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Confessions of a Snarky Professor
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
8
Views:
14,814
Reviews:
82
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
8
Views:
14,814
Reviews:
82
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything else you recognize and I’m not making any money on this. I am simply writing this for my own jollies and hoping everyone else will enjoy it too.
Chapter 2
Thank God the week's classes are over! Blasted little vixen! She sits in my class in those damned short grey flannel skirts crossing and uncrossing her legs. Just inviting me to notice those creamy white stems... I don't remember the skirts being that short when I was a student! Has Dumbledore seen the lengths these girls are wearing?! It's no wonder I have to spend most of my late evenings stalking the shadows and uncovering half a dozen overly hormonal, sex crazed teenagers! Damn Granger! How can a girl that short have legs that shapely? Bah! I'm not sure how much more I can stand.
Yes, I know I've already gone through this, but I can't figure out how to broach the sut. It. It's not as if I can just stop her in the hall while she and the rest of the 'Golden Trio' are hanging around after their lessons and say, "Excuse me, Miss Granger, remember 21 days ago when I gave you detention? Do you recall the moment when you went slightly demented, tore open your blouse, and then insisted that we shag like rabbits in heat? Well, all I've been able to think about for the past three weeks is hood iod it felt when you preformed the most amazing fellatio I've ever experienced, and then told me I was beautiful. Seems I've become rather obsessed with you ever since and as a consequence have been sporting a perpetual hard on for several excruciating weeks. I was wondering if maybe you wouldn't mind if we played a little more 'how's your father'? I'd be more than willing to offer you dinner first if you like."
Merlin help me! You'd think a man of my crafty spying abilities and cunning Slytherin intellect could come up with a good plan to lure that lovely lioness back down to my dungeons so I can have my wicked way with her, but NO! I can't rely on detentions. The one time was acceptable, but McGonagall will cut off the pertruding parts of my anatomy if I try to tarnish the good reputation of her precious Head Girl with another detention. Her bloody potions are outstanding or I would "insist" on tutoring her in the evenings. I can't send her a discreet letter of invitation. For one thing, she might refuse. For another, there is the possibility of someone discovering that I sent it, and then I would really be up the cree'm a'm at the end of my rope. I need her, but damn it, I don't know how to get her! ARG!
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Bloody Hell! Now what? I wonder as I stir from my personal pity party and fling open the door of my private office to see the nauseatingly happy, eye twinkling face of the Headmaster. Oh joy of all joys.
"Severus my boy!" He greets me as he pushes through the door and into my personal space for who knows what misery the man is about to inflict upon me. It has been a well noted fact that whenever Dumbledore decides to grace me with his presence in the dungeons, I am about to be handed some arduous task that I have no chance of getting out of or some irksome company besides the Headmaster himself is coming to call. In other words, bad news for me!
"Headmaster." I say by way of greeting.
"I know it's a bit close to dinner, and don't tell Minerva I've been snacking, but would you like a lemon drop?" He asks as he pulls a small baggy out of his robe and pops one of the sweet and sour candies into his mouth.
"No thank you, Albus. What brings you down to the dungeons this evening?" I say in hopes he will get whatever torment he's about to inflict upon me over with.
"Severus," he says, "I know that Potions was not your first choice of instruction, and you have been most understanding about my rehiring Remus instead."
Really, does the man have to rub it in? I simply sneer at him and nod.
"I know that you've been through much over the years, dear boy. And never once have you ever complained or asked for help. Even during the war when you were taxed to the very limits of ability you insisted that you could do it all! You instruct, you grade, you care for all the children of Slytherin House, you prepare 99% of the potions and other healing medici for for Poppy's infirmary, you even do private research during whatever spare time you have though I can’t imagine you have much. Still, you never ask for help from anyone! Well my boy, I have noticed the strain that you've been under and I'm here to offer you that help."
"I'm sorry, Albus, I'm not sure what you mean." I say, wondering what on Earth the doddering old fool is saying.
"Severus, I have taken it upon myself to find you a Potions Assistant!" He says, with agustgustingly pleased grin. "No need to thank me!" He says as he slaps my back, and suddenly I get that this isn't a bad dream. The senile old crackpot is going to make me mentor some pain in the arse dunderhead and let them "help" me in my potions lab!
"Albus…" I try to object, but the bastard cuts me off.
"No no, Severus," he says. "I know what you are going to say, but all of the teachers here take on assistants, and they don'tnearnear as much work as you do! I know how picky you are, Severus, I would never offer the position to just anyone." He continues, and I want nothing more than to throttle the old man and just get it over with. Why does he do this to me?
"Miss Granger is Head Girl," he says. "She's a top student in all her classes. She's responsible. You, yourself, even agreed that she is rather gifted in Potions."
Damn him, he even picked someone without… WAIT A MINUTE! Did he just say 'Miss ger'ger'? I'm speachless! Not just because I'm being forced to accept a teacher’s aid I didn't ask for, but by some merciful stroke of luck my assistant is the luscious little Gryffindor I've been lusting over for almost a month now!
"I know how you feel about Gryffindors and how you think they feel about you, Severus, but Miss Granger assures me that she's eager to learn all the knowledge that you have to share with her. I know that you will get along just wonderfully." He says, as he heads
for the door.
He did say 'Miss Granger' right? You heard him too, didn't you? I'm still in shock as he opens the door and just before he leaves says, "I'm so glad that you agree with this, Severus. Miss Granger will be reporting for duty this evening after dinner! Remember, don't tell Minerva about the sweets!" He says as he disappears, and all I can do is nod dumbly.
Slowly my brain begins to register what has just occurred. "Hehe. Hehehe. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!" I begin to laugh like a crazed lunatic, just barely able to control the urge to dance around one of my cauldrons like a leprechaun around a pot of gold! Who thll nll needs a plan? I have Albus-fucking-Dumbledore!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N – I would like to take this time to send a great big hug to my beta, LadyFlashB. She’s the best! She helps with great ideas and wasn’t feeling well, but still had my chapter beta-ed in less 24 24 hours. She’s amazing! Hugs and kisses, LadyFlashB!!! I would also like to thank all of you who reviewed! All I can say is WOW! Thank you guys so much! Hugs and kisses for you too! OXOXOXOXOX
Chapter 2
Thank God the week's classes are over! Blasted little vixen! She sits in my class in those damned short grey flannel skirts crossing and uncrossing her legs. Just inviting me to notice those creamy white stems... I don't remember the skirts being that short when I was a student! Has Dumbledore seen the lengths these girls are wearing?! It's no wonder I have to spend most of my late evenings stalking the shadows and uncovering half a dozen overly hormonal, sex crazed teenagers! Damn Granger! How can a girl that short have legs that shapely? Bah! I'm not sure how much more I can stand.
Yes, I know I've already gone through this, but I can't figure out how to broach the sut. It. It's not as if I can just stop her in the hall while she and the rest of the 'Golden Trio' are hanging around after their lessons and say, "Excuse me, Miss Granger, remember 21 days ago when I gave you detention? Do you recall the moment when you went slightly demented, tore open your blouse, and then insisted that we shag like rabbits in heat? Well, all I've been able to think about for the past three weeks is hood iod it felt when you preformed the most amazing fellatio I've ever experienced, and then told me I was beautiful. Seems I've become rather obsessed with you ever since and as a consequence have been sporting a perpetual hard on for several excruciating weeks. I was wondering if maybe you wouldn't mind if we played a little more 'how's your father'? I'd be more than willing to offer you dinner first if you like."
Merlin help me! You'd think a man of my crafty spying abilities and cunning Slytherin intellect could come up with a good plan to lure that lovely lioness back down to my dungeons so I can have my wicked way with her, but NO! I can't rely on detentions. The one time was acceptable, but McGonagall will cut off the pertruding parts of my anatomy if I try to tarnish the good reputation of her precious Head Girl with another detention. Her bloody potions are outstanding or I would "insist" on tutoring her in the evenings. I can't send her a discreet letter of invitation. For one thing, she might refuse. For another, there is the possibility of someone discovering that I sent it, and then I would really be up the cree'm a'm at the end of my rope. I need her, but damn it, I don't know how to get her! ARG!
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Bloody Hell! Now what? I wonder as I stir from my personal pity party and fling open the door of my private office to see the nauseatingly happy, eye twinkling face of the Headmaster. Oh joy of all joys.
"Severus my boy!" He greets me as he pushes through the door and into my personal space for who knows what misery the man is about to inflict upon me. It has been a well noted fact that whenever Dumbledore decides to grace me with his presence in the dungeons, I am about to be handed some arduous task that I have no chance of getting out of or some irksome company besides the Headmaster himself is coming to call. In other words, bad news for me!
"Headmaster." I say by way of greeting.
"I know it's a bit close to dinner, and don't tell Minerva I've been snacking, but would you like a lemon drop?" He asks as he pulls a small baggy out of his robe and pops one of the sweet and sour candies into his mouth.
"No thank you, Albus. What brings you down to the dungeons this evening?" I say in hopes he will get whatever torment he's about to inflict upon me over with.
"Severus," he says, "I know that Potions was not your first choice of instruction, and you have been most understanding about my rehiring Remus instead."
Really, does the man have to rub it in? I simply sneer at him and nod.
"I know that you've been through much over the years, dear boy. And never once have you ever complained or asked for help. Even during the war when you were taxed to the very limits of ability you insisted that you could do it all! You instruct, you grade, you care for all the children of Slytherin House, you prepare 99% of the potions and other healing medici for for Poppy's infirmary, you even do private research during whatever spare time you have though I can’t imagine you have much. Still, you never ask for help from anyone! Well my boy, I have noticed the strain that you've been under and I'm here to offer you that help."
"I'm sorry, Albus, I'm not sure what you mean." I say, wondering what on Earth the doddering old fool is saying.
"Severus, I have taken it upon myself to find you a Potions Assistant!" He says, with agustgustingly pleased grin. "No need to thank me!" He says as he slaps my back, and suddenly I get that this isn't a bad dream. The senile old crackpot is going to make me mentor some pain in the arse dunderhead and let them "help" me in my potions lab!
"Albus…" I try to object, but the bastard cuts me off.
"No no, Severus," he says. "I know what you are going to say, but all of the teachers here take on assistants, and they don'tnearnear as much work as you do! I know how picky you are, Severus, I would never offer the position to just anyone." He continues, and I want nothing more than to throttle the old man and just get it over with. Why does he do this to me?
"Miss Granger is Head Girl," he says. "She's a top student in all her classes. She's responsible. You, yourself, even agreed that she is rather gifted in Potions."
Damn him, he even picked someone without… WAIT A MINUTE! Did he just say 'Miss ger'ger'? I'm speachless! Not just because I'm being forced to accept a teacher’s aid I didn't ask for, but by some merciful stroke of luck my assistant is the luscious little Gryffindor I've been lusting over for almost a month now!
"I know how you feel about Gryffindors and how you think they feel about you, Severus, but Miss Granger assures me that she's eager to learn all the knowledge that you have to share with her. I know that you will get along just wonderfully." He says, as he heads
for the door.
He did say 'Miss Granger' right? You heard him too, didn't you? I'm still in shock as he opens the door and just before he leaves says, "I'm so glad that you agree with this, Severus. Miss Granger will be reporting for duty this evening after dinner! Remember, don't tell Minerva about the sweets!" He says as he disappears, and all I can do is nod dumbly.
Slowly my brain begins to register what has just occurred. "Hehe. Hehehe. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!" I begin to laugh like a crazed lunatic, just barely able to control the urge to dance around one of my cauldrons like a leprechaun around a pot of gold! Who thll nll needs a plan? I have Albus-fucking-Dumbledore!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N – I would like to take this time to send a great big hug to my beta, LadyFlashB. She’s the best! She helps with great ideas and wasn’t feeling well, but still had my chapter beta-ed in less 24 24 hours. She’s amazing! Hugs and kisses, LadyFlashB!!! I would also like to thank all of you who reviewed! All I can say is WOW! Thank you guys so much! Hugs and kisses for you too! OXOXOXOXOX