Pains and Contradictions

A/N: This is the last of the pre-written chapters that I saved before I started writing my Snarry Games fic. I'm about 9k from finishing that and hope to be done by the end of the week. As soon as that's done, I'm going to start the next chapter right away. I swear, it's sad how much I miss writing it. If anyone wants to call for my head, you can find me at Severus Sighs.

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"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it?" - Neil Gaiman


Remus trudged up the stairs to his rooms, telling himself for the tenth time that hour that Severus was an experienced spy and that he had every reason to hope that all had gone well with his visit to Harry.

Remus opened the door to his rooms and saw the young man in question sitting in a chair, despondent.

Oh, dear.

Harry looked up and glared at him, searching his eyes for... something.

Whatever he found must have satisfied him and he relaxed, no longer looking so defensive. He continued to sit there, his anger seeming to stew, and Remus waited for the inevitable explosion.

"Tell me you didn't know," was all Harry said.

Remus sighed and walked over to the chair opposite Harry, sitting down with a plop. He had no idea what to say to defend himself, or if he should even try. He acknowledged that if he had been in Harry's position, he'd be angry as well.

"Tell me he tricked you or... held the Wolfsbane potion over your head or something," Harry said, pleading.

Remus sighed again. "I knew. He didn't trick me or... threaten me in the least."

Harry glared and clenched his fists, biting his lip as though he was holding back an angry tirade.

"Why?" he demanded.

Remus looked to the fire, the happily dancing flames seeming to mock him in their cheerfulness.

"Because there are some things that Severus Snape simply doesn't do, Harry... at least not in my experience. And he did something- two things- that I, at least, had never seen him do before."

Harry looked curious at that, but did not voice his question.

"He doesn't beg, Harry. I've never seen him ask for anything in his life. Take, yes. Demand, definitely. But beg? I'd never seen him beg before. He begged me for this, and I'm sorry, but I couldn't turn him away."

He watched as Harry's fist ceased to grip the arms of the chair in which he was sitting and color came back to his face. He seemed to deflate slowly, running a hand through his hair before rubbing his temples.

"What was the second thing?"

Remus realized how silly it would sound, but knew he had to tell Harry the truth.

"He called me by my first name."

Harry looked up at him at that with an incredulous look on his face.

"He called you 'Remus?'"

Remus nodded.

"Oh," was all Harry said.

"Yes. I had never seen Severus so desperate for anything. I'm very sorry if you were hurt, but... Well, I suppose I have no defense save to say I couldn't deny a desperate man."

Harry shook his head, but what he was denying, Remus had no idea.

"You shouldn't have done that."

Remus nodded his head in agreement. "I know."

"He begged?" Harry asked, his eyes watching his hands.

"Yes. He said that he needed to see you. He would have done anything to see you."

"He could have just asked," Harry scoffed. "I'd have been there- God, it's sad how quickly I'd have been there."

Remus nodded.

"Can we talk about something else? Anything else?"

Remus nodded and pulled some chocolate from his pocket. "I got you something from Honeydukes."

Harry smiled weakly and thanked him, biting off a piece of the candy and chewing it gracelessly. They sat in silence for a while, neither of them speaking.

"The weather's unseasonably good at the moment," Remus said, inwardly rolling his eyes at himself.

Harry nodded, but did not look up.

"Do you think Gryffindor will take the Cup this year?"

Harry snorted then laughed hysterically, frightening Remus with how quickly his mood changed. He shook his head and said nothing to Remus' question, and Remus thought it was just as well.

Finally, Harry said the only thing he could say.

"I hate this."