The Pains of Becoming

Thanks to Lily Evins for betaing!!





Chapter 22

A Decision



But eventually they did arrive. Lupin took Kirsty and her father straight up to Dumbledore’s office. Kirsty deliberately ignored her fathers’ astonished eyes at everything magical they encountered on the way.



As they entered the office the headmaster walked towards them and immediately looked at Kirty’s father with a welcoming smile. Kirsty was still holding on to Lupin’s arm as she spotted Snape sitting in a chair in a rather shadowy corner, brooding and once more pretending he did not see any of them.



Kirsty’s father looked around, also spotted Snape in the back but obviously thought it rude to stare so he focused back on Dumbledore who said friendly:



“Mr. Speirs, I’m Albus Dumbledore, good to see that you are well and to finally meet you in person.”



“Headmaster, what is going on with my daughter?”



“Lets all sit down”, Dumbledore said and summoned two chairs from near by with a wave of his wand and then looked at Lupin



“Thank you for doing this, Remus. Tell Tonks my thanks as well.” Lupin nodded and turned to Kirsty, who would not let go of his arm.



“Don’t worry. You are save. That’s all that matters. Ok?” he said and softly loosened her hand from his arm. She let him but felt bitterly betrayed somehow.



She looked after him as he left. Dumbledore sat behind his desk and motioned for her father to sit down as well. Kirsty sat down next to him. She would rather have sat anywhere else.



She looked over to Snape again, who got up slowly now and joined them, leaning against a pillar next to Dumbledore. He crossed his arms and looked darkly ahead, still somewhat absently.



“Mr. Speirs, this is Professor Snape, Kirsty’s head of house”, Dumbledore introduced and then looked concerned at Kirsty, “Kirsty, are you alright?”



Her father looked back and forth between them and finally asked: “What is going on? Will somebody tell me, what the hell is wrong with my daughter?”



Dumbledore eyed him calmly: “I’m afraid Kirsty has been socialising with the wrong people for a while.”



“What does that mean, is she in with a gang or something?”



Dumbledore hesitated: “Yes, something like that…”



Snape rolled his eyes, making clear that he thought this a waste of his time.



“Is it to do with drugs?”



“No, I’m not on drugs, dad. This isn’t the muggle world. Things are different here. You can not understand”, Kirsty suddenly said, hatred in her voice. She noticed Snape’s eyes on her. He was calmly watching her now. She looked down.



“Well, try to explain it! I can’t believe…. How long has this… what ever it is, been going on?”



“A while,” admitted Dumbledore.



Mr. Speirs looked angry now: “And can you explain to me, why nobody thought it important to tell me? Just cause I don’t live in your world does not mean I am not her father!”



“No, but the fact that you never think of anyone but yourself…,” Kirsty stopped herself when she saw Dumbledore holding up his hands.



“Of course you should know, Mr Speirs. I am sorry you had to find out this way. I wish that could have been avoided. I will try to explain, but I have to warn you. It may come as a bit of a shock for you.”



Kirsty laughed an odd laugh. She caught Snape’s eye again, who now looked at her warningly.



“I’m afraid Kirsty has intimate relations to a highly dangerous man,” Dumbledore started.



“Could you be a bit more specific? What do you mean ‘intimate’? How dangerous?”



Dumbledore looked at Kirsty as though to figure out if she wanted to tell her father herself. But Kirsty clearly did not want any part of it. In truth she was rather thrilled to hear how her father would take the news that Dumbledore was about to tell him. She was not half as embarrassed as Dumbledore supposed her to be. She was thrilled for her father to hear the truth, how she was in with powerful purebloods and nearly killed him. But Snape’s look unsettled her. She felt as though he was looking right threw her, seeing all that nasty excitement.



“Lucius Malfoy, he is a member of one of our oldest wizarding families, quite like your wife was. But we have… strong suspicion of him working for… someone your wife may have referred to as You-Know-Who.” He waited for Mr Speirs’ reaction but the man only stared back at Dumbledore.



“He doesn’t remember anything my mum might have said,” Kirsty said quietly. Her father turned his head to her:



“Why would you say that?!”



Dumbledore quickly continued: “Kirsty has developed a very tight relationship with Lucius Malfoy. I’m afraid he has manipulated her into wanting and doing things…”



“He has not manipulated me!” Kirsty interrupted him.



“What do you mean: ‘manipulated’? Like with a spell?”



Dumbledore hesitated, then he said: “No, but something just as effective. Your daughter is in love with him. And he is using that.”



“Liar!” Kirsty burst out. Snape twitched as though he had to restrain himself to attack her. “Liar!” she repeated. Dumbledore looked back at her.



“I’m sorry,” Dumbledore said calmly, “how would you explain it, Kirsty?”



Kirsty hesitated, she had not wanted to take part in the conversation, but now she was more or less tricked into it. She stared darkly ahead:



“He is giving me what I need. And I am grateful…,” she stopped. She felt there were no words to describe what they had.



Dumbledore looked silently at her father, who looked back and forth between everyone present with his mouth opening and closing, struggling to speak.



“Well,” Dumbledore took over again, “we discovered this in the recent past and realised Kirsty has committed certain minor crimes within the school in Mr. Malfoy’s name, and finally harmed another student.”



“Oh my God, what did you do?” Mr. Speirs asked Kirsty horrified. Kirsty only looked back menacingly, he turned back to Dumbledore, “that’s when you should have notified me!”



Dumbledore nodded: “You are quite right, Mr. Speirs, although, things are a bit more complicated than this. I’m afraid I cannot go into more detail. You will have to believe me, we did everything we could to keep your daughter save and to monitor her at all times, but we could not intervene.”



Mr Speirs opened his mouth to argue but Dumbledore cut him off: “However things have changed now. Her drastic actions this past night convince me that I have no other choice then for her own protection to prevent any further contact between Kirsty and Lucius Malfoy.”



Kirsty shot up from her chair and she and her father shouted at the same time:



“You can not do this!”



and



“It is a bit late don’t you think?! You should never have allowed this to happen in the first place! She is a student at your school, how was it even possible for her to have contact with a man like that?!”



Dumbledore blinked slowly and said, probably addressing both: “You have every right to be angry.”



“You will not keep me away from him,” said Kirsty with a threatening voice.



Dumbledore hesitated, then he addressed her father: “I understand your feelings, Mr. Speirs. But like I said unfortunately the situation is far more complicated than I am able to explain to you. And if you don’t mind I would appreciate if you could leave us alone for a moment.”



“I…”



“I need to speak to Kirsty alone. Please give us ten minutes.” Kirsty’s father rose in bewilderment. Snape accompanied him to the door.



A moment later he came back alone. Kirsty breathed deeply and clawed her fingers into the chair she was sitting in. Dumbledore got up and took the chair her father had been sitting in. He pulled it even closer to her and looked at her sympathetically. Snape remained leaning against the pillar, looking down at her and Dumbledore with a set expression.



“Kirsty, you tried to kill your own father.” He spoke very softly and let his words sink into her, “if Lupin and Tonks had not been there he would be dead now. You would be a murderer, and there would be nothing I could do to keep you from being prosecuted by the ministry. I don’t want to loose you to the Dementors in Azkaban, Kirsty, that is why I had people out there to keep an eye on you and to stop you. It was for you. Now I want to keep you away from Lucius because I realise there is simply no other responsible option.”



“What about Professor Snape?” Kirsty asked, pushing everything else aside for the moment being.



“Well, I will not lie to you, Kirsty, your attempt to murder your father gave us the opportunity we waited for. We don’t think there will be any suspicion falling on Professor Snape if we keep you under guard. It will be believable that we caught you at your father’s house through other lucky circumstances, after all Professor Snape could not know what you were going to do and even if he did and he was on Lucius side, it would have been in Lucius favour to keep you from committing this crime.”



Kirsty looked surprised: “Why?”



“What good would it do him, if you are investigated by the ministry?” he paused again and then continued, “We are keeping you away from him, for many reasons, you see, but most importantly, to keep you safe. That’s all I want, to keep you safe. Why do you want to make that hard for me?”



Kirsty remained quiet. She had not thought about what she was doing to Lucius when she went after her father. She had not been thinking at all. She had just done it. She felt as though everything inside her was frozen. And she had to open her mouth slightly to get more air.



“Severus?” Dumbledore turned to Snape, “I would like you to… take full responsibility and custody over Kirsty Flame and help her through the difficult times ahead.”



“What?! But…I…” Kirsty had never seen Snape short for words, and there was something else very new in his face, panic mixed with complete helplessness.



Dumbledore interrupted him: “You told me all along. You told me the Occlumency lessons could make things worse, you told me what had to be done and I simply did not want to face the truth. I was not capable to do what was necessary. And see where it got us. Nobody is more suitable to help her than you.”



“I…”



Dumbledore cut him off again: “I will make sure her father…”



“Headmaster!” Snape interrupted him now, “You can’t be serious! Yes I advised you in certain ways, yes I know these … situations better than anyone here, but what you are asking me to do is not at all something I am suitable for! –You must see that.”



“I disagree, Severus,” he turned to Kirsty, “please join your father outside for a moment”, Kirsty hesitated, “Lupin and Tonks will be there, too”, he added. Kirsty got up and gave Snape a cold look before she turned her back. He should not think she was hurt by his refusing to take care of her.



Outside she saw her father standing next to Tonks. Lupin was standing opposite them beside the door. Her father looked at her with wide eyes.



“What’s going on, Kirsty?” She only returned his gaze darkly.



“How could you do all this?”



She looked calmly back at him: “That’s right. You didn’t think I could do any of this.”



“No, I didn’t!” he replied desperately.



“Well… now you know. And no need to act all upset. After all you got what you wanted in the end.”



“What?”



“My life sucks… again. I had found someone who appreciates me, someone I appreciate. I’ve worked so hard. And you are taking it all away…again.”



“You are not making sense!” he turned to Tonks, “Is she still possessed or something? Did he make her talk like this?”



Tonks looked a bit helpless at Lupin who said: “Mr. Speirs, it is like Professor Dumbledore said, things are more complicated.“



“If you want to dismiss what I am saying, that is fine with me… it’s what you always did.”



“I… I didn’t know that’s how you feel…”



“Doesn’t matter now.” She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door. She could hear Snape arguing loudly, but she could not make out what he was saying.



After a while the arguing ceased and the door burst open. Snape looked out. He looked rather heated and slightly exhausted. But his eyes were piercing as ever as he looked around. Kirsty had jumped back from the door as it had opened so suddenly and now looked back at him. Snape stood aside and motioned her father back in. Mr Speirs hesitated a moment, looking back at Snape, not sure if he should take this strange person seriously. But he did and hurried back into the office where Dumbledore was waiting for him. Kirsty and Snape looked at each other for a moment. She waited for him to say something to her, but he seemed to be not very sure of what to say, -something else Kirsty had never seen in him. Finally he seemed to make up his mind and grabbed her arm with the bracelet around it and he pulled her along.



“Come with me,” he only said and pulled her away. She let herself get pulled away but looked back at Lupin and Tonks. Lupin looked unnerved but he didn’t say anything.