Broken Toy

Warnings: angst, violence, abuse, some romance, hurt/comfort, simply NC17…
Author's Notes:
*snorts* Just felt a little bit depressed (blasted RL), and before posting, I took a look at your latest reviews. And guess what? I’m smiling again! Now I’m ready to finish the next chapter! Thank you all. *HUGS*

And I hope you will enjoy the next chapter!

Chapter Twenty-One

“You aren’t responsible.” Draco didn’t know how often he had repeated the same phrases over and over again. “You didn’t kill him.”

It had taken a while until Draco had been able to persuade Harry to lie down on the sofa. Now Harry’s dark head was huddled in Draco’s lap, his glasses shoved high up on his nose, the rims buried deep into the soft skin above the eyebrows, the pads pressing deep into the corners of his eyes. Draco knew he should move them; he was sure the glasses were causing unnecessary discomfort to Harry, but he simply couldn’t take his hand from Harry’s head. Not now.

He couldn’t stop running his fingers steadily through the thick black hair, hoping that with every stroke he could take a bit of Harry’s tension away. The pressure of Harry’s cramped hands clasped beneath his chin was a bit painful against Draco’s hipbone, and the muscles of Draco’s legs had started to prickle unpleasantly some time ago; soon they would be completely numb. However, Draco didn’t dare to move. He still hoped that Harry would relax eventually.

“You can’t be blamed... It wasn’t you…You couldn’t know... You didn’t kill him... Nobody could have foreseen it …”

Cautiously he laid his free hand on Harry’s thigh. The muscles Draco could feel through Harry’s jeans were as hard as solid stone. If Harry would only stretch his legs out, if he only could relax a little, Draco knew he would be more comfortable. But Harry hadn’t moved since he had curled up on the sofa. His knees were almost touching his chest, and the contracted, foetal posture of Harry’s body kept on worrying Draco.

One last time his hand ran through the thick shock of black hair then moved cautiously toward Harry’s forehead. With all the care he was capable of he let the tips of his fingers start to knead Harry’s brow. Draco had used this kind of massage whenever he had suffered a severe headache - and there had been an innumerable amount of them - and now he hoped it would work on Harry, too.

A hopeful smile played around Draco’s lips when he heard a low sigh. Encouraged, the touch of his fingers intensified, and his efforts were rewarded with another deep intake of breath.

Draco couldn’t help it. The satisfying feeling of victory made his lips curl up into a smirk.

Harry’s hands twitched in Draco’s lap. Then Harry’s brow furrowed, as if in pain, and Draco felt the agonized moan before he could actually hear it.

Although his eyes were still closed, Harry’s features seemed to be an open book to Draco. He could make out Harry’s current emotions varying in rapid succession: despair was followed by an expression of surrender then was replaced by resignation, topped by something which appeared to be utter loneliness.

Without any warning, something burned like acid in Draco’s insides. He didn’t know where the lump in his throat, growing steadily to the size of a pumpkin, came from. He tried hard to avoid any sound, but breathing evenly turned out to be a problem.

Another moan from Harry, now louder, and Draco had to blink several times. Something was annoying both of his eyeballs, and he wanted to get rid of it before his eyes started to water.

Please, Harry. Don’t. Come on. Don’t be like this. I don’t want you to be like this.

Draco didn’t like the sudden tremble of his hands. He had to do something, anything. After some fast intakes of breath Draco’s lips parted. His head bent closer toward the head in his lap.

He bit his tongue when his chin collided hard with Harry’s skull. Nothing had prepared him for the grim look of determination on Harry’s face when he wriggled out of Draco’s arms and jumped to his feet.

Instantly Draco’s muscles cried out in relief. Pins and needles were tormenting his legs, and he had to shift his sitting-position a few times before even thinking about getting up.

Harry was pacing the living room in long strides. How on earth was the man able to do that?

“Don’t you know what all this means? ” Harry was hissing when he passed the sofa for the second time.

Thankfully he didn’t expect an answer; for when he had reached the window and looked out, he continued to pour out words right away.

“We can try to do whatever we want. It all comes back to this Pickles guy.” His fist hit the frame of the window. “And I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all!”

Harry turned around to face him, and Draco got up as fast as he could. Harry’s blazing eyes seemed to demand sudden action.

“There’s just one explanation. He has been using…”

“… Dark Magic.” Draco completed the sentence, shrugging his shoulders. It was apparent, wasn’t it?

Harry’s eyes widened, and Draco hastened to add, “But it is obvious, isn’t it? Don’t tell me you didn’t know. What else can cause instant death? Especially when you try to invade a mind? And…” He stopped abruptly.

Realisation hit him, and he had to swallow several times.

He almost stumbled over his own feet when he rushed over toward Harry. His legs still didn’t seem to be able to obey the simplest commands. He grabbed Harry by his shoulders and shook him violently, shouting, “You… Don’t you know you could have DIED?”

Harry winced, but Draco shook all the harder.

“You imbecile! You call yourself an Auror? Don’t you know Dark Magic when you’re faced with it? Stupid git, you could have been dead! Father told me a lot about Dark Magic, he used to show me… But never mind that... Don’t you see??? It was a curse to fend off interrogation effectively, once and for all. The death of the informant is irrelevant! It is supposed to hit the INVESTIGATOR!”

Draco’s fingers clenched deep into Harry’s shoulders, and he couldn’t stop pushing them back and forth, trying to get some sense into him.

“WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD??”

“So-ho-rry.” Harry’s teeth clattered when he tried to answer.

Draco wasn’t amused the slightest.

“What did you do?” Draco groped for Harry’s face and enclosed his jaws roughly, his fingers leaving dark marks on his face. “At the vital point, you must have broken the connection somehow. So… what???”

Harry didn’t answer, and Draco started to shake Harry’s head.

“THINK! There must have been something… What did you do when you interrogated him? Didn’t you concentrate enough? Did you look out of the window, perhaps? Admiring a nice cute seagull flying by? Or did you just need to piss? What? THINK, FOR MERLIN’S SAKE!!!”

“I… can’t remember” Harry’s glasses had slipped down to the tip of his nose, threatening to fall off.

“THINK, DAMNIT!!!”

“IF YOU STOPPED THE SHAKING MAYBE I HAD A CHANCE TO THINK!”

At once Draco let go of Harry’s face and stepped back, but he couldn’t stop glaring frantically at his opposite.

“I…” Harry heaved his shoulders. “I can’t remember…” Embarrassed, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Sorry, but I…” His eyes widened. “Hang on….”

Harry stared at Draco unbelievingly then cast his eyes down in a peculiar shy way.

But there wasn’t any time for shyness now.

“WHAT?” Draco bellowed.

Harry didn’t answer, but fingered inside his jeans pocket.

“I… When I legitimated, I shoved my hand down my jeans…. And I… I touched this…”

Slowly Harry pulled out something red.

A red ribbon.

The ridiculous red ribbon Draco had made Harry buy at the shop the other day.

Staring into each other’s eyes, both started to laugh hysterically.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Draco woke up with a start, and immediately groped for Harry. But of course there wasn’t any need for that. He had known he would find Harry’s side of the bed empty, even before his hand felt the cold beddings.

He searched each room of the house, but couldn’t find any trace of Harry. Natural impatience mingled with unease as he extended his hunt in the garden. Luckily the moon, although waning, emitted enough light to make out distinct outlines of the various objects to be sure of one thing: No sign of Harry here. He wasn’t on the veranda, not behind the broad apple trees, nor behind the wide overhanging branches of the bushes, nor behind the chicken house, either. And there were no lights to be seen in the windows of the twin’s cottage. Lance and Gwenny were hopefully sound asleep. Good.

He flinched when his left hand met with something wet and cold. Jack had appeared out of nowhere, and his tail wagged frantically when he licked Draco’s fingers. Good dog, fine dog, but he definitely wasn’t in the mood for patting right now. After some quick consideration Draco noticed he hadn’t been at the front of the house, so he turned around and marched on, with the dog at his heels.

Jack regarded him with interest when Draco stormed at the entrance, found no one, and hissed an angry, ““Where???”

Draco sunk down discouraged and sat irresolutely on the front step. At once the dog squatted opposite of him, wagging his tail once more, his jaws ajar as if in a smile.

Where was Harry?

He could be anywhere! In the middle of the night, he simply could have wandered off, having decided it was a good time to take a stroll up the hills. But then he would have taken both of the dogs with him.

He could have disapparated to whatever place he fancied in his upset mind. But would he vanish without a note?

He could have…

Jack was presenting a paw.

“Oh, not now!” Draco spat out irately.

Jack started to fix him with his intelligent eyes, obviously waiting.

“Don’t get on my…” Draco interrupted himself.

Of course. Jack. He could have boxed his own ears for dumbness.

“Where is he? Where is Harry?”

At once Jack let out a satisfied bark and trotted around the corner of the house, with Draco following behind as fast as he could.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry was sitting behind the barn, with his back leaning against the wall, his arms slung around his upturned knees.

“It’s very peaceful here at night,” Harry’s voice was low, almost monotonous, and Draco wasn’t sure if he was addressing him or if he was talking to himself. “I like watching the dark sky with all those stars…” Harry’s voice trailed away. Cautiously Draco sat down beside him.

“Peace…” Harry’s voice was still low. “That is all I ever wanted. No violence, no fighting, no bloodshed. No killings.”

Draco didn’t dare move. But he followed Harry’s gaze and looked up at the lovely night sky, amazed by the silent beauty of the bright, blinking lights above them.

“Yes, peace… and a family,” Harry went on quietly. “I think the thing I wanted most in my life was a family. But I already explained to you that I can’t think about founding a family. That’s true now more than ever.” A humourless laugh followed.

At once Draco turned his face. He didn’t know what to make of Harry’s expression, it was funny and peculiar at the same time. But the smile on Harry’s face was genuine. “You know why, don’t you?”

Draco hadn’t the slightest idea, but he hastened to nod.

Harry’s smile deepened. “Now all I want is someone I can trust… Someone who cares for me. Just for me. Not the boy-who-lived, not the saviour, not famous Potter. Just me. Harry.” He sighed. “Silly, huh?”

His eyes were intently searching Draco’s. It seemed as if they demanded a prompt answer.

Draco tried to respond, he even opened his mouth, but his mind was dazed. Nothing coherent, nothing intelligent enough passed through his mind to answer.

Think fast, think fast, oh, for heaven’s sake think fast, this can’t be difficult; it takes just the right words now and…

Harry’s smile was sad when he reached out to touch Draco’s chin gently. “Never mind me…What do you dream about? What do you really want?”

This was easy. Draco didn’t have to think twice. “If you had asked that question at Hogwarts or even some weeks ago, I would have known the answer right away: Power, reputation, wealth. Oh yes. Father always said that these were the most important things in life. But now…” His Slytherin mind tried to shriek with laughter, but turned silent soon. “I still would like to be respected. But above all other things, I would like to be free again. Just free…”

Draco knew what he said was a lie. Oh, not completely. But if you left something out, wasn’t that a lie, too?