Finding Home

WARNING: Content of Graphic and Sensitive Nature in this chapter.

“Yes, she’ll be fine. We would like to keep her here for a few days for observation but I’m sure with the support of her friends she’ll come to be thankful for the intervention. She has such a reason to live.”

   The healer was only doing her job. I’m sure that to her all of her patients have such a reason to live. What an asinine thing to say. I suppose I should open my eyes and face the proverbial music. Although the last thing I want to do is justify my actions to my traitorous friends.

  “Ron, Lav” I croaked. Must have been all the not speaking that’s made me sound like a case of chronic bronchitis.

  And with that, it began. The hugs, the tears, and of course the “I love yous, how could yous, and we need yous.” An over flowing amount of emotion. Not that it wasn’t appreciated. But they didn’t understand. I felt distant. Not a part of my own body. I could name the moment it happened. I could place exactly where I was when I disconnected, to neglect the pain that was demanding my undivided attention.

                                                                ~FLASHBACK~

“Get off of me Theo,” I screamed. I did not consider Draco’s massive birthday extravaganza to be cause for his friend (and very distant ex-boyfriend of mine) to pin me to one of my guest bedroom walls and proceed to assault my mouth with his own. He apparently thought otherwise. He was quick enough to cast a charm and dig his fingers into my arms, keeping me from lashing out. Amongst the loud music and fighting the silencing charm, the asshole of the year placed on me, I must have missed being walked in on while being attacked. Notice how I said “walked in on” and not “rescued from.”

With a slight grind of my pelvis against his obvious erection, Theo was distracted enough to loosen his grip on my arm, which I used to leave a mark of my own. My elbow left a broken nose for him to show off.

“You bitch! Fix it!” he yelled after me as I ran out of the bedroom into my living room full of people. Silence followed his manly outburst. Good. I hope everyone sees him for what he is.

“Hermione, what happened to your arms?” Harry asked. I knew I was sporting some bear paw sized bruises from being grabbed and held still.

As I looked around for Draco, I could only form a one word answer, “Theo.”

Everyone was so focused on what to do with Theo, no one could tell me where Draco went. Ginny said he looked upset when he couldn’t find me, but she didn’t know where he was.

“Hermione, Draco left with Pansy.” I must have heard that wrong. "He said you were busy being a good hostess"

“Lavender, please repeat that. Because this, ALL OF THIS, was for him. And youre saying that he left. With Pansy.”

In that moment, all of the memories of birthdays and holidays and special occasions celebrated, the nights of passion, the breakfasts, the cuddling, all of the laughter and times he said I love you were shattered. He couldn’t have meant them. Not if he left. Not if he left while I was being held against my will and molested in the next room.

He went back to his own apartment, I know he did. And I know that he took her with him. Ginny and Lavender suggested that since Pansy was an old friend that she probably just went with him to make sure he was alright.

Isnt that what the girlfriend is for?

I apparated into his living room. Fuck propriety. I live here too.

It was a mistake. I should’ve stayed home. I could hear the moaning coming from our bedroom. Not ours. Not anymore. HIS. I should’ve walked away. Apparated home. Flooed a friend. But I didn’t. I don’t remember walking towards the sound of the headboard banging against the wall but I must have because I clearly recall seeing him thrusting into her from behind. Anger surrounded him. This wasn’t love. This wasn’t him adoring her. She was there and he was angry. Even then I understood. But it was done. That was the moment.

“What, not as entertaining when I get some?” His blonde hair was plastered to his face and neck, sweat dripping down his chest. His eyes were dark with ire. Not passion. Not lust.

I didn’t care. His disregard had broken me. It was a basic betrayal. He hadn’t trusted me and in turn proven that I couldn’t trust him. I didn’t have control over his reactions. I did over mine.

I had already separated from my emotions. Something else had taken over.

Landing in my apartment, I noticed the party had already moved on.  I'm not sure I really cared though. Ginny, Lavender, Harry, and Ron had cleaned up and were waiting. They knew. I didn’t have to say anything. The girls offered to stay. I thanked them but assured them I needed time to be alone and sort through what had happened. The guys offered to beat Draco within an inch of his life. I smiled. It was a tempting offer. But I said that karma would find him. I needed them to leave. I needed to be alone when I felt again.

My friends reluctantly left and I spritzed his cologne in the bathroom and began to feel. All of the anger, humiliation, pain, bitterness, loss and general darkness overtook my thoughts. And as I sat against the shower door the tears came. But the anguish of my day did not subside. So I did what I could to ease my pain. I found Draco’s razor. Running it down the length of my left arm was more painful than I expected but it didn’t keep the hurt that I was feeling at bay. Once I slit open my right arm I was feeling slightly lighter. Opening my wrists was more to speed things along than anything else. I wanted it to be over. And I had control over that.