As If In Wonderland

AN: And to answer Lyra Aphrodite Moon’s question, the story is more based on the one-shot, I realised that if I made the one-shot as it was into a full length story it probably wouldn’t work out…but I have *hopefully* kept loosely to it (:

_________________________________


Hermione lay peacefully on a sofa in the library, her head propped up on her husbands lap as she read a book given to her by him for Christmas, ‘The Times of the Founders’, filled with information about the founders of Hogwarts and how they came to power. He calmly stroked her hair while sipping a Firewhisky, and looked out of the large window to enjoy the view of snow falling across the ground and found it pleasant to feel warm by the fire in such a cosy situation.

“Are you enjoying the book?”, the dark lord asked quietly, she closed it and looked up to him with a smile.

“Its fascinating…I feel bad, I didn’t get you a gift, I mean its not like ive had the chance to”, she said regretfully.

“Do you really think I mind? I have never received a Christmas gift in my life, why would this year be any different?”

“Because the difference is I would have gotten you one if I could of”, she pushed herself up and sat so she could face him. “Even though you pissed me off yesterday, forcing me to join your inner circle”

“Actually I gave you a choice, and lets face it…you are glad you’re going to be more involved”

“If you say so…”, she yawned, it had been a chilled out day with her lord, and he kept to his word that it would just be the two of them. House elves served a Christmas feast in the great hall, where to Hermione’s surprise, the place had been decorated like a winter wonderland. With a twenty foot tall Christmas tree at the centre, covered with baubles in every colour with a giant star on the top with glistened in the light.
“im so full from dinner, it was lovely though…but I shouldn’t eat anything else, ill be sick again”, she added at the memory of throwing up first thing in the morning, the dark lord wasn’t pleased.

“It is probably just a side effect of some of the potions that were forced into you to help heal you when you were in that coma…but to be on the safe side go to the hospital, you didn’t go yesterday?”

“No”, she lied, “im ok! Don’t worry about me, anyway its not like im going to die”, Hermione sighed at the thought of her horcrux safely kept in Voldemorts study.

“You are keeping something from me”, he narrowed his eyes, “tell me”

“Its nothing!”, she pleaded anxiously but he didn’t listen, instead he pushed her down and climbed on top of her, pointing his wand into her neck. “Please”

“I don’t like being lied to, and your occlumency skills may have improved, but I am quite able to dig into that brain of yours. Though im sure id prefer you to tell me, what is it?”, he asked so calmly yet Hermione knew he was just good at showing he was calm when he was fuming.

“I-I…just it doesn’t matter, it really is nothing”

“Refusing to cooperate? Crucio-”

“Expelliarmus!”, she screamed, blasting him off of her. It was extremely hard to curse the dark lord when he was already half way through a spell, but Hermione had no idea how a torture curse would affect her and her problem. She breathed heavily and slowly lifted her head to see Voldemort getting off from the floor, seething, his wand raised still at her.
“Im sorry, it was self defence”, she mumbled.

“You dare use a spell on me to blast me across the room? In my own library! The dark lord? I could kill for much less than that”, he spat as he came closer.

“You are just making too big a deal of things, please can we just leave it!”

“No. you have one last chance to tell me…and then im going to curse you with the one your so good at, I know you will hate it-so it will probably convince you to answer me!”, he growled, his eyes blazing.

“Please…”, she whispered and shut her eyes.

“Have it your way, sectumsem-”

“-im pregnant”, she finally breathed. The curse never came. Hermione opened her eyes to see Voldemort still pointing his wand at her angrily, but with a shake of his head he lowered it and glanced downwards before back into her eyes. “Please I didn’t know how to tell you, I only found out yesterday, you must understand that?”

“How far along?”

“The night I woke up from the coma…so not far along much at all”

“This changes nothing”, he mumbled before disaparating without another word, leaving Hermione to sit sadly watching out the snowy window with only herself for comfort.
She expected no more from him, but she realised then how alone she felt, not noticing before.

*.

Voldemort shook his head to himself before pushing open the door to the library a few hours later, his eyes landed on his sleeping wife on the sofa. He gulped as he saw her hand lay peacefully across her stomach, where it would grow within a few months, carrying a child…his child.
For once in his life, he had no idea what to do.
Looking at his wife now, he wanted to kill her, strange her, torture her, make her suffer for bringing a child into their lives…ruining things.
But another half of him…wondered if it would be a boy or a girl, if it would exceed at school like its parents and serve him in the future.

He leaned down at stroked the hair out of her eyes, only for his hand to be grabbed and a wand pointed in his face.
“Oh, sorry…I didn’t know it was you, you could of warned me!”, Hermione breathed and lowered her wand. “Was there something you wanted milord?”

“You don’t have to call me your lord when its just us”, he sighed and sat down opposite her. “I believe we need to talk”

“Why? You have already informed me how you feel about it, it doesn’t change anything…I don’t want it to. But it seems like your not at all happy with the idea of me being pregnant. Look I don’t like the idea of having your child”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? You hate me! Why would I want to carry the child of a man who doesn’t love me?”, she cried, a tear falling down her cheek.

“I don’t hate you, ive told you countless times. I believe I must apologise for walking out earlier, I was shocked to say the least…I still am. I have thought about it though, and now think it wont be too bad, it could be…interesting”

“If you say so. You see milord, I will love this baby more than anything, even if you don’t. I will protect it from you if you ever even think of laying a finger on it!”, she narrowed her eyes to his.

“I have no interest in hurting babies“, he rolled his eyes. “You will continue to serve me, pregnancy is not putting you out of action for an extra 9 months onto the ones you lost to that coma-”

“-That was not my fault! And killing babies? You have to be kidding me, you tried to kill Harry when he was one years old!”, she huffed, “And anyway, I am willing to serve, but I am not risking losing my baby because of you!”

“I have already asked Snape about this, after thinking about it…he is able to make a potion that can protect the baby as long as it is inside of you…in other words, no magical or physical damage can harm it until it is born”

“Meaning you are able to curse me whenever you like”

“Only when I have to”, he grinned. “Snape believes the potion will be ready by morning”

“You mean to say you have forced him to work during Christmas?, Hermione asked in surprise.

“He doesn’t celebrate it…and neither did I”, he added, “I had a good day with you today…but then finding out your pregnant, well, it isn’t what I expected or wanted”

“It doesn’t matter, im keeping the baby and I will continue to serve you-like you said, nothing will change. I don’t want it to. I will take the potion tomorrow, and I will become a member of your inner circle. Properly I mean, so I do what im meant to do”

“Is that what you want?”, he raised an eyebrow.

She sat thinking for a moment before nodding finally, “yes. As wife to the dark lord, member of his inner circle and mother to his unborn child, I can say I want to serve you like you want me to”

“Good”, Voldemort spoke calmly as he got up and sat next to her, “this doesn’t mean your going to be all hormonal now does it”

“im sure you will cope”, Hermione laughed. “I cant believe this, we are the oddest couple in the world. Do you really think we could have a baby?”

“We will just have to see”, Voldemort replied before resting a hand on her stomach, his gaze reaching hers before lowering again.

“When will you be informing your followers of this? I mean, I think they would like to know if their lord is having a child”

“They don’t have to know, not yet anyway, its early days. Tomorrow you will be assisting Draco interrogate someone, but I do not wish for you to get too close to him. I don’t like seeing it, you have already gone too far-enough to nearly humiliate me with your antics”

“He is just a friend”, she said simply.

“Let it stay that way…”, he growled before stroking her stomach, “This is a nice Christmas gift I guess”.

*.

“You look queasy?”, Draco questioned Hermione as they walked down to the dungeons. She couldn’t tell him that she had just drunk a revolting potion in aid of her baby, of course it made her feel queasy as it worked its magic, but she could only reply that she had woke up feeling a little ill from a stomach bug.

“Im fine”, she replied and tried to change the subject, “how was Christmas for you?”

“Good thanks, well same as always…stayed at the Manor and had the usual formal family affair, was boring to be honest. Yours?”

“It was nice. So, what happens today? Were going down to the dungeons to interrogate who?”

“Some girl about a few minor offences, these days minor offences are given quite harsh punishments”, he shrugged as they finally finished their descent to the dungeons. The memories flooded back to Hermione, the time she spent there all alone in the terrible conditions, the dark lord would visit her every day to torture her…to try and convince her to give in. she swore to herself she wouldn’t, but she was weak, too weak to withstand him. She pushed it to the back of her mind and wondered being Draco as he made his way to a nearby cell, after a few charms a clunk could be heard as the rusty metal bars opened up.

She pulled her deep green robe round her, the velvet charmed to keep her warm as the dungeons were freezing. After seeing Draco disappear into a cell, she quickly followed him before standing dumbstruck as she entered.

“Hello Hermione, last time I saw you Ron was killed…so how have things been for you?, said the broken voice of Ginny Weasley, her fiery red hair was dirty and matted, her skin dirty and her clothes torn…she looked how Hermione had looked when she had been prisoner in that very cell.

“Ginny? Merlin! You should have kept out of trouble, you knew something like this would happen!”, Hermione cried and went to hug her but Draco stopped her with his hand. He conjured two chairs and sat, motioning for her to do the same, which she did after a moment.
“Draco you knew she would be here!”, Hermione whacked his shoulder with an annoyed expression and turned back to Ginny.

“Yes but I was on orders not to tell you, probably because the dark lord knew you would react badly at your old mate down here”, Draco drawled. “You are Ginevra Molly Weasley correct?”

“Obviously”, Ginny replied in a bored tone, yet Hermione could sense the anxiety and nervousness she was feeling.

“Its just standard procedure”

“I don’t care. Ginny, why are you here?”, Hermione asked with an expression of sympathy across her face.

“Got kicked out of school, stole a few things and used a bat-bogey hex on some guy…I guess I shouldn’t have got in trouble in the first place, but still, it’s unfair”

“Ginny you shouldn’t have…the dark lord is rarely forgiving for anything. You should just keep your head low and stay out of things”

“That is exactly what I did before, and look where it got me. I have lost family, friends and just everything in between. Hermione, last time we spoke I thought we were still friends, good terms and everything was as fine as it could be in the circumstances. Then you disappeared, Ron was murdered and you just went. There was no word of you for ages”, Ginny said looking up at her with sad eyes. “I missed Christmas didn’t I? wow, I missed mums cooking for the first time”, a tear fell down her cheek. Hermione got up and wiped it before giving her a hug, which was not returned.

“Im sorry Ginny that this has happened. If I had of known you were down here I would have helped you, but I cannot stop Draco doing his job. You need to be questioned about things you have done, and I hope you answer truthfully-it makes it easier”, she glanced over to Draco who looked coldly to Ginny. He was a deatheater after all.

“Obviously you will stick up for your husband and his followers”, Ginny sneered, “you changed so much, you’re a completely different person! Next you will be having babies with him”, Hermione blushed but didn’t say anything.

“Have you both finished now? I have work to be done with! I have been given orders to get on with it and I have other places to go after this”, Draco’s voice grew louder and more fiercer.
“Ginny you are called also? Well there has been a lot of evidence against you to say you are guilty of many petty offences. If I find you guilty then you will be taken to court, when you will be given your punishment. Understood?”

“Perfectly. What im confused about, is why Hermione-or ‘milady’ is here”

“I was ordered to be here, to assist Draco. Though I believe the real reason is so I can see you, it is just another way to hurt me really. Seeing someone I care so much about in here…the very cell I was locked up in”, Hermione choked. She was not a weak woman, but her past was one thing that haunted her.

“You was in here? Well its not exactly pleasant”, Ginny sighed.

“Trying being locked up in here for ages, and have a torture session from the dark lord every day”, Hermione replied. “I cant do this…I-Im going”, she got up quickly with her hand on her head.

“Milady?”

“Im sorry Draco I cant stay here. And im sorry Ginny, all I can do for you is try to convince the dark lord to let you go if Draco doesn’t. He is away as well…”, she drifted off before leaving quietly.

*.

“What was that all about?”, Draco asked almost silently after apparating into the cosy lounge Hermione was sitting in around an hour later. She lay on the sofa keeping warm from the fire, her wand twiddling through her fingers as he sat next to her.

“That place, them dungeons…they just remind me of things, my past. I hate some of the memories I have inside of my head, I don’t like to be reminded of the time I was alone, in pain, filled with hatred, and weak”, she replied. “Ginny reminded me also, of the happy times of my past, the good times…and how I have lost them. Of course I have good times now, but back then they were different. With friends at Hogwarts, it was so different”

I wont tell the dark lord you didn’t do your job, I don’t think he would be pleased you failed your first task, if you want”, Draco suggested.

“No, it doesn’t matter. Im weak aren’t I, I must be if I cant even talk to a prisoner!”

“You’re not”, he assured her. “I let her go by the way, though I did have to use the cruciatus on her…she needed to learn not to get into trouble and to not get loud to me. She will get over it im sure”

“The strange thing is, it doesn’t really bother me if she was tortured or not. Surprising…I care for her, but I care more for other things at the moment. The dark lord has given me no other tasks, so I have nothing to do until he returns. May I join you?”, she asked hopefully. Draco looked awkwardly downwards and back up again.

“Im sorry, no member of the inner circle is allowed to just get involved with another members work unless specifically ordered to”, he looked at her curiously while she circled the dark mark on her arm with her finger.

“I will find something to do then. I cant believe the dark lord left me behind, he said he would take me with him, now he changes his mind. So stupid, its like he doesn’t trust me”

“He trusts no one but himself, sorry to tell you that”

“I know, but I thought…maybe he would trust me. No what am I saying? I know he trusts me”, she played with her necklace round her neck, his horcrux that he had trusted with her, “He just always changes his mind about things”

“Of course milady”, he bowed his head.

“Shut up, you don’t have to call me that! Ive told you a million times before, im just married to the dark lord-it doesn’t automatically make me your lady”

“No you are my lady so I shall treat you as I should”, he smiled. “Im going then, have places to go. By the way, merry Christmas for yesterday”, he kissed her on the cheek before apparating to wherever he was meant to go.

Hermione was alone again, left to go over her thoughts. She felt weak not being able to stay in the dungeons, yet she didn’t care that Ginny had been tortured by a boy she just had a conversation with. She felt nothing for it.

That is when she realised something, something she already knew before, but didn’t make as much sense.
“I am the dark lady. And I am not weak”

*.

Lucius was stressed. It was boxing day, the day after Christmas and he had much work to do. Many incidents always happened at Christmas, mainly because people got over excited about ended up causing trouble, it was his job to sort it all out-to decide what happens when a law is broken etc. only because the dark lord wasn’t around he had even more stress.
He groaned at himself in the ministry and finished writing a letter to be sent to Snape about what to do with illegal potions-he had no idea about anything like that. He jumped as a heavy book was dropped in front of him suddenly.
“What the fuck-”, he started with a growl but stopped as he raised his head to see a smiling Hermione standing in front of him. “What are you doing here milady? And disrupting my work as well!”

“Oh im sure 5 minutes away from your work wont matter. This book, is the book filled with all the current laws-remember before when I was going to change some but got scared to do anything because of the dark lords threats?”

“Of course. I still don’t see why you are here and throwing the blasted book into my face”, Lucius moaned, he wasn’t happy at all.

“I have changed my mind, I have spent the last few hours looking at the laws and changing a few”, she laughed when Lucius’s mouth dropped.

“The dark lord knows about this I hope?”

“Nope”

“Then you are dead”, he shook his head. “You cant just change a law or two, and anyway it doesn’t become valid until it has the dark lords signature and approval”

“Well he can do it when he comes back. He said I could change things before, so what’s the different between then and now?”

“As long as im allowed to come and watch when you get punished, I don’t care”

“Im sure you don’t hate me that much”, she pouted before picking up the book again. “I just thought I should let you know, ive been hanging around the ministry for hours”

“Wait-are you even allowed to come here?”

“Probably not, im supposed to stay inside but I get bored. Im not a prisoner”

“I think you will find you are”

“Im not. I am now a member of the inner circle, im hardly a prisoner-yes I know what you are going to say, ‘you were forced into it’. Well yes, I was, but now I like the involvement”

“You really want the dark lord to hurt you don’t you”, he laughed, “first changing his laws, then leaving his home without permission, entering the ministry without permission, disturbing my work and then denying you are his prisoner and property”

“Im not his prisoner, but I don’t deny that I am his. He made me his a while ago now, though I don’t like to be referred to as property”, it was her turn to growl. “Now, I came here to inform you of the law changes I have made so the dark lord knows I told the current temporary leader of what’s going on”

“Im hardly a leader”

“Well you are the one with the most powers at the moment while the dark lord isn’t here, so that makes you the current leader for the next few days-oh and don’t get big headed about it”, she rolled her eyes. “Im going back home to do some training, I need to get my magic back into action”

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”

“Not anymore, the dark lord gave me a potion to erm…heal me”, she replied quickly, she turned to leave but stopped when he spoke one last time.

“You realise the dark lord will kill a few muggles for every law you changed that he doesn’t like”, he raised an eyebrow at the memory of how she couldn’t change a thing last time because of it.

After a moment she replied softly without any emotion, “and your point is?”, before leaving.

Lucius sat dumbstruck.
‘That girl should definitely not be a mudblood’, he thought.

*.

“Crucio!”, Hermione whispered, a massive blast came from her wand and destroyed a chair she had been aiming at. “At least I know I still have it, Reparo”, she smirked, “I am so bored! And soon I will be waddling around with a big stomach and be useless…”, Hermione sighed after a moment.

She was glad her morning sickness wasn’t so bad, and that it did only last in the mornings. She hated feeling weak and being ill, pregnancy was going to be a nightmare and she knew it.

Pregnancy.
Why did she have to get herself into it? She asked herself, she didn’t choose it but still…she didn’t know whether to feel happy or sad, maybe she felt both. The dark lord had protected her baby, but she wasn’t protected herself, of course she couldn’t die but what if she fell into a coma again?
“No, I wont let that happen. Im stronger than that”, she said aloud.

She had changed the laws she wanted to change before, give equal rights to muggleborns and make it illegal for a wizard to harm a muggle for no reason whatsoever. They weren’t valid until the dark lord returned, but she was happy she had made a nice difference. So what if he killed a few muggles because of it? It would be good for everyone in the long run, sacrifices have to be made in this world…
She really didn’t care if she seemed like a bad person, this was her life now, and she was accepting it.

When she found out she was pregnant she could have agreed to leave and be free, so she could bring up a child without the knowledge its father is a dark wizard…but then again, she liked being in his company, and though he may not be a great father-he would definitely protect it.

“Im fucked up aren’t I”, she sighed before dropping her wand and attempting to improve her wandless magic skills.

‘There is no good and evil, only power, and those too weak to seek it’, was all she could hear in her thoughts.