Missing You

Hermione’s heart was beating a tattoo in her chest and her breathing was rapid and anxious. Beneath her eyelids, rapid eye movement was taking place as her dream reached a crescendo. She finally escaped its hold with a sudden gasp and a strangled, ‘No!’ She half-sat with a jolt, eyes wide as she stared at some unseen point in front of her. Shuddering, her hand fluttered to her chest, and she held it to her breast as she calmed herself, eyes closing as she realized it was just a dream.

‘Just a dream,’ she admonished herself quietly.

Severus sat statue-like, not wanting to startle her further with his presence. His instinct had been to wake her from her nightmare the moment it had started, but she was talking in her sleep, and her words had enthralled him. He had listened, feeling like a voyeur, and his heart had pummelled for the luxury of doing nothing. He had filled her dream state, and the sound of his name on her breathless tongue had thrust the enforced lack of her in his life into sharp focus.

Hermione’s awareness came slowly back to the room. The fire was still burning brightly and she assumed she must have slept for only a short time. She pulled herself straighter on the couch and allowed her legs to dangle over the edge, pushing herself forward to slip her shoes onto her feet. As her gaze drifted downwards, she noticed his boots. She shook her head and laughed at herself. She believed she was indeed going mad; her desperate need for him was now creating mirages for her delight.

Severus shifted slowly in his chair, moving himself forwards and twisting his body to face her. His eyes followed her frame upwards, from her thin calves to her body. Voluminous robes gathered around her where she sat, swamping her like a child who had borrowed her father’s old shirt. Her hands were wrapped around themselves, and her shoulders had tensed. Her slim throat flashed tantalisingly at him through straggly curls, and a memory of his tongue on her flesh made his mouth fall open slightly. A breath of air rushed past his teeth. Her face was thin and pale, and her dark eyes were wide and swimming glassy with tears.

She stared at him, uncomprehending. He looked just as she remembered him. She had imagined something different - that there would have been some small change that only she would notice. She could feel his breath as he leant forward slightly in the chair, and as the reality of his existence finally filtered through her confusion, a low moan escaped her and she started to shake uncontrollably. Her hands trembled, outstretched to him, and a desperate wail sprung from her mouth as she began to sob hysterically. She felt his arms encircling her as he fell to his knees before her, and as he pulled her tightly to him her hands clutched at his robes. Even the fabric felt the same, thick and rough beneath her fingertips. She couldn’t breathe, and her stomach convulsed tightly as her tears wrenched themselves from her throat.

Severus closed his eyes tightly to stop his own tears. She was shaking against him, and as he held her close, he was shocked to feel her thin frame. So thin that he was scared he might break her if he squeezed too much. His hands drifted to her hair, and he stroked her bedraggled locks gently, soothing her as he kissed her temple softly. ‘Shhh,’ he whispered, forcing back the lump that had formed in his throat. He felt her still in his arms and let out a long breath.

Severus relaxed his hold and pulled back slightly. Hermione raised her eyes to his face in panic, tightening her hold on the front of his robes.

‘I’m here, Hermione,’ he said softly.

Hermione looked up at him and loosened her grip to move her hands to his face. Soft fingers caressed his stubbly cheeks and traced a path to his hair. With childlike wonder, her fingers slipped through his dark lengths and then back to his face again. She traced the length of his nose with one finger and then let the finger fall onto his thin lips, tracing their shape slowly. His mouth was warm, just as she remembered it. Without warning, his tongue appeared and licked her fingertip, and his mouth quirked into a soft smile.

Hermione started to giggle for the first time in three years.

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