You Promised It Would Be Forever - Edit

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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Chapter 21 ~ The Apology

Hermione sat in the armchair for about half an hour, steeling herself. She told herself that Severus was no one for her to be afraid of, that he was a man like any other man, and had the right to accept her apology or reject it, and she would just have to live with his decision. She had hurt him badly, but if she had been in her normal state of mind, she would never have done such a thing. If he couldn't understand that, then there was nothing more to be said. She never claimed to be perfect.

The witch felt a new resolve. It was time to stop hiding and feeling sorry for herself. Even without Severus her life wasn't over. It just felt like it was. But her feelings would fade and she would move on. Maybe even meet someone else, and this time apply the lessons she learned from her first failed love.

Hermione sighed. That was pushing it. She had never been interested in anyone other than the Potions Master. He was her first and her only. Although she had never slept with another man, Hermione doubted there were many lovers like Severus. Anyone she met would have to compete with his memory, compete with his love. She didn't think anyone could ever replace him in her heart or in her bed. It would be better just to focus on living her life as best she could. If she were destined for another love, then it would happen.

Hermione stood up and walked into her bedroom, then into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. If she were going to talk to Severus, she wanted to look presentable. More than presentable. She walked over to the bath and turned on the jasmine spigot, then walked over to the shelf and retrieved her shampoo, setting it on the edge of the bathtub. She let the tub fill almost to the brim with hot, sudsy water, then turned it off.

She undressed, grabbed the shampoo and washed her hair in the shower as the water in the tub cooled. She washed it thoroughly, the scent of jasmine settling in. Severus had loved the way her hair smelled. He was always burying his big nose in it. Hermione smiled at the memory.

Finished with her hair, she walked to the sunken bathtub and slipped into the warm, frothy water with a sigh. She lay back and soaked luxuriously. She felt better than she had felt in years. She decided she would take her supper in her rooms, and then wait for her ex-husband to return from the Great Hall, and approach him just as she and Gwendolyn had practiced. She would invite him into her study, offer him some refreshment, then make her apology and ask for his forgiveness. But the healer had been right. To tell him she still loved him would be too much, no matter how she felt in her heart. Whether he forgave her or not, she would thank him for listening and let him leave.

She soaked for a while, but left the tub before she got pruny, and dried herself off. Naked, she walked into the bedroom and opened her wardrobe. She looked over her robes…then something rather wicked clicked in her mind as her as her eyes fell on the red pumps resting on the floor of the wardrobe. Her eyes swept over to the dresses and settled on the red one with the little slit up the side. She had never worn the shoes or the dress.

Hermione looked thoughtful for a moment. Why not? It might make Severus more amenable to accepting her apology.

The witch wouldn't allow herself to think what she was really up to.

It was too terrible. Too shameless.

Too Slytherin.

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Severus kept his eyes pealed for Hermione the entire afternoon, but she never left her rooms. Was the witch in there trembling about approaching him? More than likely. It was close to supper and she still hadn't emerged. Well, he was peckish. He'd go eat supper and return. Surely she would seek him out or meet him on the way back.

As he walked toward the Main Hall, he was still torn as to how he would respond to the witch's apology. If he would forgive her or not. She planned to invite him into her rooms. He would be in her domain. That might give her a bit more courage. He wondered if she would confess she loved him still, and if she did…how he would respond to her. It was obvious he retained some feeling for the witch. His actions toward her showed this much. But was it love, or just the remnant of a responsibility he once felt toward her?

The Potions Master arrived at the Great Hall and entered through the staff entrance. Albus watched him with rather hooded eyes. His Professor seemed to be rather distracted. The Headmaster was well aware that Hermione was to apologize to him tonight. The healer had thought it best that someone in authority know of it, in case Hermione was rejected and reacted badly. Personally, Albus thought the apology would go rather well.

Severus found his appetite was quite diminished, and so had a bowl of soup with bread and a glass of pumpkin juice. Could it be he was a bit off his game because of the upcoming situation with his ex-wife? Her apology was in all probability going to be quite emotional. Even when she was role-playing with the healer, he could hear the desperation in her voice.

He ate his soup soberly as he considered being alone with the witch as she asked for his forgiveness.

Alone with Hermione after almost four years. A Hermione who loved him again. Quite a tempting arrangement. The healer was right, she would be vulnerable. All that would be required was for him to simply touch her and she would most likely melt into a willing puddle of lust. He didn't believe the witch had taken any other lovers since their divorce, though it could be possible if she wasn't herself.

Severus scowled at that possibility. One of the things he had loved about Hermione was that no other wizard had ever done the things to her that he had. No other man had ever known the pleasures of her body or her secret need to be taken strongly. He had been her only lover and he had coveted that fact. She had been his and his alone. His name was the only name she had cried out in the midst of passion, in the throes of climax. He was the only wizard to witness those amber eyes go hot, or fall half-lidded when she was entered. He was the only…

Severus realized he had a raging hard on. His robes were noticeably tented, even though his was sitting down. His cock was standing straight up.

"Shit," he breathed, sliding closer to the table and willing his organ to go down.

But it remained stubbornly rigid, awakened by his memories of Hermione and sustained by the idea it would soon be within reach of her, if the wizard it was attached to would take advantage of the situation. It throbbed as if to urge him on to make the right choice.

"Severus! How are you my boy?" said Albus smiling and pulling out a chair next to him.

Dear gods. He would show up now.

"I'm fine, Headmaster," Severus said in a strained voice, scooting his chair even closer to the table.

"Good, good. Are classes going all right?" the Headmaster continued, making small talk, his blue eyes twinkling brightly behind his half-moon glasses.

"My classes are going the way they always go when filled to the brim with dunderheads," Severus replied irritatedly. He wished Albus would leave. If the Headmaster saw him with a hard-on…

Albus chuckled.

"You seem a bit stiff, Severus. You really need to relax," Albus commented.

Severus gave him a sidelong glance.

"I am fine, Headmaster, believe me. I just have something on my mind," the Potions Master replied evenly. Did the Headmaster know?

"Is that something five foot three, with amber eyes and chestnut hair?" the Headmaster asked, grinning.

"No," Severus lied.

Albus chuckled.

"You know Severus, denial isn't just a river in Egypt," the Headmaster quipped, rising from his chair and patting the wizard on his shoulder. "Twain," he added, walking away with a broad smile.

Severus looked at the old wizard's retreating back perplexed. Sometimes he had no idea what Albus was talking about. He felt himself deflating somewhat. At least Albus was good for something other than abstract comments.

Finished with his soup, and his anatomy somewhat restrained, Severus rose from the table and exited the Great Hall. He turned down the dungeon corridor.

"This is it," he thought as he headed for his rooms.

As if on cue, Hermione's room door opened and she stepped into the corridor just as Severus reached his door.

"Um, excuse me, Severus? I was wondering if I could talk to you privately in my study? It will only take a few moments," Hermione called to him.

Severus turned toward the witch. It was all he could do to keep his mouth closed as he looked at her.

Hermione's chestnut hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders, and she was wearing a red dress that showed a hint of thigh, and fit her too well, accentuating all her curves. He glanced down at her feet. Dear gods, she was wearing heels.

Hermione watched the Potions Master's black eyes slide over her, and lock on her shoes for a moment. He had always loved her in heels. They used to drive him quite mad. As his eyes snapped to her face, she saw that apparently they still did. His eyes were positively glittering.

Severus didn't answer the witch as he walked toward her. He stopped about a foot away from her, his eyes resting on her cleavage for a quick moment before he met her eyes.

"What do you wish to talk to me about, Hermione?" he asked in a low voice.

"About what happened between us, Severus, and how sorry I am. Please, go in," she said.

Severus hesitated as his eyes swept over her again, dropping to those shoes. Suddenly, the Potions Master swept through her door so swiftly, he startled her.

Gods, he was in her rooms. She was alone with him.

The witch took a deep breath to steel herself, then walked in behind him, closing the door. She didn't ward it however.

Severus stood in the middle of the room, looking at her. He wore a slight frown.

"That's quite an outfit you're wearing," he said.

Hermione looked down at herself as if just noticing what she had on.

"I felt like dressing up. This is an important occasion," she said.

Severus cocked his head at the witch.

"How so, Hermione?" he asked her, though he already knew.

Hermione looked at him a moment.

"Please sit down, Severus," she said, gesturing towards one of two armchairs that sat in front of her fireplace.

The Potions Master walked over to the chair and sat down. Hermione walked over and joined him. The slit fell open a bit when she sat, revealing her creamy thigh.

Severus was trying to retain his composure. Gods, the witch looked delicious.

Hermione looked at him a long moment before she spoke.

"Severus, I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you the way I did," she said, beginning to show some nervousness. She looked down at her hands and began to twist them, then she looked up at the Potions Master again, who was listening intently.

"When Jacob died, it was as if a part of me died too, the caring part. I didn't know it at the time. All I knew was the pain of losing my child. It was as if nothing else mattered…nothing. I became someone else Severus, someone who caused you a world of hurt and pain. I heaped blame on you when you were innocent of wrongdoing. I left your bed and made your life with me one of misery. You took that for almost three years, until you couldn't stand it anymore and lashed back at me. And I took that one comment, ignoring everything I had said and done to you, and used it as an excuse to push you out of my life."

Hermione drew in a shuddering breath and continued.

"I turned my back on you and hurt you when I promised I never, ever would. I was ill, Severus and my grief and rage consumed me. If I had been myself, I would have never have moved your things to Hogwarts, or gotten those divorce papers and made you sign them. I would have never put you up for shame and public humiliation. I am so, so very sorry, Severus, for doing that to you, and ruining our marriage. You loved me, and I turned away from you. I know I don't deserve forgiveness. I know how you feel about mistakes. I have no right to ask you this, but I'm hoping you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. Please, forgive me Severus," Hermione said, tears slowly running down her face. "I'm so sorry."

The Potions Master looked at her for a long moment, saying nothing at first.

"Hermione, you weren't the only one at fault. Eventually I closed up toward you in much the same manner you did me. True, I wasn't as vocally abusive as you were, but silence can hurt as much as harsh words. I was the one who told you I wished I could walk away from you. Despite all of your raging, you never once threatened to leave me. I gave you the idea to divorce me, and when you brought me the papers, I didn't try to save our relationship either. I simply signed them. So you see Hermione, you weren't the only one at fault here. We are both responsible for what happened. I will find it in my heart to forgive you, only if you can find it in your heart to forgive me as well," Severus said, his eyes locked on the witch's face.

Hermione stared at him, her tears still rolling freely. She had never expected a response like that from her ex-husband.

"Forgive you? But Severus, you didn't…" she began. Severus shushed her.

"Hermione, yes…you weren't yourself, but the guilt is not all yours. Don't claim it all. Just forgive me," he said softly, reaching into his shirt pocket beneath his robes and removing a handkerchief. He handed it to the witch, and she looked at it for a moment, rolling it between her fingers before dabbing it to her eyes.

"I forgive you, Severus," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"And I forgive you, Hermione," he replied softly.

Hermione stared at him, then let out a small sigh. Severus wondered if she were going to tell him she still loved him. But she didn't.

Instead, she said, "Thank you, Severus. Thank you for understanding."

"You're welcome," he said.

The couple stared at each other, Severus debating as to what he should do or say now. The apologies had been very emotional, and Hermione was very vulnerable. He had been of a mind to seduce her, but now…now he couldn't bring himself to take advantage of the witch, no matter how much his cock protested.

He rose from the chair.

"I'm going to take my leave of you Hermione. I hope you've found closure," he said. He began to walk toward the door.

"Severus?" Hermione called to him.

The Potions Master turned back towards her. She stood up and walked around the chair, stopping several feet away from him. She was twisting her hands again.

"Yes Hermione?" Severus asked her, his belly drawing up tight at how lovely she looked.

"Don't go, Severus," she said in a small voice, "Please don't go."

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A/N: Nice apology scene. Wonder what kind of scene we're going to get next, with Hermione asking Severus not to leave. Ooh hoo! :::eg::: Please review.