The Sins Of A Father

Chapter Eighteen: Last Statement







I was watching the rays of the sun dance along the tall buildings of London through my office window. Such a rare site to see, since it rains every five minutes in this country.



As you can guess, summer had begun. It was middle of June. It was such warm, yet not overall a hot day. Just, pleasant.



I stood there with my hands tucked into my pockets, my work forgotten on my desk momentarily; my sleeves rolled up and just stared at this city. Looking down below, seeing the blurred dots of colours moving about.



At that moment it made me wonder about the people down there. Wondering at the different lives of each individual and thought if it was any sort of similarity with mine. Thinking on what was going behind their lives and how they reacted to it, what they were thinking at that very moment of that very second. People engaging in convocations when their paths crossed, thinking god knows what while other beings walk past thinking god knows what at the same time.



It was stupid, but it was interesting too me since the people down below, anyone down below was sharing the same experience as me.



I closed my eyes. Since that night, Harry and I had never spoken of it again. Strangely enough he did what he promised and went back to normal if you could say that. He acted like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t given his virginity to his father. Like he hadn’t shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the breakfast table, blushing fiercely when his mother asked if he was all right. Even though I did not show or said anything about it, I could not stop thinking about that night. Even though we acted like nothing had happened, it did not change the fact that it did happen and that it changed me.



Anyone who was in front of me could see that I was acting like myself. The bastard, the git, the college, the friend, the Father, the Husband, the…Lover.



I cringed. Even though I kept up the appearance, I was still screaming inside.



I know I could not simply forget, and I should have known that I had to live with my deeds. What you sow you shall reap was the conscious was saying over and over again in my mind.



“Harry…” I whispered into the empty room.



I did not share his bed ever again since then when he had a nightmare, but he still joined with me and Lily in ours. Still between us. Still curling himself into my chest, or with his back flush against me.



I groaned. What have I done? Went through my head. I had cheated on my Wife with our son. My petal blissfully unaware of my act



When I made love to my petal, looking into the green eyes of my Wife, I thought of my son before I climaxed.



I hated myself even more. I was hurting the person I love with all my soul yet I still thought of someone else. No, I did not imagine her to be Harry, I was making love to her not my Raven. But I could not stop the images flashing through my mind briefly of Harry bucking beneath me.



I love Lily, I know I was in love with my petal, but it did not help the fact that I was thinking of my son.



“Severus?”



My line of thought was interrupted. I lifted my gaze to look who was at my door, and I felt stomach drop to the floor.



There stood Riddle, along with Malfoy. Could it get any worse? I was briefly wondering if I could jump out of this window. ‘Great’ I thought ‘I’m suicidal now.’



I sighed and sat at my chair. “Yes sir? How can I help you two?” I looked at them, seeing that Malfoy looked rather happy. My dislike of the situation expanded even further.



Malfoy sat opposite of my desk, while Riddle decided to look through my window.



“Well” Said Riddle. “I thought it was such a wonderful day, so I decided to see how my favourite nephew was getting along with his work”



I grumbled. “I’m your only nephew Uncle” I leaned against my chair, feeling the start of a new headache for a new cause.



“What is wrong Severus? Aren’t you feeling well?” Malfoy chirped.



I bit my tongue, my headache was becoming even worse. “Of course, you are here aren’t you? So maybe you should go leave and my mood might get better Malfoy…”



“Severus, do kindly shut up” I heard Riddle say behind me. “Stop acting like a child, he was only asking for your well being, no need to act as if you have an iron rod stuck up your arse”



I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to ease my headache in anyway.



“Besides my dear nephew, I wanted a word with you, and I wanted our dear Lucius here to accompany us”



I gave a sigh, feeling the dread of those calm spoken words. “And what, pray tell, would you wanted to speak to me of that requires Lucius’ attendance?”



Now Riddle sat the edge of my desk to look at me, giving his slow sly smile. ‘I’m going to hate this.’ I thought.



“I think Lucius should fill in the details…don’t you think Mr. Malfoy?”



I turned my eyes to look at said person. Blues eyes stared straight at me, dare I say, lustily. “Of course sir, anything you wish…Well Severus where shall I begin with this delightful matter…”



I just simply raised an eyebrow. Not trusting my tongue.



Lucius smirked, and oh my lord, he flicked his hair as a women would, to a side, leaning into his chair trying to look seductively towards me with his arms on the arm rest and his legs crossed.



I felt my stomach churn at that moment.



“Well, Mr. Snape…” Oh he was making me feel nauseous with that tone. “I had a very important phone call from a certain client…As you can see, Mr. Leiwong was very impressed by your work in his case” He smirked slyly. “So impressed in fact that he invited both of us to stay with him during his court date that I must intend to in Japan” He finished off with a grin.



I clenched my teeth. I felt anger and dread boil in my veins. I looked over to my Uncle, getting the strange feeling that there was something that these two was not telling me about this little trip to Japan. “Why would he want me to attend? He does not need me, only Malfoy. Its his client, not mine. I’ve got other clients to attend to. You’re not seriously considering this for me to go, are you?” I frowned deeply. Why did Mr. Leiwong want me there? I could not do anything else for him, and Lucius already knows that.



Riddle chuckled. “Do you not see Severus? He wants the best with him, and he’s paying a pretty penny for your assistance also. You do not need to attend the court, but you will help Lucius anyway to win this case for our client”



I growled low in my throat. I wanted to say ‘Fuck off’ but that would not help the situation did it? And I was also suggesting quitting my job there and then, but knowing Riddle he will try to control my life one way or another, plus my damn pride would not let me. “And what about my clients? I can not simply forget about them.”



Riddle gave me another stomach churning smile. “Cancel them and rearrange the meetings for you to be booked fully for the next few weeks to meet them. Since after those weeks, you and Lucius would be going to Japan” He lowered his head, his smile disappearing, his eyes locked into mine. “Is that understood Severus?” In a no nonsense tone.



I clenched my teeth; I briefly looked at Malfoy, seeing that he had that same smug face. I went back to Riddle. I was going to hate this.



“Understood sir”



Only then I wished I knew how right I was.



Work, work, work, work, take a piss, work, work, work,, eat, work, work, work, sleep, sleep, sleep, brush teeth and get changed, work, work and some more bloody fucking work…



I think I had started to develop grey hairs.



It had been a week and a half since that awful discussion with Riddle and Malfoy. I knew they had something hidden in their sleeves but I did not know what then. All I knew it was not going to be good for me.



I had about 3 more days until my flight, which by the way I have not even told my family about me leaving to help a case. To tell you the truth I was, in no doubt, dreading it.



I knew I had to tell; I was behaving like a child by hiding the fact. Sooner or later they will find out.



I breathed out harshly, completely exhausted. It was another late evening with a client, looking at my watch it was around 8:30. And to make the matters slightly worse Harry had just arrived from Potter’s home. Probably having dinner at that moment along with his mutt of a godfather.



“Knock, knock!” An annoyingly chirpy voice had broke my silence once the door opened.



I looked up to see the last person I wanted to see, ever.



I groaned. “What do you want Malfoy? I’m in no mood of this right now…” I placed my hand onto my eyes to empathise my statement. Once I scrubbed my eyes in tiredness. I looked over at the blonde man.



He raised his hands in the air and actually gave, what I believed to be, a genuine half smile. I thought I imagined it for a moment since I was completely in lack of sleep.



“Severus, look, I do not mean to be here to anger you any further, I just want to call a truce”



I raised my eyebrow. It had to be a joke; he was always there to piss me off. But god damns it, I was even curious by his words. “Truce?” I said slowly.



He nodded his head gently, his hair swaying in the soft movements. “Yes, truce Severus. Complete honest truce” He walked in front of my desk, gesturing his hand to a chair. “May I? Please?”



I narrowed my eyes slightly, seeing the sincere impression - to much of my great surprise. I never knew Malfoy had any sense of moral in him. Well I’ll be damned…



I nodded my head towards the chair in an offering. “Why Malfoy?”



He gave a soft sigh. “I just want us to work in peace and I really did not want us to be in this sort of…work relation between us Severus. We’re both grown adults, we should know better, I should know better…”



My eyes narrowed further. Trying to see anything faulty in his expressions. But he showed complete sincerity. I was actually baffled. I cleared my throat lightly. “What are you playing at Malfoy, is this yet another scheme to get me and piss me off even further?”



He shook his head. “No, look I just want to apologise. Honestly, I actually am sorry about my acts Severus towards you, I had no right what so ever-”



I growled. “Damn right you hadn’t-”



He raised his hand in defeat. “I know I know, that’s why I’m here. I’m sorry Severus, really I am. Please accept my apologises?”



My eyes ever so slightly softened. My curiosity beginning to take over. “Why the sudden change…Lucius?” I know, it was too soon to let my guard down, but he honest to god looked like he was actually honest about this situation. But thinking about it now, half of it was only actually true.



He gave me a grim smile, leaning against the chair, or rather slumped in the chair. “Like I said Severus, we’re both adults, we need to start acting like them, plus we’re both fathers and family men, I guess its just time, me especially, to move on…”



I gritted my teeth slightly. “You sounded like as if I wanted to be with you…”



He quickly shook his head. “No, I did not mean by that at all Severus, please, I just meant that we should forget about our pasts, what ever our reasons maybe be, and just move on…” He looked straight into my eyes, his blue tinged with grey piercing into my dark abyss ones. “I will not lie Severus. I wanted you, maybe I still do, but I will not act upon my feelings anymore. Like I had said before, I have no right at all”



I grimed. “Feelings?…”



He grinned slightly despite the situation. “Yes, believe it or not, I do have feelings…Its just that, well I’m sure you do not wish to hear this…”



Actually I was even more curious then. I knew I should of left it at that but, I wanted to know why. And so I raised my hand. “Please, go on…”



He sighed and gave another sadden smile. “I had always been intrigued by you Severus, you just had that, tall, dark, mysterious, and handsome factor about you that had me drawn to you. First it was strictly psychical lust I assure you, but soon by working together it became something a little more. At first I was quite shocked since I never had liked any relationships that had strings attached to it per say, except my wife of course but she and I was arranged to be married” He smiled. “But you, you was completely different from any other person I had met. You was so, drifted away from this world. Well, not physical of course by hearing your past antics but, mentally you was. I would of not been surprised if you had gone ‘auto pilot’ with the people you had slept with. It had me extremely curious but it also made, dare I even to say this?…” He cringed in thought. He had looked like he was holding something back, but soon after a silent moment he had once spoken again. But this time facing the woodened desk rather than me. “…starting to, love you?….Heh, do not worry, you will not be pounced on, well not any more that is, but I had to say this at least to ease my mind somewhat”



He sighed deeply. “You know, I really do envy your Wife Severus, she has captured you that I never knew how. She is so lucky to have you, you know that? I even envy your son, Harry. He seems to be so happy when he talks about you. A sense of pride shine in his eyes Severus, you should look into it more often. I wish I could see that in Draco but, I never was really there for him. Even when I did have time, most of it went into meaningless moments of passions. I have cheated on my Wife more than I can remember, but I do not love her. Yes, I care for her well-being but, not love. I think I never could. I was brought up to be a perfect Malfoy, cold, hard and strict. Walking around like a shell with nothing inside, no emotions to get hurt by it” He gulped and cleared his throat. “Did you know that I never bottomed for anyone else before Severus?”



I was very shocked, even more shocked by that last statement. I had always thought he went both ways for kicks to tell you the truth. I shook my head in reply of his question quickly.



A half smile appeared. “I could never trust anyone like that. It just seemed so, personal “



I knew what he meant by that. I never could bottom for someone else, I could never leave my trust in someone else’s hands, never could trust them with my well being and even my emotions. All my life I actually had to depend on myself alone, and only myself alone. When it came to things, when I had a choice in the matter of course, I would do it myself. People would always let me down when it came to trusting them. So naturally, I could not trust anyone. Except when I met my petal, I trust her, and my sons. That’s it.



But there are different types of trust. I trust them yes, to an extent. I trust them to love me in return. But I never could trust anyone with me of not being in control of situations. To trust them, anyone, is to give myself up completely.



Yes, I absolutely knew what Malfoy meant by personal.



I looked into his eyes, a strange sort of haze glazing onto the surface. We were quite for a few moments, the silence thick and deafening. On my part, it was due to the fact I did not know how to answer his question, perhaps it was not a question at all to be answered.



I cleared my throat with a slight cough. “Lucius…”



He smirked. “There is nothing else much to say is there after that? Lets forget it, a fresh start Severus! Its all behind us now!” His voice becoming much stronger than before. I was glad it did, since I had no doubt of not knowing what to do if it did continue with this heart to heart conversation.



He continued. “Besides, this was not really what I wanted to talk about to you, so forgive me of wasting your time” he smiled. “The reason why I wanted to speak to you is that you have no worries of me trying to take…Ah, advantage of you, since as of today, I am a changed man”



My eyebrow quirked, and my lips twitched. “Indeed? How is that Malfoy?” I wanted to insult him but, after that talk I could not bring myself to it.



He chuckled. “I am becoming a Father once again, but this time, I will make sure that I will have time for my family!”



My eyebrow arched even higher. Go figure…”Well, congratulations is in order Lucius” I raised my hand to his. “I do hope you have better luck with your child”



He grinned and smiled when he shook my hand. But something was off, and it just raised my suspicions when I saw a glint in his eyes, but only briefly. I let go of the handshake. I knew I could not say anything about it, since the abrupt circumstances. So I let it be.



“Perhaps I shall buy you a drink once we arrive into Tokyo, for your, delightful, news…” I stood up to start clearing my desk of my work.



He also stood up and went to the door. “Yes perhaps Severus, but until then, I should say we just have to… wait …Until the opportunity reveals itself” And he was gone.



I did not like that last statement of his at all.