Potions in the Moonlight

((Two weeks later))

Severus walked into the great hall limping. He had a large burn mark on the right side of his face and his right ear as well as his hands though they looked to be healing. He sat down looking like he was in a great deal of pain.

"Is that..."

"Shut up Sirius." Remus gripped the table and did not look at the Slytherin table. He knew it was Severus, but he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge his 'former' lover.

"What happened to him?" Sirius asked. "He looks...."

"Horrible." James finished for him.

"Guys please!" Remus almost shouted. "Please... can you just.... not."

"Remus look at what is happening to him. We know you still care about him." Sirius said. "I don't know where he went this full moon but it's killing him!"

Swallowing, Remus looked up from his paper. He gasped and looked away, it felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He knew only one thing could burn lycan flesh like that...

"Remus you know I hate the guy more than anyone else in this school, you know why. But he needs help. You need him. Go talk to him." James said.

Blinking at the table, Remus sniffed.

"Is Malfoy there?"

Sirius dramatically looked over at the Slytherin table. "Nope!" He said with a smirk. James rolled his eyes and pulled him back down on his bench.

Slowly unclenching his fists, Remus rose from his bench and, very cautiously picked his way to the Slytherin table. Severus was sat alone, far from the whispers of his house mates.

Severus's hand was shaking as he tried to eat his eggs. His entire body shook with strain, his body wracked with pain. He knew Remus was walking towards him.

It was hard to ignore the dark looks and mutterings from the other Slytherins, but Remus did so, sitting on the bench beside Severus. With concerned eyes he scanned the injuries that spread across the boy's skin.

"Severus?"

Severus clenched his hand tighter around his fork and didn't say anything. He clenched his teeth. He knew if he said anything his resolve would break. He didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of the entire school

Remus could feel his voice becoming quieter and quieter.

"Sev... please. You can't let this carry on. Won't you even talk to me?"

"What do you care we're not together any more anyway." He said his eyes starting to water.

"You think I don't care? Why would us not being a couple stop me from caring about you Sev?" He paused and absently touched an aging scar on his face. "I thought about you last night."

Severus threw his fork down and stood up walking towards the entrance of the great hall. He knew if he didn't leave soon he was going to start crying.

Pushing himself away from the bench Remus gave chase, he knew the few people in the Great Hall would all be watching him, but he didn't care. He couldn't let Severus keep this bottled up any more. He just had to know how he felt.

Severus stormed down the hall his fists clenched. How dare he! Who did Remus think he is! He had no right to talk to him....

A warm, scarred hand gripped his shoulder, he wouldn't get away.

"Sev."

"What do you want Lupin?" He asked angrily turning on him.

Remus looked up into those dark eyes and wanted to cry. His voice close to breaking, he whispered.

"Sev, it's me. You know what I want."

"How many times do I have to tell you Lupin.... We're done!" Severus said pulling his arm away and turning away from him.

His hand still extended Remus called,

"What happened to your face Severus?"

"It doesn't matter." He said.

"He's hurting you Severus. Why can't you see what he's doing to you?"

"I know perfectly well what he's doing to me. You think I'm so blind I can't see that?" He asked turning back to Remus. "You think I'm that stupid?"

"How's Rowena, Severus?"

Severus looked as if he'd been slapped. He stared at Remus a few moments. "Fuck you." He said and tried to walk away again.

Slipping his hand under Severus's arm, Remus slammed him back against the wall, wincing at the thought of Severus's aching body.

"Severus Snape, stop this now. He's holding this over you. Malfoy's got your sister? That's why you're doing this?"

Snape knocked his hand away wincing in pain as he hit the wall. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" He asked. "You have no idea what the hell is going on. What I've had to do... if you knew..." Snape looked away from Remus tears welling up in his eyes.

Remus didn't care if Severus hated him, he didn't care about what had happened. In that moment when he knew Sev was crying he pulled him down into his arms and refused to let go. It made him sick to think of Malfoy and him...

"Let me go Remus!" He yelled and tried to push him away.

"Why!" Remus asked fighting to keep Severus in his arms.

"Because I'm repulsive and vile and gross and revolting and I'm not a good person Lupin!" He said trying to push him away still. "You deserve someone better than a disgusting creature like me. Now let... me.... go!" He said trying to push him away again.

Remus's action surprised even him as his hand struck Severus's face. He trembled, breathing deeply.

"As I have told you time and time again Severus Snape. I shan't have you continually putting yourself down. Why can't you just accept that I love you! WHY?!"

Severus fell to the ground with the force of the slap. He sat on the ground staring at the floor his teeth clenched. The sting of the slap burned his face nearly as much as the flesh wounds did. His breath came in harsh pants as he tried to remain calm. He refused to cry in front of Remus again. He slowly looked up at Remus hurt clearly shining in his eyes.

"Funny way of showing it." He said. "You're no better than he is you know." He asked. "Becoming violent when you don't get what you want. At least with him he just takes what he wants instead of manipulating it out of me." He said. "You going to hit me again? Because I won't say I love you back?"

Remus's voice fell to a weary sigh, he knelt down in front of Severus.

"No. I don't care if you love me or not anymore. I've given up hope that one day I'll hear you say it. Just... Why does it always have to come down to this? I try to show you how much I care about you, but all you do is deny me and push me away. I'd do anything for you Severus. Malfoy just likes the power he holds over you." He gently reached out to touch the face of the boy he loved. "Please..."

Severus pulled out of his reach. "Stop it..." He said weakly.

"Why won't you let me help you Severus? I want to. I really want to help. What can I do?"

"You can't do anything... just leave me alone..." He said.

"No. That's not going to happen. Whenever I leave you alone I feel like I've abandoned you. You clam up, you try and starve yourself, you nearly threw yourself off a roof!"

"You can't follow me around twenty four seven Lupin." He said on the verge of tears again. Why can't he just leave him alone? Why does he have to make this so much harder?

Kneeling up, Remus kissed Severus's forehead. He touched at the scarred flesh leading down to his neck.

"I'll do what I have to do..."

Severus pulled away from him again. "Why won't you just leave me alone?" He asked.

"Because you mean too much to me!"

Severus looked away from him tears running down his face. "How can you still say that after I've..."

"After you what? After you brought me out of my shell? After I fell in love with you? After I promised I'd never hurt you and failed horribly. After you showed that you'd do anything to protect your sister?..." Remus frowned. "I'm the one who let you down Severus... and I have to make it up to you. But I can't if you won't let me in. Stop shutting me out."

"Protect my sister... right... you know what I've done to protect my sister? I've whored myself out for another man to take care of her.... that's what I've done!" He said angrily.

Remus grabbed his shoulder.

"Severus. That's more than any brother would do. I would never talk about you, 'whoring yourself out'... You are probably one of the most decent person I know. That's why I can't bear what he's doing to you."

Severus scoffed as tears fell down his cheeks. "You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what I've done.... with him... you wouldn't want me anymore."

"It can't be any worse than what I've done to you..." Remus's voice was sad and thoughtful. He couldn't even think about the night he ruined his lover's life, that torturous month he had nearly lost him so many times.

Severus looked away from him not wanting him to know that Lucius has done far worse than anything Remus could have done to him in a life time.

Sitting down opposite the dark haired boy, Remus sighed.

"So you don't trust me, even now to understand. Whatever he's done, whatever YOU'VE done... I'll still love you. I promise you that."

Severus did the one thing he promised not to do. He broke down crying. "How can you not be mad at me?" He asked.

"No no no Sev, don't cry." Remus pulled the boy into his arms, careful not to hold him too tight. "I was mad at you. I was stupid and angry and it didn't help anyone. Nothing that has happened is your fault. You hear me? None of it."

Severus didn't stop crying. "It is my fault. I should have found another way... I shouldn't have hurt you."

"My pain doesn't matter Severus. It hurts me much more to see you like this. It hurts that he can have this affect on you. I just want you to be happy."

Severus glanced down the hall and saw James and Sirius watching them. Snape looked away from them. "I should go..." He said quietly.

Without letting go, Remus whispered,

"Not if I'm not going to speak to you again Sev. Promise you won't push me away?"

"Then come with me." He hissed, his cheeks wet with drying tears. "I just don't want them watching me. I'm not a side-show spectacle."

Remus pulled away and stood up, lending Severus his hand as he did.

"Of course you aren't. I never think of you like that."

Severus allowed him to be pulled up. "You might not, but they do. Besides if Lucius finds us together he'll send my sister back to my father. I can't just up and leave... it doesn't work like that. Not for me..."

"Shh, I understand. We can go wherever you want to go. Just as long as you are happy."

"What would make me happy is for this all to be over with..." Severus said shoving his hands in his pockets and walking down the hall. "Where can we go where no one will see us. I don't want one of Lucius' lackies reporting to him that I'm with you."

Waiting for them to reach a stretch of deserted corridor, Remus pushed his lover into a classroom. Swiftly locking it behind him.

"Is this alright?"

Severus swallowed. "Yes..." He said.

Leaning forward to take Severus's face in his hands, Remus kissed him sweetly.

"Jesus, Severus I missed you."

Severus didn't respond to the kiss. He just closed his eyes.

Remus swallowed and pulled away, his hands trembling.

"This isn't working for you, is it?"

Severus looked down at the ground and didn't say anything. He stayed quiet a few moments.

"I'm just scared Remus... I don't want my sister to go back there... I want us to work it's just.... I can't.... I'm scared he'll find out."

Remus sighed and sat up on a desk, holding out his hand to Severus.

"I understand... it's alright. I just wish I could end this."

"It was hard getting my sister away from my dad. It'll be harder getting us both away from Lucius. If I run away he'll find me. He'll expose me as a werewolf." He said as he sighed. "I should have just gone to Dumbledore in the first place... but what could have have done? My sisters a muggle he wouldn't have done anything. He has no influence in the muggle world."

"He's a smart man. I am sure he could work something out... I just... hate this feeling. Like I'm abandoning you. I'm just so useless."

"You're not abandoning me... if anything I can't get rid of you." He said with a smirk.

Remus laughed,

"It's the wolf in me... I just don't want to let you down. I'm going to do everything I can. There has to be a way you can get her away from Malfoy. Then it will be alright. Don't worry Severus."

"All I do is worry now a days..." Severus said. "I think I'm going to go talk to Dumbledore." He said. "Can you come with me?"

Reaching out to squeeze Severus's hand, Remus smiled weakly.

"Of course. Anything."

"Just meet me there. I'll meet you there five minutes after. I'm not chancing anyone seeing us going together."

Remus nodded seriously, kisses Severus on the cheek and left the classroom silently.

-------

Severus approached Dumbledore's office and paused. Why had he asked Remus to come... why was he doing this? He could lose his sister. She could be sent back to their father. He could be outed as a werewolf. He had a half a second to contemplate leaving before he opened the door and entered the office. He saw Remus already sitting there with, to his surprise both Dumbledore and McGonagall.

Remus felt so small sitting there in the headmaster's office with two teachers he respected greatly, waiting for Severus; hoping he wouldn't get a last minute panic. His face lit up as the Slytherin boy entered the room, he blushed and gave Severus a weak smile.

"Hey Sev..."

"Um... Hi..." Severus said awkwardly. He looked at Dumbledore who was looking at him with his twinkling eyes that had drove him nuts since the day he met the man in his first year.

"Good afternoon Mr Snape. Mr Lupin tells me you have been having second thoughts about the... 'arrangement' you and Mr Malfoy made regarding your familiar situation?"

"Second thoughts?" Severus asked. "I never wanted to do it in the first place. I really didn't have another choice..."

"Oh... is that so?" Dumbledore looked at the boy over his glasses. "And now how do you propose I fix this issue?"

Severus looked like he tried to talk a few times but no sound came out. He looked frustrated. "I don't know..." He said looking away from the three. "What ever, I shouldn't have come here." He made his way to the door again.

But before he could reach the exit, Remus sprang from his chair and grabbed his hand.

"Severus, this won't help. You have to face this problem and accept help... Professor. Mal... Lucius Malfoy is holding Rowena hostage and threatening to reveal our secret in order to keep Severus quiet." He sidestepped the question of what Lucius did to Severus in bed, still tightly gripping his lover's fingers.

Severus pulled his hand out of Remus' and gave him a glare. Dumbledore already knew what was going on between himself and Malfoy. He knew everything after all. If the man didn't want to help him why was he wasting his time?

"Mr Snape," McGonagall's terse tone cut through the room. "I believe there has to be something that you can do to... leave Mr Malfoy's home. However if you insist on being unnecessarily surly, then this task will be all the more difficult. "

"What am I supposed to do? Anything we do to get her... us... out of there will just result in either my sister being sent back to my father or both me and Remus being outed as a werewolf.... or worse both!"

"And if we don't try something then you and her will be miserable forever! I'd rather be outed a thousand times than let you stay with him."

"There still isn't anything we can do... Lucius has power over me there's nothing we can do to get him to let me go. And if I just left you know what would happen!"

"Then don't just leave, find a good reason to leave him. He's holding something over us, so find something to hold over him!" Remus pulled weakly at Severus's arm.

Severus stepped back into the room not looking all to happy.

"Decided to have joined us again?" Dumbledore asked. His eyes twinkling. Always twinkling.

Remus gently guided Severus into the chair he had recently occupied himself.

"Now, don't shoot me down in flames here. But I might have a plan."

Severus leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms waiting for Remus to continue.

He touched Severus on the arm, standing behind him.

"Stay with Malfoy, pretend you're happy, you're bound to find out something that you can use against him? Something we can take back to court? He can't be a saint."

"You think I haven't been trying that?" Severus asked. "Besides even if I did take him to court how am I going to win? I don't know if you've noticed but the ministry doesn't care about evidence so much as money and power."

"But we've got the Professor. And you've got me. Trust me, we find something against him, we can get her back."

"Yeah a lot of good you guys'll do..." He looked at Albus. "No offense Professors."

"Will you just shut up and stop being so bloody pessimistic! That is not the attitude that's going to help."

"Severus you understand we will do everything we can to help you. You should have come to us in the first place." McGonagall said.

"I did come to you first as you recall Headmaster... Many times... there was nothing you could do for me, you stated that yourself... I had to do something, I couldn't just leave her there."

"We'll do everything we can to help you Mr. Snape." Dumbledore said. "I can't say that the situation you are in is a good one, and I can't say I fully understand it. But I will do everything in my power to help you." He said as Severus stared at the ground.

"Thank you Headmaster." He said.

"For now... as Mr. Lupin here said. Stay with Malfoy, keep an eye on him and if possible, try to come to the Shrieking Shack. Where ever he is keeping you..." Dumbledore said running a finger along Snape's burned face. "It's not good for you."

"Yes sir..." Snape said not looking at him as he stood up to leave again.

"And Mr. Snape?" He waited till Snape turned around to face him. "In future... please bring things to my attention before they get this bad."

"Yes sir..." He said again.

Remus nodded to the headmaster. "Yes, thank you Professor. Professor." He took Severus by the hand. "Are you going to be ok, Sev?"

"Yeah... I'm fine..." He said though he sounded far from fine.

"C'mon, at least let me walk you back to the Great Hall."

He pulled open the door, shot a glance back to the teachers and made his way out onto the stair well.

"Boys... Boys..." McGonagall said chasing after them.

"Yes Professor?" Severus asked.

"Dumbledore told me what is going on and I do apologise Severus. I know how you prefer your privacy. But if you two would like, I know you don't want Lucius to see you to together. Come see me I can get you two some time alone. I know you've both been under a lot of stress lately... it's the least I can do."

Remus grinned, she really was the best head of house he could think of.

"Thanks Professor. Appreciate it."

"Thank you Professor." Snape said though he seemed a bit suspicious.

----------

((Three days later))

Swinging his legs on the teacher's desk in Professor McGonagall's classroom, Remus looked at his scuffed shoes. Severus was taking so long to get here. He knew the other boy was taking a secret route here, but did it didn't stop Remus from worrying.

Severus slunk into the room shutting the door behind him.

"You wanted to meet me." He said.

Remus swallowed.

"Yeah... Sev we've not even spoken since the day you went with Malfoy. I just need you to know you can talk to me. About anything. The Professor says we can use this room up 'till the end of term. There's no more classes going on here... so... you know, you don't have to worry about, him finding out."

"Yeah..." He said looking around the large room. "Well... what did you want to talk about?"

"Just you. The guy I'm in love with. It sort of matters to me whether we spend any time together. And I figured any time you're not with Malfoy is good right?"

"Yeah sure.... I just.... it doesn't feel right. It's not fair to you that I'm here with you but with Malfoy...."

Remus stepped forward and kissed him.

"I don't care about Malfoy. You're not 'with' him. He's just... " Remus hated Malfoy so badly. How could he put his Sev in this situation?

Severus felt odd kissing him back. "I know it's just.... I shouldn't be doing this to you."

Remus draped his arms over his boyfriend's skinny shoulders.

"Doing what to me? I get to spend time with you and look out for you... why is this a bad thing?"

"Because you shouldn't have to deal with Malfoy... that's why.... he shouldn't even be involved in this! This is my fault why should you get dragged into it?"

"But I'm staying around aren't I? I could leave if I wanted, go off and try for a semi-normal life. Heck, nobody knows what I am, exams allowing I could get a pretty good job and pretend you never existed.... but I wouldn't do that. You didn't drag me anywhere Sev. I want to be with you."

Severus sighed and leaned against one of the desks. "It still feels wrong."

Moving to perch next to him, Remus kisses him on the side of the head.

"Severus... I already said, we don't have to do anything. I just want to spend time with you. Like before, one day I hope you'll recognise that."

"Yeah sure.... such a small thing to risk such a large outcome if we where caught." He said.

"If you want to leave, you can leave. I just miss you..."

"I know..." Severus said quietly looking down at his hands. "Am... Am I still your boyfriend.... I mean... if that's what I was before?"

Remus want to laugh. How could Severus have to ask that.

"Well you said that 'whatever we were, we were over' ... but I don't think you really meant that, right? Because as far as I'm concerned, we never stopped."

"We did stop... we had to..." He said sadly. "But I want you back if you'll have me..."

"Bloody hell Severus, like you even have to ask after what I've said today."

Severus smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this..."

"You didn't drag me anywhere idiot. And I am going to get you out of this. I swear."

"Toned it down from hitting to insulting? It's a step." He joked.

Remus smiled, reaching up to brush Severus's face.

"Sorry... you just frustrate me sometimes, you mean so much to me. I wish I could show you my point of view some times."

"I'd rather not... I got enough to deal with looking at things from my own." He said with a laugh.

Remus couldn't help but grin at the boy beside him.

"Sev... you're laughing."

Severus immediately stopped laughing. "Yeah... I do that occasionally."

"I know. I miss your smile. I've not seen you laugh in some time."

"No reason too.... if we get out of this though.... I'll smile all the time... just for you... I'll even throw in the occasional laugh." He said with a smirk.

Matching smile for smile Remus hopped off the desk, stealing a kiss.

"I'll hold you to that Severus Snape. Make sure you don't forget that."

((OMG PASHY'S BACK!!!!!!!

Pasha: I am? O_O

Schiff: ........... ))