Punishment

Well, I'm not getting many revi tho those that have- thanks! it's fun! But I'm almost running out of stuff anyways, so there will be about 3 or so more chapters unless I get inspired or you guys really wanre. re. Review and let me know what you think!



After Severus and Alex said good-bye, He drowned himself in fire whiskey. Every night he would drink almost a full handle just to pass out. He drank to rid himself of the memories of Alex, chasing her ghost from his mind. The more he drank, the less he was able to function, also making sure there was no way he could go to her. He took his anger out on his classes; deducting points and assigning detentions or essays, both sometimes, as the days passed. All the while avoiding her. The headaches made it worse as he refused to take a hang over potion. Any pain was welcome, as long as he felt something other than the stormy sea in his stomach that he supposed was the sign of a broken heart. He didn’t smoke any more; that kind of happiness wasn’t deserved. He would rather wallow in his grief for something that would never be, and alcohol allowed him to do this where pot just made him forget the pain and worries for a while. And to make sure a repeat of that one particular drunken night didn’t happen again, he charmed the door so he couldn’t hear if some one was knocking, so he could continue uninterrupted. If she had come to him, he didn’t know about it.

He continued to cut hims wat watching in fascination as the blood pooled. He would swirl the red liquid around, making the cut sting and bleed more until it congealed and dried a rusty brown color. All the pain he would feel during the day would leave for as long as he was causing himself to bleed. As long as he wasn’t feeling the pain of his soul shattering, any pain was preferable; even crucio was welcome. The The months dragged on, and he noticed, with even more pain, that Alex had moved on. He noticed she had gotten healthier, acquired that well rested warm glow about her. He noticed that she had started to hang out with Mr. Drega more and more, and one day saw them holding hands. He heard through gossip in the staff room while reading his paper that they were dating. His vision turned red and his hands shook as the words on the paper became scrambled and his lunch threatened to make another appearance. He crumpled up the paper and much to the alarm of the other teachers, threw it into the fire and stormed out. He heard Flitwick exclaim before the door closed, “Must be the Quidditch score from last night!” He knew they were dating, but to hear it said made it crystal clear to him. How could she do that! She said she’d wait for him! Though he had no intention of going after her, he more than expected the both of them to just grow old and die lonely and without any one. That way she’d keep her promise, and he knew no one else would have her, and he didn’t have to have his heart broken. She had to go and mess it all up, once again, just like she already had by coming into his life. He stormed down to his office, only to be stopped dead in his tracks as he rounded the corner as he was greeted by the sight of Alex waiting outside the door of his classroom.

***************************

Alex didn’t eat or sleep much. She would cry herself asleep most nights. She loved Severus so much it hurt. His blatant refusal of her had killed whatever hope she had had of being with him. She had promised to wait for him, and so wait she would. As the days moved forward, and the more he ignored her, the less she wanted to keep that promise. Why should she wait for something that he clearly wanted nothing to do with? During potions class, she would keep her head down and do her work, and it was made easier by him pretending she wasn’t there.

Sasha had listened to what had happened between Snape and her friend. And was there to listen to Alex, but stopped pushing her to do something about it, even though it was clearly what Alex wanted. There seemed to be no way to convince her otherwise, and even if she did want to do something about it, Sasha for the first time, had no idea what could be done. Snape had made it very clear to her what he wanted, and that was nothing to do with her.

Alex and Kevin were spending more time together. He knew was was upset about something, but knew she wouldn’t tell him what it was. So he had settled for just being there for her. Often times, she just needed to be held, so she would curl up in his lap in front of the fire and talk, or be silent, and that was ok. A few months went by, and she was able to eat more, and sleep without crying herself dry first. She felt better, even though she still felt empty at times.

She had been contemplating what sex with Kevin would be like. She knew she could trust him, and even though they had tried to kiss once, the amount of time they had been spending together had changed their feelings from brother and sister to maybe more. What would sex with some one else be like? Would it be better? She didn’t have anything to compare Severus to, and maybe that was her problem. Kevin is safe. He is cute. They had been friends for almost seven years, and if things ended, she was sure that the friendship wouldn’t be awkward. So one night while cuddling besides the fire, she made up her mind. She looked up at him and raised her hand to push his hair back, and slowly brought her fingers down to trace the side of his face. Kevin looked down at her puzzled at first. She reached the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. His lips were warm and soft. It was a lazy kiss and without the feelings from their last encounter like this. She could do this. She pulled him tighter to her, trying to obtain the warmth she usually felt with Severus. But it never came. He lifted her up and brought her to his room.

*********************************

Afterwards, he fell asleep, and she left for her own room. It had been very different, no spark, or uncontrolled passion. They had both gotten off, and it left her relaxed. It was what she needed. What they had was comfortable. What they had was safe. It wouldn’t come with the passion she had for Severus, but it would come with stability and comfort that a relationship with Severus didn’t have. And so they began dating.

At this point, Alex was tired of being ignored. She wanted Severus to acknowledge her existence for once. She didn’t want to be friends with him, but she wanted to have the teacher student relationship at least. She hated to admit, but she still loved him with every beat of her heart. Once in a blue moon she would weep after Kevin was asleep, for something she knew would never be. She avoided any talk of feelings around Kevin. He was starting to get frustrated. She could tell he felt used sometimes and whenever he tried to bring up a future with her, she avoided him at all costs. She just couldn’t bring herself to think about that yet. Maybe after school, when she was away from Severus, she could think about it. Taking a deep breath, she headed down to confront him. As she raised her hand to knock, he rounded the corner and both of them froze. Her fist mid knock staring at him, and his robes whooshing around him at his sudden stop. His eyes narrowed, and walked toward the door.

“Yes, Miss Owens?” He asked as he opened the door and allowed her through.
“Trouble with your potions essay?”

“No, actually... I came to...confront you on something I find to be an issue.”

The dooosedosed and he moved around to sit at his desk.

“And what, prey tell, might that be?”

Alex knew this was going to be hard, and his snarkiness wasn’t making it any better. She swallowed before she could speak.

“You’re ignoring me in class, not even looking at my potion to make sure it’s ok, and I am still your student.”

“Your work always seems to be impeccably correct, there’s no need to continue checking on you. If that is all you can run back to your pimp now...”

“You can’t just pretend I’m not there Severus!”

“NEVER call me that! I am your professor as you so clearointointed out a few seconds ago. I will run my classroom as I see fit, because I AM the teacher, do I make myself clear?!”

A tear ran down her face. He wanted to go to her and kiss it away and tell her he loved her and to never let her go and tell her to say his name over and over again as they made love. But she was with that...boy...now and he was too mad at her to lower himself to that point of begging.

“...crystal...professor...I’ll leave you be then... sorry to disturb you.” She turned and walked to the door. He closed his eyes willing himself not to give in as she left. But opened them when he heard her stop. “...I still love you...” She whispered without turning around and he could see her shoulders begin to shake. It seemed with great difficulty that she walked out the door, closing it behind her, and even more difficult was keeping control of himself not to say it back. After the door had clicked closed, his chair flew back he she stood and smashed the inkbottle against the wall. Almost running to his room, he grabbed his bottle of whiskey and pressed play on the stereo. He had drifted from Pink Floyd and found himself quiet fond of another more recent band. And this song suited him perfectly.

They slit our throats
Like we were flowers
And our milk has been devoured

When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times u hate it
It always seems to last
But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside you fucking heart is me

[thought, not spoken:] I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day

I wish I could sleep
But I can't lay on my back
Because there's a knife
For everyday that I've known you

When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times u hate it
It always seems to last
But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me

I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day

Lie to me, cry to me, give to me
I would
Lie with me, die with me, give to me
I would
Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair
I hope at least we die holding hands for always

He passed out in a puddle of alcohol and blood.


REVIEWS WELCOME!!!!
Song by Marilyn Manson