Home is Where the Heart Is

~ Disclaimer: I own nothing but what springs from my imagination. Remus Lupin, Hogwarts, and the rest of the Potterverse are the property and the children of JK Rowling. ~

Home is Where the Heart Is
Chapter 2: Outside Looking In

Remus had decided to apparate to Diagon Alley before heading to Hogwarts. He had done a little day labor work and had some extra money. Perhaps he could find some decent second hand robes. He sighed. He couldn’t remember when he’d last had new robes. Probably back when he was a student at Hogwarts. He hated the idea of showing up with battered robes yet again. This time he didn’t even have a suitcase. The backpack with his extra clothing, Wolfsbane potion, and the books he was reading had been stolen. Again, he thanked the gods his wand had been in his pocket as was his money. Rather than suffer the lines and attitudes at Gringotts, Remus had exchanged most of his Muggle money for Wizarding currency in Wizard Springs. It wasn’t much, but it should buy him some old robes and a good meal.

As he walked past the shops of Diagon Alley, he stopped briefly to look at the robes in Madame Malkin’s and sighed. Someday it would be nice to have the money and the respect to walk right in and purchase a fine set of robes. He would have to make due with the second hand robe shop a little further down, as currently he had neither. Deep in thought, he barely noticed a tall dark figure in front of him until he collided into it.

“I’m sorry, guess my mind was elsewhere…” he apologized, glancing at the person he had knocked into.

“Well, it does pay to be aware of one’s surroundings,” sneered a familiar voice.

“Severus?”

“Lupin? You look…considerably wofor for wear,” said the potions master, drawing himself up to his full height and leveling a glare at Remus.

“It’s been awhile,” said Remus, ignoring Snape’s comment.

“Not nearly long enough. I understand you’ll be joining us at Hogwarts.”

“Yes, but I have no idea why.”

“Undoubtedly due to the fact that Albus has a soft spot for you, Lupin.”

“As he does for you as well, Severus,” reminded Remus.

Severus Snape snorted, “I suppose so. I take it you’re getting new robes, or rather old robes?”

“Yes, Severus. I can afford a decent set of used robes. Unlike some,” he said in a bitter voice, “I have neither a job nor a vault at Gringott’s.”

“Point taken, Lupin,” said Severus, “I will see you at the castle eventually, I suppose.”

“Yeah,” replied Remus, “Nice to see you, too.”

Remus watched as Severus entered Madame Malkin’s. With a sigh, he turned into the used robe shop to find something suitable. He searched through the rack rob robes, becoming more and more frustrated by what was available in his price range. It seemed that he would have to purchase yet another set of robes that were frayed and patched. He grabbed the least battered looking robes and headed to the clerk.

“Sir, might I draw your attention to this set of robes that just came in on consignment?” said the clerk, motioning Remus to a full set of deep blue robes that appeared brand new.

“I can’t afford them,” Remus stated.

“They’re very reasonable, the owner set the price, actually. I believe they were custom purchased but did not fit correctly. At least try them on.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but agreed to give the robes he obviously could not afford a try. As he put them on, he couldn’t help but notice that they fit perfectly. He looked in the mirror and was surprised at the difference a good set of robes made in his appearance. Perhaps he could find work at Hogwarts with Hagrid or someg, ag, and have these robes set aside for him.

“How much are they?” he asked. The clerk whispered the price and Remus felt his jaw drop, “You HAVE to be kidding me. There’s no way. I could never afford robes like this.”

“That’s the lowest I am authorized to go, though.”

“No, I mean, I can afford that.”

“So you’ll take them?”

“I’ll take them,” answered Remus, “Um, they’re not hexed or anything, are they?”

The clerk raised an eyebrow, “I seriously doubt that, Sir.”

“Not that it would matter anyway. What difference could another hex on my life make?”

Remus made his purchase, took his package and exited the store. Perhaps things would be better this time around. He could get work at Hogwarts. He was certain he would never teach again, being a werewolf had all but shattered that dream. But there were other things he could do. He could help Hagrid with the gameskeeping; perhaps help Filch with the caretaking. He thought about the latter and shuddered. Scratch that. He ran his hand through his long shaggy hair and smiled a small smile; maybe coming home was a good idea after all. He thought of the dinners at Hogwarts and the comfortable bathrooms there and decided to forgo purchasing something to eat and a shower in Diagon Alley and apparating to Hogwarts instead. He was anxious to see Albus Dumbledore again. He found a quiet alcove and left for the castle.

* * * * *

Remus stood in front of the gates of Hogwarts a moment later, feeling much like the prodigal son. He clutched the parchment from Albus in his hand nervously and pushed open the gates. They swung open easily. Ahh, he thought, at least I’m expected and welcome. If he hadn’t been expected, the gates would not have opened. If he hadn’t been welcome, there would be a “welcoming” party that he would not be happy to see. He strode through the entrance and down the long winding lane that hugged the lake and led to the castle. He looked out onto the lake, smiling slightly when he saw one tentacled limb break the surface and appear to wave. He doubted the giant squid was waving at him, but it set his mind a little more at ease. He remembered his first time at Hogwarts, crossing the lake in a horrendous rainstorm in a small boat that seemed in danger of capsizing. Being permitted to attend Hogwarts had improved his life; at least for the seven years he was there. For the most part, he was sheltered from the cruelties of the world behind the castle walls. Of course, after he graduated, the intolerance of the world tumbled over him and could have broken him…so many things could have broken him. The death of Lily and James, believing that Sirius had betrayed the code of the Marauders, the rise of Voldemort, the bigotry and lack of understanding toward his lycanthropy. But he refused to be broken. He had lived with the pain and fear that his condition had caused for too long not to be strong. Then, returning to Hogwarts to teach. He was good at teaching. It was what he was meant to do. But a longstanding enmity with Severus Snape and his own stupidity in forgetting to take his Wolfsbane potion caused the end of that dream. Still, he wasn’t broken. No, not even that could break Remus Lupin. What did break him was a result of the death of Sirius Black. Not so much the death itself; death was something that he was used to. Yes, it hurt; yes it left him the only true survivor of the Marauders. But what broke him came later, when he actually thought about Sirius’ death. What broke him was the anger. Remus was angry with Harry for not following orders, for not continuing with his Occlumency lessons. He was taken in by a clever ruse of Voldemort’s and the Order was required to rescue him. It was during that foray into the Ministry that Sirius was killed. He was also angry with Sirius for not listening, for having to get involved. He was mad at Severus for not letting them know that Harry had stopped showing up for his lessons. And he was angry as hell with Dumbledore for either not knowing what was going on or for not bothering to let him know. The anger slowly consumed him throughout the remainder of the war and the downfall of Voldemort. Yes, it was the anger that broke Remus Lupin. Sent him running away from the wizarding world with the clothes on his back, a backpack, and a year’s supply of Wolfsbane Potion, carefully brewed, preserved, bottled, and shrunk by Severus. He left it all behind and now he was back, less broken but far from repaired.

Remus shook his head to clear the memories and continued to the front entrance to the castle. He pushed open the doors and breathed in the musty odor of Hogwarts. He walked through the corridors until he reached the entrance to Dumbledore’s office. The gargoyles gave him a look that clearly said he was interrupting their rest, but let him pass. Yes, he was expected. He walked up the steps and knocked on the office door.

“Ah yes, Remus, come in come in,” said a kindly voice from within.

Remus entered the office and came face to face with the disarming pale blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore. Fawkes the phoenix left his perch and came to rest on Remus’ shoulder, gently pecking his cheek. Remus slipped his hand over the bi hea head and down his neck and looked at Dumbledore, the uncertainty in his hazel eyes meeting the absolute certainty in Albus Dumbledore’s.

“Hello Albus,” said Remus.

“Welcome home, my child,” replied Albus, drawing the younger wizard into a fatherly embrace, an embrace that said more than the words had said, an embrace that meant he truly was home.