A Love So Belated
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
44
Views:
46,671
Reviews:
358
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
44
Views:
46,671
Reviews:
358
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 21: Heroes and Fools
Chapter Number/Total: 21/48
Chapter Title: Heroes and Fools
Words: 3147 Words
When Harry opened his eyes again, dim pinkish-orange light was spilling in through the curtains, the light of a sunset. He'd slept for a few hours then, as it had only been four when he'd gone over to Draco's. The potion certainly took a lot out of a person. He would've been emotionally spent just with his own feelings. Throw Draco's in there and he was emotionally exhausted.
Draco slept peacefully beside him, curled against Harry's body.
Harry smiled as he looked at him, and leaned over to press his lips very gently to his skin. "I love you," he mouthed silently against him.
The blond seemed to smile in his sleep, nuzzling closer.
Harry was content to lay there and watch him for however long he could. He gently moved strands of hair to properly watch Draco's face, and he watched his chest move slowly up and down with his even breathing.
Draco took a deep breath, eyes fluttering open. He blinked up at Harry, smiling. "Hi," he said softly.
Harry smiled back and combed through Draco's hair again with his fingers. "Hi," he answered.
The blond shivered in pleasure as Harry petted him. "We fell asleep," he said.
Harry let out an amused-sounding breath. "Yes," he agreed. "We've been out for a while by the looks of it."
"What now?" Draco asked, allowing the question to vaguely reference either dinner plans or how to handle the confessions of earlier.
Harry pressed forward and kissed Draco gently. "Now you love me," he answered in a whisper. "And I suppose we can eat, too." He smiled, kissing his lover once more.
Draco trembled again, feeling both content and vulnerable after his admissions. "Supper would be nice," he said, smiling shyly.
Harry kissed his nose. "Yes," he said. "Anything with you is nice." He raised his arms to stretch a bit and then wrapped them tightly around Draco, squeezing him. "Mmm, I don't want to move," he said, and then he heard it. A quiet thumping noise. He paused, listening. "You hear that?" he asked Draco.
"Someone here?" Draco asked, listening.
"Oh, no," Harry groaned, sitting up. "Yes, someone's here," he said, recognising the noise as knocks on the front door. He got out of the bed, reaching for his discarded clothing.
Draco sat up and Summoned his wand, casting a Cleaning Charm on himself before looking about for his clothes. "Doesn't the elf get the door?"
"No," Harry shook his head, casting a Cleaning Charm on himself as well with his own wand. He began pulling his trousers on, not even bothering with underwear. He only hoped that it wasn't Ginny. "Weirds me out a bit to think of someone walking round my house without me knowing. And I'm me, someone could just kill Kreacher on the outside of the door and then barge in."
Draco realised then that Harry was a touch paranoid. But he couldn't blame him, since he did have a number of enemies still at large - ones that he had brought up himself. He nodded, pulling his own shorts and then trousers on.
Harry finished dressing and rushed for his glasses on the bedside table, pushing them onto his face. The knocking had grown more insistent and Harry had a very good idea who it could be. It was almost as bad as it being Ginny. He figured he would be able to hear Mrs Black's screams in a moment.
Draco was still working on his shirt buttons.
"I'm going to go get the door," Harry said. "Before they knock it down."
"Yes," Draco agreed, searching about for his socks.
Harry was only in a t-shirt and trousers, no socks or anything, but it was his house so he supposed it wasn't odd. He went out onto the landing and down the stairs. Just as he was nearing the door, the curtains around Mrs Black's portrait flew open and she began screaming.
"Dammit!" Harry exclaimed, trying to pull the fabric closed.
"Harry?" came Ron's voice from the door.
Harry huffed. "Come in, you git," he shouted, still trying to pull the curtains closed.
Ron entered and quickly walked over to help Harry. The two managed to close the curtains, panting slightly once there was silence.
"Merlin," Harry frowned. "Knock a little louder next time, yeah?"
"Sorry," said Ron sheepishly. "Were you sleeping or something?"
Harry shrugged, not knowing how to answer with Draco upstairs.
Draco could only find one sock. He stuffed that in his trouser pocket and put his shoes on without them. He didn't know what his hair looked like and there didn't seem to be a mirror in the room. He didn't know if he should wait there or go downstairs.
"What's up?" Harry asked. He and Ron still stood by the door and he didn't want to move. What if Draco did come down?
Ron glanced at the portrait again. "Er, well," he said, looking slightly confused about why Harry wasn't asking him in, "Mum made treacle tart. Wanted to know if you'd like to come over."
"Ah," Harry said.
"I got my papers today, too," Ron continued. "Did you?"
Harry glanced up the stairs. "Er, yeah," he said quietly. "This morning."
Draco left the room, searching for the loo. He found it and used the mirror to fix his hair before coming down the stairs, hoping it was the right thing to do.
"Filled them out and all," Ron said next. "Now I've only got to ...." But he trailed off, mouth dropping slightly open as he watched the stairs.
Harry turned his head and looked back, seeing Draco. He swallowed a bit.
Draco hesitated on the stair. He saw the looks on both men's faces and realised he probably should have stayed in the room. He showed nothing on his face but didn't move forward.
"What are you doing here?" Ron asked him. His voice was filled more with surprise and shock than anything else.
"I invited him," Harry answered calmly, sparing Draco.
Ron looked back at Harry. "For what?"
Harry gave him a disgruntled frown. "Because I wanted to," he said.
"I thought you weren't hanging around him anymore," Ron said, frowning now, too.
"Well, I am. Have been for a while now so ...." Harry trailed off this time.
"You didn't tell me that," said Ron.
Harry sighed, wanting to say something along the lines of, "Since when do I have to let you know anything?" but he kept his mouth shut, knowing it would only send Ron out in a huff. "Well, now you know," he replied instead.
Draco maintained his position on the stairs. Ron's words brought back familiar anger and he was having difficulty not reacting as he would have in the past. He frowned, teeth clenched.
Harry sighed again. "Well, let's not stand here. We'll wake Mrs Black again. Tea, Ron? Or ...?"
"Yeah, tea," Ron answered.
Harry knew Ron was staying now only because Draco was there. "Tea?" he asked Draco. "I'll tell Kreacher to make some more. We can have dinner, too."
Draco was very tempted to make an excuse and leave. But he had never given in to Ron Weasley and it rankled him even more to do so now. He nodded, slowly coming the rest of the way down the stairs.
Ron watched the blond with slightly narrowed eyes, studying him.
Harry walked between them, leading the way to the kitchen and hoping Ron wouldn't start anything. It was strange to experience that change in his thought process; he was so used to Draco deserving it.
Kreacher was already in the kitchen, standing on a stool and washing dishes.
"Hi, Kreacher," Harry said to him. "Could you make us some tea, please?"
Kreacher looked around. "Oh, the blood traitor's here again," he said, fondly in his own way. "Yes, Master. Kreacher will get it."
Ron rolled his eyes.
Draco smirked, shaking his head slightly at the impertinent house-elf. How did Harry always seem to end up with the odd ones?
"So," said Ron, still staring at Draco. "How you been, Malfoy?" He sat back loftily in a chair, hands folded over his stomach.
Harry shot him a warning look, but Ron didn't pay him any attention.
"I am well," Draco said, also taking a seat and glancing at Harry.
Harry sat, too, staring between the other men.
Ron nodded in a way that said he obviously didn't care. "Got a job?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
Harry's heart sped up. He hoped they weren't about to talk about jobs.
"I don't need a job," Draco drawled, voice haughty as ever.
"Oh, no, of course not," Ron smirked. The words, "because you live off daddy's money," hung in the air, unsaid, but obvious. "Harry and I are becoming Aurors," he went on.
Harry nearly groaned aloud.
Draco's eyes widened a bit and his eyebrows rose. He looked quickly at Harry to see if it was true.
Harry was looking at the table, flushed.
Ron smiled. "He didn't tell you?" he asked innocently.
Harry wanted to hit him.
"We just got the entering papers this morning," Ron continued still. "Only have to send them in now. Kingsley - I mean, the Minister -" he said, to show he was on a first-name-basis with him, "said it's good to have the papers in by December. It's when they look them over the most."
"I am sure Harry would be accepted easily," Draco drawled, eyes still on his lover.
Harry swallowed.
"Yep," said Ron, obviously happy that he knew something Draco didn't. "They're dying to have him."
"I'll bet," Draco sneered. "They like heroes and fools."
Ron's eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to retort, but Harry beat him to it.
"You know what?" he said, looking up finally. "We're not going to have this conversation right now because it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter at all."
Kreacher laid their tea on the table then and Harry reached for it, hurriedly making a cup as if it would shut everyone up.
"But, Harry, he just said -"
"Drop it, Ron," Harry told him, heart still beating madly.
Draco sat rigid his chair, his emotions roiling inside him and his hands gripping the seat.
Ron looked highly disgruntled. "I don't see what for," he complained. "What does it matter if he -"
Harry cut him off again. "Please?" he asked, really begging. "Please just drop it?"
Ron huffed, frowning. "Yeah, whatever," he relented. "I have to go anyway. Mum's expecting me back." He stood up, his tea untouched. "I'll see you later, Harry." He completely ignored Draco as he started for the kitchen stairs. "Oh," he said, turning back. "Ginny sends her love." He made a strange face at having to say it and Harry didn't think it could get any worse than that.
Ron turned back to the stairs then and disappeared as he began his ascent.
Draco didn't move. He was afraid he would fall apart if he did.
Harry closed his eyes, his hands clenched on his tea cup. "Draco," he whispered.
Draco closed his eyes as well, dropping his chin to his chest with a harsh release of breath.
Harry winced. "I was going to tell you," he said. "I swear I was. And it's not like I've gone in yet. I haven't even filled the papers out. Ron was just - being Ron. He doesn't know - he ... Draco, I swear I wouldn't have gone in without telling you."
Draco was breathing harshly through his nose. He didn't like the idea of Harry as an Auror - for a number of reasons, but he found that what upset him the most was the reminder that he wasn't really an important part of the man's life. He was the dirty secret Harry kept from his friends.
Harry stood up from his chair, crossing to Draco's and going to his knees beside him. "Please don't be mad at me," he begged. "Please, please don't."
Draco forced himself to get control, taking slow and deep breaths. He opened his eyes and looked at Harry, his heart clenching when he did. He reached a shaky hand to cup Harry's chin. "I don't have the right to be mad, do I?"
Harry's brows went low over his eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked, confused.
"They don't even know about me," Draco whispered. "I am just ...." He trailed off, not knowing what words he could use to describe it.
Harry stared at him, his mouth open slightly, as if he were going to say something. He didn't though, and lowered his forehead to rest on Draco's leg, his eyes closed again as he concentrated on not panicking.
Draco's hand slid up to lie on the back of Harry's head, trembling as he pet his hair.
"You," Harry whispered. "You mean more than everything, everyone. Please, Draco."
That actually made Draco shake even more. "I ... do?" he asked in a whisper.
"Yes," Harry answered. "Yes, you do." How could he say that, but not, "I love you"?
"Then why am I still a secret?" Draco asked.
Harry didn't lift his head and was silent for a long moment. "I'm afraid I'll lose them," he whispered, and trembled. He hadn't said that aloud yet.
Draco frowned, fingers still curled in his lover's hair. "They still hate me that much?"
"I don't know," Harry answered, voice quivering as much as his body. "But Ginny .... They'll hate me for hurting her, for choosing you over her. I - I'm -" He didn't even know what to say. His heart was pounding and his eyes were burning and he couldn't lift his face.
Draco's eyes widened again and his heart sped up. Had Harry just implied that he would choose him over Ginny? That he wanted to? He didn't have any reassuring words for the man. He leaned forward, kissing Harry's head.
"Tell me you still love me," Harry whispered, knowing it was selfish. "Please, Draco."
"Oh, yes, I do," Draco breathed against him. "How could I ever stop?"
Harry hugged him around his waist, closing his eyes. "Will you still stay here with me tonight?" he asked, whispering still.
"Yes, Harry. I will stay with you now and any time you want me," Draco answered. He knew he might never have more than this, but it was already more than he'd ever thought possible. He ran his fingers through Harry's thick hair. "I love you."
Harry stayed right where he was, his face pressed into Draco, his arms still around him. Only the quiet sound of running water from the sink and the clinking of china reminded him of where they were. He lifted his head slowly, staring up into Draco's face.
Draco gently kissed him.
Harry sighed, kissing back and squeezing him one last time. "Want to eat now?" he asked quietly with a small wince of a smile.
"Sure," Draco answered, his voice just as low.
Harry nodded, getting to his feet from where he was still on his knees. "What would you like?" he asked. "Anything at all. And we don't have to eat in here if you'd rather not. We can eat in the dining room."
Food wasn't the highest thing on Draco's list of priorities at the moment, let alone in which room to eat it. "Whatever," he said softly.
Harry nodded again. "Okay." He had Kreacher simply make them some pasta and opted to stay in the kitchen. They sat at the table, smelling the food cooking and listening to Kreacher’s quiet mutterings. Harry drummed his fingers, feeling like it was one of their first meetings all those months ago.
"You going to do it, then?" Draco asked.
Harry looked up at him, knowing what he was talking about. "You don't want me to, do you?" he said, frowning a little.
Draco shook his head, sighing. "I don't have the right to tell you what to do."
Harry sighed as well. "It doesn't matter if you have the right to," he said. "But it does matter to me what you think."
Draco's grey eyes regarded the man for a minute. "I don't like the idea of it. I don't like you putting yourself back into the fight."
"I already said it isn't all fighting," Harry told him. "I'd have two years of school before I even put a toe out on the field, and possibly even another year after that."
"Not with your skills," Draco shook his head again, this time smiling a bit. "But that isn't the point, is it?"
Harry sighed again. "What isn't the point?" he asked wearily.
"Becoming an Auror is a long term plan. One that would put you in danger for years to come," Draco said.
Harry looked at him for a minute. "It really isn't all that dangerous," he said. "Well, okay, I mean it is dangerous, but not how you're thinking. I'll have office work, too, papers to write, reports to give. I've read into it all. I've been thinking about becoming an Auror since fourth year. I took all my O.W.L.s to be one, and N.E.WT.s as well."
"Reports? paperwork?" Draco questioned, sounding even more sceptical. "That is something you really want to do?"
"I want to be one, yes," Harry said. "There's probably not a job out there that's all action, and I know I could do this. Ron's going to do it, and I don't want to do it just because he is, but, I mean, it would be nice. It gets ... boring over here without anyone. I can't spend every day at the Manor, and I can't go over to the Burrow every day either. So I end up stuck here with nothing to do."
"If it is what you want to do, then you should do it," Draco said with a sigh, feeling like he had somehow lost something.
Harry looked at Draco for a minute longer as Kreacher set plates in front of them both. "Now I feel guilty about it," he sighed, too.
"I don't know what to say to you, Harry," Draco admitted. "I can barely figure out what to do with my life. I don't have the right to tell you what to do with yours."
Harry sighed. "Well," he said quietly, "I'll think some more about it. Give it a while. Then I'll see what's up. I'll tell you before I do anything."
"I would appreciate it. I have never really liked being surprised like that and tend to say ... well, awful things when I am," Draco admitted.
Harry gave another smile that was more of a wince. "I'll forgive you if you forgive me," he offered.
"Agreed," Draco said with a similar smile.
Harry smiled a true smile after that and picked his fork up, twirling some noodles around it. "Good."
Chapter Title: Heroes and Fools
Words: 3147 Words
When Harry opened his eyes again, dim pinkish-orange light was spilling in through the curtains, the light of a sunset. He'd slept for a few hours then, as it had only been four when he'd gone over to Draco's. The potion certainly took a lot out of a person. He would've been emotionally spent just with his own feelings. Throw Draco's in there and he was emotionally exhausted.
Draco slept peacefully beside him, curled against Harry's body.
Harry smiled as he looked at him, and leaned over to press his lips very gently to his skin. "I love you," he mouthed silently against him.
The blond seemed to smile in his sleep, nuzzling closer.
Harry was content to lay there and watch him for however long he could. He gently moved strands of hair to properly watch Draco's face, and he watched his chest move slowly up and down with his even breathing.
Draco took a deep breath, eyes fluttering open. He blinked up at Harry, smiling. "Hi," he said softly.
Harry smiled back and combed through Draco's hair again with his fingers. "Hi," he answered.
The blond shivered in pleasure as Harry petted him. "We fell asleep," he said.
Harry let out an amused-sounding breath. "Yes," he agreed. "We've been out for a while by the looks of it."
"What now?" Draco asked, allowing the question to vaguely reference either dinner plans or how to handle the confessions of earlier.
Harry pressed forward and kissed Draco gently. "Now you love me," he answered in a whisper. "And I suppose we can eat, too." He smiled, kissing his lover once more.
Draco trembled again, feeling both content and vulnerable after his admissions. "Supper would be nice," he said, smiling shyly.
Harry kissed his nose. "Yes," he said. "Anything with you is nice." He raised his arms to stretch a bit and then wrapped them tightly around Draco, squeezing him. "Mmm, I don't want to move," he said, and then he heard it. A quiet thumping noise. He paused, listening. "You hear that?" he asked Draco.
"Someone here?" Draco asked, listening.
"Oh, no," Harry groaned, sitting up. "Yes, someone's here," he said, recognising the noise as knocks on the front door. He got out of the bed, reaching for his discarded clothing.
Draco sat up and Summoned his wand, casting a Cleaning Charm on himself before looking about for his clothes. "Doesn't the elf get the door?"
"No," Harry shook his head, casting a Cleaning Charm on himself as well with his own wand. He began pulling his trousers on, not even bothering with underwear. He only hoped that it wasn't Ginny. "Weirds me out a bit to think of someone walking round my house without me knowing. And I'm me, someone could just kill Kreacher on the outside of the door and then barge in."
Draco realised then that Harry was a touch paranoid. But he couldn't blame him, since he did have a number of enemies still at large - ones that he had brought up himself. He nodded, pulling his own shorts and then trousers on.
Harry finished dressing and rushed for his glasses on the bedside table, pushing them onto his face. The knocking had grown more insistent and Harry had a very good idea who it could be. It was almost as bad as it being Ginny. He figured he would be able to hear Mrs Black's screams in a moment.
Draco was still working on his shirt buttons.
"I'm going to go get the door," Harry said. "Before they knock it down."
"Yes," Draco agreed, searching about for his socks.
Harry was only in a t-shirt and trousers, no socks or anything, but it was his house so he supposed it wasn't odd. He went out onto the landing and down the stairs. Just as he was nearing the door, the curtains around Mrs Black's portrait flew open and she began screaming.
"Dammit!" Harry exclaimed, trying to pull the fabric closed.
"Harry?" came Ron's voice from the door.
Harry huffed. "Come in, you git," he shouted, still trying to pull the curtains closed.
Ron entered and quickly walked over to help Harry. The two managed to close the curtains, panting slightly once there was silence.
"Merlin," Harry frowned. "Knock a little louder next time, yeah?"
"Sorry," said Ron sheepishly. "Were you sleeping or something?"
Harry shrugged, not knowing how to answer with Draco upstairs.
Draco could only find one sock. He stuffed that in his trouser pocket and put his shoes on without them. He didn't know what his hair looked like and there didn't seem to be a mirror in the room. He didn't know if he should wait there or go downstairs.
"What's up?" Harry asked. He and Ron still stood by the door and he didn't want to move. What if Draco did come down?
Ron glanced at the portrait again. "Er, well," he said, looking slightly confused about why Harry wasn't asking him in, "Mum made treacle tart. Wanted to know if you'd like to come over."
"Ah," Harry said.
"I got my papers today, too," Ron continued. "Did you?"
Harry glanced up the stairs. "Er, yeah," he said quietly. "This morning."
Draco left the room, searching for the loo. He found it and used the mirror to fix his hair before coming down the stairs, hoping it was the right thing to do.
"Filled them out and all," Ron said next. "Now I've only got to ...." But he trailed off, mouth dropping slightly open as he watched the stairs.
Harry turned his head and looked back, seeing Draco. He swallowed a bit.
Draco hesitated on the stair. He saw the looks on both men's faces and realised he probably should have stayed in the room. He showed nothing on his face but didn't move forward.
"What are you doing here?" Ron asked him. His voice was filled more with surprise and shock than anything else.
"I invited him," Harry answered calmly, sparing Draco.
Ron looked back at Harry. "For what?"
Harry gave him a disgruntled frown. "Because I wanted to," he said.
"I thought you weren't hanging around him anymore," Ron said, frowning now, too.
"Well, I am. Have been for a while now so ...." Harry trailed off this time.
"You didn't tell me that," said Ron.
Harry sighed, wanting to say something along the lines of, "Since when do I have to let you know anything?" but he kept his mouth shut, knowing it would only send Ron out in a huff. "Well, now you know," he replied instead.
Draco maintained his position on the stairs. Ron's words brought back familiar anger and he was having difficulty not reacting as he would have in the past. He frowned, teeth clenched.
Harry sighed again. "Well, let's not stand here. We'll wake Mrs Black again. Tea, Ron? Or ...?"
"Yeah, tea," Ron answered.
Harry knew Ron was staying now only because Draco was there. "Tea?" he asked Draco. "I'll tell Kreacher to make some more. We can have dinner, too."
Draco was very tempted to make an excuse and leave. But he had never given in to Ron Weasley and it rankled him even more to do so now. He nodded, slowly coming the rest of the way down the stairs.
Ron watched the blond with slightly narrowed eyes, studying him.
Harry walked between them, leading the way to the kitchen and hoping Ron wouldn't start anything. It was strange to experience that change in his thought process; he was so used to Draco deserving it.
Kreacher was already in the kitchen, standing on a stool and washing dishes.
"Hi, Kreacher," Harry said to him. "Could you make us some tea, please?"
Kreacher looked around. "Oh, the blood traitor's here again," he said, fondly in his own way. "Yes, Master. Kreacher will get it."
Ron rolled his eyes.
Draco smirked, shaking his head slightly at the impertinent house-elf. How did Harry always seem to end up with the odd ones?
"So," said Ron, still staring at Draco. "How you been, Malfoy?" He sat back loftily in a chair, hands folded over his stomach.
Harry shot him a warning look, but Ron didn't pay him any attention.
"I am well," Draco said, also taking a seat and glancing at Harry.
Harry sat, too, staring between the other men.
Ron nodded in a way that said he obviously didn't care. "Got a job?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
Harry's heart sped up. He hoped they weren't about to talk about jobs.
"I don't need a job," Draco drawled, voice haughty as ever.
"Oh, no, of course not," Ron smirked. The words, "because you live off daddy's money," hung in the air, unsaid, but obvious. "Harry and I are becoming Aurors," he went on.
Harry nearly groaned aloud.
Draco's eyes widened a bit and his eyebrows rose. He looked quickly at Harry to see if it was true.
Harry was looking at the table, flushed.
Ron smiled. "He didn't tell you?" he asked innocently.
Harry wanted to hit him.
"We just got the entering papers this morning," Ron continued still. "Only have to send them in now. Kingsley - I mean, the Minister -" he said, to show he was on a first-name-basis with him, "said it's good to have the papers in by December. It's when they look them over the most."
"I am sure Harry would be accepted easily," Draco drawled, eyes still on his lover.
Harry swallowed.
"Yep," said Ron, obviously happy that he knew something Draco didn't. "They're dying to have him."
"I'll bet," Draco sneered. "They like heroes and fools."
Ron's eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to retort, but Harry beat him to it.
"You know what?" he said, looking up finally. "We're not going to have this conversation right now because it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter at all."
Kreacher laid their tea on the table then and Harry reached for it, hurriedly making a cup as if it would shut everyone up.
"But, Harry, he just said -"
"Drop it, Ron," Harry told him, heart still beating madly.
Draco sat rigid his chair, his emotions roiling inside him and his hands gripping the seat.
Ron looked highly disgruntled. "I don't see what for," he complained. "What does it matter if he -"
Harry cut him off again. "Please?" he asked, really begging. "Please just drop it?"
Ron huffed, frowning. "Yeah, whatever," he relented. "I have to go anyway. Mum's expecting me back." He stood up, his tea untouched. "I'll see you later, Harry." He completely ignored Draco as he started for the kitchen stairs. "Oh," he said, turning back. "Ginny sends her love." He made a strange face at having to say it and Harry didn't think it could get any worse than that.
Ron turned back to the stairs then and disappeared as he began his ascent.
Draco didn't move. He was afraid he would fall apart if he did.
Harry closed his eyes, his hands clenched on his tea cup. "Draco," he whispered.
Draco closed his eyes as well, dropping his chin to his chest with a harsh release of breath.
Harry winced. "I was going to tell you," he said. "I swear I was. And it's not like I've gone in yet. I haven't even filled the papers out. Ron was just - being Ron. He doesn't know - he ... Draco, I swear I wouldn't have gone in without telling you."
Draco was breathing harshly through his nose. He didn't like the idea of Harry as an Auror - for a number of reasons, but he found that what upset him the most was the reminder that he wasn't really an important part of the man's life. He was the dirty secret Harry kept from his friends.
Harry stood up from his chair, crossing to Draco's and going to his knees beside him. "Please don't be mad at me," he begged. "Please, please don't."
Draco forced himself to get control, taking slow and deep breaths. He opened his eyes and looked at Harry, his heart clenching when he did. He reached a shaky hand to cup Harry's chin. "I don't have the right to be mad, do I?"
Harry's brows went low over his eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked, confused.
"They don't even know about me," Draco whispered. "I am just ...." He trailed off, not knowing what words he could use to describe it.
Harry stared at him, his mouth open slightly, as if he were going to say something. He didn't though, and lowered his forehead to rest on Draco's leg, his eyes closed again as he concentrated on not panicking.
Draco's hand slid up to lie on the back of Harry's head, trembling as he pet his hair.
"You," Harry whispered. "You mean more than everything, everyone. Please, Draco."
That actually made Draco shake even more. "I ... do?" he asked in a whisper.
"Yes," Harry answered. "Yes, you do." How could he say that, but not, "I love you"?
"Then why am I still a secret?" Draco asked.
Harry didn't lift his head and was silent for a long moment. "I'm afraid I'll lose them," he whispered, and trembled. He hadn't said that aloud yet.
Draco frowned, fingers still curled in his lover's hair. "They still hate me that much?"
"I don't know," Harry answered, voice quivering as much as his body. "But Ginny .... They'll hate me for hurting her, for choosing you over her. I - I'm -" He didn't even know what to say. His heart was pounding and his eyes were burning and he couldn't lift his face.
Draco's eyes widened again and his heart sped up. Had Harry just implied that he would choose him over Ginny? That he wanted to? He didn't have any reassuring words for the man. He leaned forward, kissing Harry's head.
"Tell me you still love me," Harry whispered, knowing it was selfish. "Please, Draco."
"Oh, yes, I do," Draco breathed against him. "How could I ever stop?"
Harry hugged him around his waist, closing his eyes. "Will you still stay here with me tonight?" he asked, whispering still.
"Yes, Harry. I will stay with you now and any time you want me," Draco answered. He knew he might never have more than this, but it was already more than he'd ever thought possible. He ran his fingers through Harry's thick hair. "I love you."
Harry stayed right where he was, his face pressed into Draco, his arms still around him. Only the quiet sound of running water from the sink and the clinking of china reminded him of where they were. He lifted his head slowly, staring up into Draco's face.
Draco gently kissed him.
Harry sighed, kissing back and squeezing him one last time. "Want to eat now?" he asked quietly with a small wince of a smile.
"Sure," Draco answered, his voice just as low.
Harry nodded, getting to his feet from where he was still on his knees. "What would you like?" he asked. "Anything at all. And we don't have to eat in here if you'd rather not. We can eat in the dining room."
Food wasn't the highest thing on Draco's list of priorities at the moment, let alone in which room to eat it. "Whatever," he said softly.
Harry nodded again. "Okay." He had Kreacher simply make them some pasta and opted to stay in the kitchen. They sat at the table, smelling the food cooking and listening to Kreacher’s quiet mutterings. Harry drummed his fingers, feeling like it was one of their first meetings all those months ago.
"You going to do it, then?" Draco asked.
Harry looked up at him, knowing what he was talking about. "You don't want me to, do you?" he said, frowning a little.
Draco shook his head, sighing. "I don't have the right to tell you what to do."
Harry sighed as well. "It doesn't matter if you have the right to," he said. "But it does matter to me what you think."
Draco's grey eyes regarded the man for a minute. "I don't like the idea of it. I don't like you putting yourself back into the fight."
"I already said it isn't all fighting," Harry told him. "I'd have two years of school before I even put a toe out on the field, and possibly even another year after that."
"Not with your skills," Draco shook his head again, this time smiling a bit. "But that isn't the point, is it?"
Harry sighed again. "What isn't the point?" he asked wearily.
"Becoming an Auror is a long term plan. One that would put you in danger for years to come," Draco said.
Harry looked at him for a minute. "It really isn't all that dangerous," he said. "Well, okay, I mean it is dangerous, but not how you're thinking. I'll have office work, too, papers to write, reports to give. I've read into it all. I've been thinking about becoming an Auror since fourth year. I took all my O.W.L.s to be one, and N.E.WT.s as well."
"Reports? paperwork?" Draco questioned, sounding even more sceptical. "That is something you really want to do?"
"I want to be one, yes," Harry said. "There's probably not a job out there that's all action, and I know I could do this. Ron's going to do it, and I don't want to do it just because he is, but, I mean, it would be nice. It gets ... boring over here without anyone. I can't spend every day at the Manor, and I can't go over to the Burrow every day either. So I end up stuck here with nothing to do."
"If it is what you want to do, then you should do it," Draco said with a sigh, feeling like he had somehow lost something.
Harry looked at Draco for a minute longer as Kreacher set plates in front of them both. "Now I feel guilty about it," he sighed, too.
"I don't know what to say to you, Harry," Draco admitted. "I can barely figure out what to do with my life. I don't have the right to tell you what to do with yours."
Harry sighed. "Well," he said quietly, "I'll think some more about it. Give it a while. Then I'll see what's up. I'll tell you before I do anything."
"I would appreciate it. I have never really liked being surprised like that and tend to say ... well, awful things when I am," Draco admitted.
Harry gave another smile that was more of a wince. "I'll forgive you if you forgive me," he offered.
"Agreed," Draco said with a similar smile.
Harry smiled a true smile after that and picked his fork up, twirling some noodles around it. "Good."