Falling to pieces

The hunt for the horocrux was emotionally and physically draining. I used to reflect on when times were simple, when all I had to worry about was Ron noticing me and making O's on all of my OWL's. But everything changed on the hunt, we became different people, kids who had to grow up way too fast. Ron abandoned Harry and I, leaving us to God knows what danger, not caring if we lived or died without him. My feelings forever changed for him in that moment. Even when he came back spouting words of my voice and his heart, my barrier was up and it didn't change the darkness in my soul.

When we escaped Malfoy Manor we were surprised by a tag along, besides Bellatrix dagger. Draco Malfoy had followed us through our apparation point. He surrendered immediately and explained everything about how he had not wanted to take the dark mark but was forced to out of fear for his and his mothers lives. He asked to join us and end the darkness that consumed his family.

He was put into hiding by the Order at Grimmauld Place with Lupin and the others. It was the only place for him to stay that he could not be traced. It gave Lupin a break and Tonks some much needed rest. They were able to spend time with him and deprogram him, so to say. After a couple months we all began to trust him. Even after all the bad blood between us, I had trusted him before the boys. I could see the difference in him, even if he rarely spoke to us.

So when it came time for Malfoy to be left at Grimmauld without Lupin or Tonks or any other Order members being able to stay, one of us were asked to stay and make sure he stayed the course. Harry of course could not, having more important things to tend to. And Ron insisted on never leaving Harry's side again, after his previous abandonment. So I volunteered, needing a much needed break from the hunt, for both my body and mind. Ron was not pleased about me being alone with Malfoy, still not completely trusting him. I reminded him of third year when I had slugged Malfoy in the jaw, and reassured him I could handle it.

The first day went on without much excitement. We ate together, but in silence. And when we were not together for meals, he seemed to disappear, like he didn't want to be around me. I began to wonder if he really had changed, if he couldn't stand being around a muggle. The next day I was enjoying some quiet time in the library when Malfoy walked in. He slowly walked around looking at book spines, strumming a few with his fingertips. I watched him curious, but when he looked my way my eyes shot back down to my book. I could see him walk closer to the desk I was at, stopping at the side farthest from me.

“Granger, do you mind if I join you, or do you prefer to be alone?” His voice sent chills down my spine, it seemed like forever since I had heard him speak. His voice had a much softer, gentler tone to it then in the past.

“I don't mind at all, please.” I motioned to the free chair near where he stood. He sat down and placed his hands on the desk. When he sat there for a few minutes without showing any indication of wanting to read, I looked up. My eyes met his in an intense stare, as he watched me read. The look in his eyes startled me, it wasn't malicious but almost wanton. I hadn't remembered being looked at like that since Viktor. “Were you going to read Malfoy, or just stare at me?” I tried my best to cover my nerves.

“I was actually hoping to talk, it thats okay?” He asked me almost timidly, not an emotion I had ever seen him exhibit before. He was always so confident and told people what to do, never asking first. It was a nice change.

“Okay” is all I managed to get out.

“I know I was not always the nicest of people to you. I would like to apologize for the way I have treated you. I would blame my upbringing, but I could have matured past that and acted civil. But I didn't. I was hoping that one day you could forgive me, especially for all the times I called you a mudb.... well you know.” I stared at him shocked, trying my hardest not to let my jaw drop. I would have never in a million years have expected Malfoy to ever apologize for how he had treated me. Even when he surrendered and said he wanted to change, I figured it would be an unspoken type thing, where all would be forgotten. It was hard for me to find my voice as I noticed the vulnerability in his eyes.

“Yes. Yes, of course I can forgive you. Thank you for apologizing, you'll never know what that means to me. It's nice to move forward.” I noticed a small smile cross his lips, and in that moment I could never remember ever seeing him smile before. It looked nice on him and was shocked to find myself thinking of how cute he was. I had never allowed myself to look at him in that way, and it was surprising at what I had been missing all those years.

He slowly raised from the desk and turned to leave. It confused me that we could have this profound conversation and then he would just leave without a word. When I turned to see what he was doing I jumped to find him directly behind me. He placed his hand on my shoulder, sending fire through my spine. He leaned down so that I could feel his breath on my ear.

“Thank you, Hermione. It means a lot.” His voice whispered. His hot breath sent chills down my spine as it tickled my ear. My breath caught in my throat and I nodded, finding no voice to respond. I felt completely out of control of my body, it was betraying me reacting in such a way to a simple touch and a word. I was shocked that he had called me Hermione, instead of Granger, for the first time. I found it intoxicating.

I was so into my own head I had not noticed him leave the library. Dealing with my stupid nerves I wondered if he knew the effect he could have on someone when he was being a decent person. I slammed the book I had been reading shut in frustration. I decided a nice, long, hot bath would help soothe my nerves and clear my head.

The bath was just what I had needed. I quickly relaxed and was forgetting all about the library when a knock on the bathroom door jolted me, threatening my new found peace.

“Dinner will be ready soon, Hermione.” Draco yelled through the door.

“Tell Kreacher I will be right down.” I yelled back in a weak voice. I heard his footsteps walk away from the door and down the hall. “I swear if he calls me Hermione again I am going to have to jump on him and...” I whispered to myself, not even wanting to finish the thought while I was alone and no one could hear. It was too unthinkable, even to me. I slid down the tub, completely submerging myself into the water, hoping it would drown my thoughts away.

I had quickly finished my bath and dressed, casting a drying spell for my hair and made my way down stairs. I was highly curious to see what Kreacher had made tonight, since his cooking was not the best ever. I was pleasantly surprised when a wonderful smell seemed to hit me in the face when I was a few feet from the kitchen door. I opened the door to find Malfoy leaning into the oven and pulling out a dish. The sight was almost funny, definitely unexpected, and slightly amusing. I could cross this off the things I never expected to see Malfoy doing. He looked over as he set the dish on the stove and smirked at me.

“I gave Kreacher the night off. I wanted to cook dinner.” I stared at him in disbelief. I guess I was standing there longer then I thought. “Are you going to sit down, or just stand there and stare at me?” He teased me, mirroring my remark to him earlier. I chuckled and chose a chair on the end of the table closest to the oven. “It will ready in just a minute. You can pour yourself a drink. I was able to find milk, water and pumpkin juice.”

“Thank you, it smells wonderful.” I finally found my voice. I poured a glass of pumpkin juice. “ What would you like to drink?” I offered to pour his as well.

“Whatever you are having is fine.” He said, walking over and laying a dish on the table. It was a plate of beautifully sautéed asparagus. He walked over one last time, laying another dish down and sat in his chair. “Dinner is served.” He said with a smile. The last dish was covered in cheese and smelled delectable. I stared at in awe.

“Is that macaroni and cheese?” I asked, curious as to why he had made such a muggle dish.

“It is. I asked Kreacher to help me find some muggle recipes. Thought you would like to enjoy a muggle meal, since I'm sure it has been awhile. I hope it turned out right.” He began to dish our plates and suddenly stopped. “Oh, would you like to dish your own?” He asked embarrassed.

“No it's fine, go ahead.” I said with a chuckle, amused by is lack of confidence.

The food was delicious, and I even ate seconds. The meal went by without much conversing between us. I think I was too consumed in the meal that I hadn't stopped eating long enough to even talk. I caught him a few times watching me, almost looking mesmerized or something. His stare had not had the same effect on me as earlier, and I was very thankful for that. After finishing my second plate, I leaned back patting my stomach.

“My goodness, I feel like a cow. I haven't eaten like that in a long time, not since Hogwarts.” I said with a huge sigh.

“Don't worry, you still look wonderful.” Malfoy said without pause. His compliment shocked me, being as it was something he had never done before. My nerves from earlier instantly returned as I noticed his eyes wandering my body.

“So, where did you learn to cook like this? Not something I would have guessed you would have been taught in a house like yours.” I changed the subject, getting the focus off of me. He chuckled and leaned back putting his hands behind his head. The base of his bicep showed from the bottom of his shirt sleeve and I swallowed hard. I watched as it flexed as he moved. I thought back and couldn't remember ever seeing a more sexy arm. 'What the?' I thought, hating the way I was now thinking of him.

“You won't believe me.” When I gave no response he decided to continue. “When I was little I used to sneak down in the middle of the night and watch the house elves. I was mesmerized to watch them cook and clean. After awhile they began to approach me and wondered what I was doing. I had told them I liked to watch them cook. They offered to show me how and I was more then welcoming to that, I always loved to learn anything new. You can appreciate that, I'm sure.” He said with a wink. I had previously realized how alike we were, academically that is, even back at Hogwarts. I would wonder how a bright mind like him could be filled with rubbish.

“How long did you do that?” I asked, hoping he would continue.

“Until my father found out.” He said sadly. I saw him differently in that moment. I realized all this time he really was a victim of circumstance, of his upbringing. “He said it was below me to converse with the help. I tried to make him understand that I liked it, but he did as always and dismissed me to my mother. She of course did as he said and encouraged me to do the same, because it would be better for everyone that way. I'm glad I have not forgotten what Dobby taught me.”

As soon as his name left Malfoys lips we both sat a little lower in out chairs. It had been months since Dobby died but the wound had not healed. The memory of him dying in Harry's arms was still fresh within us both. Draco cleared his throat and began clearing the dishes from the table. The sound of them clanking into the sink brought me out my daze.

“I will do the dishes, since you cooked.” I said, turning to face him

“It will only take moment. It's funny to insist on waving your wand instead of me.” He laughed.

“This was a muggle dinner, so we wash them the muggle way, Malfoy. Still insist?” I smirked.

“I wouldn't even know what to do.” He looked down, embarrassed.

I began filling the sink with warm water and soap and started letting the dishes soak. I set up a towel to let the dishes sit on before I could dry them.

“I would like to help if you can tell me what I can do.” He asked me, almost like a child.

“You can dry them after I get done washing them. Just wipe them down with the dry towel and get the water off.”

“Got it. I feel like a git for not knowing how to do something so simple.” He walked to the opposite side of the sink and waited for me to pass him the dishes.

I was thoroughly amused by the amount of attention he paid to each dish. Making sure every ounce of water was gone off of every one. Another thing I found we had in common, complete overachievers.

He finished the last dish as I was letting the water drain from the sink. I noticed he was smiling at me, seemingly in amusement. He took a step closer to me, almost making me back away nervously. He reached up and brushed my cheek with the back of his finger. I stared at him confused, taking the touch totally out of context. He chuckled and raised his finger to show me it was covered in bubbles.

“You had bubbles.....”

His smile faded as he noticed my reaction to his touch. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks and knew he could see my blush. He wiped his finger on his pants and tentatively raised his hand towards me again and when I didn't move he continued. His fingers brushed my cheek and I instinctive leaned into his touch.

I immediately hated my body for betraying me and showing that I enjoyed what he was doing. I closed my eyes, afraid that tears of frustration would fall from them. I felt his other hand come up to frame my face. A soft moan escaped my throat, again betraying my inner turmoil to him. I opened my eyes and saw a very familiar face. The confident, charismatic Malfoy had returned. He took a half step closer to me and I could feel his breath on my face.

“You are....so.....beautiful. I never allowed myself to notice until now.” He whispered barely loud enough for me to hear.

Before I could respond his lips were on mine. They were soft and warm, not what I was expecting from someone with such a cool demeanor. The kiss was short and sweet, almost tentative. He pulled away slightly to gauge my reaction. I stared back at him with no response, negative or positive, I was numb. He took that as a sign to continue.

His lips returned to mine, more eager this time. The numb feeling I had wore off and the thought to push him away passed through my mind. But when his tongue brushed my bottom lip, begging for entrance, the thought vanished. I allowed myself to feel and instantly responded. My hands snaked their way around his neck and held him there, afraid he would leave. Another brush of his tongue and I opened under him, our tongues caressing each other sensually. His hands left my cheeks and began to wander down my back. My hands tangled into his hair as I became more aggressive.

He pulled away and began to kiss his way down my jaw and neck. As he hit a sensitive spot chills went down my back and covered my arms. He did not miss this and made it worse by softly nibbling the spot. His hands moved from the small of my back, one sneaking it's way under my shirt to touch the bare skin of my back and the other lightly touching my butt. The feeling was too much and I grabbed his hair tighter.

“Oh God, Draco.” The instant his name left my lips my eyes shot open in shock. I had never used that name, not once and it felt strange. It did not escape his attention either. He let out a guttural growl and pulled me closer, grabbing my arse roughly. A tingling ran through my body. He bit down hard on my collar bone and then ran his tongue along the sore spot. I could suddenly feel a bulge pressing against my stomach and another tingling ran from my stomach, south. When I registered what it was I gasped and pulled away.

He looked disappointed as we stood there staring at each other, lips swollen, both gasping for our breath.

“I'm sorry. I need to go.” I didn't wait for a response, I fled the kitchen, leaving him alone. I ran to my room and shut the door. I threw myself on my bed and covered my face with my hands. So many things went through my head. The fact that I was just snogging Draco Malfoy was totally messing with my head. I screamed into my hands, hoping he had not heard me and rolled onto my side, closing my eyes.