Bittersweet

Leave it to Weasley to fuck things up. 

If Malfoy knew the extent of his ability to ignore a command, he would have done something different.  But the annoying bitch showed a surprising ability to resist orders.  He never left the library.

He had wanted to be caught.

Which heavily impacted Malfoy’s future because now everyone thought him to be a rapist.  Of course that was true, but the fact that they knew and now his life would never be the same…he was working fast to fix things but all he wanted to do was to kill.

No one was safe from his rage. 

He couldn’t shake this feeling of hopelessness.  Of self-hating and regret.  He could not believe that he had allowed things to spiral out of control.  They were going to expel him.  His family would be shamed, he would be known always as a predator of women, and he would be barred from so many circles. 

The fact that she was a mudblood would invite criticism and support form certain families he knew but nevertheless, his future was done.  He was done.  Or almost done.  He was smart enough to be prepared for disaster, but he had no direction, no plan.

What would he do?

Luckily for him, he had enough potion to retain the guise of Weasley, but that would run out, as would Weasley’s own appearance.

Malfoy needed to figure out how to make Weasley disappear but as himself.  In other words, he need to make Draco Malfoy disappear. 

Was he willing to make such a commitment?  It was not at all what he planned.

Initially he had wanted Granger to believe that Weasley was creating the potion and then living out sick fantasies as himself, Malfoy.  Malfoy was going to use it as a window to step in and show her that he was not at all as he seemed.

The last thing he wanted was to live out his days as Weasley…

He considered it: waking up every morning.  With that awful red hair, staring at that ugly face.

He would have to completely change.  He would have to be nice to Potter.

He felt like vomiting.

Angrily he began to punch the wall.

Again and again he punched, until a voice finally got through to him.

‘Ron, stop!  Your hand, oh god,’

Malfoy looked down.  The fists were bloody.  The knuckles pulverized.  Somehow the pain made it feel good. 

Malfoy stared at Harry, and wished he was punching him.

But he restrained himself, with a patience he did not even realize he possessed.

Because he wanted her.

Oh god.

And he felt hot tears sliding down his face.

‘Ron…’Harry took a step forward.

‘Fuck off!’

Harry flinched, but did as he asked.  He left him alone, probably thinking he was upset that Granger had nearly been raped.

No, he was upset because he was in love with her.  Because right now he was throwing his future away, in order to live a lie..just so that he could have the chance to be with her.

‘Fuck, fuck,fuck!’ He covered his face. 

To never see his friends or family again, could he really do that?

He pictured the face of his father, whom he admired…and his mother, who showered him with affection.  Even Crabbe and Goyle, as stupid as they were, were loyal.

He would give that up, just to be with a mudblood cunt.

‘No, I won’t.  I’ll go to Durmstrang.  Fuck her, fuck this, I don’t give a fuck!!’

He punched the wall again, but this time it was only half-hearted, ‘I’m going to leave, and I won’t care, I’m just pissed off at that fucking weasel and, and—‘

And I love her.

He fell to his knees, and stared down at the bloodied hands.

‘I love her.’

_

Oh oh! What a shocking realization??  What will Malfoy do next?  What will my readers do next?  Stay tuned!