Dreams No Mortal Ever Dreamed Before

A new chapter and I am afraid things will not look up too much for Harry- other than him having sex with Sev of course. Poor boy, having a bit of a breakdown. As always tell me what you think.

19. Direct your scorn at me


When Harry got up the next morning he rose from a restless sleep where nightmares in flesh and blood had forced him to throw up in the bathroom several times during the night.


Snape had heard him the second time and offered help that Harry had rejected. He was fed up with him, his unemotional and indifferent behaviour, the way he was civil sometimes and the next minute he would ridicule Harry.


He dressed in his pyjama pants, not bothering to put on a top hoping to torture Snape with his bare chest, a little retaliation would boost his mood.


In the living room Snape was once again hidden behind the newspaper as he was most mornings and so without a greeting Harry flopped down to pour himself a cup of tea.


On the table was toast with different toppings but he was still sick from those dreams and would rather not try his luck with a buttered toast.


During the mornings he had spent here he usually tried to initiate small talk but now he kept silent, not in the mood for Snape's sharp tongue.


“On the table is a potion that should settle your stomach,” Snape said icily from behind the newspaper not sparing the boy one glance.


Indeed there was a vial filled with a ruby potion that really stopped the feeling of being violently sick in a moment. Not saying anything Harry just stared on the far away wall, brooding.


“Eat something!” Snape said still not sparing Harry a look.


“No.”


Nothing else, no reason no explanation- he was no child any more and was fed up with people ordering him around all the time.


Now Snape lowered the newspaper finally looking at Harry and the boy felt a little better when for a second the potion master's gaze was glued to his chest but he composed himself quickly.


“What is wrong now?” he asked narrowing his eyes.


“You,” Harry answered finally at the end of his rope. “I want to return to my dorm.”


Shortly he thought he saw something in Snape's eyes, something that might have looked like hurt if the elder wizard would have been able to feel such an emotion but then they got cold.


“I am afraid that is not possible. Students were sent home this morning and we will leave the school later today but I am sure you can have your separate accommodation then.”


Feeling a little sorry for his harsh words, Harry pushed that emotion far away- those feelings usually were thrown back into his face by one cruel potion master.


“Great,” Harry muttered keeping´his eyes on the floor this time.


He was sure Snape would have said something then but the fireplace flared to life in that moment and Dumbledore's head appeared in the green flames.


“Severus, Harry, you might want to get ready to leave- we have it from intelligence that shortly Death Eaters will try to attack the school and I am afraid it is no longer safe here.”


“Of course headmaster,” Snape said crisply turning to Harry. “You might want to get dressed Potter or have you become an exhibitionist?”


“That is none of your fucking business Snape,” Harry hissed and left without another word to slam the door shut after himself.


His mood got not better when he walked into the little run-down house in the middle of nowhere and was instantly ambushed by people from the ministry, aurors and order people.


He gave short clipped answers when they inquired after last night and when he wanted to leave, Fudge stepped into his way.


“Mr Potter, if you will give me your wand please.”


Narrowing his eyes Harry huffed. “No.”


Fudge obviously had not expected that answer.


“Mr Potter, there had not been an official inquiry into that incident in your school four weeks ago and I am afraid your wand is still confiscated.”


Making no move to hand over his wand Harry folded his arms in front of his chest.


“And how do you expect me to kill Riddle?”


Fudge smiled one of those infuriating smiles, that politicians all over the world used.


“Well, of course you get it back when the time comes.”


“No.”


Harry wanted to push past him when Shaklebolt stepped into his way, looking a tiny bit uncomfortable himself.


“Mr Potter, I think it would be prudent to just hand over your wand now, as soon as there is time we will discuss it again.”


Casually Harry pulled his wand out of the sleeve of his shirt, resting it comfortably against his abdomen.


“And what if I refuse? Are you going to send me to Azkaban? Do you want to put me in front of the wizengamot? Start an official inquiry if I can be trusted with my wand again?”


Shaklebold wanted to say something but Fudge beat him to it.


“If we have to Mr Potter, we will.”


Something inside Harry snapped at that moment, all the frustration and anger that had accumulated over the last days breaking through.


With two quick steps Harry was at Fudge's side, his wand pressed into the man chest.


“I don't think so Fudge,” he said through gritted teeth. “You have ordered me around, you forced me to stay with relatives who had nothing but hate for me and whatever I will do, you will always found fault with it because that is what people like you do, you useless piece of shit.”


“Harry...” Dumbledore started but Harry turned to him, his green eyes flashing with fury.


“Shut up, all of you,” he growled his wand still pressed into the minister's chest. “I am tired of living up to everyone's expectations, so fucking tired with it. But that will change now, I will no longer bow to people like you and if you try to take my wand from me again, I am sure I remember some of the unforgivables that I threw at you.”


It was deathly silent in the room at that moment and it was Hermione who spoke up from her place next to Ron.


“Harry, your eyes...”


Spinning to her Harry narrowed his eyes.


“So what? Oh now you are all concerned, now you panic at the thought that I have to syphon from Riddle to be able to kill him. But you only fear for your pathetic lives, never for mine. You do not care if my life is ruined as long as I do what I was born to do.”


Shaklebolt wanted to draw his wand at that moment but Harry was quicker.


“Stupefy!”


The auror slumped to the ground but everybody else at their wand at the ready, pointing it at Harry unsure of what to do. He pushed Fudge away from his in disgust and that was when Tonks tried to throw a curse at Harry.


Easily he blocked it - “Protego', and then he shot his own. “Crucio!”


The blue haired witch began to writhe with pain and that was when Snape blocked Harry's view effectively ending the curse.


“Get out of my way Snape, or...” Harry's eyes were now scarlet red.


“Or what? You throw an unforgivable at me? You are no better than he is Potter when you think curses are the answers to any grudge you might harbour.”


Threateningly Harry advanced on the potion master who did not back down.


“How about the cruciatus curse?” Harry said holding Snape's black eyes.


Snape shrugged. “I am used to this curse by now so do what you feel you have to.”


“He is you-know-who again,” Ron whispered.


Not averting his eyes from Snape Harry chuckled darkly


“No I am not only syphoning a little bit of his anger,” he spat.


“If you have a problem with me,” Snape said calmly, “You should direct your scorn at me and not at innocent bystanders.”


“You are so full of yourself Snape but fine, let's start with you.” Harry still had his wand facing into Snape's direction whose wand still rested in the sleeve of his robes. “You hate me, you have always done. You think it some kind of joke when you deceive me, when you use every opportunity to ridicule me! You do not care for me, you never did you stupid son of a bitch!”


Harry's chest was heaving with anger by now, his eyes back to green but now sparkling with hurt.


“I do not hate you,” Snape softly said.


Harry chuckled again. “That's the best you have? You do not hate me? Still you make my life hell every fucking minute of the day.”


“What do you want from me Potter?” Snape asked raising his voice. “What exactly are you angry about?”


“I am angry at myself! I hate that I let you smash my heart to pieces and then I allow you to patch it up again. I hate you Severus Snape and I hate that I-” Harry stopped at this moment, finally lowering his wand and then hurling it into Fudge's direction. “Here, you can keep it.”


He felt empty all in a sudden, and his heart felt as if somebody had driven a knife inside and was happily twisting it around. He could not care that everybody stared at him with fear, he just wanted to crawl into a hole and wait for his heart to stop hurting. Or beating. Whatever came first.


When he walked to the door everybody hastily made way obviously shocked.


“Just tell me when you want me to kill him and then leave me alone,” he said his voice devoid of any feeling.


He was almost at the door when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and had no need to turn around, he knew it was Snape.


“I am not good with these kind of things,” he said softly. “That is probably the reason why I at the age of 42 I live alone, the only highlights in my life when I deduct points from students. The reason I am so bitter, angry at you is not that I hate you Harry.”


Rooted to the spot Harry slowly turned around his green eyes filled with so many emotions.


“You do not?” he asked not daring to believe it.


Snape shook his head slowly and then pointed to the stairs.


“Would you mind if we continue this talk a bit more private?”


Now ashamed at having made such a scene Harry shook his head, not able to face the others for now. Snape closed the distance and gently pushed Harry into the direction of the stairs.


“Albus he cast an unforgivable,” Fudge complained. “You surely cannot let him walk away without severe punishment?”


The headmaster averted his gaze from Harry's sad form as he climbed the stairs and faced Fudge who pointed at the retreating figure.


“Cornelius, shut up.”