A Christmas Carol

“Severus Snape.”



Severus heard the voice and lifted his head. He had been slumped in his armchair, having fallen asleep with his book in his lap. He looked around the room and from the front door, a figure appeared. A bright halo type figure, that Severus first mistook for a large patronus form.



The figure moved closer and the light dimmed to a faint shimmer. He focused and recognized the image.



“Harry Potter?” He asked. The man before him certainly looked like the boy, but he wore no glasses and had no infamous scar. He had a look of intelligence about him instead of the wonder, curiosity and frustration that Potter usually wore. He wore dark robes and a flowing cloak, and seemed to have a more polished appearance.



“No.” He said, moving closer. “I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.”



“Why do you look like Potter?” He asked, still not rising.



“I am a manifestation of your past. An image that reminds you of things you’d forgotten or chose to put behind you.” He explained. “There is something about this image,” he gestured to his face, “that links you to the past.”



“Why not simply be someone from my past?” He asked. “Why this boy?”



“Maybe by the end of our trip, you will understand why.” He waved his hand and the door opened. “Let’s go.”



Snape rose and looked out the door. He felt warm and comfortable so he didn’t bother with his coat. In his white shirt, unbuttoned at the collar, and his black trousers, he followed the ghost out the door. Instead of seeing the street or neighbor’s homes, he walked into a white tunnel.



The Ghost Potter kept walking, so Snape followed, wondering where he was being taken, until he saw the end getting closer and closer. Lucius had begged him to learn, and he had always trusted Lucius, so he would try and learn, even with his apprehensions.



They emerged from the tunnel into the Slytherin common room, but it was different. This common room was one Severus had seen many times before in his own years as a student. The furniture, the carpet, it was the same as he remembered. Even the smell of the holly, and the warmth of the fire.



The Christmas tree was up and decorated with ornaments made by the Slytherin house students, each unique and just as horrible. It made Severus smile to see his own wreath of holly decorating a branch.



“Do you remember this room?” The Ghost Potter asked.



“Of course I do. I spent seven years in this room and then another twenty as it’s head of house.” He answered looking around, then he stopped and looked at a chair by the fire.



“You know him too, I suppose.” Ghost Potter said with a grin.



Severus merely nodded as he looked at himself. His eleven year old self, sitting in his favorite chair by the fire. Severus had always had a tendency to get chills easily, so he would spend hours by the fire in the common room. The comfy chair always called, so much so that he had a set made for his own home. The Ghost Potter had found him in one of them tonight.



He dropped to one knee and looked at the boy, engrossed in his book of Magical history, learning of witches and wizards of centuries ago. He smiled at the young man he was, so innocent and eager to learn about this world his was a part of.



“No friends?” The Ghost Potter asked.



“A few. They have all left for the holidays, going home until after the new year.” He said, not taking his eyes from the boy, watching as the child turned a page.



“You didn’t?” The Ghost asked.



“I chose not to.” He said. “This was always preferable to my home. The holidays gave me time to read and study, to get ready for upcoming exams and such.” He stood and faced the Ghost Potter. “Hogwarts was always welcoming, in many ways. This wasn’t loneliness for me. This castle always welcomed me here, so what am I to learn from this?”



“Just what you have said, but that was easy enough. This castle was a home to you, like it was to so many others.” He said.



“Including the man whose face you borrowed?” He supposed. “What has that got to do with me?”



“For that we need to move on.” He waved his hand at the boy and Severus looked on as he watched himself age in mere moments. He recognized his gawky fourteen year old self when it was over. He let out a sigh. His worst year ever. Not only had a growth spurt left him unusually thin this year, he had a tendency to trip over his feet which had grown two shoe sizes before he was able to handle the difference. He had also developed an allergy to flowers at this point and was sneezing in Herbology all too often. He had managed to find a potion to help but not before he had earned the nickname ‘Snivilus’ from Black. He knew this year well, and he tried often to forget it.



“Severus, let’s go.” Lucius called him and the younger image of himself jumped up, grabbing his trunk and leaving with his friend. Severus and Ghost Potter followed, watching as they left the school and traveled home. Lucius left from the grounds, but Severus took a carriage into Hogsmeade and met his mother.



“Severus, look at you.” She engulfed him in a hug. “You are even taller then you were a few months ago.” He smiled as she looked up and down. “We need to get you new trousers. Come on.’ She took his hand and apparated them away. Severus and Ghost Potter followed and soon Severus stood in his old house.



His father stood and reached offered a hand. No hugs from Tobias Snape, it wasn’t his style. “Hello Severus.” He said.



“Hello father.” Severus replied, with the older one watching closely. He had never been close to his father and seeing it now was depressing.



“A handshake from your father? No hug?” Ghost Potter asked.



“It wasn’t in his nature to give hugs. I’ve never even seen him hug or kiss my mother.” He said.



“Never? In the years they’ve been married?” He asked.



“Never. Tobias Snape was not the affectionate man. He was simple and matter of fact.”



“Like you?” Ghost Potter asked. Severus looked at the apparition and shook his head.



“No, not like me. I would have given anything at that age to welcome a hug from my father but it would happen. Even Lucius gets one from his father, hell I could get one from Lucius’s father but not my own. That’s why I spent so much time at Malfoy Manor. They felt more like family then my own.”



“Why do you think that is?” He asked.



“I don’t know. I have tried to figure it out, but I just don’t know.” He said, watching as his younger self climbed up the stairs with his trunk. His father had watched him leave before sitting down.



“You could have given him a hug or a kiss Tobias, this is the first Christmas he has come home for since he started school.” Eileen told him.



“I would have thought you had hugged him and kissed him enough for the both of us.” He told her.



“Are you complaining?” She asked, glaring at him. “I love my son Tobias.”



“Yes we can all see that, the way you dote on him, and keep on about his hair and clothes.” Tobias’s voice carried his feelings plainly.



“He needs new clothes, and his hair could use a trim.” She said.



“Of course Eileen, of course.” He said down and she started at the back of his head for a moment then left for the kitchen.



“It was always like this?” Ghost Potter asked.



“Always. They did nothing but argue, and challenge each other. There was never any peace, never any laughter, and never affection.” He said.



“That’s why you stayed at Hogwarts so much.” He said.



“Yes. Hogwarts was home to me, this was just a house.” He said. The family had come down for dinner. A silent dinner. Nobody spoke. The sound of silverware on china was the only noise heard. Severus was getting agitated. “How much longer do we have to watch this.”



“Just a moment longer.” Ghost Potter told him.



“May I be excused?” The young boy asked. His father nodded and he left the table, heading up to his room.



“You could talk to him you know. You are his father.” Eileen told her husband.



“I don’t know what to say to him Eileen.” He rubbed his eyes in the same manner Severus did. He watched his father with confusion. “You are his father, anything you say will be alright.” His mother’s pleading voice was filled with desperation.



“He is part of your world and I don’t fit into it. What can I possibly talk to him about.” He rose from the table leaving his wife alone.



Severus stood there, digesting what he had seen. “Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t she tell me?”



“Maybe now is a good time to ask them.” Ghost Potter answered.



Severus snorted. “I hardly speak to my parents anymore.”



“Of course.” Ghost Potter said, and with a wave of his hand, a door appeared. They walked through it into another corridor of Hogwarts. He was sitting on a bench, and from appearances he looked to be in his sixth year. He was filling out, becoming a man. Not brawny or confident as others but he was hardly skinny and uncoordinated anymore. He grinned down the hall. Severus and Ghost Potter followed the look to see Lily Potter come running up to him holding a package.



“Happy Christmas Severus.” She handed it over. He pulled a package from his own robes.



“Happy Christmas Lily.” He said to her. Together they pulled off paper and ribbons. Severus looked in awe at the muggle pen and pencil set. Each one in shiny black metal, with lead refills for the pencil. “This is wonderful. My father had one, I’ve always wanted one.” He said smiling at her.



“I’m glad you like it.” Lily opened her own box, and lifted the pendant. “It was a yellow rose on a gold chain. “Yellow roses mean friendship.”



“I know. I heard those rumors Potter was trying to start but I don’t see you that way. You’re my friend and I love you, but you are only a friend.” He told her.



“I know Severus.” She reached out and engulfed him in a hug, kissing his cheek. “I love you too.”



Severus and Ghost Potter watched as the two friends talked then went their separate ways for house parties.



“Did you ever fall in love with her?” Ghost Potter asked.



Severus shook his head and gave a funny look to the ghost. “No, everyone thought we did, but Lily was the closest friend I ever had, aside from Lucius but nothing more. I did love her, but it wasn’t romantic in nature.’ His face grew dark. “That was before the fight.”



“Ah yes. You lost your temper.” Ghost Potter said.



“It was because of Potter and Black. They were, yet again, taunting me and tormenting me. I said ‘mudblood’ to piss of Potter because I knew he would hate it, but she wouldn’t forgive me for it. I had forgiven many things with her, the jokes and insults she sent my way, then crying out later that she was sorry that she had lost her temper. I knew she was and I always forgave her. No matter what she said or did to me, I forgave her. I made one mistake and she held that grudge, not listening to anything I had to say. She turned her back on me.” Severus said.



“She never spoke to you again?” Ghost Potter asked.



“I got an owl, after we graduated a few years later, but sent it back unopened. I never felt more betrayed. I had to be perfect and make no mistakes, always considering how she would react or feel, even though I never expected her to be ideal. She refused my apologies for years, so as far as I was concerned, it was over. It was the worst sort of hurt, because she was my best friend. I thought I meant more to her, but it was plain that I didn’t.”



Ghost Potter merely looked at him silently. It got to Severus after awhile. “Are we done here?” He asked.



“Have you figured out the reason for my appearance yet?” He asked.



“Yes. You are the product of the person I couldn’t stand and the person I used to love. You were put in my care at Hogwarts and I’ve had to deal with the result of my past.” He faced the ghost. “You are an image of people from my past that I have wanted to forget and ignore, but I wasn’t able to. Your presence was a constant reminder of it.”



“Yes.” He said. “You may want to forget the past, but it isn’t always easy. The losses you have suffered have made you reluctant to form relationships of any kind in adulthood.”



“I know that. I didn’t need this trip down memory lane to see that. A simple talk would have sufficed.” He said.



“Would it?” Ghost Potter asked.



Severus grew angry and rubbed his eyes, massaging his temple. “Yes.” He raised his face to look again at the ghost but he was back in his own home, standing next to his chair and feeling the warm of the fire. The Ghost Potter was gone. He was alone again.