Making sure the boy who lives, actually does...

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Chapter 23: Gryffindor misery, Slytherin spite
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Hermione didn't feel the desire to arise the next morning. Not even to see Harry, and if Snape's theory had been correct. She didn't want to run into him. She didn't want to see his face, lips...those eyes. The eyes would be her undoing.

She rolled over in her bed, looking around at her Head Girl room with deep and decidedly forlorn sigh. One that made her almost dizzy with lack of oxygen. She feer eer eyes welling up again and rubbed them furiously. No more tears wasted on him. No more.
After last night, Hermione was convinced that she would never be so foolhardy when it cam aff affairs of the heart. She held her breath a moment in mortitiontion, letting it out slowly.

She could still see Snape's eyes, those penetrating and patronizing eyes. He'd turned her down for a last kiss! Was she that repulsive? She must be...Oh God. She'd told him she love him...how stupid of her! What made her think that Snape of all people could change? For her?

He'd probably dealt with idiotic students and their schoolgirl crushes millions of times and decided that she was just another one of them. Didn't he care about the future they could have had? A horrible thought occurred to Hermione then...perhaps he didn't. Perhaps Snape just didn't want that kind of life. Hermione felt her chin trembling at the thought.
Was it love she felt for him? She wasn't sure.

She had been last night, but perhaps she was just caught up in the moment? She had wished she could melt into the floor when he'd rejected her. It's a terrible thing to have one's heart broken, to feel the utter loss of an emotion felt so strongly. It was if having such feelings for Snape had somehow made Hermione's heart just a bit bigger, swelling to hold all that she felt for him and now with all of it gone, she just felt empty.

"Oh." she moaned with a small cry, covering her face with her pillow. "I hate him."

Part of her had almost known it would come to this. Part of her had known that Snape was not a man to be tossed about from moment to moment, and one that rarely dealt with baser emotions. She had almost known he'd reject her from the start, and yet shill ill went on?

Hot, angry tears melted into the pillow that she pressed to her face, drowning her angry cries and furious sobs. He wasn't w it. it. Any man who would break your heart when your heart was all you had to give, wasn't any kind of man at all. She felt her eyes were getting blurry and puffy, and she sat up with a jolt, flinging her pillow across the room with a growl.

"Stupid." she muttered to herself, her cheeks staining red. "So stupid. I never should have told him. Oh God, I'm humiliated...I won't ever be able to look him in the eye again. Not that I would anyway...Ugh, and it's not even October yet."

She knew classes with Snape for the rest of the year were going to be horrid. How couldn't they be? Her cheeks burned at the thought of him purposely trying to embarrass her in front of everyone, just out of malicious spite, just to teach her a lesson. Her fists clenched then, her nails digging into the soft flesh of her palm. How stupid she was.... how naive. Loving Severus Snape? The unlovable git?

"Enough." she whispered to herself, her heart heavy as she stood, making her way to her private bathroom. She had a quick shower, drowning herself in its humid depths before emerging feeling just a bit better. After brushing her damp hair back and using a drying spell, she pulled on her uniform, robes and headed for the Infirmary.

It was time to see Harry, and hopefully he was better. She could only hope that Snape was right -although he probably was- and Harry would be bright eyed and itching to get out from under Poppy's suffocating coddling.

She was halfway to her location when a shock of red hair darted by her right. Ron. Hermione felt her eyes drawing to the floor, humiliated at the way she'd acted towards him. There Ron was, spilling out his heart and professing his love and she was stupidly convinced that there was something between she and Snape. She closed her eyes a moment; as if she'd been literally hit with the knowledge of her stupidity was just recovering.

"Ron?" she called timidly, seeing that he was about to brush right by her. He turned slightly, looking to her over his shoulder. The moment he recognized her, his movements stopped and he came over to her, standing in the middle of the hall.

"Hermione?"

"Ron." Hermione said again, trying to be warm. "How are you?"

"Haven't heard much from you." Ron said with a shuffling of his shoes, his hands were in his pockets and his hair was falling into his light eyes. The morning light hit his fair skin, showing a mass of reeckleckles across his cheeks that Hermione found rather endearing. With all this Snape commotion, she realized just how much she missed her friends.

"I suppose I've been busy." Hermione said with a soft shrug, trying to keep even. Ron nodded, saying nothing as they stood in the hallway. Several clusters of children made their way past them, looking and whispering. Surely commenting on Ron's marriage speech. As if reading her , Ro, Ron darted his eyes up to her own.

"I told everyone." he mumbled darkly, "That you know...there was no wedding.ryonryone knows."

Hermione nodded, looking to Ron unsettled. "Thank you."

The air around them was different, and for a minute Hermione just wished they were all eleven again, friends and that's it. Love, crushes, sex and all that a mere speck on the horizon that they barely considered. Then they had been children and life was good. At this nostalgic sentiment, Hermione felt her eyes filling with tears. Ron saw this and immediately turned pink, his tongue coming out to lick his drying lips.

"Hermione please don't cry because of it." Ron said uneasily, his voice cracking. "I swear it, I'm sorry."

"It's not that." Hermione interrupted, wanting to save him the embarrassment. "That's over and done with. I was just thinking...I was just wishing that we were all kids again...you know what I mean? When we didn't have to worry about...this."

To illustrate her point she motionedweenween the empty space between them. Ron nodded solemnly, a look of realization crossing his features. Before Hermione could say anything more, Ron had taken his hands out of his pockets and gathered her into a ferocious hug. It was a surprise to say the least, since Ron wasn't very emphatic in his public displays of affection.

"I know that you don't love me back and I can accept that...I just wanted you to know that I love you Hermione." Ron said into the crook of her neck, holding Hermione so tightly she felt she may faint. The words hit her stomach, but in a good way and she hugged him back tightly as he continued in a fervent whisper. "No matter what, I always will."

"Oh Ron." Hermione said with a wan smile as he pulled back. "You think that now, but the right girl is going to come along and you're going to forget you ever knew me."

"Doubtful." Ron said with a crooked smile that Hermione returned. They stood there a moment, just leg thg the information sink in. Ron studied Hermione's face a moment, looking decidedly uncomfortable now that he'd said donedone the things he had. Suddenly his eyes looked to her face with bemused scrutiny.

"So, can you tell me who he is?" Ron said playfully, looking to her with a light eyebrow waggle and nudging her gently. Hermione gave him a raised eyebrow of confusion, her mind drawing a blank.

"Who?"

Ron rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "The mystery man you're so in love with? one one you turned me down for?"

"I never turned you down for him." Hermione lied, her smile dropping from her face. "And well...it doesn't matter anymore Ron." She said soy, ty, trying her best to blink back tears. "He doesn't love me back."

"Then he's a fool." Ron said in an awed whisper, then furrowing his red brows went on to inquire; "Did you tell him how you felt?"

"Yes."

"...And he still rejected you?"

Hermione wrapped her arms around herself, almost inf-cof-comfort, letting out a very quiet, very broken; "Yes."

"Well then forget him!" Ron insisted with a jolt of anger. Hermione was a friend first and foremost, and the fact that she'd given her heart so freely only to have it smashed was unforgivable. He knew too readily how it felt. "Or better yet, find another guy at school and flaunt him in front of the old guy. Make him jealous."

"Honestly Ron." Hermione said with a false laugh, pushing him playfully. "You sound just like Lavender."

"Ugh." Ron said, wrinkling of his nose. "Then I'd better stop now."

"Besides," Hermione said with a shrug. "It's not that easy. The...'old crush' isn't exactly prone to emotion. I never know- well, knew what he was thinking. One minute I thought he might reciprocate my feelings and the next minute he was...well, it doesn't matter."

Ron could tell by the wounded look on his friend's face that talking more about this mystery man was the last thing she wanted. And so, putting on a brave face, he motioned his head towards the end of the hall.

"I was just going to check on Harry.... see if he's made any progress."

"Oh," Hermione said, thankful that she was no longer being interrogated. "That's where I was headed when I ran into you."

"Ah," Ron said with a small smile, "Then let's hurry. We don't want to be late for breakfast."

Hermione flashed him a genuine smile as they walked down to the Infirmary, and for the first time in a long time, Hermione had hope.

- - -

"Do you think he'll be awake?" Ron asked with a worried look on his face as they walked into the bustling Infirmary. Poppy was cavorting from bed to bed, muttering to the ill about different remedies.

Several Quidditch players were moaning about broken wrists and so forth as Poppy brought out several vials of purple liquid, berating them on their foolish antics.

Malfoy was at the side of one of the players, looking to his fallen teammate in disgust. As if he could feel her gaze, he turned to face Hermione, giving her a horrid sneer that shened ned from.

"...I mean, if he's still out of it should we read to him or something?" Ron was continuing, looking round the madhouse with a wild look in his eyes. Hermione looked to the pensive look on her friend's face and held in a grin.

"I'm sure he'll be fine Ron.” she said complacently patting him on the shoulder. "Come on, I know where they've put him. Ron Ron followed Hermione through the maze of people -thankfully ignoring Malfoy- until they reached a white door at the end of the large space. Hermione thought to knock, but deciding Harry may not even be awake yet pushed it open with a backwards look at Ron, hoping he wouldn't faint or anything stupid...he looked far too pale.

When she turned back to face the room they were entering she held in a small gasp. A familiar tall and sinister looking figure was leaning over Harry's fra frame in the bed.

Hermione watched as long fingers snatched back a now empty vial from the boy's lips and turned to the insolent figures that had barged into the supposedly private room.

No.

His dark eyes took in Weasley at first, most probably because of the hair and he sneered. Then of course they traveled snake like over to Granger and the nsivnsive look dropped from his features. How convenient that she would be here with him. Their dark eyes locked a moment before she tore her eyes to the ground, blushing madly.

"Sorry Professor." she whispered lowly as Ron nodded. "We didn't know you were in here."

"Indeed." Snape snapped as he straightened angrily, finding he couldn't even look to her face when he spoke. It was hard to snap at her, the frail young woman. How could he be even crueler than last night?

Refusing Granger's proffered kiss last night had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do in his life. That included being a double spy. The yearning draw her into an embrace and suffocate her in kisses was overwhelming. He'd actually felt his body being drawn to her own when she a, an, and it had been torture to step away from her and refuse her simple request. His jaw clenched at the memory.

She had to be confused, for she wasn't in love with him. She was in love with an illusion that shared his name. And while most of him was furious at her for doing what she'd done, another part of him was jealous. What would it feel like to have her in his arms now? Her soft mouth under his own? How would it feel to be loved? He'd never know.

She was his student.

"Is Harry going to be alright?"

Ron's voice broke the moment, and giving the boy a steely gaze Snape felt himself slowly coming back to the room and the moment. Hermione's eyes were downcast, and she almost appeared totremtrembling. His gaze flicked over the both of them, making sure his words were given with exact dramatic timing.

"Only time will tell."

With that whispered ambiguity, he slipped the vial into his robes, glancing at the pale Potter boy once more before moving to the door behind Granger and Weasley. Hermione stepped out of his way, feeling as the bottom of his robes brushed against her clothed calves. She resolved not tumblumble.

She closed her eysilesilently counting to one hundred trying not to inhale his familiar, tingle inducing scent.

Snape watched as the girl tensed when he passed. Without warning he felt a sense of wistful depression pass through him. Would it really be that bad? Were breaking the rules worth it? Was it wrong to feel this way for a student? His resolve was quickly unraveling, and just as he had been about to request her presence in his office tonight, he had caught Weasley staring at him.

Giving the boy a thorough sneer he turned his back on the two figures standing, and slammed the door behind him as he left. Ron looked to Hermione, seeing as her eyes opened a bit now that Snape was gone.

Suddenly he knew.

"It's Snape." Ron said lowly, scarcely letting Hermione hear for he himself had seen the look, felt the tension...

"What?" Hermione asked shakily.

"That's who it was. Alls tis time...you're heartbroken over Snape."

"What are you talking about Ron?" she said with a shaky laugh, panic slowly starting to settle within her chest. "Professor Snape what?"

"Don't act coy with me Hermione." Ron said with a disbelieving look on his face. "The man that won't return your feelings? It's Snape isn't it?"

"That's Professor Snape, Ron." Hermione said with a false chirp.

"Do-"

"Ron!" Hermione interrupted, "It's Harry...I think he's waking up."

Ron's attention was suddenly diverted to his friend in the bed, slowly moving about as he sat up, rubbing his green eyes. Blinking a few moments until the two figures in front of him became less blurry, Harry gave a small smile.

"Hey guys." he said croakily, his hands searching for his glasses...wait a moment. This wasn't his room. Panic suddenly clutched him although he didn't know why. "Where am I?"

Hermione and Ron rushed to either side of the hospital bed, and Hermione handed Harry his glasses from the side table. "Here."

"You're in the Infirmary." Ron said with a look to Hermione thhowehowed that she was just getting off the hook for now before his attention was again drawn to Harry. "Do you remember anything?"

Harry looked blearily to his friends, his head slowly falling back to the pillow. The world was spinning for him, and he suddenly just wanted peace and quiet. The pillow was so soft, and his head welcomed it readily.

Ron moved forth to his friend, his rusty colored eyebrows furrowing in perplexed worry. He went to shake Harry out of the trance, anything to keep him awake as Hermione grasped his wrist, knowing that Snape's anecdote had worked indeed.

"Stop." she urged gently, dropping his wrist. "He needs some sleep."

Ron sighed in minimal defeat and tookmallmall, reluctant step back. "I guess you're right."

"I know I'm right." Hermione said firmly, and Ron was pleased to note she was starting to sound more and more like her old self. He nodded as they moved to the chairs by the window, deeming that breakfast could wait.

"So?" Ron said as soon as they were seated, the morning sunlight filtering dusts specks around their heads. "Are you going to tell me or not?"

Hermione sighed deeply, letting her chin rest on her hands that lay on the windowsill. Her dark eyes viewed the various sights outside the window.

She was about to speak when Snape's dark figure broke into the picture, a massive stain on the brilliantly colored foliage outdoors. No. No more. She tore her eyes from his straight back and looked to Ron desperately.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." she stated simply, her jaw clenching.

"But-"

"I mean it." Hermione insisted. "What I do in my leisure time is of no consequence to you Ron."
"But it is." Ron insisted lowly, "You're one of my best mates...and if that git did anything to hurt you-"

"In some ways he did Ron." Hermione said softly, her voice barely registering as a whisper. "But in many ways he didn't."

Ron looked puzzled. "What does that mean?"

"It means that I want this discussion to end right here and right now. Harry doesn't need to know of this, and I never want to hear these questions from you again." Hermione took a deep breath, "Swear it."

"I swear." Ron finally muttered after a reluctant nod. They resumed their viewing of the sights outside, patiently waiting for the inevitable arising of their friend. They fell into a silent lapse, the comfort of theirendsendship filling in the void of non-conversation.

As Hermione sat there contemplating various things, the most prevalent thoughts were those of her Professor, many of them sad. Her eyes grew glossy then. She shut her eyes tightly, firmly blocking out Professor Snape’s last haunting gaze. ______________________________

Author's notes:
Note: Right, the line; 'Any man who would break your heart when your heart was all you had to give, wasn't any kind of man at all. ' was actually based on a line from the Steven King novel: "Secret Window, Secret Garden" (which incidentally was made into a horribly lame film called; 'Secret Window' with Johnny Depp) I suggest reading the original, it's quite good. You can find it in the collection; “Four Past Midnight”. Thank you for the reviews! I ADORE THEM! cheers. holden.