Harry Potter and the Secret Nurse

Chapter Two
Casualties

This was the very first time that Hermione had actually seen Harry's home in person. It was remarkable how ordinary and perfectly muggle it looked. She had brought almost nothing magical with her, just her wand. All she carried was a travel kit bag, and a lot of worry. For a moment she wondered if she came too early as she could see there was still a family car in the driveway. Were the Dursleys still home, she wondered, as the driveway looked like it was fit to hold only one car.
A blonde hulking giant nearly a head taller than Hermione, and three times her mass came out the front door with a cautious look, checking the neighbours as he approached her. His round face didn't look nearly as intimidating as his shoulders that almost had impossible width. This must have been the "fat" cousin Harry spoke of with so much contempt for so many years, and was not the sight the Hermione had imagined at all.

"You're Hermione," asked Dudley.

"Yes," said Hermione.

Dudley shook her hand and whispered, "I'm Dudley, Harry is in his room, before you see him, we should talk."

This was sounding worse all the time to Hermione, first this young man drags her more than a hundred miles, next he wants a sidebar before she can even say hello to Harry. In the kitchen Dudley made some tea and offered Hermione to sit down. This young man looked surprisingly emotional for a Herculean giant.

"When Harry was dropped off last month, those wizards with him threatened my family that we would hear from them if Harry ever came to harm," said Dudley.

"Is that what this is about?" asked Hermione, "Something is wrong with Harry and you don't want to get the blame for it?"

"I don't think your people knew just how badly hurt Harry was when they dropped him off," said Dudley.

"Harry's-?"

"Hurting. Bad, really bad," said Dudley, "Probably for a long time. Someone died just before he came home, right?"

"His Godfather," said Hermione, "It was awful, it happened right in front of him. I didn't see it, exactly, but I was there."

"And someone else died right in front of him last year," said Dudley, "Someone named Cedric."

"How do you know?" asked Hermione.

"He cried about it out loud in his sleep the whole time he was here last year," said Dudley, "I could hear it in my bedroom from his."

Hermione was very shocked to hear this.

"There's been others he's seen killed or hurt, isn't there?" asked Dudley, "This wizard war my mother said you're going through, he's seen casualties, hasn't he?"

Hermione didn't want to go through the list.

"Didn't it ever occur to the people in your world who are supposed to be caring for Harry that he has gone through extreme psychological trauma?" asked Dudley.

"What would you know about that sort of thing?" asked Hermione.

"I know this," said Dudley, "Last year in my school we had a transfer from St. Wendimere's. You remember that name from the news?"

"Wendimere?" asked Hermione, "My god, isn't that the place that had a bishop and a few priests criminally charged with...oh dear god."

"I don't know anything about what this kid really went through, it was kept confidential," said Dudley, "But he was a lot a like Harry. He wasn't a wizard of course. He was a small kid, bit of an outsider like Harry always was, he had the same dark messy hair and glasses. He had been really kicked around a lot, y'know? I told the guys he was off limits to teasing and stuff, he didn't need any more of that, not after what he had probably been through, but no one really paid close attention to just how damaged he must have been. I don't think he ever saw a councillor or anything, and his parents never came to visit like they were ashamed of him being a victim and all."

"Sounds awful," said Hermione.

"Anyway this kid starts doing things to himself," continued Dudley, "Self mutilation. He cut himself on his arms almost every night. When he got caught, he got punished, like that was going to fix it. Never went to a doctor or saw a psychologist."

"Wait a minute, I know this story," said Hermione, "You attend that school... Smeltings. There was a boy there last year, the Times said he had been a rape victim, and he... he..."

"He hung himself," said Dudley, "Committed suicide, right from the top rafters in the main hall. At least all the people who saw that were sent to counselling to deal with the traumatic experience, but no one ever came to his aid."

"Harry isn't like that," said Hermione, "He wouldn't... he couldn't..."

"If you want to know, go upstairs right now and ask him to roll up his sleeves," said Dudley.

"NO! Harry isn't a... a... ," Hermione stammered.

"The word you're looking for," said Dudley as he casually poured himself some tea, "Is cutter."

"No," said Hermione, "How could you let this get out hand? Why didn't you and your parents help him?"

"And do what?" demanded Dudley, "Take him to a physiatrist from our world? What do you think that would sound like? 'Oh doctor, I'm afraid I've gone mad because a man who changes into snakes is trying to kill me with magic spells!' That's a bloody rich idea if you want to see Harry chucked in a nut house for the rest of his life."

Hermione let that sink in.

"Harry needs to be taken to whoever or whatever cares for people in his condition in your world," said Dudley, "And he needs to go soon. I've spent the whole summer trying to get a hold of one you looking every way I can. I couldn't tell my mother because if father found out he would just chuck him St. Brutus or something. You're first person from his world I've been able to find. Now it's up to you to get help from your world."

"I want to see him before we decide anything," said Hermione.

"Well... if you're all in the mood for some tea, you're welcome to come down and get some," said Dudley,

This was not the kind of hospitality Hermione expected from a Dursley. She left her carry bag in the hall and carefully made her way up the stairs, peering over the ledge to see if she could get a glimpse of Harry's bedroom. Afraid of what she would find, she quietly closed in on the only door with a light coming from it. The hallway was dark. Step by step she went and listened carefully.
The only source of light in Harry's room was a video monitor he was staring into. Harry sat shirtless at a computer desk, the video glow making him look more pale and sickly than usual. It looked to Hermione that Harry had lost weight, a frightening amount of weight as she could see his ribs sticks out his back. Either that or she never really knew just how thin Harry really was under his bulky hand-me-down clothes and robes.
There was a dead look in Harry's eyes as he was transfixed on the screen playing a game of solitaire. As Hermione listened she could hear that Harry was muttering something to himself as he played. It sounded driven like Harry was playing something in his mind, but whatever the plan was, it also sounded like it was coming unravelled.

"Fred,, George... they'll have to die, they're brave, they'll do it. Neville should have died already.... he'll understand... Cho... she'll ... want.... Ginny... I..... "

Hermione snuck around the corner to look closer at Harry, and to her horror, his skin was covered in scars. Not just his wrists, but all over his shoulders, upper arms and as much around his torso as she could see. Shame overcame Hermione as she realized this was her best friend, whom she loved dearly, going to pieces before her very eyes, why didn't any of them see this coming?

"Ginny... oh God.. not Ginny... I can't sacrifice... oh God..."

Harry was in tears, Hermione was in tears just from watching Harry. Gingerly she edged into Harry's room and spoke his name,

"Harry?"

Harry looked to Hermione with such an expression of despair she lunged forward to embrace him. As she got close, Harry realized she could see his scars and violently he retreated to his bed and grabbed a loose shirt to cover his shame. Hermione grabbed Harry and held him, refusing to him go.

"I don't want Ginny to die Hermione, I don't want her to die.." Harry cried as he rocked.

Hermione sat with Harry on the bed and rocked with him.

"None of us want her to die, Harry, we wont let her die," said Hermione.

"I was," said Harry and he choked and sobbed, "I had this plan... a plan to kill Voldemort... but as I thought it through... I realized people had to die.. so I thought... I rationalized... they had to die.... we all had to die and it would work....Voldemort would be-"

Hermione shushed Harry and rocked with him on the bed. This was a lot worse than she thought. Somebody should have seen this coming. Harry had come completely unhinged. Where ever she was going for help would have to wait until tomorrow, the only thing that mattered now was to hold him and let him cry.

.

Harry woke up early the next morning with Hermione on top of him. He felt better. Somebody cared. It didn't matter to him that he was busted. It didn't matter that he was shamed. Somebody really cared.

"Hermione?" Harry spoke.

Hermione shifted around on top of Harry as she stirred and woke with her head nuzzled deep in his neck.

"Hermione, I feel better," said Harry.

"You're not going anywhere," said Hermione.

"I don't want to," said Harry, "I just... I feel better. Thank you."

Hermione took a deep breath and shifted her weight around a little.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"I have to pee."

Dudley was wearing his robes and shuffled through the hall in his slippers. He came across Hermione, still wearing the same clothes from last night and standing in front of the bathroom.

"Morning," said Dudley and he yawned, "Is he better?"

"He says he is," said Hermione.

"Is he in there?" asked Dudley.

Hermione shook her head.

"He said he hadgo."go."

Dudley stood for a moment, then he asked, "How long has he been in there?"

Hermione stopped leaning on the wall and then turned to face the bathroom door.

"Harry? Are you finished?"

There was no answer. Hermione was getting concerned.

"Harry?"

Hermione tried the door, it was locked, repeatedly she called Harry's name.

"Bust it open!" said Dudley.

Deftly Hermione pulled out her wand and performed the Alohomora spell to unlock the bathroom door. She forced the door aside and saw Harry frozen in front of the bathroom mirror holding a razor between his thumb and forefinger in his right hand. Hermione grabbed the razor and tossed it away into the bathtub. Harry didn't move or resist at all as Hermione grabbed his arms to check to see if he cut himself, but she found nothing. There were no new wounds, anywhere.

"Harry?"

Harry's head was shaking. He looked to Hermione with a trembling tired fear that wore on him like an old shoe.

"A soon as you let go, it started up again," said Harry, "I had the razor and... I was just looking at myself in the mirror, wondering how it got there.. I.. it all started just when you let go of me. And now you're holding me again, I feel better. The second you touched me it just stopped."

Harry looked into Hermione's eyes with tears of desperation.

"What do we do?" Harry begged.

Hermione held him and said, "Don't let go."

Dudley watched them embrace for a moment, then he asked, "You two going to shower together?"

They looked at Dudley with a bit of an awkward look on their faces. Dudley took that as a queue to let them be.

"Because if you want to use the shower, I'll just get some breakfast," said Dudley and he trotted down the stairs.

Half an hour later, Hermione and Harry came down the stairs holding hands. There was the smell of bacons and eggs in the house. As Dudley watched them enter the kitchen he saw Harry was smiling and looked like his old self.

"When did you learn how to cook?" asked Harry.

"We have a galley in our dorm," said Dudley, "I cook all the time, but don't tell mum. I've got a plate of bacon here, did you want to fry up some eggs?"

With a pat on the bum, Hermione set Harry off to cook some eggs and she asked Dudley if he had a map of London. It was in Vernon Dursley's writing desk and Dudley unfolded it onto the kitchen table. Hermione checked the index for Grimmauld Place and she made plans with Dudley to drive them down there right after breakfast.

"I was planning to head into London today anyway," said Dudley, "I'm picking some friends up to have a party."

"Well, you'll be glad to have the place to yourself then," said Hermione.

"Too right," said Dudley.

"Are you sure your parents won't have a problem with Harry just taking off?" asked Hermione.

"It's never been a problem before. Right Harry?" asked Dudley.

When Harry didn't reply Dudley elbowed Hermione. She also called to Harry but he stood motionless in front of the stovetop looking at the skillet as though he wasn't sure what to do. Hermione got up and as soon as she touched Harry he jolted out of it like she woke him up.

"Again?" asked Hermione.

Harry shook his head, "Not as bad this time."

"How about we make breakfast together?" suggested Hermione.

Around 9 AM, Harry was piling all hagicagical belongings in the boot of the Dursley family car. Hermione was already in the back seat with her travel bag and was sitting next to Hedwig in his cage. After Harry slammed the boot shut he joined Hermione in the back of the car. Just as Dudley got into the driver's seat Harry looked at the front lawn and remembered something.

"Oh no, we can't go yet," said Harry as he pointed to the yucca plant, "I promised to get rid of that thing."

Dudley peered over the hood of the car and said, "What? That? Hold on."

Casually Dudley got out of the car and went over to the plant. Hermione and Harry could hear a wrenching sound, and then saw Dudley march the plant, roots and all, over to the garbage and tossed it in. Harry stuck his head out the passenger window as Dudley returned to the car.

"You know, most people use a shovel," said Harry.

"Really?" said Dudley assat sat in the driver's seat, "Seems like such a bother."

"It must be convenient to be as strong as a bull," said Hermione.

As Dudley put the car in reverse he said, "It has its moments."

On the way to London, Dudley was getting acquainted with the magical world, and Hermione and Harry in turn were getting caught up with the muggle world. Harry was quite surprised to hear a popular British football player had left England to play for Spain. Dudley was equally surprised to hear that both of Hermione's parents were dentists, with no known magical lineage in her family at all.

"I didn't know that happened," said Dudley," I guess that means wizards can pop up anywhere."

On the way downtown they passed an amusement park in Chertsey that had a lot of construction going on.

"They're going to have five giant new roller coasters open by next year," said Dudley as he pointed, "There's the tower ride, I went on that last year. It shoots you up over 200 feet in less than five seconds. "

"We should come here next year," said Harry, "Bring the Weasleys along, I've bet they've never seen one."

The streets began to wind as the made their way to Downtown London. Dudley asked why didn't Hermione or Harry of them sit up front with the map as they passed him instructions. They seemed to go in circles for a little while until they came upon a knot of a street. The street looked familiar to Hermione.

"Harry, do you think we should be coming here in open daylight?" asked Hermione.

"The Death Eaters the the ones on the run now," said Harry, "Not us."

Dudley checked the numbers on the houses and said, "I don't see a number 12."

"Trust me, this is it," said Harry, "Park here."

Hermione and Harry got out of the car as Dudley went around the back of the car to open the boot. Hermione handed Harry the birdcage and looked around.

"Do you think the order is still here?" asked Hermione.

Harry shrugged.

"Do you know how to make it appear?" asked Hermione as she looked around for the door.

"I think you just walk up to it," said Harry.

Dudley stood next to them with Harry's luggage.

"Uh, Dudley, I should warn you. This is going to look pretty weird," said Harry.

"Is what going to look weird?" said Dudley, and then he pointed and asked, "Jesus, where the bloody hell did that house come from?"

Hermione and Harry turned to see Number Twelve Grimmauld Place had revealed itself to them.

"I swear I didn't see that when we parked," said Dudley, "Are you sure you want to go in there yourselves? Dodgy looking place."

Dudley accompanied then up to the entrance feeling a little put off about this dark and haunted looking mansion. Harry tried the doorknob and it turned, but the door wouldn't open. Hermione and Harry looked at each other, feeling puzzled. Then Hermione pulled her wand out to try the Alohomora spell. It didn't work.

"The latch feels like it's working," said Harry, "The door just won't open."

"Oh for the love of Mike, just step aside," said Dudley.

Launching his massive body forward at an alarming rate, Dudley put his foot to the door and kicked it open. Several pieces of furniture that were piled up behind the door tumbled away and down the hall a bit. They had to step over broken bits of timber and splintered wood to get past the doorway. The hay way was as dark as ever, but the place looked like a much worse mess than before.

"What happened here?" asked Dudley.

Careful not to wake up the portraits, Hermione and Harry walked past Dudley and checked around the hall. Harry set down Hedwig's cage and shushed him from hooting. Suddenly the door slammed itself shut, and all the pieces of furniture that Dudley kicked away flew up past them all to brace against to door again, blocking the entrance.

Dudley pointed back to the entrance and said, "That's the freakiest thing I have ever seen."

Studying it sternly, Hermione said, "Barricade spell. Powerful one too, but it's fading."

Hermione noted a large heavy piece that failed to fling itself against the entrance. She was puzzled and asked Harry if he thought maybe the wizard war was going bad or something.

"No," said Harry as he lit his wand to examine a scorch mark in the floor, "It's Kreacher. The Ministry must have come here to arrest him."

Harry pointed his lit wand low along the walls that revealed scorch marks about elf height everywhere.

"Looks like he put up resistance," said Hermione.

"They must have chased him right clear across the house and back again," said Harry.

"I wonder if he's alright," Hermione whispered to herself, she knew that Harry blamed Kreacher for his godfather's death.

"This Kreacher a criminal or something from your world?" asked Dudley.

"Yes," said Harry.

"Maybe they hauled him off to Afghanistan prison," Dudley speculated.

"Azkaban," said Harry, "I don't think it exists anymore. The Dementors abandoned it and all the wizard prisoners got loose."

"You mean those things are loose out there somewhere?" asked Dudley, "And a bunch of mad wizards with them?"

"Yup," said Harry.

"Shit, I don't know if I want to go home now," said Dudley.

"They won't be after muggles," said Hermione.

Dudley s his his head, "Are you sure? I mean last year they came after me and-"

"THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU ALL YOU FILTHY MUGGLES AND MUDBLOODS! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE ALL DEAD!"

Dudley was startled by the screaming and he reacted by grabbing a club sized hunk of wood that used to be a table leg. He swung it like a bat at the portrait.

Harry screamed, "Dudley! No! It's just a picture!"

It was too late to stop him, Dudley heaved the wood chunk into the portrait and created a huge gash in the picture that sent the person inside screaming away. Dudley let go and it remained stuck in the picture like an axe.

"Now why didn't I think of that?" said a voice behind them.

They all turned around. Harry was stunned beyond words to see it was Sirius Black speaking to him.