Bonds of Affection

Author\'s Note: Thank you all for your feedback to the previous chapter. Special thanks to SoftObsidian74, Jilliane, ChaosProphent, cravedom, HpFanficFan for thoughtful reviews. Drop me a note let me know what you think of this chapter... And now, on to the story, and the angst continues : )...



Memories of the Fall



Once Harry left the dining room, Severus glanced at Lucius with disgust. Lucius patted his lips with a napkin, and stared back at Severus with satisfaction of a person who had just enjoyed an exquisite meal.



“Don\'t glare at me, Severus. It was Our Lord\'s wish to test the strength of the bond by disclosing your little secret to your pet...”



“I see,” Severus said icily. “Was it absolutely necessary to do it in this fashion?”



“No,” Lucius smirked. “But it was more fun this way. Anyways, if your, ahem, slave, doesn\'t murder you by morning, or run away, we\'ll know the bond is as strong as we had hoped... Good night, Severus.”



Severus watched him throw a handful of Floo powder into the fireplace and depart with a bright flash.



Once Lucius was gone, Severus sank to the floor near the fireplace and buried his face in his knees. Despair and grief coursed through him. He knew it would happen sooner or later – and he knew that he would have to tell Harry the truth... eventually. He just hoped it could have waited until after the war. Until Severus was no longer needed to the war effort.



He was not a fool – he realized that once Harry knew the entire truth, he would not remain with Severus; bond or not. He would leave, and allow the slave-bond to kill him, before coming back. Severus was ready for the eventuality. He had already decided, that should something like that happen, he would die, and have his death set Harry free from the bond... he had no reservations or regrets about that.



Severus was ready to die the day Voldemort gave him his assignment... he could have died easily, and without regret then. The weeks that followed since then were both agonizing, and wondrous beyond words. To have caught a brief glimpse of beauty and warmth was a gift beyond anything Severus had ever known. He was not surprised that this simple yet entrancing grace was about to be taken away from him; he was only surprised that he had managed to hold on to it for this long.



Severus stood up, and walked to Harry\'s bedroom. He knocked on the door, and entered, without waiting for a response. Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging his body with his arms. He glanced at Severus angrily.



“Why did you let him say any of that?” Harry demanded. “Why didn\'t you just send me to my room... why didn\'t you kick him out?”



“I couldn\'t,” Severus said softly. “He was acting on Voldemort\'s orders. I had to comply.”



Harry nodded dejectedly. “Please tell me Lucius was just saying that,” he pleaded. “Tell me he was lying.”



“He was saying it to test the strength of the slave-bond,” Severus said reluctantly. “But he was not lying.”



Harry swallowed hard, and took a deep breath. “Tell me everything,” he demanded. “I want to know.”



Severus nodded, and sat on the chair across from Harry.



“I was the one who conveyed Trelawney\'s prophecy to Voldemort,” Severus said quietly.



“Did you know the prophecy was about my parents?” Harry asked.



“No,” Severus said. “But had I known, it wouldn\'t have mattered then.”



Harry looked away. “Were you at Godric Hollow with Voldemort that night?” he asked hesitantly. “Were you there to help him kill my parents?”



“Yes,” Severus confirmed.



“I see,” Harry said quietly. “I guess... that\'s why you smell like autumn... like October... at least to me. Whenever I am near you... it brings the memories of the fall to mind... memories of the month my parents died.”



Severus nodded wordlessly.



“Did you ... did you cast the Killing Curse on either of my parents?” Harry stumbled through the words as he asked.



Severus shook his head tiredly. “No, Harry. I did something far worse.”



Harry glanced at him with disbelief. “What could possibly be worse?”



Severus looked down. “You know how Horcruxes are made, Harry?” he asked softly.



“Yeah,” Harry whispered. “A murder is necessary... and then... a spell... although, Professor Dumbledore told me that me becoming a Horcrux was accidental... Voldemort\'s soul just splintered... during the murder of my parents, and ... embedded itself in me...”



“It\'s a good theory, Harry,” Severus said evenly. “And it\'s the best one Albus has at this time. I never told him the rest...” Pain stabbed through him at every word, but he continued speaking, eager to get it all out. “You see, Harry, Horcruxes are not created by accident. Ever. It\'s just not possible. Someone needs to cast that spell.”



Harry stared at him in terror. “No,” he whispered beggingly, shaking his head in denial.



“Yes,” Severus confirmed quietly. “When Voldemort cast Avada Kedavra on your mother, I uttered the Horcrux spell. That\'s how you became his Horcrux. Harry ...”



“Stop,” Harry cut him off suddenly. “That\'s enough.”



A long silence ensued. Severus sat absolutely still, not daring to move – fearing that a single motion might shatter the fragile world of anguish and betrayals that contained the two of them.



He waited in silence.



Harry stood up abruptly. He walked through the room, moving almost mechanically, collecting his clothes and books, packing them into his trunk, and the shoulder bag. Severus watched him silently. Harry\'s face was a frozen mask, and deliberately and methodically, he continued to gather up all that belonged to him, never stopping to look at Severus.



“What are you doing?” Severus asked mildly.



“What does it look like?” Harry offered with eerie calm in his voice.



“It looks like you are about to leave,” Severus said softly. “That\'s not a good idea... the bond ... I don\'t think it allows that. You being away from me for a prolonged period of time will likely cause your death.”



“Do you really think I care?” Harry asked, his voice completely devoid of feeling. “I would much rather die, than stay here.”



Severus was not surprised to hear that.



Harry walked out of the bedroom, carrying his shoulder bag, and pulling the trunk behind him. The cage with the snow-white owl was balancing precariously on top of the trunk, but Harry did not seem to notice, or care. Severus was following him closely.



“Harry,” he said softly, once they had entered the dining room. “Please... wait.”



Harry span around and faced him. Seeing the painful look on Severus\' face, Harry laughed quietly and contemptuously.



Severus reached out with his hand to touch him. Harry moved out of the way instantly.



“Don\'t you ever – ever touch me again,” he said firmly. “Don\'t ever come near me again.”



“Harry,” Severus said again, almost automatically, moving towards him. He did not know what else to say. Harry\'s name was the only word left in his mind, and the only thing that still existed, after his entire world had collapsed. “Harry...”



Harry glared at him with loathing, and then, suddenly, without a warning, spat in his face.



Severus did not flinch, or recoil. He simply stood numbly, as if in a daze, watching Harry toss a handful of Floo Powder into the fireplace and depart from the Manor.