Proof of Life

All Causes Shall Give Way



When Severus and Harry finally emerged from the Floo in Harry\'s home, they were greeted by a high-pitched, needy mewl that bordered on indignant. Tripod came running towards them and they petted him together, with Harry scratching the cat behind the ears and Severus stroking the cat\'s back. The last bitter cry died in the cat\'s throat and was replaced by unnaturally loud purring that still seemed a little too plaintive.



“Sorry, little puss,” Harry teased absently. “Next time we go to the Forbidden Forest, we\'ll take you with us.”



“That wouldn\'t be very wise,” Severus said instantly, but Harry noticed that Severus smirked slightly at the suggestion.



“Nonsense, he\'d love it,” Harry said and yawned tiredly. “I\'m going to shower.”



“I think I\'ll do the same.”



~ * ~



Harry emerged from the shower half an hour later, feeling refreshed and not quite so tired. Dressed in an old T-shirt, and a pair of shorts, Harry walked downstairs, heading straight for the liquor cabinet in the kitchen. He pulled out the bottle of Firewhisky and poured himself some, watching the liquid swirl in the glass.



He turned around at the sound of quiet footsteps behind him and saw Severus— wearing a thick dressing gown over his grey nightshirt—standing in the kitchen doorway.



Harry grinned sheepishly, suddenly feeling very much like a child caught with his hand in a biscuit tin.



“I just came to get a glass of water,” Severus said.



“Help yourself.” Harry moved away from the kitchen counter. “Unless you\'d like a glass of Firewhisky as well,” he offered on an impulse. The better part of Harry\'s brain suggested that he probably shouldn\'t be offering alcohol to Severus, given his weak stomach, but he was longing to see his former Professor start doing more adult-like things for a change.



Severus took a long minute to consider the offer.



“Fine,” he said finally, and Harry chuckled, splashing some into a glass for him. They sat down at the kitchen table with the bottle between them.



“Cheers,” Harry said in a quiet voice, lifting his glass in salute.



Severus nodded and took a sip, wincing as the liquid made its way down his throat.



“How are you doing?” Harry asked, taking a sip as well.



“Fine. You?”



Harry stared at him numbly for a few moments, surprised no end that Severus was inquiring about his wellbeing after his own freedom had slipped through his fingers.



“All right, I suppose,” Harry muttered, staring into the glass. “Still angry though. So angry with Cho, I could wring her neck.”



“You didn\'t seem very angry when you were talking to her,” Severus pointed out.



Harry chuckled unhappily. “Why do you think I told her to go home?”



“You\'re disappointed,” Severus said uncertainly, as if he was still having difficulty imagining what other people might feel, or trouble matching words to emotions.



“Very,” Harry confessed. “I guess I already had it in my mind that we\'d find the Resurrection Stone, summon Dumbledore, and have him testify before the Wizengamot to establish your innocence... I could already picture the look on everyone\'s faces.” Harry shook his head ruefully, drained the remainder of his drink in one quick gulp and reached to pour himself more. “Would have been nice, hm?”



Severus swallowed hard before taking another sip of his drink. “Yes,” he admitted softly. “I miss him.”



Startled by the unusually sentimental, and possibly alcohol-induced, confession Harry looked up at Severus.



“Me too,” Harry whispered. “I don\'t suppose you know of any sort of proof he might have left behind?”



Severus shook his head with clear reluctance. “Harry, there couldn\'t be any proof.”



Harry winced slightly as Severus\' even voice sent a chill down his spine.



“What do you mean?” he asked cautiously.



“We didn\'t plan it that way,” Severus explained calmly. “I had a potion ready. Highly effective. Painless. Untraceable. There would be nothing linking me to his death.”



Harry shuddered slightly at the realization that the public casting of the Killing Curse on Dumbledore had been unforeseen.



“Go on,” Harry said.



“The random factors didn\'t play in our favor,” Severus said. “We didn\'t count on Draco letting Death Eaters into the school, or the entire debacle being made public... but by then, it was too late to turn back.” Severus\' face scrunched up to form a bitter grimace, as he cited from memory, “I am in blood / Stepped in so far that, should I wade no more / Returning were as tedious as go o\'er.”



“Macbeth,” Harry recognized the lines instantly. “Hmm. Yes. Almost fitting.”



“Fitting entirely, I daresay,” Severus muttered.



“Not entirely,” Harry argued. “Just before that, Macbeth said something like, For mine own good, all causes shall give way. That\'s what\'s different. You weren\'t wading the proverbial river of blood for your own good...”



“Of course I was,” Severus interrupted him grimly. “It may not have started out that way, but then, near the end, winning that damned war was for my stake as much as for anyone else\'s. I wanted to bring that monster down. Winning became everything. At any cost. Including your own life, the life I was entrusted with protecting in the first place.” There was a slight undercurrent of challenge in Severus\' voice, as if were expecting Harry to recoil from him at the admission.



“I think near the end it was like that for all of us,” Harry agreed tiredly. “That\'s probably why...” his voice trailed off as he proceeded to pour himself more Firewhisky and Severus followed suit. For a few minutes they drank together, regarding each other guardedly.



“Probably why what?” Severus finally inquired, breaking the tense silence.



Harry took a deep breath. “That\'s probably why I just left you there,” he said. “In the Shrieking Shack. I – didn\'t think there was any real chance of you surviving, and I just figured I had to keep going, and win, no matter what, or who I left behind,” Harry said. “Looking back, I can\'t even begin to tell you how much I regret doing that. Really, more than I regret anything else in my life.”



“You exaggerate,” Severus said.



“No. I\'ve made horrible mistakes before. With Sirius... and the year before that, with Cedric... but that was different. I didn\'t abandon them. I shouldn\'t have abandoned you either. We should have brought you with us. I should have thought to hide your Pensieve before heading out to the Forest.”



Listening to him without interrupting, Severus clutched the glass tightly.



“Things would have been so different if I had done that,” Harry added softly. “You know, I tried to clear your name right after everything was over. But I had nothing. All I had was... my memory of viewing your Pensieve.” Harry sighed unhappily. “I told them about the Doe Patronus, and provided a Pensieve of watching your Pensieve. The Wizengamot viewed it and deemed it insufficient. They said, there was no way to ascertain the authenticity of the original memories just by looking at them through my eyes, you know? If I had the real Pensieve back then they most likely would have listened. And now... the way the Wizengamot is these days, hell-bent on punishing all the former Death Eaters...even if you provide another Pensieve...”



Severus nodded slowly. “The courts will likely dismiss it as deliberate deception...”



“Exactly,” Harry muttered. “Well, who knows. Maybe Marietta and Luna are right – and we\'ll just have to wait for your Doe Patronus to reemerge. When that happens, we\'ll finally have hard evidence that it was you who led us to the Sword of Gryffindor. We\'ll likely still have quite a legal battle on our hands, but at least we\'ll have something like proof.”



Severus inclined his head slightly. “Thank you, Harry,” he said finally. “I don\'t believe I ever thanked you for this, but... I... appreciate your efforts.”



Harry shook his head. “There are so many things I have done wrong, so many things that I should have done and didn\'t. You don\'t need to thank me.”



Severus smirked slightly. “Who else would I thank, if not you?”



Feeling more than slightly embarrassed, Harry stood up abruptly and drained the rest of his Firewhisky in a quick gulp.



“Guess I\'d better turn in,” Harry said, remembering with loathing that he had to go back to work in the morning.



“I\'ll do the same,” Severus said, standing up, swaying on his feet unsteadily and bumping into the wall. “With some practice,” he added wryly, swaying again.



“Easy,” Harry muttered, walking over to him and holding him up. “I\'ll walk you upstairs.”



“You\'ve drunk four times as much as I did,” Severus pointed out, sounding as petulant as a child who just lost an important contest.



“I\'ve had more practice lately,” Harry said with a small chuckle.



They made it upstairs slowly, taking care not to trip over Tripod, who decided to weave himself around their feet while they walked.



Eventually, Harry guided Severus to lie down on the bed and collapsed next to him in exhaustion. A small part of his brain knew that there was a very good reason for him to get up and go to his own bedroom, but for the life of him, he couldn\'t remember what that reason was, so he simply drifted off to sleep.



~ * ~



Harry woke up when the tingling sensation of the morning alarm spell ran through his arm. He shook it off, deciding that he was going to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet before getting up. It really felt wonderful to simply linger in bed for a few minutes, only...



His heart sank when he realized that during the night Severus had ended up nestled in his embrace again, and now Harry\'s morning erection was pressing firmly against the man\'s backside. Harry didn\'t need Marietta\'s books on trauma to realize that at this point, waking up with someone\'s prick pressed to his bum wasn\'t going to facilitate Severus\' recovery in the slightest. He should have gone to sleep in his own bed, Harry thought ruefully, but instead he just passed out drunk next to his patient...



Careful not to make any sudden moves, Harry rolled away slowly and silently thanked his lucky stars when Severus didn\'t wake, but simply issued a quiet, displeased grunt as their bodies parted.



Harry still felt unsettled about the whole thing, but at least he was now wide awake. He got up and shuffled off to the shower in his own bedroom. When he turned the water on and stepped in, he found that the arrow of his battered moral compass was firmly pointing in the direction of not dwelling on the memory of Severus\' body pressed against his. For a few long minutes he diligently tried to comply with the instructions of his conscience, but the memory was too persistent and too fresh in his mind.



All in all, entertaining a brief fantasy that wouldn\'t lead anywhere was a small matter, Harry reasoned, as he stroked himself, bringing himself to an orgasm while trying not to feel overly guilty about the wistful daydream that included skipping work and lounging in bed, with Severus sleeping next to him.



Separate beds from now on, no matter what, Harry vowed, before finally turning the water off.



~ * ~



Severus woke up to the sound of voices downstairs. He recognized Harry\'s at once, and it took him a few moments to identify the other voice as Draco\'s.



“He\'s still sleeping, I think,” Harry was saying. “Just let him sleep.”



“Fine. Get out already. The way you procrastinate one might think you don\'t love your job as much as the newspapers say you do.”



“Sod off. Anyway, there\'s plenty of food in the fridge... and... be good. Don\'t upset him.”



Draco issued a quiet, mirthless chuckle.



“You really are something, you know, Potter? You cast a slave spell on him, abandon him in the hands of the enemy, and then tell me not to upset him?”



Harry groaned loudly. “Well, as you can see, I can fuck things up rather spectacularly on my own. I don\'t need your help with that.”



The sound of the Floo flames indicated Harry\'s departure.



So, Draco had come to visit him at last, for the first time since Severus\' rescue. Severus smirked slightly and shook his head. He knew that Draco was helping him behind the scenes, but by the same token Severus didn\'t fail to notice that Draco had managed to completely avoid spending any time with him.... until now. Perhaps Severus wasn\'t the only one who\'d lost a hold on the old connections and attachments that used to mean so much at one time.



Hearing Draco\'s voice brought back fragments of old memories, conversations that took place eight years ago.



“His soul is not yet so damaged. I would not have it ripped apart on my account."

"And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?"





“I am trying to help you. I swore to your mother I would protect you. I made the Unbreakable Vow, Draco —"

"Looks like you\'ll have to break it, then...”



Severus found himself scowling, uncertain as to why the recollections brought so much resentment with them, although the resentment didn\'t seem to be aimed at anyone in particular.



He let out a deep breath and allowed the disjointed memories and uncertain feelings to fade again, before getting ready to go downstairs.



To Be Continued...