Bonds of Affection

Not long after Minerva and Albus departed, a firecall came through from the Burrow, from Hermione and Ron. Even through the firecall connection, Severus could tell that the two young people looked genuinely distressed. He stood up and was about to leave the room, to allow Harry some privacy, but Harry took his hand and held him back.



“What is it?” Harry asked, addressing his friends.



Hermione looked at them plaintively. Ron gave her an ungentle shove, urging her to speak.



“It\'s about Wailing Willow Bark,” Hermione said contritely. “I was playing with surveillance spells... I placed one on the outside of McGonagall\'s door,” she said quietly.



“Did you,” Severus said sternly. He wanted to berate her for spying on her teachers, but the expression of complete misery and dread on her face held him back.



“The Aurors... there were two Aurors sent to .. retrace Ron\'s steps in Knockturn Alley... find out information on Wailing Willow Bark - McGonagall helped them get started... But Dumbledore called them off, before they ever made it to the Alley.”



“Oh,” Severus said blankly. “Do you know why?”



Hermione nodded miserably. “I accessed the surveillance spell... Only caught a part of the conversation. But Dumbledore said it was obviously too dangerous to look for that information... he didn\'t want to endanger more lives, and it didn\'t matter anymore, because what\'s done is done. So he terminated the investigation.”



Severus looked at the firecall images of Hermione and Ron. Hermione was smiling dejectedly.



“And then?” he asked quietly.



“And then... McGonagall got really upset, and said, of course it matters... and then she almost cried, and Dumbledore followed her to her quarters, and I didn\'t hear the rest.”



“I see,” Severus said impassively, and terminated the connection.



There was a knot in his stomach. Every night for the last three weeks, before finally falling asleep, Severus was plagued by horrible fears of what the unknown ingredient in Voldemort\'s potion might have been... was it life-threatening? Would it cause some kind of permanent damage over time? Would it destroy Harry\'s mind, or turn him into something else, someone else entirely? Apparently, Albus was not nearly as concerned. To give up on the welfare of a sixteen-year old student, to call off the investigation, just like that, was... a betrayal. Severus had no other word for it.



He glanced at Harry cautiously, and saw a faint, unhappy smile on his lips.



“Dumbledore\'s got a point,” Harry said quietly. “It really doesn\'t matter.”



Severus glared at him. “Of course it matters,” he spat vehemently.



“Not really,” Harry insisted. “Whatever the ingredient is, it is likely as irreversible as the rest of the potion. Knowing what it is most likely won\'t help us.” He was speaking with quiet conviction, but Severus could still hear a note of ache in his voice.



“You feel betrayed,” Severus said with sadness.



“Yeah,” Harry agreed. “But not because he stopped looking... because he didn\'t tell me he had.”



Severus nodded quietly. He had considered venturing into the Knockturn Alley on his own, to look for the information on the mystery ingredient, but to do so would likely blow his cover in Voldemort\'s eyes... after all the trouble they had gone to in order to keep it.



He was still sitting silently, looking vacantly in front of himself, when he sensed Harry standing next to him. Harry buried his face in his hair and sniffed a little, and Severus found himself laughing quietly at the sensation.



“You should laugh more,” Harry said seriously, and pressed a kiss against his cheek. Severus wrapped his arms around Harry, and pulled him into his lap. Harry melted in his embrace, settling comfortably against his chest. Severus stroked his hair and cheeks, amazed at the softness of his skin. His eyes half-shut, Harry pressed his face into Severus\'s palm and kissed his fingers, one by one, nipping the fingertips with his teeth, but very gently and teasingly. There was so much gentleness and innocence in his affection, that Severus found himself unable to reciprocate, or say anything. All he could do was sit in mindless wonder, blissfully absorbing the youthful, kind touch.



Harry reached towards his face and kissed him on the mouth. Their lips and tongues merged in a torrent of pure pleasure, and Severus held Harry in his arms, caressing his back and sides, fingers running through his hair. For a good several hours, all they did was kiss. Severus suddenly realized that he was feeling young again... Or rather, that, never before, had he felt so young, and so full of life; not even when he was actually seventeen years old – a sulky, antisocial loner, bullied by a small gang of Gryffindor students.... agonizing, humiliating memories rose to the surface briefly, but were drowned in the youthful, loving kiss, and were wiped out with a caress of a soft hand against his face.



They were interrupted by a rapping on the window. Severus walked over to it and opened it reluctantly, allowing in an owl with a letter from the Malfoy household. Severus skimmed the letter, sighed disdainfully, and tossed the parchment into the fireplace. He lifted his eyes and saw Harry studying his face with concern.



“What is it?” Harry asked.



“Lucius Malfoy is coming for dinner tomorrow,” Severus said reluctantly.



Harry winced a little. “Well...maybe I could go to the Weasleys for the evening. I have an open invitation.”



Severus felt a lump in his throat. “I wish I could just send you off, but it is Voldemort\'s wish that Lucius and you... interact.”



Harry was glaring at him. “Interact,” he repeated icily. “How?”



Severus shrugged apologetically. His orders were to submit to Lucius in the matter, but he had no idea what type of interaction was intended. Knowing Voldemort, it could truly mean anything... from a cordial conversation, to a human sacrifice. Harry stared at him sullenly a bit longer, but then his expression softened, and he smiled a little.



“Sorry,” he said reluctantly. “I trust you, you know... out of all the people that are supposed to be guiding me and directing me, I think you are the only one who actually still cares on a personal level.”



Severus opened his mouth in automatic protest, but Harry shot him a single bitter glance, and he could not find the resolve to argue, and try to convince him otherwise. True, there were people who cared for Harry deeply –the werewolf, the Weasleys, the ever-annoying Hermione Granger, the entire Dumbledore\'s Army... but of the people who were in a position of authority over Harry, Albus and Minerva were the only ones that Severus could have singled out as having personal attachment to the boy. Severus was not about to pass judgment on either of them based on a second-hand fragment of a conversation, however, after what he had heard today, he could not help but wonder.



Harry glanced at him cautiously. He seemed to be unnerved by his silence. “You do care for me, don\'t you?” he said softly.



Severus just nodded wordlessly.



“Say it,” Harry asked suddenly.



Severus opened his mouth, wanting to say that – and more; but no words came. He just wrapped his arms around Harry, and drew him close, kissing the top of his head.



“Why won\'t you?” Harry asked quietly.



I don\'t deserve to, Severus almost said out loud, but stopped himself just in time.