The Sins Of A Father

Chapter Twenty-Three: Mine







“Daddy!”



It was a week before Harry’s birthday. A week later from the day I had arrived back from Japan. Things were back to normal. Well, as normal as you can get with the burdens I had held over my head. My little Jimmy was still full of energy, still bouncing around and acting like one of those Power Rangers. Still as innocent from the day I had left him to go to Japan with Lucius.



Lucius…he was still the same. Still controlling me whenever he felt like it. He was still purring and rubbing against me like a cat in heat. A mangy cat that I desperately wanted to boot, but alas; no I could not. I had to have sex with him whenever he wanted to. Since my return I had to one time to leave my wife and children in the middle of supper to go and see him to fuck him in one of those expensive hotels, but I could do nothing about it. All I could do was to serve him like an obedient dog. He will say ‘Fuck’ and I will say ‘How hard?’



Harry. Again, he acted as if nothing between us had happened. Though that time I did believe it was real. That he had finally gotten over me as I had told him to, and I was glad. He had a dazzling smile on his face and acted like the son I had before that fateful Internet chat I had found on his computer. All his bruises and cuts all gone. Just a very faint where his black eye had been was left. It seemed that all the school trouble had finally been resolved and that his grades must be going up once again.



And last my petal…



I do not deserve her at all, and yet I am still the selfish man and lie to her face when she asks if I am ok. It hurts me so much to do that to her. To lie to her face, seeing those brilliant eyes light up when I said I was fine. Kissing her soft succulent lips and making love to her, as if she was the only one in my life. Deep down inside of me I wanted to weep out my soul and tell her everything.



Telling her that I had made love to her son at age fifteen, which considering me as a paedophile by law when the law states that to legally have sex both should be over the age of sixteen. Though it would not make much difference that if he had been sixteen at that time, it was not very far off from fifteen now was it? I had fucked a minor by law, a son who I had brought up and loved, and a son who wanted me to make love to him…



Also, I wanted to weep out that I had currently been cheating on her with a man who I despise more than my parents. Tell her that I had to be with him, in order to keep my family, whom gave me a reason to live, safe and happy. To keep my petal blissfully unaware from the things I was doing that could very well hurt her to no end. It happened once to her already with Potter. I did not wanted to be the second. I wanted her to be happy, to be loved, to be cared, to be cherished by me and only me. I love her with all my heart. I so desperately wanted to tell her that I was doing this for her. I wanted her to know that I was not enjoying my antics with Malfoy, but I gritted my teeth in disgust and let her see only the fairy tale ending.



“Daddy! Earth to daddy! Where are you!?”



And during that day had only had make my situation worse didn’t it?



I stood in the hallway of the inside of my home. That day was my day off, strangely given to me by Riddle himself. Telling me as I had been working to hard lately that I need time off or I would drop dead in exhaustion. And you know what? He was right, any longer with Malfoy around me I would of done just that, or I would have jumped out of my window. Though knowing Malfoy he would of followed me through it.



I had decided to originally spend some quality time with Jimmy. Of course I had bothered Lily to take Jimmy out of the school for the day, which she eventually had said yes, and Harry had a teaching training day which he wanted to go out with a friend.



So of course I thought it would be nice to spend some time with Jimmy alone, get my mind off of my other problems.



Wrong.



I looked down to see the jumping bundle of black hair and green eyes. I could not help but smirk at the enthusiasm he showed me. I picked him up so he could sit on my side with my left arm underneath him for support. “Ah Jimmy…Ready to go to school?” I teased.



He looked horrified. “Daddy! You said we was going to go to the Zoo!”



I chuckled and gave a quick peck on his little button nose. “Of course…anything for my little boy. So? Got everything you need?”



He hugged my neck and gave me the cheekiest grin one could hold at his age. “Yes, have you?” He then pulled out a pair of keys from his small pocket in his Jacket.



I snorted and took hold of the keys. “You get that from your Mother…I’m glad.” I mumbled, placing the keys into my pocket quickly, when I turned to go to the door, the said doorbell rang throughout the house.



I arched an eyebrow slightly, poorly out of habit, and went to open it, knowing that it was most probably for Harry. Which it was, but this little event had triggered everything and made my life even more fucked up then it was before.



I opened the door, and what I had saw made my jaw drop.



There stood a tallboy, or what us British like to call it, a hood rat. He was a white boy, perhaps a few years older then Harry, wearing all white clothing. He was wearing a zipped up jacket with its hood over his head, which by the way he was also wearing a cap. The most ridicules baggy bottoms that were practically on his knees and not covering his arse that was showing its white boxers. Nike trainers, a thick silver chain that had a dollar sign, and a gold ring on his middle finger, the only thing that clashed with his outfit.



My eyebrow lifted up to my hairline. And I was praying to the gods that he had the wrong address. Of course with my luck they would not be too kind with this sort of things.



“Oh hi Tom!” Harry came downstairs, who wore normal clothing. A pair of jeans, T-shirt, and trainers. What else would you need to wear in this weather?



“Hey Harry, what’s up?” Tom had said, walking past me to hug my son. I still stood there from shock, but quickly shook it out of my system. I turned towards Harry.



“Harry…Are you not going to introduce me to your friend?” I placed Jimmy onto the floor, closing the door and walked towards him. Who I had noticed the boy still had his arm around Harry’s shoulder. I gritted my teeth, but hid it with a forced smile.



“Oh sorry, Tom this is my dad” Harry smiled to the boy, who I still had not seen its face due to the cap and hood.



“Oh hey man, respect” He took hold of my hand, shook it in away that left me confused, while back handing me when he hugged me briefly. “You got a nice yard here man, can’t wait till I get signed up so I could get the dosh for a place like this.” He looked to Harry. “Hey Harry, maybe I let you stay around for a few nights”



I think not! I automatically had thought of saying, but bit my tongue. So instead I said something else, calming myself down, trying not kick that boy out on his ear. “Signed up? You’re in some sort of business Tom? How old are you by the way?” I stressed out his name.



“Psh, seventeen and I’m in the music business man. You know, spitting out lyrics about the hood and that. The 5-O player hating us, you know the cops-pigs- and that. So I beat out records, you know the real life gangster thang. I’m a MC man. MC RES-PECT!” He hit his chest at the last word.



My jaw dropped again, how could Harry be involved with him? I cleared my throat, glancing at Harry briefly, though he had a light of spark in his eye. Though it quickly died out when he saw that I had looked at him. I turned towards back to the hooded boy, I was sorely tempted hit his face as he done to his chest. “You were involved with the…Police?”



“Oh nah man, nothing like that! Well I got arrested a few times when I was a kid, but that was minor stuff, just mucking about you know. No gun charges like Snoop and his gang…well not yet anyways.” He laughed, I did not know whether he implied it as a joke or not. “Hey Harry here says you’re a lawyer, hey man, maybe you got my back when the 5-O comes sniffing around eh?”



My left eye twitched. I cleared my throat once more and folded my arms across my chest. “I’m sure…” I drawled out. “ So, Tom…Where the two of you going today? If I may so ask?” It might be words of a question, but I was demanding my answer.



He had the gall to wrap his arms around Harry, while he spoke to me. I really wanted to strangle him, preferably with his chain. “Oh I thought we could go to a Cinema first…then to the park…” He kissed my son’s cheek and that was the last straw for me.



“Harry, may I see you in the next room please? Your Mother wanted me to tell you something before you left, in private” I looked at Jimmy. “Go and wait in the living room son, you too Tom if you do not mind waiting for a few moments” I walked off to the dinning room, not waiting for a reply.



Once I entered, with Harry following close by I shut the door and faced my Raven. “What was that?” I lifted up my eyebrow, my lips pursed tightly.



Harry just looked up at me innocently, leaning against the table. “What was what Papa?”



I gritted my teeth. “You know what I mean Harry, you are not really considering on going out with that…boy, do you?” I spat out the word boy, as if it tasted something foul. In a way it was.



Harry just looked confused. “What you mean? He’s really sweet, I mean he might be a little rough around the edges but he treats me right”



My twitched again, I quickly took a few calm breaths before speaking again. “Look Harry…”Another breath. “What happened to Carter by the way? I thought you liked him?” I went to sit down on one of the chairs next to Harry.



Harry lifted up his chin in thought. “Oh I did, but he’s a one off. I mean he was great and everything but Tom is more…experienced…”



I coughed. “I’m sure he is, with the police no doubt!” I looked at Harry. “You’re not going out with him today-”



“Why?” Harry looked at me, his eyes flaring up. “He’s not bad you know! You got no right-”



“Keep your voice down!” I hissed. “Before you interrupted me I was going to say you’re not going out with him today because you’re coming with me and…Tom” That was a lie, but I did not want Harry to be upset, besides I would get to know Tom a little better. I thought perhaps I could scare him off or something like that. It angered me that Harry could waste his time on someone like that, and I was all up for a full-blown argument but it would not be fair on Jimmy though.



So all I could do was play along, and perhaps my mind could change about the boy.



Or perhaps I was just jealous.



We had just arrived at the London Zoo, just in the parking lot. It took a few more moments to convince Harry that I was not on planning to embarrass him or his…boyfriend. Urgh, I always hated that word…It always sounded so childish to me. Once Harry told Tom the boy was speechless for a few seconds, of course who wouldn’t at that age? It was the Zoo after all, but never the less Harry convinced him. Oh joy…



I undid my seat belt while looking at the back through the review mirror, watching the hooded boy doing the same. I furrowed my crows in confusion, really, who would wear that in the summer? “Tom, I think it would be best if you took that hood off for one I would like to see who my son is going out with. Plus I would not like to have the pleasure of you fainting in heat” I admit I had not quite hold down my anger, but I was just annoyed at the fact that Harry liked him.



I think I actually saw a faint line of blush from him. Perhaps he was just all show for this entire ‘gangster’ thing he likes to say. Maybe he’s a spoilt little rich kid blaring it.



Once he took off the hooded top and cap, he had blue eyes and black hair that was flat by the pressure of the said cap.



I smirked. “See? Much better”



He just grunted in reply and Harry just kissed him on his cheek, which made my eye twitch yet again.



Once we all got out Jimmy ran to me so I could pick him up and place him on my shoulders so he could get a better view of everything he so desires. “On wards!” He pointed to the Zoo’s paying both. I just chuckled in reply and done what he had asked of me.



As I paid we had all went around to look at the out doors animals. A few hours looking at Lions, tigers, and bears…“Oh my!“ Jimmy on my shoulder squirming in excitement. Me who could not help but smile at him, but soon to turn into a frown when I had noticed the other two boys not paying much attention to the animals, rather to each other. Watching Tom going behind my Raven, holding him around the waist whispering things into his ear, which made my son blush.



I could not help but scowl at it, all those feelings coming back up with a vengeance. Practically the night that I had made love to Harry, those flashes of images of Harry kissing me. The image of Harry lying down naked, anticipating for my touch. The feeling of that glorious skin beneath my fingertips, erecting delightful moans from within him. The soft loved filled gaze of his emerald eyes upon me. The groans commanding me to thrust into him faster…



I myself now had groaned, closing my eyes briefly, slightly losing my balance.



“Daddy?” I heard Jimmy say. Soon to hear another voice.



“Papa!?” Harry sounded a little more panic, which he soon to come by my side. “Are you alright? Here let me take Jimmy down” He helped to take my son down. “You want to sit down? You don’t look so good”



“Hey Mr S, you ok?”



I screwed up my face in annoyance, though it was mostly upon hearing that boy’s voice and his short name for me.



I grunted. “Yes I’m fine…Lets just go and eat something. I need to get out of the heat for a little while” Jimmy slipped his hand into mine and we all began to walk to a nearby café. I needed to get Harry out of my mind, though it was hard considering that he was with us. I was almost regretting asking him to come along, or Tom for that matter but, I would of not been able to get through the day with Jimmy by constantly thinking of what they was doing at that precise second of every damn minute of that day.



But them two actually being there that had not eased my thoughts any better. Seeing it through my own eyes was most probably the worst, watching them cuddle and kiss, whispering sweet nothings to each other’s ears; and there I stood. Watching them from afar, boiling in envy, jealously, anger….



Sadness.



“May I take you’re order gentlemen?” The waitress gave a small smile, smiling even wider once looking at Jimmy. We all soon gave our orders, the waitress leaving soon the chattering emerged from the two boys across from me and Jimmy.



“You see that wolf Harry? It looked like our teacher Lupin. He looks like one, specially with scars on his face” Tom started talking, with my great discomfort, watching him hold Harry’s hand.



“Hey leave him alone, he said that he got those scars from a motorcycle accident” Harry tilted his head in thought. “But I know what you mean…He’s got that shaggy look on him…”



Tom grinned. “ Only cause you fancy him”



Harry mockingly glared. “I don’t”



Tom laughed. “Yes you do! I saw the way you look at him! Man, I’m almost jealous of him the amount of attention you pay him and not me!”



Harry grinned now. “And you should be…baby’s got back!”



Both of them laughed together. Jimmy looking through the window in wonderment, and me sitting there, politely holding down my urge to throttle the blue eyed boy.



A change of subject was in order. “You still go to school Tom?”



The boy looked at me, leaning back and smiled. “Yeah I do Mr S, I’m in sixth form still. Got a year left to finish ‘til I’m off to Uni”



If I heard that nickname once again, I really would have throttled him. “Call me Severus Tom”



“Severus…Its too long man! How about Sev for short?”



“How about no?”



Tom looked a little uncomfortable when he heard the growl in my voice in warning. Good.



Now it was I who grinned, though mine was not friendly at all. ”So you planning to go to University? I thought you wanted to Sing?”



“Psh its rap and I do, but that’s like, you know, part time and stuff. I still do that but my old man wants me to do something to fall back on you know, business” He snapped his fingers in an unusual way, rotating his wrist.



I raised my eyebrow at his hand, briefly looking at Harry who was covering his mouth with his hand in presuming in amusement. “What does your father do?”



“Tch, he owns a shop on bond street man, a restaurant”



I smirked, so he really was a rich kid in disguise. So much for the ‘hood’.



We all began to chatter, though I only voiced out a few words in curiosity and was just listening to the bullshit Tom was saying from his arse, sorry, mouth, and Harry talking all the while they looked at each other in a sickly way that made me think once bloody again on why do I want Harry to look at me and not anyone else.



No, I could not fool myself any longer of thinking of the feeling just being protective over my boy. Do not get me wrong, I will always be protective over him, but this feeling I was suppressing had gone beyond than the mere relationship of a father and son. Though I had wondered when I had actually started feeling for him more than I should. I could not at all imagine myself making love to him when he was younger. No, the mere thought made my stomach churn in disgust. But perhaps it did not started at all, in a certain way. Perhaps the feelings that I harbour for my son had developed through our relationship over in time. And it was only the time that I had discovered Harry’s intentions of me that it made me aware of what I feel for him. Though, admittedly, I out right refused this, but who would not? If you had loved someone as your own flesh and blood, protect him as you would with a child, care for him as a parent would; then soon it was shattered with not just along of those feelings I felt for him, but mixed with the sexual need of the boy.



The strangest, and most probably the sickest thing of this whole ordeal was that I still want to father him. Still hearing those faint whispers of ‘Papa’ when he mewled underneath me, which felt so right. Hearing the soft caress of the word coming from his mouth felt so right every time he addressed me. Though thinking like that with Jimmy…No, it sounded horrible. With Harry it was just perfect. Simply sinfully perfect.



And I wanted more.



“Come on daddy! Lets see more animals! We’ve been here soooo long! C’mon!” Jimmy whined. Tugging at my hand.



“Well if that was alright with you two?-” I raised an eyebrow at the two boys, who interrupted me.



“Actually I was wondering if we could split up for the rest of the day. We want to see those tigers again” Harry said, smiling innocently.



I clenched my teeth briefly, not liking the new outcome at all. I wanted to say no but I had no good reason at all. Other than the pathetic excuse for trying to get to know Tom but that was already been used, plus I already know enough what I need to know of that boy.



He had to simply go. Harry was mine.



My son was mine.



And mine alone.