Darkness Shadows Light

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX - LACK OF PLANNING ON YOUR PART DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AN EMERGENCY ON MY PART

\'Ron?!\' gasped Harry \'Why? How? *When*?\' For a moment he felt an inexplicable feeling of betrayal. Ron was supposed to be in love with *him*.

Hermione looked at him with tear-filled eyes.

\'It happened that last day of term, just after you told me that Ron wasn\'t the father of your baby. I wanted to comfort him...I saw how much he was hurting...But somehow one thing led to another...\' she looked down at her fingers that were gripped tightly together. \'I didn\'t mean for it to happen. I mean I\'ve loved Ron ever since fourth year, but I thought I was over it...\'

She looked up and met Harry\'s wide-eyed stare. \'But do you know what the worst bit was?\'

Harry shook his head, speechless.

When he, you know, he called out your name.\' A single tear made a track down Hermione\'s face. \'I\'ve never felt so used in my life. And to think that this,\' she gestured at her stomach, \'happened and now I\'ve lost Justin as well.\' The tears started to flow freely. \'I just don\'t know what to do,\' she said helplessly, looking to Harry for advice.

Harry shifted uncomfortably under her gaze causing Matthew to stir from sleep. Gratefully he focussed his attention on his son, giving him time to collect his thoughts. He too had been terrified to discover he was pregnant, unsure of his feelings for his lover, but even if he could have, he would never have gotten rid of him. Matthew was part of him, part of his life, part of his future. The intense feeling of love and possessiveness every time he looked at him, scared Harry a little. But was that what Hermione needed to hear? After all, their situations were very different.

\'I can\'t tell you what to do,\' Harry said eventually. \'All I can say is follow your heart. But whatever you decide, you know I\'ll be here for you.\'

If Hermione was dissatisfied with this reply, she didn\'t show it.

\'I know you will,\' she said, voice trembling. \'But you have your own family now. I-I don\'t want to be a burden.\'

\'You won\'t be!\' exclaimed Harry. \'You\'re my best friend and my son\'s godmother. You\'re as much a part of my family as Matthew here.\'
mionmione stood up and placed an affectionate kiss on Harry\'s cheek.

\'Thank you,\' she said simply, though her face betrayed how deeply she was touched by his words. She placed a kiss on Matthew\'s forehead. \'I\'ll see you both later. Professor Dumbledore said it would be okay if I stayed a few days.\'

\'Does he know?\'

\'I don\'t think so, but you can never tell with him!\' she managed a weak smile.

After she had gone, Harry sat there for a while wondering what else this day would bring...

*******

Sirius found Snape ely wly where he expected to find him: in the dungeons making, by the looks of it, some absurdly complicated potion.

\'What do you want, Black?\' the Potions master said without looking up or pausing in what he was doing. The tone was not welcoming.

\'Harry sent me to find you. He was worried.\'

\'And what don\'t either of you understand when I say I have some thinking to do?\' Snape replied acidly.

\'Maybe Harry thought I could help. I mean I know how you feel,\' Sirius said uncomfortably. He didn\'t particularly want to bare his soul to his old enemy, but he didn\'t know what else to do. \'I mean I haven\'t seen my parents in seventeen years. They believe I\'m a traitor and a murderer.\'

Snape spun around, eyes flashing dangerously.

\'Don\'t you dare compare us,\' he said angrily. \'You seem to forget there is one fundamental difference between us. You are innocent of everything they believe you did, but the things my parents believe of me are true. You have no idea of the things I have done.\' He closed his eyes, fingers clenching the edge of the table behind him. \'When the news of your innocence reaches your parents\rs, rs, you can go to them gladly and look them in the eye and tell them honestly that you never did any of the things they disowned you for. *I* do not have that luxury.\'

Sirsuddsuddenly understood that Snape was afraid to face his parents with the whole truth. Afraid that they would turn him away again when they discovered he had not always been a spy for the light. That at one time he had truly believed in Voldemort.

\'But you\'re a hero now,\' objected Sirius. \'You helped kill Voldemort. What you were twenty years ago is not what you are now.\'

\'Is it not?\' asked Snape sceptically, slowly opening his eyes and staring at Sirius intently.

\'Would either of us be standing here having a conversation if you hadn\'t?\' Sirius asked exasperatedly. \'Would I have let you marry my godson? You have to see your parents and give them a chance to see what you\'ve become.\'

Snape turned away from Sirius and back around to his work table. With a sinking heart Sirius thought he had failed to convince him.

\'And what if they reject me again?\' Snape said in barely a whisper, shoulders hunched and eyes firmly on the potion ingredients.

\'Then they don\'t deserve you,\' Sirius replied quietly. He slipped out of the room, leaving Snape deep in thought.

Much later, Snape returned to Harry\'s room. He was pleasantly surprised to find Harry alone except for their son who was lying asleep in his cot, which had been brought out of the nursery and placed next to the bed. He was also pleased to see thatry wry was looking much less pale and was happily immersed in a Quidditch magazine. He looked up as his husband approached and smiled.

\'How are you?\' Harry asked, a faint shadow of concern discernible on his face.

\'I\'m fine,\' he quickly assured his husband, suddenly feeling guilty for leaving Harry alone with the baby for this long. \'I should be asking you that.\'

\'I\'m fine as well,\' smiled Harry. \'People have been in and out all day. Matthew seems to have quite a large fan base already!\'

\'Has he been good?\' he asked, looking down fondly at his son.

\'Perfect,\' said Harry proudly. \'He hardly cried at all and he\'s feeding well.\'

\'That\'s good,\' murmured the Potions master, sittiown own on the bed next to his husband and gathering him into his arms. Harry sighed and rested his head on his husband\'s shoulder.

\'This is nice,\' Harry said happily. \'I\'ve missed you today.\'

\'I\'m sorry,\' said Snape regretfully. \'I\'ve been selfish.\'

\'No! That\'s not true! You had a shock hearing from your father after all this time. I understand that you needed some time alone.\'

\'Yet you still sent Sirius after me.\' Snape said dryly.

Harry gave him a stricken look.

\'I thought it might help. I\'m sorry if he upset you.\'
Snape gave him a reassuring kiss.

\'Strangely enough you were right and, much as it pains me to admit it, he gave me some good advice.\'

Harry relaxed again. \'So what are you going to do?\'

\'I\'m going to go and see them and I\'m going to tell them the whole truth. And if they can\'t forgive me for what I once was, then there\'s nothing I can do, but at least I\'ll have tried.\'

Harry looked at his lover uncertainly, not totally understanding the undertones and not wishing to invade his husband\'s mind. What he did know was that he needed to show his support.

\'So when are we going?\' he asked.

Snape looked at him in surprise.

\'We?\' he queried, raising an eyebrow.

\'Well naturally I\'m coming with you,\' Harry replied. \'And Matthew as well. I\'m sure your parents would like to meet their grandson.\'

\'They don\'t even know he exists, or you, for that matter.\'

Harry looked at him in pretend amazement.

\'Not heard of me, Harry Potter? The Boy Who Lived?\'

\'You know what I mean,\' Snape chided. \'They don\'t know that we are married and that Matthew is my son.\'

\'Well if you want them to know the whole truth then they need tow thw that as well,\' he said reasonably.

\'Okay then, you can come with me,\' Snape said grudgingly, though the tightened grip on Harry betrayed how glad he really was that Harry would be by his side when he faced his parents after more than twenty years of silence.

\'Shall we go tomorrow?\' asked Harry.

\'Tomorrow?\' said Snape in surprise. \'Surely you\'re not strong enough yet. It was only yesterday that I nearly lost you.\'

\'I\'m fine,\' he said. \'I\'ve spent all day resting and Madam Pomfrey examined me and said physically I\'m healed - thank goodness for magic - and I could get up tomorrow anyway. Just one request though...\'

\'What\'s that?\' asked Snape curiously.

\'No Portkeys!\'

Snape laughed.

\'I\'m sure Albus will allow us to floo out. I\'ll go and see him now and then I\'ll send an owl to my parents to let them know I\'m coming.\' He got up and strode purposefully towards the door. Harry ed. ed. He had hoped to spend a little more time with his husband. This caused another train of thought.

\'Severus?\'

\'Yes?\'

\'What\'s happening about your classes? Isn\'t it Monday today?\'

\'Didn\'t you hear?\' asSnapSnape, looking at his husband in surprise. \'Albus cancelled all lessons this week in celebration of the defeat of Voldemort.\'

\'Really?\' said Harry in astonishment. He had been so caught up in going into labour and then actually looking after Matthew that he had not really thought about what it really meant. \'Voldemort\'s gone for good,\' he said softly. \'I\'m free. I can do whatever I want now. Go wherever I want.\' He was so caught up in that thought that he did not see the look of trepidation that crossed his husband\'s face.

Snape opened the door, went through and quietly closed it, leaning against it.

\'Yes Harry, you can do whatever you want now,\' he said sadly to himself. \'But where exactly does that leave me?\'