lover towards him.



After all, it was part of a plan that my mind was brewing up. Soon, it will be I who would hold all the little pieces of a chest game. Check.



I lifted his hand, which was still playing with my hair and placed a gentle kiss upon his fingertips. Trying my hardest to not give anything away but complete adoration on my features. “Of course Lucius “I purred out his name. “But after we collect this item, may I go home to collect the files? I wish to see how my wife was doing, since she was rather ill” I saw Lucius about to protest but I quickly gave a chaste kiss which he had done a few moments ago. Looking deep into his eyes and keeping my voice low not at all letting his hand go. “But after that, which would not take more than five minutes I assure you, we could go to a nice hotel for a private meeting of ours” Looking straight into his gaze with my own. Not letting his hand go, but rather giving a gentle squeeze of reassurance. I had noticed that his facial features had softened every so slightly, but enough for me to secretly jump in triumph. Perfect.



“Why the sudden change Severus?” He breathed out.



Another kiss that I bestowed upon his lips. “Perhaps I am finally seeing things your way my love…” I tried my utmost best not to choke on the last word.



A little suspicion had risen in the depths of his silvery thread like gaze. “Oh really? Is that so? Why now?”



I looked left to right, making sure no one was going to interrupt us. Or rather interrupt my plan. Seeing that it was safe as one can be, I wrapped my free arm around his narrow waist, burrowing my face into his pale rose scented neck. Brushing my lips back and forth to nuzzle so his doubts could linger no more. “I was in denial, afraid even Lucius. I want you and only you” I moved up smoothly so I could whisper into his ear. “I need you Lucius. I want you Lucius. To love you, to cherish you, to make love to you!” I whispered huskily, placing both my hands upon his bottom giving a gentle yet a very firm squeeze. While pulling him flushed against me. “Please Lucius, I need you…let me love you like the way you want me to. Like the way I need to!”



His reply was a low throaty groan and loosing his balance. Gripping him tighter I hold all of his weight so he could feel the strength coming back into his knees. I could not help but to smirk, knowing his face was buried under my chin.



“Mr Malfoy? Are you alright?” I turned to look at a man who worked in my Uncle’s company.



“He will be fine, he’s just down under the weather. Nothing but a good breath of fresh air would help, come along Lucius. I would rather hate for you to be ill now” He stood up, rather weekly in my opinion, and started to walk in the direction of the exit with my arm still around his waist.



“Of course, nothing like a good breath of fresh air…” He mumbled. I grinned, though not for the same reason that Lucius was thinking then.



When we have left the jewellery store, we had entered back into my car to drive to our next location; my home.



It truly did make me sick to my stomach of acting the beloved lover towards a man who I despise with all my heart. Though, it was still not enough for me to actually do anything about it, well besides the plan I was working.



In a way, I for the first time since that fateful trip to Japan, truly felt sorry for Lucius. He must have cared for me, even it was in a strange psychotic way. But never the less, he loved me in his own way. He was doing what he thought best, doing what he need to do in order to achieve his goal; me.



I hate to admit this - and believe me when I say I do - we had something in common. We both felt what it was right when it came to loving someone. I am quite sure you know what my reasons were.



And I felt it was strangely ironic with the situation when it came to Black.



Once we arrived on the drive-thru at my home - placing a lingering kiss on the blonde man - I told him to wait a few moments until I got back. Shutting the car door, I calmly walked to the door, opening it and walked in quietly. Remembering that I had left my belongings at the kitchen table, I walked towards the said room. Briefly wondering if I should visit Lily first, but decided to get my belongings first.



Of course I wish I had not, but then again, I’m glad that I chose to. For when I was walking closer and closer to the kitchen, I could hear the slight muffled words from within the room, which it’s door was tightly shut. Feeling confused as to who my wife was talking to knowing that both Harry and Jimmy was out with the nanny I stopped dead in my tracks, listing to the few words I could catch with my hand hovering above the door handle.



“…You can’t do this…”



“…Need you…”



“….Always did…”



“…Him! He took you…”



“…Me a chance! I love you…”



“…I love you too but…”



Hearing upon the last word I felt rage boil in my veins, getting worse and worse by the second when I heard nothing else come from within the room. I let my hovering hand drop onto the handle and turn to open the door wide.



I did not just see red in my eyes, no, I saw hell its self.



And there she stood, the women I had first loved, was in the arms of a man who I loathed as much as I have never loathed anyone else before. Kissing, with his disgusting hands wrapped around my wife’s slim waist whilst hers was up against his chest.



As soon as I coughed, Sirius had released Lily both flushing terribly, just as red as my rage. But when I was really angered I become deathly calm. And poor Lily, she knew me all too well. “Don’t mind me, I came to collect a few items I had forgotten.” I went to the counter to tuck my mobile into my pocket; briefly flickering through the files to see everything was in order. Though I was not at all paying attention to the paperwork. Quickly glancing up I quirked an eyebrow. “Oh please, do not stop on my accord…”



“Severus I…I wasn’t…it didn’t mean…Please I-”



“It seems Lily that you-ah- in short of words. Perhaps you can not feel your tongue at the moment?” I once again calmly spoken, but I did feel the slight twitch of my hands when Black- the man who I wanted to kill more than anything at that moment- had spoken.



“Don’t talk to her like that you bastard!”



I ignored it - which it was a surprise in itself- since I could not leave my eyes from Lily’s form. Of course I was angered. I wanted nothing better to do than smash Black’s disgusting face into the counter repeatedly…



…But who was I really to judge this? I was not exactly the innocent victim in this relationship, but it did not stop the fact that I was hurt by her actions. All that was running through my mind like some school children’s song was ‘What goes around comes around’ repeatedly ringing in my ear.



My mouth twitched ironically into a small smile; I deserved this. And I did not deserve the beautiful women. The women that I had – do - care about what my little black heart could give. She did deserve so much more than me…



I turned to face Black. I sneered.



But he was not the one who did. He had always wanted Lily all to him self. He was just a jealous little bastard who wanted to ruin anything that I love. The so few things that I cherish so much, after all, I was doing all this to make them happy. Everything I was doing was in some way to make my family happy.



And he had no fucking right to this. No fucking right to act like a husband to my wife. No fucking right to act like a father to my own two children.



And has no fucking right to take them away from me. “What makes you think that you have any right at all in this?” I once again calmly spoke, but you could feel the razor end of my speech. Walking towards him menacingly – slowly - using my full body weight and height to intimidate him further more.



His face had hardened and he also straightened up, silently accepting my challenge. “Me? I have all the right now Snape…” He grinned when he saw my eyes narrow, and my jaw clenched. Perhaps also he could see the dull pale red highlighting my face in anger. “Especially when I put my ring on Lily’s finger and when your children starts calling me dad-”



I could not handle it anymore. My hatred and rage had taken over my system to the point that I would black out by it. I could feel nothing, not even when he retaliated at my attack. I could not hear nothing, not even the screams and protests that my petal was saying towards us. I could barely see, the blurring image of my fist repeatedly smashing into the man’s red bloody face.



It felt like time had stopped. That the world itself had stopped spinning on its axis. And that I was seemingly being pulled by something and being pushed into my car in the passengers seat and driven off.



I was nothing…



With out my Lily.



“What the fuck has gotten into you Severus?”



My adrenaline rush had soon eased down, but my anger sat there firmly in my veins. Still only seeing the permanent image of my petal kissing another man burned into my mind. A man who I despise even more than the one who was driving my car.



I clenched my crimson red, black and blue bruised fist. Thinking why she had done that. Why she had done that to me. How long had this been going on…etc…



Etc.



Did she love him more…?



Did she ever love me?



“Severus? Answer me!”



I looked down at my fist, which I slowly uncurled it. Staring for an unknown time. I soon to began to slowly feel the after effects, nut only enough to feel the dull throbbing beat my blood was pumping into my hand.



“Damn it! Severus-”



“Where are we going Lucius?” I quietly spoke. Still looking at the blood trickling down from my knuckle.



After a few seconds-most probably from the change of subject- he replied a little more calmly. “My flat Severus. I’ve got a flat around here, which I use to be alone…I think we need the privacy from it rather than a Hotel. Something tells me we most probably need it upon seeing that display!” He lost his calm at the end. And it made me wonder-most probably due to being rather quiet- I could hear a little fear in his voice.



My lips twitched at this being ironically humorous. How pathetic. The person who I care for did not care for me. And the person who cares for me did not get his feelings return. I laughed sardonically. “Is that fear I hear Lucius? Be careful, you might start to care”



“I must have cared enough to pull you out there before you killed him! Do you think I want you go to prison for this?”



I looked through the window. “Who…gives…a…flying.” I laughed again. “Fuck?” I turned my face towards the blonde. “I most certainly do not”



He breathed out harshly due to frustration. At that time I could of not cared any less of what would be happening to me. As far as I knew, I would of happily gone to prison knowing that I had blood on my hands for all the right reasons.



When we stopped we had halted at a rather normal looking middle class row of flats. He had surprised me a little since I knew Malfoy loved to own anything lavish and expensive. But seeing the flat that was set where the clothing warehouses was just a few minutes walk away, it made me curious. So I quirked an eyebrow and voiced my question. “A bit bland for you, don’t you think?”



Despite the hidden insult he chuckled a little. “Oh Severus, you should know by now that there is nothing bland about me” I felt his hand resting on my arm, his voice spoken softly. “I just merely wish some privacy. Come, we need to sort out your…wounds. I do not want them to get infected”



I silently hoped that Sirius’s face had gotten infected.



Once that I had stepped into the flat I was a little taken back. It was elegant yet warm and simple. I was expecting it to be cold, distant and most surely unwelcoming.



I was lead to a sofa and pushed down to sit, while Lucius went away. When he had came back he sat next to me which I had noticed him to be placing a first aid kit onto the coffee table along with a wet cloth. He took my arm, unbuttoning the cuff of my shirt and rolled it up to my elbow. Expecting it thoroughly yet surprisingly gentle - not the fake gentle he had shown in the airplane - he looked as if he had - or does - care about me to be actually concerned.



How truly ironic indeed. I once again felt sorry for him. Enough to pity his heart. Since at that time I knew how it felt that its feelings was not at all returned.



“Bloody hell Severus, I’m surprised that you can move your fingers at all” He muttered.



I smirked. “I wonder how Sirius’s face feels…”



“So that’s his name? But yes, I have to agree, he did get the worst end of the deal I must say” He was gently wiping off my dried up and fresh blood.



I huffed. “I wish I could of done more to that little piece of shit” My jaw clench, feeling the anger all to willingly to rise once again. During that year I had noticed I was becoming rather accustomed to it.



Sensing it, Lucius let me calm down by my self - smart man - and once he had finished cleaning my hand he began to reach for the first aid after a few long moments. Rummaging through he spoke. “So tell me Severus, why did I find you pummelling that man into a pulp?”



“I was bored” I sneered.



He of course ignored it. “Had he done something to you Severus to offend you?”



I let out a harsh bark of laughter. “Only by existing Malfoy”



He paused abruptly, but soon to bring out a bottle and a few cotton wools. “I told you not to call me that Severus…” Now I heard the faint flicker of hurt from his tone. And for some reason- some mentally insane absurd reason - I stopped being a little less sarcastic towards him. Well at that moment anyway.



I pursed my lips. I leaned back to rest my head against the sofa, staring at the ceiling while feeling the sting by the liquid antibiotics being dabbed into my cuts. “How did you get into the house?” I groaned, feeling the pain ease away ever so slightly.



“Your wife let me in…”



I growled, clenching my wounded hand into a fist seeing the all to painful memory of my wife in the arms of another…



“Severus, calm down before it gets worse!” I felt a dull slap onto my arm as a reminder. Which I took into account, feeling the fresh cuts reopening again. Once I had taken in a few deep breaths he continued. “It seems that this little situation has something to do with her I presume?”



I grunted. “You could say that”



Dabbing the cotton wool away on to my wounds he spoke softly. “So tell me, what has happened? I thought you was going to check on her since she was ill-”



I again let out a harsh hate filled laugh. “But imagine my surprise that she was suddenly hail and healthy!”



He let go of my hand and started to wrap up my hand with badinages. “And that had angered you?”



I glared towards him. “No!” I barked out. “It’s the fact that wanker of a man was there!”



He quirked his eyebrow guessingly. “Was he a brother of hers?”



I growled in frustration. Ripping my hand away from his grasp I stood up and started to pace back and forth next to the fireplace. “NO! Just fucking leave it Lucius! I just want to forget-”



“No, you will not!” I looked over to him to notice that now my answers were flustering him. ”You will stop running around in circles and tell me what’s fucking going on here!” Now he stood, the first aid tossed on the carpet. “You could get arrested if that man reports you-”



“And why do you fucking care!? In matter of a fact why do I fucking care!? Because, Lucius, I fucking don’t!”



“Well I do!”



I paused. My rage and frustration was now mixed with slight shock. It was at that precise moment that made me wonder about Lucius true intentions. Or perhaps it made me wonder that he was-all this time- speaking the truth and his feelings. “Why?” I said more calmly, but still had the edge of me losing my temper again.



“Because I just walked in, seeing the man I love more than anything, beating someone to death! Believe it or not Severus, I love you! And I do not want you to go to jail on attempted murder you fucking arsehole!” I stood still, the slight shock was becoming more apparent. “I just want you to tell me what’s happened ok? I want to help you Severus!” He was saying with desperation in his voice. “I just want you to…” He sat down in exhaustion. “To…trust me alright?”



Upon seeing him bending down, his face in his hands, I realised that he was speaking the truth. That he did love me in his own way. And that he wanted to be with me. I looked away in slight guilt. And I just wanted him to suffer for it. And I wanted Lily to feel the pain also as I had felt for walking in on her.



I looked back at him. Yes I felt sorry for him, but no, I did not care for him. Perhaps that if he was not married and I was not, just perhaps that we could have been together. Perhaps I could of felt something for him. But I knew then that I did not feel anything towards him but hate…



He of course did not need to know that. And I of course just needed to play out this whole chest game till the end.



So I began to mix the truth and twist it a little to add a few lies. I went to sit next to him and spoken calmly. I had to calm down, in fact; I needed to calm down. “I’m sorry Lucius” I placed my uninjured hand onto the far side of his face to gently stroke it soothingly. “I’m so sorry to let my anger be released onto you. I do not want to upset you in anyway…” I place my lips onto his platinum golden hair. Whispering silkily against it. “I just feel…betrayed”



Well, of course that was a truth. Well the betrayed part that is. He slowly looked up, placing his hand onto mine that was still on his cheek. “How come Severus?” Whispering just as softly as I had. Not wanting to disturb the silence any further.



I let my gaze fall to the ground. “How do you feel about your wife Lucius? What do you expect from her?”



“What do you mean?”



“I mean, do you…expect loyalty?” I went to look at his silvery eyes. Seeing a little understanding lurking beyond the mist.



“Yes of course”



“Well, I expect mine to be truthful to me and only me…”



“Is that part of the reason why you was in a fight?”



“Yes! She lied to me and was unfaithful! I came to my own home to check on her, only that I came in to find her in the arms of another!” I took hold of his hand tightly.



“Do you care about her?” The understanding was turning into suspicion.



I now placed my injured hand onto the other side of his hand, which I was still holding. “Lucius you must understand that I love you, but would you not be also angered if you find your wife kissing some other man in your own home?” I desperately said.



His suspicion was lowered, now slight confusion taking its place. “Well, yes I would be-”



“And would you take your anger on the man who dared to take them away right under your nose? Would you let him do that?”



He bit his lip thoughtfully. “Well yes, I would. She is mine, and she should be the wife to stay faithful to her husband. She could tarnish the name….” Another reason to hate him. He only cared about himself-well anything to do with his fortune- and treat his own wife a property. I dare to think what he does to his own son.



Then again, would he do the things that I do to Harry? Tip toeing to his room in the middle of the night? Slipping under the covers, waking him with gentle butterfly kisses onto his face and neck? Tracing and touching something that should not ever be touched by a father?



“That is exactly it Lucius!” I smiled hopeful. “And she was being unfaithful to me, while I go to work! I took her in and treated her own son as my own! And that man! Black! All these years he was trying to take anything that I have! Knowing him, he will make Lily divorce me and take away my children and tarnish my name and fortune!” I kissed his lips quickly. My voice shaking with fake hope. “I could not let that happen my love” I wanted to choke on the that last word. “How would it look for my Uncle? I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes! I’m his only heir, and I can not ruin anything for him!” I let my uninjured hand take hold of his face firmly. “That man, he know of this and want to ruin me! I cannot let that happen! I have to be perfect!”



His eyes now were completely filled with understanding, slowly nodding in agreement. It took every ounce of my control to not let anything giveaway my true intentions and sneer distastefully at the blonde. “Do you see now my dear Lucius…” I purred his last name. “He must be gone-”



“I can get rid of him for you my love.” He placed his lips onto mine, gently kissing me while I done the same. After all, I had to. He broke away slowly. “Anything for you Severus, I love you so much…”



I smiled, and it was the first real smile I gave to Malfoy. But my words were fake. “I love you too”



And at that precise moment when I fucked Lucius during that night, for the very first time with the silver eyed blond I had not regretted anything. I felt nothing but the joy of seeing Black suffer.



And I had felt no remorse to my darling wife.