Pains and Contradictions

Author's note: Thank you to all who have reviewed. Thanks to Laurenke1 for a read through. Thank you, thesewarmstars and WhiteCotton for a grammar beta. And thanks to Torina for keeping the plot in order.

As always, if you'd like to discuss the chapter you can find me on the Snarry discussion group Severus Sighs. Also, if you'd like to be added to the update list please leave your email address in your review. Thank you, everyone!


Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15


It was dark.

Harry sat crossed-legged on a cold stone floor with no knowledge as to how long he had been sitting there. His body was stiff from the cold, and he thought he must still be in the dungeons. If there was a hearth in the room, the fire had long since gone out.

He raised his hand to his face and adjusted his glasses, as though it were simply his vision that was at fault, not the darkness of the room. He put his arms around himself and shivered, feeling the little hairs on his flesh stand on end.

If the lights were to come on, Harry was sure he'd be able to see his breath.

He looked around hoping his eyes would eventually adjust to the darkness, but they didn't. The darkness was absolute, and though Harry was tempted to stand, the stiffness of his muscles and the terror that was quickly overwhelming him prevented him from doing so.

He remained sitting on the cold stone floor, his fear paralyzing him and preventing him from standing and finding a way out of this place.

A sudden noise came from out of the darkness, and Harry tensed, his body waiting for something to happen.

"Is someone there?" he called out, his voice wavering. He unfolded his arms and shivered, his eyes straining to make out what was before him. He forced his fear down and reached blindly out into the darkness, trying to use touch where his sight had failed him.

His hands encountered something soft.

"Lumos," a familiar-sounding voice called out, and Harry blinked, quickly covering his eyes with his arm.

Confused and still a bit frightened, he squinted as his vision adjusted to the light, and he attempted to look at the person in front of him. The figure was silhouetted by the light and it took his eyes a few moments to adjust and make out the person who was blinding him.

"Ron?" Harry asked, confused yet relieved to see his friend's freckled face illuminated by the wandlight. "Ron, what is this place? What's happening?" Harry asked, his voice rapidly growing more frantic as his shock abated and the eeriness of the situation came back to him.

Ron just looked at him, sadness etched onto his face, a pity he had never shown Harry in life painted across his features. Harry reached out to touch his friend, needing proof that he wasn't alone; wanting to know that Ron was truly there. Seeing Harry move towards him Ron backed away, apparently unwilling to allow Harry to touch him.

The relief at seeing his friend quickly vanished, and the terror returned twice what it had been before. What was happening?

"Ron, please! What's happening? Why is it so dark?"

Ron smiled sadly at Harry and averted his eyes, the light of his wand waning in the darkness. Harry waited, unsure why his friend was so upset. Finally, Ron looked up at Harry and squared his shoulders. Silence hung in the air between them as Ron looked sympathetically at Harry, who had never seen his blue eyes look so sad.

"Harry, in the beginning... it's always dark."

Harry opened his eyes.

The first thing he became aware of as he woke was that he was home. He smiled and burrowed farther into his bony pillow, taking a deep breath and inhaling the familiar scent that had come to mean home to him. It smelled like potions and the dungeons and Snape.

The second thing he became aware of was that his pillow was actually a very thin shoulder, and Harry smiled, memories of the previous evening still hazy in his mind.

He lifted up his head slowly, narrowly missing butting his cheek against Severus' nose. The other man was still asleep, his arm thrown around Harry and their legs entwined. Harry's smile widened and he wrapped himself around Severus further, memories of the previous night floating through his mind.

Quite suddenly, Harry stiffened as he recalled exactly how he had arrived in this situation with Severus in the first place.

Oh, God. What have I done?

Everything that had happened came back to him in a flash: Malfoy, the decoy parchment, everything Severus had told him while under the influence of the potion, the way they had touched each other and the feeling of Severus' body over his...

Oh, God. The potion!

Harry attempted to stamp down his overwhelming fear and hysteria and fought to control his breathing, afraid to wake Severus.

Malfoy had finally gotten to Severus, and instead of protecting him and taking him to Dumbledore straight away, Harry had allowed himself to be taken in by the man's drug-induced promises. Harry closed his eyes and burrowed farther into the body below him, cursing himself for his stupidity.

He'd slept with Severus while he was under the influence of a potion! He had been the magical equivalent of drunk, and Harry had allowed himself to believe every word that had come out of Severus' mouth. How could Harry have believed that he loved him?

He cursed himself as he recognized the truth- that he'd believed because he had wanted to believe Severus loved him; that the man wanted to be with him, had forgiven him for his utter stupidity of a week ago.

Harry had known it couldn't be true at the time, but in his selfishness and stupidity he'd ignored it. He'd allowed himself to believe all the pretty lies that Severus had told him, and proceeded to take advantage of the man.

If he hadn't altogether ruined their tentative friendship last week, Harry had surely done so now. A suffocating feeling of guilt and shame came over him, and he lowered his head farther into the space between Severus' neck and shoulder. Harry felt miserable and ashamed of himself, and however good Severus' skin felt against his own, he knew he couldn't take comfort from the man he had betrayed.

Reluctantly, Harry removed his head from Severus' warmth.

He had to get out of here. He didn't deserve this, didn't deserve to be in bed with the man he'd taken advantage of. He briefly considered waking Severus to apologize, but then thought better of it. Harry had violated his trust, his body, when he had promised to protect him the same way he had protected Harry. Harry knew that he should have turned Severus away. There was no excuse for his actions. No amount of longing or desire for forgiveness could make up for what he had done.

Severus had given him so much and Harry had thrown all of that away.

Harry slowly got out of bed, not wanting to wake Severus. He inched his leg out from underneath the longer, paler one and lifted Severus' arm until it was no longer covering his body.
Sitting up in bed, Harry belatedly realized that this was the first time he had ever slept naked before, let alone naked with another person. His upper body felt cold, and he found that the fire had long since gone out and it was only his and Severus' body heat that had kept the chill from the sheets.

It was difficult to make out Severus' face in the darkness of the room, but Harry took a moment to look. It had been a very long time since he had been able to study the man while he was asleep, the last time he had allowed himself to do this had been under very different circumstances. He looked at Severus' pale hand lying on top of the covers and recalled the night Severus had almost died, all because he had protected Harry.

Harry grew suddenly bold and slipped his hand over Severus', interlacing their fingers. He looked up at Severus' face again and couldn't help but notice how peaceful and content he looked as he slept.

Perhaps he was still under the influence of the potion, Harry thought, abruptly realizing that he needed to remove himself from this situation as quickly as possible.

Even though he understood that he had been completely in the wrong, he couldn't help but feel his heart break as he began to rise from the bed, memories from yesterday assaulting his senses. How Severus told him that he loved him, that he had loved him for months. How Severus had been so passionate and loving toward him and promised him a home.

Harry cursed himself inwardly. He really was as stupid as Severus thought.

He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over to pick up his trousers and shirt. He quickly dressed, then stoked the fire with his wand so Severus wouldn't get cold. Then he leaned over the bed and kissed Severus lightly on the lips.

Severus inhaled deeply and smiled, wrapping himself further into the blanket. Harry looked down on Severus as though he would never see him again, and in a way, Harry thought, he wouldn't. He'd never see the inside of this bedroom again, nor Severus' chambers. Not after what he had done.

He slipped his feet inside his shoes and walked quietly to the door.

Once he was inside Severus' sitting room, an odd sensation crept over him.

Harry took a few steps towards the sofa before he stopped and forced himself to take stock of the emotions swirling through his mind.

He closed his eyes then opened them to find he was still alone in the sitting room, and yet...
It felt as if Severus was standing right beside him.

He turned around, terrified that the man had woken up and would start throwing accusations at him at any moment.

Nothing. Harry was alone in the room.

He closed his eyes again, intrigued at whatever this was. He couldn't place how he could feel Severus. He took stock of his senses and realized he could neither see, hear, touch, taste nor feel Severus. And yet he was here, all around him. The feel of the other man was an almost tangible thing, and Harry was sure he could reach out and touch him if only...

Oh, God! Oh, fucking hell, dear God in heaven...

What have I done?

What potion had Malfoy used? In their eagerness to get to bed, Harry had never bothered to find out. What had been done to them?

Harry ran a hand through his hair as he began to panic. His mind began to recall all the dark potions found in the Darkest Bonds book Malfoy had read over the summer. So many of the bonds in that book were completed through sex, a fact that had Harry appalled when he had originally skimmed it.

What the fuck was I thinking?

He closed his eyes and it was as though he could sense Severus right next to him, inside of him. Somehow he knew that Severus was all right, that he was warm and that he was happy. Things he had thought he had known by looking at the man in bed were actually coming from...

Oh, God. What have I done?

No longer caring how much noise he made, Harry swiftly crossed the room to the door that led to Severus' private lab and office, breaking into a run as he neared the Potions classroom.

His bag was still where he had left it yesterday. His eyes trailed to the area near Severus' desk and he found the broken bottle that Malfoy had used to drug Severus still lying on the floor. He considering collecting it, but knew that the smartest thing to do was what he should have done from the beginning. He crossed the classroom and flung open the door-

Only to find the man he was looking for sleeping in a straight-backed chair in the middle of the hallway on the other side.

Harry ran from the doorway and wasted no time in waking him. "Headmaster," he said, shaking his shoulder. "Headmaster, please-"

Dumbledore woke quickly, adjusting his glasses on his nose and sitting up straight in his chair. "Harry? Oh, dear..."

Harry ignored the headmaster as his blue eyes ran over his face, no doubt seeing he was collapsing into hysterics. Instead, he rushed to tell Dumbledore what had happened.

"Headmaster, something's happened. I- I don't know exactly, but- but something-" Harry was trying to get the words out, but they wouldn't come. He knew he was panicking. He was speaking far too loudly, and he felt as though he couldn't breathe.

What have I done?

"It's alright, Harry. Everything is going to be fine," the headmaster said softly, laying a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Let's go into Severus' office and we can talk. Is he awake yet?"

Harry's mind spun. What did Dumbledore mean everything was going to be fine? And how had he known that they had been asleep in the first place?

Oh, God, he thought. The part of Harry's brain that was still functioning recognized Dumbledore had been sleeping in a chair right outside the Potions classroom, presumably all night. How had he known to be here, that something was happening? Had the castle alerted him that one of its professors was having sex with a student?

Fuck! Harry thought, rubbing his temples in alarm. He was going to have to tell Dumbledore that he'd had sex with Severus. There was no way around it; how else would he get the help they so desperately needed?

"Headmaster-" Harry started his confession, but he was cut off.

"Not here, Harry. Let's go inside and get you and nice cup of tea. That should ease your nerves."

Ease his nerves? "Headmaster, you don't understand-"

"Not here, Harry," Dumbledore said in a firm, yet kind tone as he ushered Harry inside the Potions classroom and warded the door behind them.

Harry allowed himself to be led, his thoughts a jumble in his mind. He'd have to tell Dumbledore everything that had happened in order for the man to help them. Severus would get into all kinds of trouble...

What have I done?

Harry put his hands over his face in agony, his palms covering his eyes underneath his glasses, causing them to fall to the floor. He thought he might have made some sort of moaning sound, but couldn't be sure. He heard Dumbledore walk over to the other side of the room and open a cabinet, then walk back towards him.

"Harry," a soft voice said.

Harry let down his hands and opened his eyes. With his blurred vision, he could see Dumbledore was offering him his glasses in one hand and a potion with the other.

"It's a calming potion, Harry."

Harry shook his head, taking his glasses and putting them back on his face. No, he didn't want to be calm right now. He didn't deserve to be calm right now. He deserved to feel every ounce of dismay, every twinge of guilt that was currently running through his body.

"Harry, we're going to need to have a conversation now, and I will need you to be a part of it. I truly do need you to take this potion," Dumbledore said calmly.

Harry shook his head again. "No," he whispered. "No potions."

Dumbledore sighed and looked at Harry with a sad smile. "Things are not as bad as they seem. Nothing awful has happened, I assure you. Don't you want to know what Severus did last night?"

Harry blinked and looked up. "What Severus did?"

Dumbledore nodded, then offered the potion yet again. Harry looked at it warily.

"Harry, are you aware of Severus at this moment?" Dumbledore asked in a knowing tone.

Harry took a step back, realizing Dumbledore wasn't really asking a question. How had he known that?

"You are, aren't you, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, though he seemed to know the answer already.

Harry closed his eyes again. Severus was still asleep, but no longer as soundly. Though Harry couldn't explain how, he knew Severus was waking.

"Severus can feel you the same way you can feel Severus. Do you want him to feel your fear? Do you wish to cause him discomfort?"

Harry shook his head, still not understanding what had happened. How was all this possible and what had Severus done?

"Take the potion, Harry."

Harry took the small bottle from Dumbledore's hand and gulped it down. He felt his agitation calm immediately, though the guilt and worry did not abate.

"Let's go into Severus' office now, shall we?" Dumbledore asked kindly. Harry allowed himself to be led once more as they went through the door and into the office that was so familiar to Harry. He looked around the room and tried to banish the images of Occlumency and Defense lessons that came to mind, his anguish over what he had done to Severus cutting into him like a knife.

Dumbledore ushered him into a chair facing Severus' desk and took the seat next to him, turning it to face Harry.

"May I have tea for three, please?" he asked into thin air, and Harry's eyes went wide.

For three? "You're not going to-"

"Yes, Harry," Dumbledore said, as the tea tray popped into existence. "Severus is going to be a part of this conversation, but first I wish to speak to the two of you separately."

Harry felt his entire body shake, and he ran a hand through his hair again as he took in the headmaster's words. Right now, he wanted to sink into the ground and never see anyone again. The idea of facing the man he had betrayed was terrifying.

"Harry, before we talk about the events of last night, there is something I need you to understand," Dumbledore said, taking a sip of his tea.

Harry looked over to the headmaster and waited for him to begin berating him for the awful thing he had done. He expected to be asked exactly what had he had been thinking sleeping with a teacher, or what he had expected to happen once Malfoy had used a dark potion on Severus.

"No, Headmaster, you don't understand. I- I've done something terrible," Harry said in a miserable voice.

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, Harry. Nothing sinister has happened. There is nothing you have done that cannot be forgiven. Everything will be alright."

Harry shook his head frantically, as though he was incapable of speech and had to resort to gestures. "No, you don't understand. I- I slept with Severus while he was-"

"Under the influence of a potion. Yes, I know. Apparently that was the only way all of this could come to fruition," Dumbledore said with a wave of his hand, as though he were discussing the weather.

Harry's frantic thoughts tried to pick up exactly what Dumbledore was saying. There was only one thing that stuck out in his mind presently. "What do you mean 'this?' Only way for what to come to fruition?"

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and took another sip of his tea. "Harry, do you recall what Severus told you about the book Draco found during the summer?"

Harry's breath caught in his throat. Oh, God, what awful thing had Malfoy done to them?

"Wha- What did he do?" Harry asked, his teeth clenched. Whatever Malfoy had done, Harry had aided him through his actions, and the thought nearly crippled him. "What did Malfoy do ?! Oh, God, it wasn't that awful slavery thing-"

"Harry," Dumbledore said, abandoning his tea cup to Severus' desk. "Harry, listen to me. Nothing terrible has happened, I assure you. I was merely wondering if you recall what Severus said about the bonds themselves. How some of them were considered dark simply because they did not require consent to be enacted. Do you remember Severus explaining that to you?"

Harry tried to remember that conversation, he truly did, but all he could recall were the terrible spells in that book. The potions that would enslave one wizard to another, ones that would force a wizard under the other's thrall. His mind wandered over all the awful things that Malfoy could have done to them.

"Harry!" Dumbledore shouted, bringing Harry back to the present. "Harry, please! Do you need another potion?"

Harry shook his head.

"Draco has nothing to do with the bond that exists between you and Severus now," Dumbledore said, attempting to meet Harry's eyes.

"Bond?" Harry asked, still not understanding. "What bond?"

Dumbledore sighed. "The potion that Draco administered to Severus allowed him to see what his soul truly needed, truly desired. Severus loves you very much, Harry, and wants only to keep you safe."

Harry buried his face into his hands and shuddered. He tried to pull himself together, tried to listen to what Dumbledore was telling him, but he was overwhelmed.

Severus didn't love him anymore than he did his father before him. His betrayal had been a far greater sin than any of the childish pranks his father had played. Those superficial stunts might have humiliated Severus, but that was nothing compared to Harry's violation. His body began to shake as his anguish overcame him and he wept tears of remorse.

"Harry," Dumbledore said as he placed a hand on his back. "Harry, please calm down. Nothing terrible has happened. I promise, all of this is only for good. It will all work out in the end, but you must calm down. Surely, you don't wish for Severus-"

Harry lifted his head as he felt an array of emotions that were not his own assail his senses.

Fear.

Uncertainty.

Protectiveness.

Harry closed his eyes and attempted to make sense of what he was feeling. There was no sense to his confusion, he realized; the sensations were all Severus. It was as though he could feel the man all around him, inside of him, as his emotions ran through Harry.

Before he had sensed Severus was asleep and well: an all-encompassing yet nonintrusive presence in his mind.

Now, as he closed his eyes and attempted to feel Severus again, it was as though the man was looking directly at him. In an instant, Harry knew that Severus had woken and could feel everything Harry felt.

"Oh, God. I think he's awake," he said.

Dumbledore frowned. "I had hoped to be able to speak with you a bit more before attending to Severus' needs, but this night has been full of surprises, to say the least."

Harry had to force back the urge to grab onto Dumbledore's robes and beg him not to leave. He was fairly sure Severus wouldn't kill him if the headmaster was present.

Suddenly, a terrible feeling came over him. He could feel an overwhelming sense of guilt cover him, as corporeal as a suffocating blanket, but under that was intense love and devotion. The conflicting emotions only served to confuse Harry further.

"I will return soon, Harry, and then we will have that discussion. In the meantime, I'd like you to sit and try to remain calm. Remember that Severus can feel everything you are feeling. Try to think of him and how he would feel knowing you are frightened."

Harry sat in shock as Dumbledore quickly opened the door to enter the sitting room- just far enough so that Harry could look directly into the eyes of a horrified Severus Snape.

***********************

Severus rolled over onto his stomach and nestled further into the comfort of his bedding. He was slowly waking, and though he could not remember his dream, he knew it had been pleasant. Mornings like this were a rarity for men such as him, and so he allowed himself to linger in that place between dreams and waking, that place where one could ignore the cares of the day and enjoy a simple pleasure.

He rubbed his nose against his pillow and relished the scent of Harry. He gave a soft, contented hum as he thought that it had been far too long since the brat had been in his quarters, and he-

Terror.

Panic.

Fear.

Guilt.

Severus opened his eyes and sat straight up in his bed, forcing himself to abandon his plans for morning indulgences and begin to take in what was transpiring.

Something terrible was happening to Harry. Harry was terrified and was in desperate need of him. He thought he could literally hear Harry calling out his name in distress, and Severus felt his heart seize in his chest in response.

He quickly rose from bed and threw on his dressing gown, not bothering to put on any footwear. A small part of his brain that was not centered on Harry registered that he did not normally sleep naked and that his thighs ached in ways they had not in years, but he took no conscious notice of any of this.

The only thing he could think of was getting to Harry.

Wand in hand, he charged into his sitting room and quickly looked for Harry, only to find it empty.

How was that possible? He had just heard Harry calling for-

Wait.

Severus stopped himself from becoming more alarmed and forced his thoughts to slow down. If Harry was being attacked, he would need to have his wits about him. Undoubtedly the brat had once again attracted trouble in some form, putting himself in a life-threatening situation, and would need Severus to rescue him.

Only...

He considered what he thought had originally woken him. He had been positive he heard Harry screaming in fear. Now that he was awake and lucid, he knew that was an impossibility.

Harry had not been in his bedroom, nor had he been in his sitting room. There should have been no way he could have heard Harry's call.

And yet, he swore he could feel Harry's fear like an almost tangible-

Severus closed his eyes, allowing himself to abandon his physical senses, and attempted to focus on what made him certain Harry was in danger. He forced himself to relax and used all his mental prowess to drive back the dread that was threatening to destroy him, his focus. Harry would only suffer if he were to allow himself to become distracted.

Harry was terrified and felt incredible guilt- guilt so perceivable Severus swore it felt as if it were his own. This last sensation only confused Severus more. What could Harry have done that would torment him so? Severus could think of nothing that a brave and kind young man could have done to induce such guilt.

But how was any of this possible in the first place? How could he feel what Harry-

And like sand through a sieve, memories of the previous afternoon began to seep into Severus' mind.

Severus grew confused as he began to recall events that only served to baffle him further. He remembered Draco and his odd behavior in Potions class, and-

The potion! Severus cursed himself as he recalled his blatant stupidity and how he had allowed Draco to trick him into inhaling some unknown concoction. Harry had been there; he had not left him to Draco's repugnant advances. He had protected him while he had been incapacitated, and then after...

Severus inwardly groaned as he began to recall what had happened while under the influence of the potion. How he had told Harry he loved him, how he had finally voiced his thoughts on Harry's incredible beauty.

Severus began to become unnerved himself, realizing what he had revealed while he had been unable to control himself. He had sworn to himself that he would never burden Harry with those feelings, and Draco's potion had forced him to break that promise.

He cursed himself anew as he began to massage his temples, realizing that there would be consequences to what he had said yesterday.

He had sworn never to lade Harry with his unwanted affections, knowing in his heart that he could never deserve anyone as brave and beautiful as him. Severus gritted his teeth and feelings of guilt invaded him as he realized that not only had he burdened the young man he was in love with with his unwanted attentions, but also the one person whom he had no right to demand anything of- not after what his actions had put Harry through. Harry had been the sole reason for every one of his undertakings for the last sixteen-

Severus' thoughts broke off as more of his memories returned to him. He recalled sitting with Harry on his sofa, leaning into him and swearing to love him forever, asking Harry to be his.

The memory was disturbing in itself, but his body went still and his mind began to race as he recalled the murmur in his ear at the pivotal moment.

He looked over to his sofa, as though it were possible to see the shadow of himself and Harry still in their passionate embrace. Severus tilted his head to the side, and memories of his conversation with Harry stormed his mind. His conversation with Harry that had been aided by some whisper of a voice in his ear...

Oh, please Merlin, no.

Severus backtracked to his bedroom, taking in the rumpled sheets and how the bedclothes were unmade on both sides. He returned to his sitting room, looking over toward the sofa where he had confessed his undying love for a boy half his age, where he had made promises that he could not allow himself to keep.

How did this happen?

An unprecedented guilt crashed down upon Severus, making it difficult for him to breathe. The remainder of what happened last night came back to him- declarations of love and devotion, promises of a home that Harry had seemed so grateful to receive.

His mind finally allowed him to register the aches of his body, and he remembered taking Harry into his bedroom. He remembered every touch, every taste, the way Harry had been so eager and had seemed to want Severus as much as he had been wanted.

It had been a gift he had not deserved, and he felt like a thief in the harsh light of day.

Suddenly, despair that was not his own flashed through him.

Panic.

Guilt.

Terror.

Harry's emotions overran Severus' senses and he still could not comprehend how that was possible.

Though he had not been aware of it at the time, Severus recognized now what the whispers in his ear had been. He remembered a soft voice telling him that he was right to love and protect Harry, that he would be needed in the near future. He knew that he needed Harry to be with him, but he could not recall precisely...

Suddenly, Severus was able to remember exactly what he had been thinking when he had promised Harry a home, promised to love and protect him forever.

The bond...

Severus' eyes went wide as he became cognizant of exactly how and why he was able to sense what Harry was feeling; how he knew that Harry needed him so desperately.

Oh, Merlin. What have I done?

Without warning, the door to his office opened and Dumbledore stepped into the room, opening the door just long enough for Severus to meet the eyes of his very terrified bondmate.

He recoiled in that short moment when his eyes met Harry's.

He had done this. He had brought that fear to Harry's eyes. Guilt threatened to overwhelm him.

Dumbledore closed the door and approached Severus with a fatigued gait, extending an arm and putting it around his shoulders.

"It has certainly been an interesting night, my boy. How are you?"

Severus stood in barely masked shock. He had no idea what the headmaster was doing here, or how he had known to be down in the dungeons in the first place. He made an attempt at gathering his wits about him, but they were nowhere to be found.

"Oh, dear. Perhaps you should have one of these as well," Dumbledore said as he put a hand in his pocket, retrieving a calming potion which he quickly offered Severus.

Severus gulped the small relief down without hesitation, then went to sit on the sofa with his head in his hands.

"Severus, please," Dumbledore sighed. "I've just had the most awful conversation with Harry-"

"Harry?" Severus asked, lifting his head from his hands, hearing nothing other than his bondmate's name from the headmaster's mouth. "How is he?"

Dumbledore lifted his eyebrows. "Do you not know?"

Severus put his head back in his hands. "Yes," he hissed. "Unfortunately, I know exactly what he is currently feeling."

"Severus, please. You need to calm yourself. You're going to upset Harry further if you continue like this."

Severus grunted and ran his long-fingered hands through his hair as he understood that Dumbledore was correct. He remembered everything that had happened last night. He recalled exactly what he had been thinking, had been feeling while in Harry's presence.

His thoughts had been only on Harry and protecting him in any way he was able. He had somehow known that something terrible would be happening soon, and that Harry would need him in a much deeper way than he ever had before.

Given the depth of emotion he felt for Harry, it was no surprise that the bond that had formed between them was one born out of romantic love.

Severus closed his eyes and considered his current situation. He was sitting in his dressing gown in his bare feet with a student on the other side of his door and his bedroom in plain view. He had no idea how Dumbledore had come to know what had happened, but it was plain that he had.

"How much do you already know?" he asked the headmaster, not willing to simply assume the other man's omniscience.

"A good deal, actually," Dumbledore replied.

"And will you be accepting my resignation?" he asked in a dead tone.

"Your resignation?" Dumbledore asked, obviously bewildered. "Why would I do such a thing, especially now?"

Severus lifted his head to look the headmaster in the eye. "Why would you not? You say you are aware of what occurred here last night."

"I am aware. There's only one thing I don't know that I would like you to tell me."

Severus lifted an eyebrow, wondering what Dumbledore could possibly ask him. What had possessed him to sleep with the savior of the wizarding world, more than likely.

"Which bond did they have you use?"

Severus' brow furrowed. "They?" Severus asked, confused. "For once, speak plainly, Albus. I am in a foul mood-"

A chill ran down Severus' back as the final piece of what had happened last night descended upon him. He had his memories of last night's events, but in his terror at what he had done, he had not fully understood what had been done to him. His thoughts had only been on Harry.

Having had a few moments to get his thoughts in order and for Albus' calming potion to take effect, he could now recognize the sound of a voice that had whispered in his ear.

He had been made an instrument of Fate once again. How could he have been so foolish?

Severus clenched his teeth and made a fist, rising to pace the room.

"No," he denied, his voice dark and his eyes murderous.

Dumbledore sighed from where he was sitting on the sofa. Clearly Severus' actions spoke for themselves.

"Yes," Dumbledore countered plainly.

Severus shook his head. "I will not. I cannot. Not this, and not with him."

Dumbledore sighed and ran a hand down his face. "I don't believe you will have a choice, Severus. The bond you used is irreversible."

It was a question as much as a statement. Severus ignored Dumbledore and continued his pacing.

"Severus, please. This is going to be difficult enough. Some things are meant to be. This is obviously one of them."

Severus shook his head. "No. I will not-"

"I don't think you have a choice, my boy."

Severus seethed as what had been done to him and Harry crashed down upon him. "I no longer have a choice? Have I ceased to be human?" Severus roared in response. "Does free will no longer exist, or does it simply not apply to damned men and boy-heroes?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course you still have free will," Dumbledore said, his tone mild.

Severus shook his head. Had Dumbledore spent so many years manipulating his pawns that he no longer understood the magnitude of this violation? "I hardly see how that is possible, in light of what has happened. I did not choose this."

"You did, actually," Dumbledore said. "Draco gave you the Anima Munio potion, Severus. It was your soul's desire to love and protect Harry. Fate merely stepped in and-" Dumbledore paused and looked at Severus. "Actually, you haven't yet told me the name of the bond you used."

Anima Munio , Severus repeated in his mind. He lowered his head and ceased his pacing, his shame only increasing. Draco had administered a potion that would force him to voice his true desires, and he had chosen Harry. Their current situation truly was his own fault. His desires had brought this about.

"Geheald us Hal," Severus said, answering Dumbledore's question. "I've only ever read about it. There was no way I could have brewed it having only read an excerpt from the potion once."

"No," Dumbledore agreed.

Severus looked over to Dumbledore, who looked every bit as all-knowing and haughty as he ever had.

"I would like a complete answer to my question as well, Albus. How much do you already know?"

For perhaps the first time since Severus had known him, Dumbledore looked a bit guilty. How had Albus known to be here?

"I know that nothing happened that you did not both want. It may have happened in a roundabout way, but there had to have been love between you, or the bond would not have formed."

Severus scoffed at the very idea of Harry loving him.

"Severus, please," Dumbledore said, his voice pleading. "Do not do this. Harry loves you; that much is obvious. If he did not share your feelings, the bond would never have worked."

"Harry is seventeen, Albus. He is too young to know what he wants or what love is."

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, Severus. I think Harry has been through enough in his life to know the difference between love and... infatuation."

Severus rubbed his temples. How could Dumbledore fail to comprehend the truth of the matter? "He is seventeen. Did you have one clue about life at seventeen?"

Dumbledore's face darkened. "That hardly seems the point."

"Do you remember me at seventeen? All the excellent choices I made? All the things I was foolish enough to believe in? Do you not recall that I also bound myself to a madman not long after?" Severus was seething, his face reddened and his hands clenched.

"I believe that you and Harry have much in common now. Perhaps not then, no," Dumbledore said over Severus' snort. "He's a very smart young man, Severus. You should not discount his opinion so rashly."

"He formed his opinion rashly; it deserves to be treated as such. No one in his right mind would ever-" Severus broke off before finishing his statement.

"Yes?" Dumbledore prompted sharply.

Severus turned away and began pacing his sitting room once again. "I am not a suitable companion in any sense of the word."

Severus stared into the flames in the hearth a moment, realizing that Dumbledore was not understanding him. "Did you know who you wanted at seventeen, Albus?"

He stoked the flames, his thoughts drifting to the back of his mind where Harry was still fearful, only registering moments later that the headmaster had not yet answered his question.

He turned just in time to observe Dumbledore pulling himself from a reverie, and Severus stopped himself from prompting the older man to speak.

Dumbledore seemed to understand Severus was waiting for him to answer. With a sad smile he replied, "Yes, I did."

Oh, Severus thought, and he felt regret for his harsh words for the first time in quite some time.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

"Oh, that is neither here nor there. However, you asked if I knew who I wanted at seventeen. The answer is yes. I fell in love at seventeen and I've continued to love him until this day. I think it is fairly safe to assume that I will always love him..." Dumbledore trailed off for a moment, then seemed to recall what had brought on this conversation.

He smiled sadly at Severus and said, "You were a very foolish boy, Severus, but you've grown up to be a good man. Harry is already a good man. Young, yes. But he's older than you were at that age. Scores older. It's a good match. You'll be happy together, if you can accept it."

Severus walked away from the hearth and fell onto the sofa with none of his usual grace. "I would never have done this, not of my own free will. Not to him, Albus," Severus said, his voice a harsh whisper. "I would never have done this to him, of all people."

"You love him," Dumbledore said. It was not a question.

Severus sank down in his seat and put his head in his hands. "I love him enough to never force my presence upon him. I could never burden any man that way, but Harry..."

"Of all men, it is him you are meant for," Dumbledore said plainly.

"Why?" Severus asked, pain and torment in his voice.

"Because he needs you, Severus, and you need him. It's really quite simple. You are making something terrible out of a situation that should be celebrated. My friend..." Dumbledore broke off and lowered his head so he could meet Severus' eyes. "Do you have any idea how fortunate you are? Harry is a good young man and you will be so happy together. I truly am glad for you."

"Happy?" Severus barked, raising his head. "You are happy that I've managed to trap a young man as good as Harry in the magical equivalent of a-" Severus broke off uncharacteristically, the word refusing to leave his mouth.

"A marriage. Yes, Severus. I am confident you will be happy together."

"Nothing is that simple, not when dealing with Fate and prophecy. That is what this is about- that bond of all bonds."

Dumbledore lifted an eyebrow. "Yes, about the bond. I can see why it was chosen, however... If I am not mistaken, the bond allows for the sharing of power even-" Dumbledore's eyes unfocused and it was as though he was reading about the bond in his mind's eye. Suddenly he seemed to come back to himself, and he turned slowly to Severus.

"Why that bond, Severus?" he asked suspiciously.

Severus scoffed. "You would know better than I, Albus."

"You know the possibilities of this bond? What you could do if you so wished?" Dumbledore asked, his voice growing harsher.

"Yes, I know. I am wondering if that is what they ," he sneered the word, "planned from the beginning."

Dumbledore frowned. "I will not allow it."

Severus laughed, a bit of the hysteria he was feeling leaking into the sound. "You may not have a choice, old man."

"I'll not sacrifice you, Severus."

"Why not? Not willing to give up your only set of ears in the enemy's camp?"

Dumbledore rubbed the corners of his eyes, suddenly looking very tired. "Yes, about that, Severus. We all need to have a discussion."

Severus frowned and shook his head. "I will not have this conversation again. Especially not with Harry."

"Yes, Severus. I think it is time to bring your bondmate into this. You should know how terrified he is."

Severus shook his head again. He could not look at Harry now, not after what he had done to him.

"Albus, please. You cannot ask this of me."

"I ask nothing that you are not able to give. You are bound to the boy, Severus. He's a part of you now. Something as simple as a wall will not separate you. Nothing can."

Severus clenched his hands as he rose and subconsciously began to move away from his door, in some effort to distance himself from Harry as much as possible.

"Don't. Please."

Dumbledore looked over and smiled sadly at him. He put his hand on the door handle.

"Severus, you act as if I am sending you to your death. It's only Harry on the other side of this door."

Severus braced himself as Dumbledore opened the door, snarling internally as he realized that it no longer mattered if he schooled his expression to impassivity.

Harry would know how he felt regardless.