You Can Call Me Severus

He stands up and moves to hold me. He places me on the table as plates crash down with loud clatter on the floor. His arms are around my waist. His eyes are boring into mine. His lips are devouring mine. His hungry hands are roaming all over my body. I can hardly breathe.
"Sir?"
"Severus."
"What…?'
"You can call me Severus…"


~
"Can I?"
"Yes, you can."
"For how long, sir?"
"For as long as you wish."
"And what about Shahinaze, Severus?"
"And what about her?"
"Can she call you 'father' or you prefer to stay 'sir' for her? You know, Severus, she is your daughter too."
"I am well aware of that."
Funny I'm still alive. I haven't been that bold with him ever since we got married I guess. Though I start feeling impatience in his voice and I know that he will surely snap soon enough.
"I'm just making sure, sir."
He raises an eyebrow. I shrug.
"Habit, sir, Severus. It is very hard to get past the walls you conjured around you. You don't let us in shutting us out of your life. It's as if we don't exist or exist just to do what you tell us to. But we are not machines. I can still remember the time when I did whatever I wanted."
"As far as I recall it didn't bring you much good."
Please don't mention Siri.
I don't speak. Let him say whatever he wishes. Less pain.
"She can call me father."
I lean and kiss him on the lips. I wanted it to be a small chaste kiss but he didn't let go of my mouth for several minutes.
I thank him. It won't hurt to be polite with the husband of mine. I guess that's the only thing that won't hurt. Suddenly I hear small footsteps and before I can do anything I hear a loud gasp and tiny voice of our four-year-old daughter.
"Daddy?"
Shit! We are lying on the kitchen table. Naked. Severus didn't want to take our further discussion and what followed to our bedroom.
"Yes, sweetheart?" I try in a casual voice as if me lying with Severus on top of me on the kitchen table is a normal thing.
"Daddy, father hasn't hurt you again, has he?" I can hear panic and fear rising in her voice with every word. I wonder what she is thinking as she sees me lying beneath her father just like that. This is definitely the last thing I would want her to see including all my bruises, blooded hands and broken ribs. She is only four but she has seen enough of my face as I was shaking away countless tears and putting on various glamour charms. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. The only people who will see it know perfectly well the way things are held in the house. But still…to preserve the last remains of my dignity…though I'm not sure I've got left any more of it.
Shit! Why is he looking at me like that? Oh I forgot. I've never told him that between ourselves we always called him 'father'. He honestly didn't expect me to call him 'sir' when talking to our daughter, now did he? I look back at him as I answer Shahinaze.
"No, honey, father hasn't hurt me. Not today." Not today. We all know that it doesn't mean a thing. "Shahi, love, can you give your father and me a minute, ok?"
She nods.
"Yes, daddy. I'll be in my room."
"Thank you, honey, I love you."
"Luv ya too, daddy."
He keeps looking at me and I wonder what it might mean. Eventually he stands up and stretches his hand to lift me up.
"Thank you."
"Thank you."
I look at him astonished. Severus Snape thanks me? Whatever what for?"
"What for?"
"For bringing up such an angel."
I shrug.
"It was my pleasure. Besides, it's not like there was anything else to do…"
He raises an eyebrow and I know I have to elaborate or he'll make me. But first I need to take some precautions.
"Just don't hit me, ok?"
He places his hand on my cheek. It takes him a few minutes to answer. It actually took him sometime to think whether to hit me or not. I guess it became sort of a habit a reflex of his as well as mine to keep calling him 'sir'.
"I won't."
OK. I take a deep breath.
"I was thinking…now that Shahinaze attends kindergarten and I don't have to stay at home all the time maybe…I…could…getajob?"
"What?"
"G-get a job, sir, Severus?"
"A job? And what exactly do you have in mind?"
Oh no his voice. It's bad. Very bad. It was definitely a bad idea to start talking about getting a job. Now there's no way out though. In for a penny…
"Well…Lucius said that he needed a personal assistant and I thought that…"
You thought wrong, Harry, so wrong. You shouldn't have thought at all. And here it goes. Your hand flies up to your abused cheek.
"You promised not to hit me!"
Never, never yell at him or accuse him or retort. Honestly, Harry, you've spent four years with the man, couldn't you learn that simple rule. There goes another blow.
"I've changed my . Yo. You are not going to work for him."
"Why not?"
Still brave?
"Because I said so."
"I hate you." That, Harry, was the stupidest thing you could say considering the circumstances. Even if it is true.
"Well it is your right." He sneers. "Your only right." And crushes my lips with his own. Rough. So rough. His hands sink into every part of my body. Still more bruises. Still more pain.
Some things never change.


~
"…and they lived happily ever after." Each time I read this line I want to cry. "Do you want me to stay with you, honey?'
She shakes her head tightly hugging me. I see tears in her eyes. The same huge green eyes. The same tears.
"You can't. I know he'll be waiting for you. I don't want father to be angry. I don't want you to get hurt more than you will." Smart girl. So little and so smart.
I hug her back and we sit like that for a long time trying to comfort each other as much as we can. From my position I can look out the window. There somewhere is freedom. At least Shahinaze has it. As she falls asleep still in my arms I put her softly down, cover her and place a good-night kiss on her forehead. I smile as I see her smiling in her sleep. She is my angel.
Now it's time to go and warm his bed. He hates it when his side of the bed is cold and he never uses charms to warm it up. Why would he use charms if he has my body to use?


~
I enter our bedroom. He is still not here. Thanks God. I still have time for a shower. I lie down and wait. I have to stay awake till he comes and tells me whether he needs my body for the night or not. It's cold in here and it will take sometime until it gets any warmer. I sleep naked. He doesn't allow me to put on any clothes for the night. Cold and still fresh bruises is not the perfect combination. At least when we make…love…it gets warmer. Here he comes. He takes a shower and dresses. He doesn't sleep naked. I roll onto my side. But he tells me to stand up and to come to him. I do as he says. What a surprise. He looks at me. Why does he always have to look at me? Ever since our wedding night. He looks and looks and this look of his terrifies me more than anything else. Slowly his hands start touching every bruise every would every sore spot he left on me today. I hiss and hitch my breath and fidget and try to escape his persistent touch because it bloody hurts but he doesn't stop. Then he says a few spells and my body is as good as new. He has never done it before. He leads me to the bed and we lie down. I put my head on his shoulder as he guides me and his arms are once again around me. I am still. I am silent. Terrified I am waiting. I feel him taking a deep breath as he starts caressing my hair. I feel tears in my eyes. His hesitance tells me that it is something important. I silently pray that it is not what I think it is. That it is not what I dread more than anything. Please don't let him leave me. I won't handle it. I can't live without him. I just can't. I know it. I guess I love him after all. Don't get me wrong I hate him just as much but I know that out there no one will take care of me and my child as well as he does. I have a home and a husband and a child- a family I always wanted to have. Not perfect but still…Though he hurts me and hurts me a lot he doesn't let anyone else hurt me. I won't live without him. In a sense I live for him and our daughter now. There's no one else. He became the major factor in my life. He is my husband. He lifts my head and looks at me.
"Harry…"
"Yes…?"
I hold my breath. Please! Please! Please! Don't leave me!
"I don't promise anything. Today showed just how hard it is to break a habit…"
Tell me about it.
"But I'll try to be…"
I'll help him. I give him a small smile
"Nicer?"
He sneers.
"Yes…"
I put my hbackback on his shoulder as my fingers start tracing small patterns down his chest.
"Ok, sir. Take your time. I can wait. I've been waiting for four years. I can wait some more."
He catches my hand and places a kiss and then another and another…well all over it. That's definitely something new. I don't get my hopes high though. But I hope that maybe our marriage is not such a hopeless case after all.


A/N/: guys tell me what you think!