Doubts and Desires

A/N: Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing! I greatly appreciate it!


Chapter Twenty-One: Old Demons Resurface

Severus gazed upon the dying embers in the fire. His room was getting cool, and he knew that he should add more wood to the fire, but he didn’t. His eyes left the fireplace and went to his left arm where the Dark Mark was appearing more clearly each day. He knew that Voldemort was coming back into power. He wondered if he would be called back to him, if Potter didn’t manage to destroy him this time. They all knew what a traitor he was. His life would be in danger. His stomach leapt into his throat when he realized that Hermione would be in danger too. There was little secret that they were together. He knew how the Death Eaters worked. They would capture her and torture her and kill her with him watching and being unable to stop it. A sigh fell from his lips. He knew what he needed to do, but he honestly didn’t want to. He wanted to be selfish and say future be damned, but he would not let her be harmed. He had no choice. He would talk to her while they were working on the potion.

He stood up and walked into his potions lab. To no surprise, Hermione was already there working on the next step in the potion. “How is it coming along?” he inquired rather stiffly as he walked over and looked at the color of the potion.

Hermione glanced up from where she was stirring the potion. “I just added another bezoar.” She noticed that he seemed rather stiff, but she didn’t think much about it.

He continued to study the potion as he took out a parchment and quill. He quickly was jotting down various notes. “The Adders Tongue should be added in five minutes to the potion. You will need to stir it clockwise for two minutes,” he stated as if he was teaching a student.

“Alright,” she said as she glanced at the time and got the Adders Tongue ready. “Severus, is something wrong?” He seemed a bit more distant than usual.

His dark eyes fell upon her frame. “No,” he said shortly and went back to work.

She frowned slightly and continued to work on the potion. While she was doing this, she thought about what she had done to cause him to treat her so coldly. She couldn’t think of anything. Things had been going so well, but he had seemed more distant since they found out the news that Voldemort was still alive. She had a feeling that it might deal with that, but with Severus Snape, one could never be certain. He was rather moody in general. She finished with the Adders Tongue and then went over to him as she lightly placed her hand on his arm. “I’m finished with the Adders Tongue.”

He visibly stiffened and moved his arm away from her touch. “Very well. That will be all for today,” he said as he waved his hand to dismiss her.

She paused and stared at him. She felt insulted. She thought that he loved her, and now he was dismissing her as if she was some student. “Severus, what in the world is the matter with you?” she asked.

He glanced over and forced himself not to look at her. She would make him weak if he did. “There is nothing the matter. I have important things to do, and I don’t need you underfoot.” He turned his back to her and walked over to a bookshelf.

She just stood there with her mouth slightly open. Unshed tears sprang to her eyes. “I didn’t know that I was underfoot,” she said in a hurt tone. “I didn’t know that I was such a bother to you.”

“Now you know,” he stated coldly as he focused all his attention on the books in front of him.

Her lips quivered slightly as she was trying not to cry. “I…I thought you enjoyed my company. I thought you loved me.” She knew that she loved him, and she couldn’t understand this sudden change of character.

He scoffed. “I thought you were a smart girl, but you obviously didn’t realize that I was just saying those things to get a piece of your ass.” If he was going to get rid of her, he had to do this to where she would hate him.

Her eyes widened as her mouth fell open. She shook her head in disbelief. “No. You didn’t do this to me,” she said. “Look at me, Severus.”

He refused to look at her. “Why don’t you just leave? I’ve told you that I don’t want you. I’ve grown tired of you.”

She set her jaw firmly as she marched over there. She grabbed his arm and forcibly turned him around. “I told you to look at me, Severus Snape. Tell me that you are speaking the truth while looking in my eyes.” Her brown eyes were fiercely staring into his.

His black eyes locked with hers as his resolve softened. He was taught how to lie, even to someone’s face, but he could not do that to her. He suddenly grew angry, not at her, but at his own inadequate attempt to get rid of her. His hands grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. “You should just leave, Hermione. You are better off without me,” he hissed and then pushed her away from him. He felt that if he continued to touch her, then he would no longer be able to do the right thing.

She stumbled backwards and looked at him. Something was not adding up. “Why do you decide now that you want me to leave?” she inquired firmly. She was not leaving until she got to the bottom of this. It then clicked in her mind the reason. “Does this have to do with Voldemort?”

He hesitated before saying, “No,” as he looked away from her again.

She knew that she had gotten him then, and she decided to switch things on him. “You know, Severus, you are probably right.”

“I am?” he questioned as he turned around to look at her. He never really thought that she would agree to this.

“Yes. I could do better. I should find someone who is not so moody and stubborn. I should find someone who doesn’t push me away when things get bad.” She smirked. “I guess you aren’t man enough for me, Severus.” It was her turn to turn her back on him. “I had hoped that you could be, but you would rather push away one of the few good things in your life.”

He did not like this turn of events, and his dark eyes narrowed, particularly when she said that he wasn’t man enough for her. “I am doing this for your own good! If the Dark Lord finds out that we are involved, then he will capture you, torture you, and kill you. I will not risk having the woman that I love treated that way,” he spoke rashly.

She smiled and shifted so where she could look at him. “Severus, I know there are risks, but I’m not going anywhere just because it would make me safer. I am a Gryffindor, remember? I didn’t stop being friends with Harry when it could cost me my life and almost did on a few occasions. I’m not about to do that with you either.” She crossed her arms. “I can be just as stubborn as you, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.”

He sighed and looked at her. “Bloody Gryffindors,” he muttered to himself. He really should have known that he couldn’t have gotten rid of her so easily. She wasn’t a Slytherin. She didn’t value her own life over others. She would stick with him until the end of it all. He just had to get in one last plea. “Hermione, if Potter doesn’t destroy Voldemort this time, then Voldemort will come after all traitors. He will especially come after me because I was a crucial part of the plan to destroy him last time. He will also find out about us, and then your life will be in danger. You do understand all of this, right?”

She walked over to him and took his left hand in her right hand. “Severus, I know the risks. I know that this mark binds you to Voldemort.” Her fingers pulled up his sleeve and lightly traced the visible pattern of the Dark Mark. “I know that once Harry destroys him that you will be free. I’m not going to leave you, in either case.” Her eyes met his. “I’ve never known love before until I was with you.” She smiled and laughed lightly. “You are an incredibly annoying man at times, but I still love you. Don’t try to push me away. I know you have your demons, but I won’t let you be alone with them any more.”

He sighed. “I just want to keep you safe,” he said.

“I know you do, and I know you will.” She leaned up and kissed him deeply.

His lingering resolve to break things off with her crumbled under the kiss. He loved her, and he didn’t want to spend a life without her. She was the best thing that had happened in his life, and he would be a fool to let her get away so easily. His arms wrapped around her as he held her close to his body. “You are an incredibly stubborn woman,” he murmured against her neck.

She giggled. “I know.” She raised her left leg up and wrapped it around his leg as she pressed herself against him.

A soft growl from his arousal ripped from his throat as he placed his hands on her ass and lifted her up on a table. He moved in between her legs and began to remove her clothing. “I need you,” he hissed against her skin as he placed kisses along her neck and down her chest.

She moaned. “Yes.” She was already wet from her desire as her hands were busily working on all those many buttons that he insisted on wearing. “Sometime we need to discuss your choice of wardrobe.”

He chuckled. “Why ruin the fun of it all?” he asked with a devious smirk on his lips. He pulled her shirt off and placed his lips on a nipple that grew hard in his mouth.

She arched towards him and ran her fingers through his silky black hair before continuing to undress him. His jacket and shirt mingled with hers on the floor as she ran her hands over his bare chest. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to the heat radiating from her inner thighs.

A groan fell from his lips as he felt her heat. He was uncomfortably aroused and couldn’t wait much longer to bury his thick cock deep inside of her wet pussy. He lifted her skirt and slipped his fingers underneath the straps of her panties. With a swift movement, he ripped them from her. His finger moved and ran along the already damp slit, enjoying how her hips bucked toward him.

She briefly thought about how he made her have to repair more panties. The thought was quickly replaced though, and she moved her hands to his pants, quickly undoing the button and zipper and pulling them down along with his silk boxers. His cock sprung out and brushed against her inner thigh, causing her to involuntarily spread her legs wider.

His cock twitched against her inner thigh. He moved forward as the head of his cock found her entrance. With a quick thrust, he was deep inside of her. A loud groan fell from his lips as she cried out with pleasure. He thrust inside of her as his hands explored her body. Her lips found his, and their tongues entwined in the same rhythm as their bodies. The delicious pressure was building in both of their bodies as they were joined together. He purposely began to hit her g-spot over and over again as her inner muscles quivered around his cock. He relished her moans of pleasure as he growled against her skin. He placed kisses and nips along her collarbone and neck. He could hear her breath quickening in his ear as her legs stiffened around him. She cried out something that sounded like his name, but he couldn’t quite make it out, especially from his own loud groan as she came. He was pushed over the edge then as his own orgasm took over his body, filling her up before they both collapsed against the table in a sweaty mess of flesh. Both were breathing rapidly from the exertion of their lovemaking. He raised his head and looked into her eyes as he pushed her damp hair away from her face. He loved her, and he would do anything to protect her. He knew that he could never be without her though, and he would not push her away again no matter what old demons would come to torment him.


A/N: Please review!