The Death of a Soul

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter Twenty Five

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


No sooner had the two of them entered into their quarters, when Harry jerked his arm free and marched over to the open door of their bedroom. As soon as he reached it however, the door slammed shut. Harry spun around and glared at Snape who was casually leaning against the wall, arms folded loosely over his chest.

“What? What now?” Harry spat.

Severus remained calm and a soft smile radiated from his lips. His young husband became angrier and stormed across the room.

“You know what? I am sick and tired of all your crap!” Snape raised an amused eyebrow, causing Harry’s anger to escalate. “I give up! I can't take anymore of this! You want to let the world think you’re some sort of a hero, then fine! You're a fucking hero! You want to fuck me day in and day out, fine! But just tell me this,” Harry said, closing the distance.

He stopped a foot away from Severus and leaned in.

“Where the fuck is the man who swore nothing would change? What happened to all the bloody promises you made on our wedding day?”

Snape's expression suddenly turned neutral. “Everything I said is true.” He paused and held up a hand to stopped Harry from arguing. “However, you have been making things quite difficult.”

Harry took a step back and took in several breaths of air before, “I have been making things difficult?” he cried and Snape merely nodded.

Harry spun around and began pacing about the room, appearing as if he was talking to himself. Finally, he turned back to Snape.

“Nothing I’ve done or said has made any fucking difference, has it?” he hissed, trying his best to calm down.

Severus barely curled his lip and shook his head slowly. Harry’s eyes narrowed dangerously and clenched his jaw.

“Well,” Harry began, lowering his voice. “I suppose you no longer have to worry about that anymore, dear husband, because I quit.”

Snape looked at him curiously.

Harry went on. “It seems that no matter what I do, I just can't win.”

“It isn’t a matter of losing or winning, Harry…”

“Yes it is!” he said, his voice rising back up. “And that,” Harry snapped, pointing over to the direction outside their quarters. “Proves it. I am tired of playing these little fucking games of yours, so just tell me what you want from me!”

The older wizard furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips tight, almost looking as if he was deciding.

“You can't think of anything?” Harry scoffed. “Well, allow me to do it for you,” he said sarcastically.

Severus tilted his head and arched a questioning brow.

“I will no longer complain about us having to fuck. There's a start now, isn’t it? What else?” Harry challenged, now smirking.

There was a slight pause before Snape nodded. “All right. I want you to spend more time with your friends,” he said, carefully.

Harry crossed his arms. “Fine. What else?”

“I want you to start taking your studies more seriously.”

“Fine. What else?”

Severus thought a moment. “I want you to begin your training.”

“Done,” Harry said with a nod of his head. “Anything else?”

Snape looked away, then looked back at him, moving his eyes only. “I want you to be happy,” he said softly.

His young husband gave a short hysterical laugh and covered his face, shaking it in disbelief. He looked back up. “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you were joking.”

The older wizard’s expression became somber. “I am serious.”

Harry raised his chin. “Well, sorry to disappoint you, dear husband, but that will never happen.” He squeezed his arms tighter around himself. “Of course this isn’t about me now, is it? This is about what you want, so let’s just stick with the facts.” He paused. “You want to fuck me without complaints,” he started, counting off on his fingers. “You want me to spend more time with my friends, you want me to study harder, and you want me to begin training.” Harry tapped his finger on his jaw. “Now. There was something else, wasn’t there?” he mocked, looking up at the ceiling.

Harry lowered his gaze and gave a feral grin.

“Oh yes.” He walked up to Snape and reached for the buttons on his robe. He leaned in and whispered, “You said you like it when I’m in control, didn’t you?” he said, brows rising.

Severus gently grabbed his wrists, but Harry batted them away with the back of his hands.

“Don’t worry. I told you. I’m not going to be ‘difficult’,” Harry said, almost teasingly.

Unexpectedly, Harry pushed him against the wall and quickly finished removing Snape’s robe. The older man protested a few more times, but sharply gasped as familiar lips latched onto his exposed nipples.

“Harry…”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Severus fluttered his eyes open and smiled, remembering last night. It was the most gratifying time they had had together so far. He rolled over to hug Harry but his side of the bed was cold and empty. He sat up and turned his head in the direction of water running. His smile deepened.

Harry flinched as a pair of arms encircled his waist. He stilled briefly, eyes locking on the shower wall in front of him.

“Harry,” Snape breathed, licking the moisture behind his ear. “I meant what I said last night. I really do want you to be happy.” Harry grimaced. “Whatever you want. Just name it and it’s yours.”

Suddenly, Draco Malfoy’s words rang true.

“So, Potter. Is he good to you? Does he treat you well? Does he give you anything and everything you’ve ever wanted?”

Harry closed his eyes and inwardly sighed.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Harry entered the Great Hall with a renewed sense of anger. If this was what Snape and the rest of the Wizarding World wanted from him, then by all the Gods above, he’d give it to them. He had no more will to fight, and that made Harry angrier then he ever thought possible. So, he’d do what they wanted, anytime they wanted it, but he’d be damned if he was going to be happy about it. Happy, Harry thought bitterly. Since when has anyone ever cared whether or not he was happy?

Harry held his head high and sat down at the Gryffindor table. At first there was an uncomfortable silence lingering in the air surrounding him, until Harry started answering all the unasked questions he knew was coming. Yes, he was fine. No, everything is all right. Yes, they worked things out…. Soon everyone sitting around him – especially his two best friends – began asking questions, as it was clear Harry was going to answer anything. Well, almost everything.

It took days before Hermione and Ron stopped interrogating Harry, demanding to know if he was really all right. But, through patience and the right amount of jokes, he finally managed to convince them. He almost convinced himself.

Almost.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


It didn’t come as a surprise to Harry when he learned how the Wizarding World had gradually accepted Minister Fudge deception. He knew they were probably told more lies to cover the old lies, but at this point, Harry didn’t care. It simply made no difference one way or another. He was still married and still bound to his hated teacher.

In the weeks that followed, Harry's grades had surpassed all expectations and naturally, he excelled in potions. His training had become more and more difficult, but with each nightly (and daily) ‘sessions’ – as Harry called those intimate moments with his husband - his powers were growing stronger and stronger everyday. He knew it wouldn’t be long that he’d be ready for anything Voldemort could throw at him. All Harry had to do now was wait.

To those who weren’t that close to Harry began to notice a strong sense of confidence radiating out from him. But to those knew him well, they knew that he was just plain furious. Naturally, Harry would deny it and tried his best to assure them that he was merely obtaining some of Snape's pleasant personality. It was funny to some, but not to Hermione and Ron.

Nor to Snape.

Since that new ‘agreement’ night, it was Harry who started initiating the sex. He had fully learned Severus’s sexual rituals by now and wasted no time putting it into a daily routine. Sometimes however, Snape would catch him off guard and demand the lead, but both knew who really controlled the activities. Secretly, Severus didn’t mind in the least. It was what he wanted after all. Soon, it wasn’t enough for him. Something was definitely missing. Something he couldn’t place.

Snape began watching Harry more closely, trying to find out just what was missing. His husband’s behaviour outside their quarters had improved dramatically he discovered. He was no longer timid or unsure of himself. It was quite the opposite. Harry was now straightforward, confident, and held himself in complete control at all times. Severus was extremely proud of his young husband… But there was still that missing piece.

It was at the end of the second week since the world learned of the ‘truth’ that Severus saw the first indication of what it was. He had finished his last class of the day – the first years – when he recognised the voices of Albus and Harry just outside his office. Dumbledore was questioning Harry regarding his abrupt behaviour with Professor McGonagall. Snape listened as Harry explained that he had a run in with his friends and unconsciously took it out on her. Harry promised he would immediately go back and apologise. Satisfied, Albus walked away and it was then that Severus saw it.

Harry made an obscene gesture to the retreating figure then whirled around, marching off in the opposite direction. Severus balked. Surely Harry didn’t just disrespect Dumbledore, did he? His long-time mentor? The one that Harry had finally made peace with? Severus ducked back inside his classroom and heard Harry curse as he stormed by. Snape hung his head and sighed. Part of him was filled with sadness, while the other was filled with fury.

Severus waited a few minutes before heading down to their quarters. Harry was towelling off having had a quick shower and he flinched slightly upon seeing Snape standing in the centre of the bedroom. Obviously he wasn’t expecting him back so soon. Harry smiled warmly at him and abandoned his towel that was encircling his waist, letting it fall to the floor. Severus approached him slowly and Harry motioned to the bed. Snape snorted in amusement and complied, but it was Snape who took the lead.

As he leaned over Harry, Severus studied every movement, every sound and every expression Harry was making the entire time. It was the same as all the other countless times they had had sex. By all accounts, Harry seemed to enjoy himself and was giving in wholly to the overwhelming pleasure he was receiving. It wasn’t until the very end that Snape caught a glimpse of Harry in the reflection of a hanging picture.

They were lying on their side with Harry facing away from him and his leg draped over Severus’s. Harry had admitted he liked this position the best because of the added depth it caused. Snape now knew the real reason. It allowed Harry to let down his guard and show his true emotion. His face was expressionless and his eyes were empty and staring out in space. How had Severus missed this? Here was his husband that only two minutes prior had cried out from an earth shattering orgasm. He rolled Harry over and searched for some type of clue in those beautiful emerald eyes. Harry looked at him curiously.

Snape said nothing but continued to stare at him, his eyes mapping every inch of Harry’s face. There was only a thin film of sweat on his forehead and he wasn’t even breathing hard. In fact it was almost normal. Severus furrowed his brows but still remain silent. Harry returned the expression then smiled and shook his head. He gently cupped the back of Severus’s head and pulled him down for a deep kiss.

Snape’s eyes opened wide. Never before that he could remember, had they kissed. Ever. But it had the desired effect – Snape temporarily forgot what he just had witnessed. Severus devoured Harry’s mouth as if his life depended on it. When he pulled back, Harry was completely breathless and his eyes were glazed over. Perhaps Snape had imagined it. With that thought reeling, Harry smiled and pulled Snape off the bed and led him into the shower and tenderly washed every part of his body, taking extra care around his reddened cock. It was a rough session.

After drying off and getting dressed, Severus requested that they dine in tonight. Harry agreed. It would be the first time in months. They sat opposite each other, Harry unaware of the attentive eyes. Neither spoke and the silence was becoming unbearable for the older wizard.

“How was your day?” Snape finally said.

Harry briefly glanced up. “Fine, thanks. Yours?”

“Same insufferable brats.”

Harry smiled and buttered his roll. Another long silence. Severus watched his young husband sit quietly and go through the routine motions of eating. This was not normal. Harry wasn’t normal.

“So, I heard you say that you had a run in with your friends,” he said nonchalantly and waited for some type of reaction.

If Snape hadn’t been watching Harry so closely, he would’ve missed the slight pause, the fork just in front of his mouth. After chewing and swallowing Harry shrugged.

“It was nothing,” he said simply.

“I thought the three of you were getting along.”

Still looking at his plate, “We are. It was nothing.”

“So nothing in fact that you were angry enough to take it out on Minerva and Albus?” Snape asked calmly.

This time Harry paused a bit longer. “I told Professor Dumbledore that I would I apologise to her,” he replied evenly, but no venom was in his voice.

“And Albus?”

The young wizard finally looked at him emotionless. “Why would I apologise to him?” he asked and Severus could have sworn there was an emphasis on ‘him’, but said nothing.

“I saw you, Harry.” The boy looked questioningly at him. Snape sighed. “The gesture? To his back? I saw it.”

Harry mouthed ‘Oh’ and stared at his food. “I’m sorry. I was just upset.”

“At Albus?” Snape persisted.

Harry lifted one shoulder. “Dunno. I just wasn’t in a good mood.”

“It was because of Ron and Hermione?”

Harry closed his eyes and sighed loudly. “We just had a difference of opinion. That’s all,” he said tiredly, wishing Snape would just drop it.

“What was it about?”

Harry gently set his fork down, held his hands in his lap and hung his head. Snape waited but the boy remained silent. He leaned over the table and whispered, “Harry, I’m only concerned. I wish you would talk to me.”

Harry’s eye twitched but still said nothing. Severus clenched his jaw, frustrated. He’d have to try another tact, but couldn’t think of one.

“Harry, they're your best friends. Good friends. Maybe…”

Harry’s eyes pleaded with him. “Why are you trying to start an argument?”

Snape blinked. “I’m not. I just wish you would…”

“Would what?” Harry asked, interrupting him. “What do you want me to do?” His voice sounded small.

“I think you three need to talk about… whatever happened and make it right. Clearly it’s bothering you.”

Harry looked away, nodding reluctantly. “All right. If you think I should.”

Snape looked him, puzzled. “Don’t you think you should?”

Harry closed his eyes again and sighed. “Friends have disagreements.” He stopped for a second then continued, “But if you think I should then I will.”

“Don’t you think you should?” Severus repeated.

Harry’s stomach clenched. “I said I would talk to them. Please. Please can we talk about something else?”

Snape relaxed and tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it wasn’t working. “All right.”

The younger wizard sighed in relief. He started to eat again.

“Are you joining them to Hogsmeade tomorrow?”

Harry gripped his fork tight. The man wasn’t letting this go.

“I wasn’t planning on going. I have a test Monday. In Professor McGonagall’s.”

“Harry,” he began and saw how the boy flinched. He went on anyway. “You are well ahead in all your classes. I really don’t think you need to study.”

Harry’s elbow rested on the table and he leaned into it, pinching his nose under his glasses.

“Harry?”

“Fine,” he whispered softly. “I’ll go.”

“Harry, I …”

“I said I’ll go!” he cried out, throwing his napkin on his plate and stood up. “Would you please stop pushing this?”

Severus’s eyes widened and could only nod. Harry closed his eyes as he turned his head then took a deep breath. When he looked back at his husband, he was already standing just in front of him. Harry looked at him sadly. So sad that Snape couldn’t resist taking him and holding him tightly in his arms.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” he whispered in his ear, softly stroking his hair with one hand and caressing his back with the other.

Harry’s eyes gleamed. “Thank you,” he whispered back, resisting the urge to grin.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~