Mine

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear youre just like a pill
Instead of makin me better, you keep makin me
Ill
You keep makin me ill
-Pink-Just like a pill

*

“So now I am just over three months pregnant by the dark lord, and the funny thing is, although I have gone through everything-things most of you could not imagine, the saying ‘opposites attract’ is very true with me and him. Though I myself was detested with my feelings, so I know what you all think…all I can say is I’m sorry, I just hope you can understand, everything I have told you is the truth-if you want proof get me some truth potion and ill tell you again”, I finished plainly and truthfully, I had no reason to lie and was willing to be forced to tell the truth to prove myself.

“That, I-I don’t think that would be necessary”, Neville mumbled across from me, where I sat on the floor by the fire, “Hermione, we, well I know most of us at least don’t hate you and never have, much…but when you stood up for the slaves, the muggleborns and everyone else when you were, erm, hit with the killing curse, I knew you were still the same person”. My crimson eyes instantly brightened as I looked up at him.

“Thank you for…accepting me I guess”, was all I could manage, it was all I wanted really, to be happy and that’s what I was now, probably completely.

“you don’t have to explain anymore, we know everything else. Lets just change the subject…”, everyone was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say until Lavender decided to break the tension.

“So Hermione, how did you actually change your appearance like that? I mean, I gave you the tip about the straight hair but it looks so nice, like loose ringlets!”, probably the whole room turned to her, “what?”

“Thanks Lavender“, I laughed at her girly-ness which still hadn’t faded, “it wasn’t my doing, the dark lord…edited my appearance you could say. Remember at the time I was his solely for pleasure when I refused to help him in any way, he wanted me to look like this so that’s how it is”

“Oh”

“Yeah…thank you, come on, let me talk to you about the good things that have happened to me…”, I started my memoir stories until very late, but no one cared, they were just fascinated by me, what had happened to me and what I felt. Most importantly, it was how I managed to fall for the darkest man in history as well as have him fall for me.

When it was time for the Gryffindor’s to go to sleep I stayed where I was, not wanting to leave my spot by the warm fire, as I sat alone with the cracking sounds I looked out of the window to see the lightest snowflakes fall…

…

Daylight swam over my body as I stirred, awakened by someone pressed up against my back in bed…bed? didn’t I fall asleep in an armchair? My eyes shot open, but winced as the sun was bright in my eyes, after I adjusted my eyes I turned over to be greeted by the blood red eyes of Voldemort.

“What are you doing-why am I…what the fuck is going on!”, gasped as I lay confused, how did I get here?

“Id prefer that my beauty wouldn’t use bad language fall from your lips”, he placed a finger on my bottom lip as he said it casually, looking into my eyes and playing with my hair in his other hand. His upper muscular torso was bare for me to see, even before his appearance changed his body was always good, now he had everything a man would want, good looks, nice body and power to name a few.

“Yet you don’t mind it if I hurt or kill someone, how confusing…”, I saw a smirk spread across his lips while he trailed his finger from my lip to my breast bone, “But I would still like to know why im here and not in the Gryffindor common room”

“I wanted you back, and I didn’t see a reason why I had to wait”

“You didn’t have to abandon me in the first place”

“Abandon? Hardly. I had something happening here, and you couldn’t be in the way, originally I was going to have you stay at Snape’s, but you left, so I took you to Hogwarts where you couldn’t really leave-even though you cant apparate anyway since I’ve taken away the ability from you, you cant just walk out anymore, dementors prove a good guard in many places-not just Azkaban”

“Dementors? that’s a bit harsh on the students…”

“The dementors wont bring any harm to any student-while they are in the school grounds”

“So what happened here what was so important that I had to be out of the way?”, I raised my eyebrow, I knew he was up to something.

“Ill show you”, before I knew it I was being picked up in Voldemort’s arms like a newborn baby, it was pretty nice but it surprised me all the same.

“Where are you-”, I cut off as I realised another door had appeared in the room, next to the bathroom door, I kept my mouth shut as he took me over and in as the door opened itself as we got near. My jaw dropped in amazement.

The room was about the same size as mine and Voldemorts but very bright and cute in pinks and blues, two cots lay next to each other as well as a few pieces if furniture, like changing tables and rocking chairs, many toys lay scatted around the room and of course books. I glanced back up to Voldemorts, who was still holding me, I couldn’t stop smiling.

“You had this done?”

“Yes, I thought you would appreciate it and I knew you would like it as a place to be when you want to have a break from me”

“Thank you…milord”, I leaned up to kiss his bottom lip

“Don’t call me that”

“Its what I’ve always called you”

“No, I want to hear my name from your lips, no matter how much I detest it-you make it so much sweeter. Everyone else calls me their lord, so I want you to be the special one who doesn’t”

“Oh how considerate of you”

“I think so”, he sniggered before kissing me deeply and apparating outside without warning, cold air hit my flesh making me shiver but Voldemort (even though I called him Tom, in my head he would always be Voldemort) quickly cast a charm to keep me warm even though all I was wearing was a thin negligee and Voldemort was wearing just boxer shorts, the ground was even covered in snow!

“We could have worn something warm”

“Why when we can be warm as well as able to show off our bodies”, he grinned before settling me down on my back while I laughed, the snow was just how it normally felt except it wasn’t cold, it felt so nice,

“You are such a big head!

“I said we“, he smiled as he lay himself next to me, “I like the snow, I don’t like it cold though”

“it’s a good thing its not then. Im surprised, I would have thought you would like the cold”

“Not anymore, not since I got something which made me warm and now I want to always be like it”, he placed a hand around my mini-bump and rolled on top of me,

“You act like were a teenage couple”, I grinned while he kissed my forehead

“Technically you are a teenager. Although…if you don’t like me acting soft with you then maybe you would prefer me to act like I did when we first met?”, I shuddered at the memory of him stealing my virginity.

“I like you like this to me, thank you”

“for what”

“For not treating me how I know you can”, he looked down at my breasts which had grown-not a good thing! I took advantage of the fact he was distracted and rolled on top of him, straddling his hips.

“I don’t think me being in this position would look too good to anyone passing…so feisty you can be”, he growled seductively, I wanted to be seduced because he actually made me feel so good!

“I think I should annoy you by not letting you seduce me so easily”, I got up happily making him look grumpy which made me laugh,

“Come on-”, I hit him with a snowball on his head making me burst out laughing, “that was too far”, I stopped laughing but was then hit by a snowball from him right in the face!

“You are so dead!”, I grinned.

*

Two weeks after our very childish-but still quite fun moment in the grounds, I was watching Hermione in bed as she slept on new years day morning. Christmas was a quiet affair for the two of us, I wasn’t exactly a festive person but I ‘celebrated’ just to keep her happy, I gave her a silver anklet with an emerald which dangled loosely down her foot, I thought she would like it because it was different. I know I liked it, maybe one day ill get her some earrings and a bracelet to match her necklace and anklet…she looked like a princess, my lady but still technically my slave-though I wouldn’t treat her like one, anymore.
She was slightly annoyed I took her from Hogwarts without letting her say goodbye to some people, but she soon got over it and turned her attention to just the babies and me. She spent a lot of time in the baby room I had made, she was obsessed with reading up on things just so she everything would be perfect, I beamed as I watched her from afar, our children would be very powerful when they grew…

“Happy new year Tom, my lord”, she greeted me with a smile and a kiss

“Happy new year to you as well my lady, I would have wished you so last night but…well we were busy”, I smirked which made her bite her lip with a grin. “it’s a new year-”

“-Which usually means new starts, how about you laying off murdering people?”

“Ill think about it, I wonder how long it will be before I cant have sex with you anymore, your already big!”, I stoked her very obvious baby bump-a habit I had gotten into.

“You only ever think about sex!”

“No I don’t, its just my preferred thing to do after a long day…would you prefer me torture people?”

“I was joking!”, she giggled and pushed herself up to lean against the headboard, “its not a bad life is it”

“it’s a great life, I wonder what brought that on though”

“I just think how bad my life was when I first came here, I hated you so much, I even tried to kill myself! I wanted to be free and back at school, things to how they were before-”

“Do you still think that?”

“No-…sometimes I wonder I suppose, how things would be if I wasn’t here…forget it, I want to be here and that’s all that matters”, I watched her suspiciously for a moment before clicking my fingers for a house elf to appear with breakfast. The soppy things wore hats now, made by Hermione-they couldn’t be freed by her and well, they had no choice but to accept her gifts, though I knew most liked them, some pretended to not. Hermione still felt sorry for the things, it was her choice as long as it didn’t affect me in any way.

“I suggest any thoughts of being somewhere other than here be removed from your head, fantasies of other things can make people want to make them reality, and I promise you, you will never leave me”, I growled, she had to know that I was serious.

“You don’t have to be aggressive, im sorry, I forgot that wasn’t that aggressive-when it comes to you”, she got up out of the bed without looking at me and stated combing her loose curls with her fingers.

“What is up with you? We have been ok for a couple of weeks and now you want to fight, a fight you know you will lose”

“I don’t want a fight, I just wondered what things would be like if I wasn’t kidnapped by you back then…im sorry, I cant really help it!”

“You would have still ended up here, I would have sensed your magic, seen your beauty and heard your feistiness”

“You like that word a lot. Well, I don’t believe that would have happened, anyway…what are you doing today? And lighten up and not mention anything about death”

“im teaching you legilmency again, you are gifted at occlumency but I want you able to tell if someone is lying, see what a potential attackers are thinking and most of all, it is a strong skill to have”

“what! You know my last lessons from you ended up like, past memories destroy me and piss you off! I don’t need to learn it and you don’t need to teach me”

“Its been a while since our lessons”, I stopped for a moment to think, “Yes, were doing them again”

“No! I don’t want or need to learn anymore dark magic! And im pregnant for Merlin’s sake!”

“All the better reason to learn”

“Huh?”

“You want to protect our children, and you know a few people aren’t to happy with me…who’s the next people they will try to kill once they’ve tried to do you, or even already have attacked you?”

“I-I…Ok, ill do it. I hate that you know what to say”, she frowned

“I love it, it means control and I know you are used to being under my control by now”

“Of course I am, if I wasn’t do you really think I would be sane?”

“Well, you were always strong, you never ever broke as much as I wanted you to back then”, I said truthfully, she was very strong willed as well as being awfully powerful, plus back when I first took her I really wanted her spirit broken. It worked on a few occasions, sometimes she was just empty…but when I fell in love, that’s when things changed. “Legilmency!”


I watched as memories filed before my eyes. Her worst memories. Me stealing her virginity, me torturing her on numerous occasions, me once again and again

“No!”, she shouted and forced me out, she lay panting on the floor, obviously using all her strength to get me out, “I have suffered in the past, but you will not make me relive it again! Torture me all you like, I don’t care, but don’t ever make me remember suffering and being humiliated in the past-legilmency!”

I froze as I felt her delve into my mind, something I’ve never experience before but I was too shocked to stop it. I saw memories flash across my eyes, murdering my father, creating my first horcrux as a teenager, torturing hundreds of people, experimenting with the dark arts…then it changed to telling Hermione of her new life, fucking her as tears fell, punishing her for some trivial matter…feeling remorse? That’s when I remembered what was happening
I forced her out of my head violently, throwing her back a few feet and landing awkwardly and painfully on the sofa, I didn’t apologise as she cried out in pain but I flicked my wand to heal any injuries from the impact.

“Get out”, I ordered tonelessly

“What?”, Hermione said confused

“Get out before I force you”, I repeated sternly and fiercely, she didn’t need telling twice and with a final look over to me she walked out to the hallway.

No one had ever been inside my mind, never had I let it be open for anyone to see, never had I felt remorse about anything! So why in those memories did I feel guilt? I looked down at myself, I had changed…because of her. It all made sense. I hadn’t been so nice before she came along, now I didn’t punish as much as I did, I actually helped out those mud blood and muggle slaves by banning magical punishment! Now I feel love…what the fuck has happened to me? No, I know…

*

I didn’t mean to actually going to his mind, I was just angry that he had gone into mine and also I didn’t expect that id actually be able to get in. I wondered sadly along the corridors, not knowing what to do but knowing not to return to the bedroom, I could feel my thigh burning but I ignored it.

“you’ve done something to me”, he growled behind me about an hour later in the great hall, as I sat calmly playing with my wand.

“Im sorry I hacked into your mind, but you did it to me, its not fair you can do what you like to me”, I replied.

“You will look at me when you talk to me!”, he pulled my hair tight as he turned me round to face him, I winced in pain but he didn’t let go, “You are mine, im not yours! You have done something to me because ever since you have been here I have been different and I have been stupid to not realise before!”

“What do you mean!-”, my words were cut off by the cruciatus curse as he held my tight, he let go of me after stopping the curse, making me gasp in pain as I dropped to the hard floor as well as still feeling the after effects of the curse. “What the fuck have I done so wrong! You were the one who told me I need to improve my use of legilmency for Merlin’s sake!”

“Everything! Because of you I don’t have the respect I had, its took me so long to realise that, you have done something…”

“I really did believe you had changed but not because I wanted you to, I think its because you wanted to but you just didn’t realise before I came! This is your problem, you are just an insecure wizard who just wants power and people to bow down to him!”, he glared at me furiously before backhanding me. This time making tears fall as I stared at him in disbelief, so much for a new years start. “I am a fool to love such an evil man”, I whispered tearfully, “its your fault I love you because all my old friends, including Harry hated the fact I love you and now you of all people punish me as well!”

“I never felt love, remorse, sadness or anything like that before!”

“You never felt true happiness either did you”, I finished shaking my head, he stopped and stared at me, thinking deeply but his expression was unreadable. “Your just angry with me because you have never had someone so close to you, and it scares you”, I realised that’s why he always went cold every few weeks or so, he had been alone so long and had worked so hard for people to be afraid of him, he didn’t know what to do when I got close to him. “You are a complete bastard you know”

“Maybe…maybe your right”

“What?”

“Im not scared…maybe just worried, well you are the first person I’ve ever been so close to I would actually do all I could to make sure your are safe. I forget I must keep you safe from me…I am such a fucking dickhead-bastard-wa-your bleeding”, he stopped his rant at himself which had surprised me so much I didn’t realise I had been sliced open from my cheek over my eye to my forehead. I didn’t wait for him to heal it, I just placed my pendant onto it and felt the familiar subtle sting as it healed itself. “I’ve asked you so many times in the past but-”

“I’ll think about it”, I cut into his question about forgiveness, then smiled, “come on, milord, I think we should leave legilmency for today…”

“You are an extraordinary witch Hermione…thank you and I probably will hurt you a lot in the future, but I don’t mean it”

“You’re a powerful wizard, and I understand, you will hurt me again but I might just get my revenge someday but I wouldn’t leave you even if I could because you, you are the closest someone has ever been to me, close than Harry or Ron were ever with me. I guess were on the same sort of level of intelligence…bloody hell, I could write a book about my life you know”

“well it would be a good read darling”

“Don’t call me pet names when im not happy with you, its annoying and I may just have to curse you”, I threatened, pulling out my wand but we both knew I was joking.

“Oh I don’t think so love”, he smirked taking out his wand.

And that was how we ended up having a friendly duel for a few hours, and for once, I won…but he let me of course, no one can defeat him. I knew I would forgive him eventually for hurting me, but I couldn’t be bothered, I just wanted to be happy, so I smiled and left it.

“Thank you Hermione for not hating me as I know you should, and you know you are the only person I have ever apologised to”

“Ill remember that”, I smiled softly

___________

Ok so Voldemort has some issues with self esteem-or something like that lol, if Hermione didn’t remind him he is finally happy I don’t think he would have calmed down, and well…I want them together and I don’t want them fighting-all the time! I just HAD to have the snowball scene, I loved how they could have childish moments when they were just not themselves.