The Taming of the Shrew - Wizard Style - COMPLETE

__________________________________________________


12-4-09 F

NOTE TO ALL: This AFF site has just told authors that we may use only a minimal (or no) amount of space to answer reviews with our chapters. They want us to move our longer responses to the FORUM section. I investigated the FORUM and discovered it is not easy to find without a URL, but even then it is clumsy to use. On top of that, I think you all have to sign up separately to see that section. See it for yourself: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php?showforum=416

The breadcrumb for it is:

➢AFF Community Forums > Fan Fiction > Fandom Specific (NON Anime) > Harry Potter > Het-Male/Female

THEREFORE – I am moving my responses to my LiveJournal – the same place you go for the pics for each chapter. That will be simpler for you to find and read at the same time you view the pics. I’ll give the URL at the end of each chapter just like I do now, except all my responses will now be there, too. As I do now with the pics, I’ll leave all my chapter responses OPEN for anyone to read. I don’t believe you need an LJ account to read my journal. I started out reading others’ without signing up, so I know it’s possible.

WATCH OUT – I will have all my responses and the pics there, but they will be under what LJ calls a “cut,” meaning you go there and then click on a hot link to open up all the info. Very simple to do, clicking on a single link, then everything will open up for you. Questions? Email me at LaBibliographe@yahoo.com -- sorry about the problem with AFF.

Ribald Humor ahead -

__________________________________________________


This is an upfront WARNING to all you who do not wish to read slash (i.e., M/M). This chapter is not necessary to the story, so if you skip it you will not miss anything important to the plot or the plan. It’s purely for entertainment and amusement, having a large humorous element to lighten things up at this juncture. The main story will resume next Friday.


~~~~~~~~


Chapter Twenty-Six

Old Times


Lunch the following day in the Snapes’ seldom-used dining room was nearly a silent meal until Snape suddenly got a weird look on his face as the bratwurst in sauerkraut appeared on the table.

Lucius saw Snape’s face contort and read it correctly, “Care to share the joke?” His ego was bruised and he saw affronts to him in every minor look or action.

Snape glanced at Narcissa, then back at Lucius, “Oh, what the hell. I saw the brats and sauerkraut and, I don’t know why, but it reminded me of that Death Eater orgy that Voldemort threw all those years ago. You’ve always wondered where he got the potion that blew away all our inhibitions. It was one of mine. You were right. It was created to use on Muggles for learning their secrets, but he used it for quite another purpose – as you know.”

Lucius looked scandalized, “Severus!” He nodded toward Narcissa as a warning. “No need to -”

Narcissa tittered, “Oh, I’ve known about that evening since it happened.” That earned her a highly amusing view of an unusual shade of red decorating Lucius’ pale face. Whether it was due to embarrassment or rage, Narcissa was unclear, but she didn’t have to care about Lucius’ rages any more and so jubilantly offered to fill in more details.

“You don’t think my sister, Bella, kept that to herself, do you? I had all the particulars within twenty-four hours. She was especially graphic about the two of you.” Narcissa grinned, “ ‘The only two who knew all the holes to put it in, and how to put it in all the holes’, I believe were her words. Fancy that!”

“Did you know that Narcissa knew?” Lucius challenged Snape, chagrined.

“I found out when I entered her mind to be certain she loved me,” Snape said. “The memory was second-hand but it was suspiciously clear and right on the surface as though it was taken out and remembered quite often,” he raised a duplicitous eyebrow at his wife.

Now it was Narcissa’s turn to blush. “Severus!”

Lucius glared at Narcissa, “You never said a word to me. I’ve been bothered by that for years.” He stabbed one of the bratwursts with his fork and began sawing it into pieces as though it belonged to one of the long ago Death Eaters.

Severus intervened, “She never said a lot of things to you, Lucius, just as you never said a lot of things to her. That was one of them. If you had talked to her, you would have found out she knew years ago.” He didn’t add that he’d related a few of the funnier Death Eater escapades to Narcissa himself. Then he chortled, surprising Lucius out of his funk at the unusual sound, “Remember Goyle’s arse? It was a veritable thicket down there. I wasn’t sure he even had a hole and it took several swigs of the punch for me to brave that forest. He was worse than Fenrir. Ugh.”

Lucius’ mouth quirked upward and he sat back. If everyone at the table already knew of the orgy, well, that was different. “To tell the truth,” the blond wizard confided, “hairy arseholes just aren’t very appealing. I don’t know how women stand it. At least Alecto was female, but the stench of her made my eyes water. She was highly insulted when I scourgified her, but really!”

“And I thank you for that. I avoided that problem, coming later than you in the queue.” Snape’s eyes slitted in wicked humor, “I’ve always thought Alecto and her brother, Amycus, were just a little too at ease about the whole thing. They went at it with each other like it was a long-standing arrangement.”

Lucius shuddered dramatically, “Ugh, that may have been the most foul part of the evening. For me, however, the worst was Rookwood. He was not only grotesque from his horrible pockmarks, he had more pimples on his skinny arse than England has sheep. I couldn’t bear to touch him. Bellatrix saved me from him by claiming she was next, even though I’d had her earlier in the evening. I had to pay for her good deed, though. She only saved me so that so I would…well, let’s just say I varied my routine.”

“She said you were anything but routine, Lucius,” Narcissa jested, but there was a slight edge to her voice. Bellatrix had given an unexpurgated version of her rough tussling with the blond wizard, glorying in his masterful, fierce sex. She’d told Narcissa all about giving him a small riding crop to use and she said he’d applied it as though he were trying to exorcise her soul. She had used it on him, too, but he hadn’t liked that so well, finally ripping it out of her hands and turning it on her again, to her delight. Bella had confided that she’d finally had to get rid of the crop due to Lucius’ powerful strikes. Without a blush, Bella had told Narcissa that it hadn’t been nearly so painful with Rodolphus, but then she had done most of the whipping with her husband.

Narcissa eyed the elegant, blond Pureblood who had been her husband for so many years. Lucius hadn’t ever raised any kind of whip to her. Narcissa wondered if he had ever wanted to. But then he had hated Bellatrix. It might have been a matter of payback for the crazy female’s many little cuts at him in front of Voldemort.

Snape gazed sardonically at his wife, “If you were going to upbraid Lucius for his behavior, keeping in mind it was a choice for us of participating or finding ourselves on the wrong end of Voldemort’s wand, shouldn’t you have broached the matter twenty plus years ago when it happened?”

Narcissa turned to her husband with stricken eyes, “Oh, Severus, I know all of you were forced to it.” She bit her lip and slipped her hand in his. “It must have been horrible for you both.”

Lucius knew what was coming and he knew Snape was well aware, also. “Well, Severus, do you think if we talk about the late-blooming roses, the Hungarian Horntail here in the room with us will quietly disappear?” The two men looked at each other, then both stared at Narcissa.

The Pureblood witch looked down at her plate, stirring her sauerkraut aimlessly for a moment, then bravely looked up at the two waiting wizards. “Oh, very well. Yes, I want to know what it was like for each of you, having to…to…”

“Bugger each other?” Snape offered politely.

“Yes. That.” Narcissa looked defiantly at each of the wizards, twenty years of curiosity overcoming her good manners. “As a start,” she added and both men groaned.

But once the question was out in the open, all of them finally relaxed completely. It was a topic that should have seen the light of day years ago, but hadn’t for a variety of reasons, some of which Narcissa would never know.

Snape courteously cocked his eyebrow at his friend, “Shall you go first or shall I?”

Lucius returned, deferentially, “She’s your wife. I yield the floor to you.”

Snape steepled his fingers on the table and, after a moment of silence, began. “That evening none of us were exempt, except you because you were pregnant. You should always give thanks for your escape. I don’t know what effect the doctored punch would have had on the baby.”

He passed on to the orgy, giving more background. “Being fed a potion that removes inhibitions shouldn’t cause widespread, indiscriminate sexual activity nor did it. Voldemort used my potion to remove inhibitions, then added another easily obtained ingredient to promote intense sexual desire. It was the combination of the two that was beyond any of us to either circumvent or resist.” The dark wizard eyed his wife, “I’ll always wonder if Bellatrix really drank any of the potion. She seemed too…conscious…or controlled. But who would have raised that with the Dark Lord? I know I wouldn’t have.”

Snape looked at Lucius with sympathy, “At least I was single. It was difficult for some of the married men to be forced into that behavior and Lucius was one of them.” Severus looked back at his wife, “He was willing to participate in whatever manner Voldemort desired if you were exempted. Voldemort planned it that way. Bella wanted to play with Lucius without you around, I imagine. And she wanted me and, I think, Rabastan. We each got several ‘turns’ with the witch. Everyone else was a fringe benefit for her. Voldemort accommodated her wishes.”

Narcissa’s eyes widened in surprise, “Lucius! I didn’t know.” Her eyes turned hard and she ground out, “If I had known, I would have carved her heart out, the perfidious witch. My own sister. I thought she’d been coerced, too.”

Lucius shrugged. It had been long ago. He had done what needed to be done. Both he and Snape knew he’d had just a little more unanticipated pleasure from crazy Bellatrix than he had planned or wanted. So had Snape, but that wasn’t knowledge that was going to be passed on, ever, to the beautiful witch at the table. Better she should think in terms of hairy arseholes and pimply butts.

“So you want to know about the two of us,” Snape went on. “The punch was very strong and it dictated our actions to an astonishing degree. None of us could completely withstand its effects. All we could do was minimize the unpleasantness. Like Lucius scourgifying Alecto. I think Nott threw a sheet over Crabbe so he wouldn’t have to look at him while he was slipping his tool into the dumb git. But we all rammed and were rammed by practically everyone else. Luckily for Lucius, Rookwood’s pimply backside wasn’t presented to him again, because of Bella. I, on the other hand…”

Lucius groaned, “You poor sod.”

Narcissa giggled, “At least my derriere is pimple-free, my love.”

“But not free of a few heavy hand-prints, which shall be applied later,” Snape growled, less than pleased at his wife’s amusement. He saw Lucius grin and left off his private, domestic issues. “To continue, Lucius and I started with the women, but there weren’t many and when they were used, we were faced with starting in on the men. Neither of us is particularly inclined that way and it vaguely grated even with no inhibitions. In order to gird ourselves for the, shall I say, ‘procedure’, it seemed expedient to turn to each other for our first um, contact.

“For me,” Snape opined, “I believe the experience was not as fraught with repulsion as I had thought it would be. Both of our inhibitions were pretty blunted and luckily our bodies were very relaxed with no thought of tightening our arses, so it went easier than it might have without the potions.”

Lucius cut in, “That was incredibly lucky for the rest of us because Snape wasn’t called ‘the flagpole’ in school for nothing.”

“Too much information, ‘dragon dong’,” Snape warned, giving out Lucius’ school appellation in retaliation, then reluctantly grinning as Narcissa’s mouth hung open in astonishment. “In any case, if I had to do a man, at least Lucius was clean, tidy, and didn’t have pimples on his butt.”

Lucius inclined his head regally, “A cherished compliment,” he murmured. “I’m touched.”

Narcissa was looking from one man to the other and finally queried, “Neither of you is the least embarrassed by that night? At what you did to each other?”

“Oh, I think we avoided each other for a few days, but Voldemort didn’t let us hide from each other for long,” Snape said. “It wasn’t the point of the exercise, after all. Aside from Bellatrix’s little agenda, Voldemort did it to make all of us so ‘familiar’ with each other, there wouldn’t be any hesitation at doing any deed together.”

Lucius smiled, “And you wanted to know how each of us felt about poking the other. I’ve been described already.” His nod at Snape held a bit of irony. “As for my experience with your husband, I must admit I prefer the rounded bum of a woman to his rather bony posterior, but as arseholes went, and I sampled a great many that night, his was of a size to accommodate my length, which was not the case with some others. I believe I climaxed in him, is that not right, Severus?”

“I was awash with cum by the end of the evening,” he said, prompting Narcissa to murmur, “Ewww. Now who’s giving out too much information?”

Snape gazed at his wife, a bit of whimsy curling his mouth, “You did ask, my dear.” He turned back to the other man, “To answer you, Lucius, yes, I think so, but I’m sorry, I don’t remember exactly.” Then Snape growled, “Except for that prat, Crabbe, who pulled out and sprayed himself all over my back. He told me he didn’t want to get me pregnant. Gods, that idiot! Crabbe! Like father, like son. Both certifiable dunces.”

Narcissa burst into laughter, “Oh my, that is funny! A little Crabbe-Snape with black hair, a majestic nose, tubby body and no brains. What a combination.”

“I beg your pardon,” Snape said frostily, “Any progeny of mine would have brains and to spare.” Then he shuddered much like Lucius had earlier, “Not that I ever want to test that theory.”

“Well, as I remember, the size of most of the ‘member’-ship,” Lucius said archly, “was unremarkable shading to downright puny. I think Avery took the prize for the most under-endowed, although that evening it was something of an advantage for the rest of us who were targeted by his ‘mighty lance’.” Lucius grinned.

Narcissa interjected coyly, “That accounts for your adventures lancing each other, but Bella said -”

Lucius broke in, “Bella was a vicious, crazy virago with the personality of a Tasmanian Devil and the morals of a rabbit on Spanish fly. I’m sure she had her uses for the Dark Lord and she was fanatically loyal, but her behavior that night was the worst of all of us.” He was trying to head off Narcissa’s uncomfortable curiosity and he threw a half-frowning, half-pleading look over at the other wizard, whose exploits were also being unpleasantly scrutinized.

Narcissa sipped a bit of her wine and the wizards watched her almost fearfully, holding their breaths, but she wasn’t finished with her cross-examination. “You haven’t covered all of your activities yet. I think you’re both evading the question after you said you would tell me,” she pressed, making both men mentally squirm. They knew what she wanted to hear and they didn’t particularly want to shed any light on that part of the long-ago evening.

“Haven’t we told you enough, Narcissa? It’s not something we want to talk about. Or has that detail escaped your notice?” her husband pursed his lips in irritation.

“I’m excruciatingly aware of your combined reticence, thank you,” she replied. “But you said you would tell me what happened at the orgy and you’ve only said half. Was it so very awful for you?”

Snape closed his eyes, his patience wearing thin. Why had they agreed to this? When he opened his eyes again it was to find Lucius looking wearily resigned and the blond nodded to Snape once. “Very well,” Snape scowled, “we will finish what we so foolishly started with our jests. As your dear sister related to you (may she burn in Tartarus) we weren’t called upon merely to use our penises on each other. That is what you are asking, is it not?”

When Narcissa merely tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, Snape grunted and continued. “I think I scrubbed my tongue nearly raw the next morning, but yes, we all used our mouths as well as our cocks.” Narcissa opened her mouth, but Snape forestalled her by adding, “and our hands.” Narcissa subsided and sipped some more wine.

“Did Bella miss any detail? If she was so thorough, why do you want us to tell you again?” challenged Lucius whose memories were coming back to him more vividly than he wanted.

“I’ve spent many years with you, and will probably spend many more with Severus, being the submissive female to your desires. This once,” she said fiercely, “I want to vicariously hear how each of you were the submissive ones.”

The two wizards were taken aback at the witch’s forceful words. Her dormant Slytherin side was making an unusual appearance to the dismay of both men. “Cissy,” Snape soothed, “if you don’t like it, all you have to do is say so.”

He was immediately comforted by a soft, feminine hand on his cheek, “It can’t have escaped your notice that I adore what you do to me,” she turned to Lucius, “and what you did. I wasn’t a slave.” She turned back to Snape, “But I do want to know what it was like for you to essentially be in my shoes.”

“For me it was mostly humiliating,” said Lucius. “Especially with the other men. When another man is on his knees in front of you, sucking on you and massaging your balls, you think you’re going to hate it. The idea makes you sick. But your body can’t help but respond to the tactile sensations, and when the revulsion fades with the third or fourth or fifth encounter, shamefully you want it. You become resigned to the necessity and decide to enjoy it. Ironically, or maybe obviously, the men were quite good at giving head because they knew what felt best.” Lucius offered a weak smile, “Severus could make a living as a high-class manwhore with the talent he has with his tongue and fingers.” Lucius smiled a little more slyly, “He was the best.”

“Likewise, a cherished compliment I’ll treasure always. Does it come with a trophy and monetary reward?” asked Snape sardonically. He grinned maliciously at the blond, making a precisely aimed counter stab, “Lucius is being modest, I fear. He developed quite a reputation as the fastest mouth in the orgy. Your ex-husband could suck a snitch through a garden hose. No one lasted more than a brace of minutes in his merciless mouth. It became something of a contest to see if each one could last longer than the one before.” Snape judiciously primmed his mouth, “You will be gratified to know I won.”

“That was only because you were so lengthy I had trouble finding the rhythm to defeat you.” Lucius’ narrowed eyes dared Snape to say otherwise. “Then Bella swept in and commandeered me again – after she watched the entire proceedings for all the world like I was a sporting event.” He sighed, “I only meant to get each wizard over with quickly. I didn’t mean for it to become a tournament.”

He saw Snape gearing up for another jab, so he said quickly, “And I only swallowed because I didn’t want that sticky semen in my hair.” Lucius glared at his ornery comrade before appealing to Narcissa, “Truly, I have a great deal more compassion for a woman now. It’s not nearly as pleasant swallowing the stuff as shooting my wad in her mouth.”

“Not that your discovery ever changed your behavior,” Narcissa chirped, getting a return chuckle from Lucius and a roll of the eyes from her husband.

Snape added in disgust, “The Dark Lord took all our wands after Alecto complained of Lucius scourgifying her, so we couldn’t clean ourselves. It was disgusting, being all sticky.”

“So, Narcissa,” Lucius leaned toward his ex-wife confidingly, “tell us why the second-hand memory of Severus and me doing the nasty is so bright in your mind.” His pale eyes gleamed with friendly malice as he watched her generate another blush.

If Lucius thought to discompose her, he miscalculated. Narcissa was equal to the question. “Because, my dear, I always like the idea of two men buggering or sucking on each other. It reduces them both in power when they’re doing it, and the power shifts to me watching. Heady stuff for a female and you are two of the most powerful wizards in the country. Plus, I know what each of you looks like. So of course, I would think of you together. Also, Bella told me you both had done those things to each other and she was very descriptive.” She asked slyly in return, “Why do men get off on two women together?”

Lucius frowned in contemplation for a moment, “Snape?” When the dark-haired wizard declined to comment, Lucius offered, “I’m not sure. Two for the price of one? Maybe it gives the illusion of having a harem which can be a man’s fantasy in some cases.” He shrugged, “Maybe it is also power-based. You have to admit, for each of the sexes, the idea is often an aphrodisiac. Basically, it’s just erotic as hell.” His mouth quirked up, “Has your prurient interest finally been assuaged? May the two of us now bury our past again?”

Narcissa said brightly, “Why don’t we have this lunch once a year and you can describe to me again how each of you –”

Two male wizard voices spoke as one, “NO!”



~~~~~

It had been a long two weeks, sneaking around his own house for sex with his own wife and when they had finally watched Lucius disappear into the floo network, Snape had thought the intrusion was finished. Unfortunately, two days later Narcissa found out somehow that Lucius had not been sleeping in the bedroom she had originally assigned.

When Narcissa discovered from the house elves that Snape had been responsible for the bedroom change and he had craftily relocated Lucius in the disused bedroom right over their drawing room, Snape had spent a few days sleeping in that same lonely bedroom as atonement for his passive-aggressive attempt to oust Lucius from their home with the carnal noises he’d made no attempt to muffle. And for embarrassing his wife in the process.

Narcissa had not been amused; she thought she had been furtively creeping with her randy husband into the drawing room and their favorite sofa after Lucius was long asleep at the far end of their manor. She had felt free to make any sounds she wanted never knowing Lucius was now housed right above them. The embarrassed witch belatedly realized it was no wonder Lucius had complained about the noise. She had thought he was accidentally hearing vague house sounds through some old conduit somehow.

Snape had then compounded his error by unwisely pointing out that Lucius had heard Narcissa scream and moan many times when he was married to her – it was common knowledge that Lucius had also liked to spank her - so it was nothing new to the senior Malfoy, but that perfectly logical argument had only endowed him with two more days in that blasted, lonely bedroom for his insensitivity.

Snape sheepishly decided perhaps women didn’t react quite the same as men would. More careful study of the other half of his species was evidently called for. In the meantime, causing Lucius some hassle for barging in on Snape’s newlywed nest had definitely made Snape a happy man.

tbc...


__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Go read all my responses to your reviews at:

http://labibliographe.livejournal.com/55804.html

This chapter's pics are available there, too!
.
.