Give and Take

CHAPTER 2
Lily had woken up that morning wrapped in Sirius’ duvet; naked as the day she was born. Her head throbbed when she stood up quietly, as not to disturb Sirius, and went to her own dorm. She remembered the Firewhiskey and groaned with disbelief all the way. Her and Sirius hadn’t spoken since last night.

He wasn’t at dinner either. Lily ate alone in the Great Hall; and now she sat by the Gryffindor fire, thinking about last night and waiting for him.

What she did with Sirius, Lily decided, was wrong. However she couldn’t deny the emotions and longing she felt for him at this very moment. He made her feel whole, complete; like he was her missing piece. Lily didn’t want to give it up. She loved James, she reasoned, but right now all she wanted was Sirius.

Lily heard the portrait slide open ad saw Sirius walk into the common room. She turned her head to catch his eyes, hoping for some acknowledgement.

Sirius paused when he stepped through the opening. There she was, the beauty he had been avoiding all day. She was sitting by the fire, the flames’ reflections dancing over her face. She was looking at him with sad, hopeful eyes. Has she been sitting here all night, waiting for him? He wanted to rush to her and hold her to him tightly then ravish her body as he had the night before. Sirius was sure she regretted what they shared and that it would never happen again. Just as he was about to apologize she stood and walked towards him.

Lily’s mind was racing. I’m not going to give this up, she repeated to herself. I’m not going to give him up. She needed it too much.

She advanced on him, quick, her eyes never leaving his. He stood still; What is she d?
?

“Sirius,” she breathed. It wasn’t a quen. Sn. She never hesitated, but sauntered right up to him, grabbing his neck and forcing him down to her mouth. She latched on to his lips, hot and hungry, manipulating them savagely with her own. Her tongue invaded his every thought, making him moan in her mouth, relishing in the pleasure she was providing him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and held her closer to him.

She abandoned their kiss and looked at him, preparing to say something.

“Sirius… I don’t want this to end,” she whispered, as if embarrassed. “You can’t imagine what you’ve done to me…how I feel. I need this… I want it-“

Sirius crushed her back to him before she could finish, ravishing her mouth. He pulled back almost as quickly.

“Don’t speak. I know,” he said, his fingers delicately caressing her trembling lips as he spoke. He leaned forward and softly kissed her. Then he swiftly bent down and picked Lily up by her knees and carried her up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory. She squealed with delight, ecstatic with his response.
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Two weeks later, Lily and Sirius had turned their holiday into a journey. Not ove, ve, but of lust and infatuation. She loved what he did to her, how he unleashed her deepest desires. They would stay up all night, talking about their passions, their lives. Sirius had expressed that he wanted to tell James about their trysts. Lily became upset and wouldn’t talk to him until he came to her that night. Sirius decided not to approach the subject again… she would tell him on her own time.

Their escapades continued undisturbed until one morning when Lily received a letter from James. He had a Christmas present for her and said he may send it tonight with Erebus, his eagle owl. She set the letter down and realized what she had done. If James ever found out about her and Sirius, he would surely abandon her and kill his best friend.

“Why can’t I just have both?” she sighed to herself. Lily had to end the affair. No matter how much she would miss it, it was the only option.

Close to dinnertime, she sat on her four-poster, writing James a reply. When Sirius returned from Hogsmeade she would tell him it was over. So she sat and waited…

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Sirius rummaged through Hogsmeade searching for a gift for Lily. Their past few weeks had been tremendous, Sirius had never felt so alive. He worshipped her; her lips, her breasts, her stomach. Her mouth.

Stop thinking about her. He was growing hard in his pants. Thinking about making love to her made his groin ache with desire. She was a goddess and he craved more of her.

He sifted through the bins at Gladrags until he found a beautiful jade scarf, thin and silky with embroidered jewels. It was elegant and sensuous. It would look exotic around her neck, or waist… or wrists.

Sirius grinned wickedly and quickly paid for the accessory. He left the store and headed home to Hogwarts, to his Lily.

Then he saw it.

It made his heart stop for a fraction of a second. He was frozen to the street, staring at it as it walked out of the train station and back into his life. Back into her life.

It would ruin all they had.

His heart twisted in pain, blood pounding in his head.

It was James.

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Lily rested her head on her pillow, gazing out the window, reminiscing in the past sex-crazed days.

“LILY!”

She sat straight up. It was Sirius. Back from Hogsmeade so soon? Lily raced down the stairs, her hair flying behind her. He was standing in the middle of the room wide-eyed, as if he’d just seen a chimaera.

Lily ran into his arms, him enveloping them around her, clinging tightly. He stayed there for a minute, holding her as if it would be the last time.

He released her and cupped her face with his hands. She was smiling at him. No, beaming; laughter in her eyes. He couldn’t say the words. As soon as he did, he knew it would all be over. But James was coming…

“Lily,” he began, “I…we…” Sirius leaned down and kissed her hard. He had to hurry. “James… I think…” Why couldn’t he say it?

Lily knew where this was going. He wanted to tell James. Why couldn’t he just get it through his head that she didn’t want that? She was sick of this argument, sick of him not listening. It was her decision.

“Sirius, we can’t tell James! Don’t you understand what would happen?” she yelled.

Sirius kept shaking his head. He couldn’t find the words. His brain wouldn’t work. He began to panic, making communication more difficult.

“No…Lily,” he shook his head more frantically,” you don’t understand-”

“I understand perfectly well! You want to tell James! Do you have any clue as to what he would do should he find out?”

“Lily, love…we have to…he’s” Sirius said, absentmindedly stringing his sentences together in his panic to tell her. He just couldn’t get over the fact that he may never have Lily again. Sirius’ brain was in overdrive.

Why can’t he just spit it She She thought. An owl flew through the window, but Lily ignored it, too wrapped up in her attempt to change Sirius’ mind.

“What do you think James would do if he knew we fucked all over this common room, all over the bathroom, in your bed… for Merlin’s sake, on his bed!” she screamed, trying to make sense of what he was telling her.

“NO LILY!” Sirius took hold of her shoulders and shook her. “James is here, in Hogsmeade, RIGHT NOW!” he yelled back in her face.

“Actually, I’m right here… in Hogwarts… right now,” said a quiet voice.

Lily turned toward the portrait hole, her eyes wide and mouth open. Sirius just shut his eyes and dropped down to the couch, hiad iad in his hands, without looking at the intruder.

“James?” Lily said quietly. “What… What are you doing here?”

He was just standing there, his bag on the floor. He had sunken look on his face, like someone had driven a stake through his heart. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked from Lily to Sirius and back to Lily. He said nothing.

“James?” she took a step towards him, tears now streaming down her face. He took a cautious step backwards at her approach.

“James, I didn’t… I mean, we… it was an accident, see, and we were drinking and I-”

“No. No excuses. I can’t… I can’t take it,” and he ran out of the common room. Lily slumped to the floor and shut her eyes, willing more tears to fall.

“Oh… What have we done?” she softly asked no one in particular. She felt Sirius leave the couch and sit behind her, pulling her into his arms, rocking her slowly as she sobbed. Lily soon began to wail, “I love him… what have I done…”

Sirius couldn’t stand her crying like this. With that, he stood up, laying her across the couch to sleep, and went to find James.
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James was distraught. He comes back to surprise his girlfriend, only to find out she was sleeping with his best friend all winter break.

“FUUUUUCK!!” he screamed to the sky. He was angry, furious. Why did she do it? Did she not love him? Was he not enough for her?

He sat by the lake under his favorite beech tree. Their favorite beech tree. He would have given her everything. All she had to do was ask. Despite her betrayal… he stilved ved her; loved her so much it made him hurt. It made him literally ache inside when he thought about her. James would still do anything to please her. He only wanted her happy. But Sirius? Why with his best friend? He heard a twig snap behind him and knew that Sirius had come to find him.

“What do you want?” James asked monotonously.

“James… I think we need to talk,” came Sirius’ reply.

“We have nothing to talk about.”

“Oy Prongs, I beg to differ,”

James turned around and saw his best friend standing slumped over and distressed.

“How could you do this to me?” James said, voi voice cracking a bit.

“Prongs,-”

“Don’t call me that…”

Sirius sighed, “James… we didn’t know this was going to hap--”

“Please spare me all this ‘it was an accident’ BULL SHIT!” James rose to his feet facing Sirius. “YOU’RE SUCH A… AGGHH! How could you?” he gave a bitter chuckle. “So how is with you two? Did you laugh at me behind my back? Think you were smart, trying to get away with FUCKING MY GIRLFRIEND!! MY LILY!” his voice began to weaken. “… Not yours. She was mine. I love her! YOU KNEW THAT! I LOVED HER!!”
Sirius flinched with every scream, his face collapsing.

“We didn’t want you to get hurt… we tried… we just tried,” he didn’t know what else to say. “James, you still love her. And,” his own voice faltering,” she loves you so much…please forgive us.”

James gave up and sat back down, his face whitd eyd eyes bloodshot. Should he forgive Sirius? His best friend? …What else could he do?

“Sirius…Padfoot, of course I will forgive you. This is going to take time. I need some time on my own,” he finished and turned back to look out onto the lake. Sirius walked back to the castle alone. When he reached the common room Lily was nowhere to be found. He assumed she had retreated to her own dorm, but when he got into bed Sirius noticed a figure sleeping in James’ bed. It was Lily.

Sirius tip toed over to her and pulled the covers up to her shoulders. She was breathing deeply, finally asleep. He kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair.

“Goodnight, Lily,” he whispered quietly into her ear and went to his own bed.