Pains and Contradictions

If the Accident Will


Author's notes: My cup runneth over. Thank you to my darling Torina who has been so busy with school but still found time to scrub down the first half of this chapter. Thank you thesewarmstars and WhiteCotton for giving a beta read to the last half. Also, thanks as always to Laurenke1 who helps with the plot.

There are additional author's notes at the end of the chapter. Please make note of them.

Today (March 14th) is my birthday. : ) This is my gift to you.

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"I hope that we'll meet again in a world of peace and freedom in the taxi cab if the accident will." Gerhard Muller to Kurt Vonnegut as recorded in Slaughterhouse Five.

It was Friday afternoon and Snape was awaiting Harry's potions class, his last class of the day.

It had been a week since Snape had cast the young man out of the potions classroom. A week since he had spoken more than the bare minimum required to continue his instruction.

They had suffered through two Defense and Occlumency lessons since that day, and they had been both awkward and painful in the extreme. Harry had tried to tell Snape that the Potions Master had misunderstood his reaction to his unintentional revelation. But when Snape had questioned him on his true feelings Harry had simply lowered his gaze, repeating that he had not meant what Snape thought he had and refusing to explain any further.

Snape had refused to accept such a boldfaced lie, and when Harry had rejected the continuation of their lessons until Snape believed him, Snape had cast him out yet again.

Harry had attended their next lesson three days later, sullen and looking as though he had not slept since the last time Snape had seen him.

As much as the Potions Master wanted to believe Harry, he could not. How could he, when Harry's honest response had been shock and revulsion? No, he knew he had been acting the fool since the beginning of their odd relationship. He had known from the beginning that allowing Harry to grow close to him would ultimately destroy him. It had been foolhardy to allow himself to care for him regardless.

He truly hated being right all the time.

His only real consolation in his present misery was that he had been present in Harry's time of need. His suffering was insignificant in the face of what his sacrifice had brought Harry. A temporary home; a place where he could feel comfortable enough to heal from the death of his best friend. He could abide this utter destruction of his heart in the name of atonement, in the name of sacrifice.

For Harry.

He moved to stand just outside the door, his head covering the small window near the top, awaiting the young man who was never far from his thoughts and longing for the day to be over so he could return to the solace of his rooms.

The few students who had been accepted into his Advanced Potions class began to enter and Snape watched with bated breath as he saw Harry and Granger approach.

The bushy-haired chit really was walking too close to him, he thought, annoyed.

Harry sought out his gaze and Snape could not help but meet it as the younger man walked up to and through the door.

"Potter," he said, nodding.

"Professor." Harry nodded back.

Yes, it would not do for the Death Eaters' children to report a falling out between the Potions Master and the Boy Who Lived. Snape was grateful that Harry had not required Snape to spell it out for him.

He was about to close the door and begin the lesson when he realized he was one student short. Suddenly Draco was walking past him, nudging his shoulder slightly.

"Sorry, Professor," the young Slytherin said, flashing Snape a cloyingly sweet smile.

He quashed the desire to cast Scourgify on himself as he watched the young man cross the room. Snape felt his heart speed up at having allowed Draco so close to his person. He calmed himself, realizing that he was being foolish; the boy had only bumped into him by accident. As had become his habit of late, he observed the younger Slytherin carefully, scanning for any ill intent. His gaze came to a startled halt when he reached Draco's hands.

He was wearing dragon hide gloves.

They were hardly standard equipment, even in Advanced Potions. They were an extravagant expense unless you had true need for them, and there was nothing in the curriculum that required such protection. The potions he and Harry had been brewing for the Order were much more sensitive than those in the seventh year curriculum. Harry had been in need of dragon hide gloves. Draco was not.

Snape's wayward eyes met Harry's and they shared a look of mutual apprehension.

Snape turned his gaze away from the young Gryffindor's, refusing to let more thoughts of Harry fill his overcrowded mind. It was bad enough that Harry was being seen publicly obsessing over his well-being. He could not afford himself the same luxury.

He had originally planned to have the class work on a difficult potion that they had not yet covered, but he quickly realized that he would not be able to keep his attention focused on Draco if he carried through with his lesson plans.

After only a moment's hesitation, Snape made up his mind and flicked his wand over the chalkboard.

"Today you will be revising a potion that will appear on your N.E.W.T exams. This potion should be familiar to you, and I expect you to complete it perfectly with ease. Or at least, you should if you retained anything at all over the summer holidays."

He turned to the class, his eyes drifting over Draco. The younger man was giving Snape his undivided attention.

"I expect a perfect sample of Draught of the Living Death by the end of the class period. Begin."

The students began their work and Snape sat down behind his bench, cognizant of Draco's every movement. When the younger Slytherin went up to gather his ingredients Snape chanced a glance at Harry, who looked to be slightly panicked. Green eyes met his, silently pleading for... something. As much as Snape wanted to ignore Harry, to tune him out and drive him further away, his desire to remain a whole, independent human being was greater. He would not allow Harry to put himself in harm's way if Draco attacked him, but he would take assistance if it was safe and necessary.

Snape nodded at Harry and gestured for him to gather his ingredients. Harry hesitated before rising from his seat, walking past Draco, who was returning to his bench.

Snape allowed his eyes to take in the room, seeming to watch every student as they began their potions but never allowing Draco to leave his peripheral vision. He watched as the Slytherin took out a piece of parchment that looked off-color to Snape and proceeded to take notes. Snape froze.

Why would Draco need to take notes? This was hardly a new lesson and if Snape's memory was accurate, Draco's had been one of the few perfect potions last year.

He looked more closely at the parchment and ink Draco was using, his every instinct telling him something was amiss.

Draco normally used very high-grade, new parchment, with black ink bottled by a well-known stationery company located in Diagon Alley.

The parchment he was using today was older and faded, with a few tears and many wrinkles. The ink was in an older container and he could see that it was a dark red.

Snape began mentally reviewing every potion that could be absorbed through skin, but there were simply too many to determine which Draco might be attempting to use on him. His mind wandered over some of the darker potions that he knew were in the book Draco had read and shuddered. The number of dark potions were too numerous to count.

Again, Snape could not keep his eyes from drifting over to Harry, who was unabashedly staring at Draco as though he could stop whatever he was planning with just the force of his gaze.

Snape cleared his throat and Harry's head snapped towards him. Their eyes met long enough for Snape to glare at him before the Gryffindor looked away.

He could still recall that day in the infirmary when they had first discovered Draco's true intentions toward him. Snape had told Harry that he would have to become very good at deception.

The man mentally scoffed as he acknowledged that there was little chance of Harry ever learning to keep his every thought from showing on his face. Even now the young man screamed paranoia as he continued to shift his gaze from his potion to Draco, as though he would attack Snape openly and in the middle of class.

Though Snape doubted that would happen, his wand was at the ready and he was as prepared for an attack as he could be in the middle of a lesson. A distraction in the form of an exploding potion would not be difficult to manage, and if Snape was not careful he could find himself besieged.

The Potions Master sat back in his chair and observed the class, most of whom were working on and completing their potions perfectly. He kept close watch as Draco diced, chopped, sliced, and stirred both clockwise then counterclockwise. There was nothing out of sorts about his actions, save his continued note-taking with the blood-red ink on the wrinkled parchment.

Harry's was the only potion that seemed to be a dismal failure. While all the other potions were releasing blue steam, his smoked black, which happened when the asphodel wasn't added at the correct stage. At the halfway stage, when the potion should have been a deep purple color, Harry's was almost pink.

Snape gritted his teeth, annoyed that Harry was never able to be vigilant and productive at the same time. The Potions Master sat tensely behind his bench for the rest of the period, ready should anything out of the ordinary happen.

Finally the students began bottling their potions and bringing them up to his bench. Snape's eyes left Draco for a moment so he could chance a glance at Harry. While everyone else's potions were clear, his was a murky gray.

Green eyes met black, and Snape raised an eyebrow as Harry walked to the front and placed the failed potion on his bench. Harry paused in front of him for a moment too long and Snape looked up at him. His face was completely open and his eyes revealed unmasked terror. Snape wanted nothing more than to tell him that it was nearly over, that they were nearly through this; but that would have been a lie. Snape gave Harry a hard look and gripped the wand in his hand, more alert than before. He silently willed Harry to do the same. Even though he was no longer on speaking terms with him, he had no desire to see the younger man injured should Draco choose to attack.

"Back to your seat, Potter," Snape said to Harry, his voice harsh and brooking no argument. Harry shamelessly glared at Draco on his way back to his bench, his actions making it clear that he was prepared for an attack.

Draco simply began putting his unused ingredients away, never removing his gloves and leaving the parchment and ink out on the bench.

One by one the students finished cleaning up and began to file out the door.

All except Draco and Harry.

Draco approached his bench slowly, smiling and with potion in hand. Harry looked terrified and gripped his wand. "Is there something you require, Potter?" Snape snapped at him.

Harry shook his head. Draco simply stood in front of his desk, waiting for Snape to give him his undivided attention.

"No, Professor. Just need to gather my ingredients," Harry said as he put away his things slowly.

Snape cocked an eyebrow. "Then perhaps you should cease dawdling and do so."

Snape watched for a moment as Harry rolled his eyes and then resumed packing up his ingredients with tense, jerky movements, before turning back to Draco.

He turned to Draco. "Problem, Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco flashed his blinding teeth at him once more. "Yes, professor. I'm afraid my potion didn't come out right." Draco held up his bottled Draught, revealing a potion with the consistency of water and with a slight rose tint.

Snape frowned. Perhaps he had missed something while he had been watching Harry. He had not noticed Draco making a mistake. "You did not seem to have a problem the first time we brewed this potion, Mr. Malfoy. I fail to understand how you could have produced such an inferior potion now."

Draco frowned and sighed dramatically. "I know. I admit I didn't review this potion over the holidays and I think I completely messed it up." Gray eyes settled over his and gestured to the parchment in his gloved hand. "I knew I'd have a problem with it, so I took notes during every stage."

Snape eyed the parchment but did not touch it. "An excellent plan if you suspect that you will have difficulties in your brewing. Read your steps aloud and I will tell you where you went wrong."

"That's just the thing, Professor Snape." Draco offered the parchment to him, thrusting it over the bench. "I don't think I did anything wrong. You can look for yourself."

Suddenly there was a crash and the sound of glass breaking filled the room. Harry stuck out his head from the ingredients closet. "Oops. Sorry, professor. Nothing important broke... I think."

Snape's eye-roll was genuine. Could Harry think of no other excuse to remain?

"Clean up your mess and Merlin help you if you destroyed anything valuable, Potter!"

A head of messy black hair nodded almost comically and retreated into the closet. If Snape looked closely enough he could see a disheveled bird's nest and green eyes watching through the crack in the door.

Snape turned back to Draco who was still holding out the tainted parchment to Snape, bidding him to take it.

"Read it, Mr. Malfoy."

Draco frowned and he moved the parchment so he could begin to read. Suddenly his eyes lit up in false astonishment, and he put the parchment down on Snape's bench.

He underlined a sentence with one gloved finger. "Could it be here, professor?"

Snape looked down, but Draco's notes showed he had completed the specified step correctly. The Potions Master leaned over the parchment but was careful to maintain a safe distance.

"Adding the asphodel at an incorrect time can ruin the potion; however, if your notes are correct, you added it correctly. If you had not, your potion would look much like Potter's." He gestured to the murky potion that stood out from the clear ones. He looked past Draco's shoulder and observed that Harry was still watching them closely.

The notion that the younger man cared so much warmed him, but he could not dwell on it. Not with Draco and his poisoned parchment still in front of him.

"I know I added everything correctly. I have no idea what went wrong." Draco looked confused and removed the lid from his potion, inhaling. "The smell seems right. What do you think, professor?"

Keeping his arm up and away from the parchment, Snape reached his hand over his bench. He held the bottle in his hand, looking at the murky color but watery consistency. He had no idea what Draco had done incorrectly. He took the bottle and held it up under his nose, expecting to smell the strong scent of the valerian root- but he smelled nothing.

"Mr. Malfoy, at what point did you add the-" Snape broke off as the classroom began to spin. His vision blurred, but he could still make out the twisted smile on Draco's face.

Oh, gods, no.

His head was growing heavy and he felt his strength leaving him. He looked at the bottle in his hands and used all his remaining strength to throw it into the far corner of the classroom.

"Draco..." Snape's voice was strained, his breathing becoming labored. He struggled to stand up but quickly found he could not. "What did you do?"

Snape found that his neck could no longer support his head. His head tipped forward, and so he heard rather than saw the smirk in Draco's voice as he said, "Something for you, Severus." The younger Slytherin's voice dropped. "Always for you." The young man in front of him took off his gloves and cupped Snape's cheek in his hand, bringing his face up to meet gray eyes. "The parchment, Severus? You didn't really think I'd do something so obvious?"

Snape's eyes could stay open no longer. The last thing he saw was Harry approaching from the closet, and he registered mild surprise at how quietly he was walking. The last thing he was aware of was Draco's smug voice saying, "Merlin! That was far too easy."

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Harry turned around from his position in the supply closet when he heard the sound of a bottle being smashed against a wall. He stood in shock for a moment and his eyes sought out Snape. He watched in stunned fear as Snape's eyes went wide with terror.

"Draco, what did you do?"

Harry forced himself to breathe and steeled himself for only a moment, horror-struck at the realization of what had just occurred.

Malfoy had gotten to Snape, and right behind his back. He'd sworn that he wouldn't let that happen, and it had.

Harry quickly stepped out of the supply closet and took aim, hoping to hit Malfoy before he could draw his wand.

"Petrificus Totalus," Harry cast at the Slytherin, only to see the other throw up a shield at the last possible second.

Malfoy turned away from Snape and took in Harry, no doubt realizing that the situation had changed. Whatever he was planning wasn't going to happen as easily as he had thought.

He smirked. "Calm down, Potter. I haven't done anything horrible to your precious Potions professor. He-"

The younger Slytherin broke off as Harry recast the spell, blocking it yet again. "Potter! You can leave now." Malfoy sneered at him and waved a hand towards the door. "This doesn't concern you. It's none of your business."

Harry looked over to Snape, whose head had drooped over onto the bench, his breath coming in short pants. His hair was completely covering his face and Harry silently willed the man to look up, if only so Harry could assess the damage.

Please, Snape, look at me.

But the lank hair continued to hide the pale face and Harry grew more frightened at hearing the panting breaths coming from the man. "He is my business," Harry said, his voice a deadly whisper.

Malfoy's eyes turned to slits and he widened his stance, no doubt realizing he wasn't going to get away with hurting Snape so easily.

Harry looked from Snape to Malfoy, then met the younger man's eyes.

"You can't have him, you know?" Malfoy said softly, anger and madness in his eyes. "You always get everything you want. But not this," Malfoy said, gesturing towards Snape. "He's mine. He's always been mine. He just doesn't know it yet." Malfoy chanced a quick glance back at the Potions Master before focusing again on Harry. "But he will soon. Just wait a moment. I'm sure effects will be terribly interesting." Malfoy smiled genuinely and said, "You're welcome to stay and watch... At least for a while."

Harry gritted his teeth. "What did you do? Which spell did you use?"

Malfoy's smile widened. "I didn't do anything. The potion on the other hand-"

"Damn you, Malfoy! Which potion did you use? What have you done to him?" Harry roared, his chest heaving and his entire body beginning to shake in fear.

Malfoy looked far too proud of himself. "Everyone has to make a choice, Potter. Even you should know that. That's all I did-"

"Expelliarmus," Harry said, quietly, hoping that this time the Slytherin wouldn't hear the attack coming. For all the defensive magic Snape had taught him, they had hardly begun to cover offensive spells.

Malfoy easily blocked the disarming spell. His cocky look was replaced by one of annoyance. "I think it's time you left, Potter. This is between Severus and me. You have no place here."

Harry seethed. The nerve of Malfoy to do this and then make claims over Snape- as though he were some object, without feelings. Harry wouldn't stand for it. Snape didn't belong to Malfoy.

Snape was his.

"You call this love?" Harry motioned between the Potions Master and the other man with his wand. "Forcing yourself on him? You have no idea what love is."

Malfoy laughed. "And you do?"

Harry's hands began to shake harder. "I know love isn't trying to control someone! I know it's not trying to trap them into something they would never want!"

Malfoy frowned again. "Trap him? You have no idea what's going on here, do you?" Malfoy smirked and relaxed his stance. "You don't know much of anything, do you Potter? You think he's yours? Even after that disgustingly melodramatic display outside this very room?"

Guilt burrowed into Harry at mention of the awful thing he had done. He buried it down, trying not to think of how Malfoy came to know about that. He could not be distracted, not when Snape's life was hanging in the balance.

Harry was about to retort when out of the corner of his eye he saw Snape drawing his wand from his pocket. Harry cast Expelliarmus again to distract Malfoy, and Snape lifted his wand with a shaking hand as the younger Slytherin's shield dropped.

"Petrificus Totalus."

Draco dropped to the floor with a loud thud, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

He turned to face Snape, watching as he rose from behind his desk, cast a wordless spell that opened the door, and used his wand to toss Malfoy out of the room. The Potions Master let his hands fall to his sides, and Harry allowed his shoulders to slump as the man's breathing eased.

He looked alright.

Maybe Malfoy hadn't had time to complete whatever bond he had chosen to inflict on Snape. Harry mentally went over the few dark spells that had been present in the book Malfoy had researched and realized that many of the potions required an activation spell.

"Oh, thank God!" Harry breathed, his voice nothing more than a whisper. His body was still shaking, and when he brought a hand to his brow he was surprised to see it come away covered in sweat.

He hadn't failed. Snape was alright.

He wasn't Malfoy's bonded slave or mindless servant. He was himself and Harry had to stop himself from laughing in relief. He wasn't out of danger yet, though; he was outwardly unchanged, but Malfoy's potion could have done anything. He still needed to get the man to the Headmaster to assess the damage. If it was a matter of activating the potion with a spell, Malfoy would have more than ample opportunity the next time the man stepped out of his rooms.

"Snape. Gods, Snape, are you alright-" Harry broke off as the other man turned to face him for the first time, realizing in horror that Snape's eyes were glazed over. His eyes were unfocused, but he slowly blinked as he took in Harry's form. The younger man stood still as he watched the Potions Master's gaze go up and down his body, studying him with almost obsessive intensity. Before Harry knew what was happening Snape had crossed the room and engulfed him in his arms, holding onto him with great strength.

"Harry," Snape whispered. "Merlin, Harry, are you alright? Were you injured?" Harry met the eyes of his professor and found them still dazed, the man's face full of concern.

"Snape?" Harry's voice wavered as the Potions Master knelt down and ran his hands over Harry's legs, moving his fingers up his pant leg, as if he could seek out injuries with his hands alone. Harry began to grow more nervous at Snape's odd behavior as he realized that his earlier fears were valid. Snape had been affected by the potion.

The Potions Master's hands began to travel upward, moving slowly to the outside of his thighs before traveling inward.

"No, I- I'm fine," Harry stuttered, his voice shaky as long-fingered hands continued their examination of his entire body. Pale and slender, Snape's hands moved up Harry's hips and around his back to feel his buttocks. Harry gasped and tried to move away but Snape pulled him closer, running his fingers across Harry's back and then over his chest, and it felt more as if he was slowly mapping out territory than checking for injury.

He stood to reach Harry's shoulders and then moved his hands over his face, which he took into his hands as he looked into his eyes. Harry could see they were still glazed, but at the same time seemed warmer and more content than Harry had ever known them to be. And then Snape smiled.

Harry had never been so terrified in his life.

Oh, gods. What did Malfoy do?

"Snape, I need you to listen to me." Harry took a deep breath and tried to think of how best to explain the situation. "I think you're under the influence of a potion. We should go to Dumbledore-" Harry was silenced as dark eyes and pale hands started concentrating on his mouth, calloused fingertips running over his bottom lip as dark eyes looked upon his as though he were the most beautiful thing Snape had ever seen.

"Professor?"

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Snape asked in a fierce whisper.

Harry closed his eyes, fighting the feeling of cold terror and confusion at Snape's words. What had Malfoy done? Snape was angry with him; hated him if Harry's fears were true. Even if they weren't, the Potions Master certainly didn't think he was beautiful. What could Malfoy have done to Snape to fool him like this?

"Professor," Harry continued, his eyes still closed, "you're under the influence of a potion. Draco Malfoy did something to you. If we get to the headmaster in time maybe he can stop whatever it is-" Harry abruptly stopped speaking when he realized that Snape was kissing his eyelids.

Smooth, thin lips kissed first one eye and then the other, and Harry fought to control his breathing. Snape leaned in even closer and ran his nose over Harry's forehead before inhaling languidly and pulling back. Harry opened his eyes.

Snape was still smiling at him.

"Do you know that when I first saw you in the infirmary, I thought I had gone mad. I thought it was another who had come to me." Snape sighed and ran a hand through Harry's hair, his other hand firm on his back. "But then I realized it was a young man before me, and that your eyes are beautiful in a way hers never were." Snape smiled wider as he looked at Harry. "At least to me."

Harry shuddered and reminded himself that Snape was under the influence of a potion. He couldn't mean anything he was saying. He tried to push his own confusion about his feelings for Snape to the back of his mind, but found it impossible. Harry's heart had leapt into his chest at the sound of the beautiful words coming from Snape's mouth. He tried again and failed to quell his happiness at the pretty lies that were being spoken to him.

And it was impossible to ignore how wonderful the hand on his back felt or how amazing it was to have Snape look at him the way he was.

"The potion-"

"I have no idea what you are speaking of, Harry." Snape kissed his forehead again, and this time he let his lips linger; trailing dry kisses down his cheek, close to his ear.

And oh, it felt so good. Had he always wanted Snape to touch him like this? Was this what he had been missing?

Harry forced himself to open his eyes. No, he couldn't let himself enjoy this. It would be violating the man, being with him like this when he wasn't in his right mind.

"Snape-"

Snape kissed his cheek again, this time on the corner of his lips.

Harry felt himself go weak in the knees. He was breathless and he could feel his cock starting to swell as he thought of how good it would feel if Snape would move his lips just a bit more.

He jerked away but Snape kept his hand on his back.

Snape looked at him, frowning. "Am I disturbing you?" Snape's eyes widened in confusion. "Do you not want this?" he asked, running a hand up and down Harry's back and kissing his face again as if to illustrate his point.

"No- I... I like it. But the potion-"

Snape pulled back and smiled again. This time the action brought a sense of amazement to Harry rather than terror. Almost involuntarily, Harry's hand rose up to trace the man's face with his fingers. He looked so different when he was smiling. Younger and happier; still like himself but a less world-weary version.

Harry liked it.

He smiled back, unable to stop himself from tracing the man's lips with his fingers. He had wanted to do this once before, the last time he had seen the Potions Master smiling at him, but he hadn't had the courage. He hadn't understood why he had wanted to touch Snape so intimately then, but he was beginning to understand now.

Snape's smile widened at this and as Harry's calloused thumb ran over the center of his mouth the Potions Master's tongue darted out, licking it and then sucking his thumb into his mouth.

Harry gasped, and felt blood rush straight to his cock.

Snape kissed his thumb and then released it.

This was too wonderful to be real, Harry thought. His mind wandered over a dozen scenes of his past. Good things like this did not happen to him.

Not without a price.

Harry jerked back again, managing to free himself from Snape's grasp this time, and held up a hand.

The Potion Master looked saddened but stayed back.

"Snape," Harry said, trying to get control over his breathing and his wayward erection. "You're under the influence of a potion. What you're feeling isn't real. Draco Malfoy was just here and he drugged you. We need to get you to Dumbledore before something awful happens."

Snape raised an eyebrow.

"The book, Snape," Harry begged the Potions Master to remember. "Remember the book from this summer? Darkest Bonds? Malfoy's done something to you. You don't really feel this way about me," Harry lamented, realizing even as he spoke the words that they were true. "You're angry with me for something stupid I did. You hate me right now."

Snape's face had never looked this open as it filled with confusion at Harry's words. "Hate you?" He moved forward and shook his head, looking deeply into Harry's eyes. "No, Harry. I could never hate you." He pulled Harry close once again, and Harry cursed himself for being weak enough to allow it.

"You don't feel this way for me, I promise," Harry said, knowing his sadness bled through into his voice.

Because he was beginning to realize he did want Snape to feel this way for him. The look he was giving him now was what had been missing all summer. Every time he had touched the Potions Master, every time he had let his eyes linger on him- it had been leading up to this. How could he have been so clueless? Was it because Snape was a man and Harry had never been attracted to men before?

But was it love to want someone else to want you? To love you the way Snape seemed convinced he loved Harry at the moment?

Harry was confused and tried to pull away again, but Snape was having none of it. "You stupid boy," Snape said, his tone of voice full of fondness and affection, and Harry's head snapped up to meet his gaze.

Black eyes penetrated green, and the Potions Master ran his hand along the small of Harry's back, the other resting on the nape of his neck.

"I have been in love with you for months."

Harry's eyes went wide.

"At the moment I have no idea why I did not act on it before." Snape looked past Harry, a confused expression on his face, as though he was trying and failing to process his past actions. He turned his gaze back on him. "But I do love you, Harry."

Then suddenly Snape's lips were on his and Harry could feel his heart soar as the Potions Master's words reverberated in his mind.

He loves me.

Snape's lips were dry and thin but they kissed Harry's sweetly and slowly, barely opening for him but it was the single greatest sensation of Harry's life. Snape opened his mouth more and kissed him again, Harry's fuller lips being coaxed open by the other's. He could feel the man's nose budging up against his cheek and never thought it could be so erotic. The Snape's mouth moved over his own and the smell of the man was surrounding him and it was all too much for Harry's weakening resolve.

Harry threw his arms around Snape and let his hands touch the slender neck.

Oh.

It was exactly like he had thought it would be. This was what he had been missing. All that time down in the dungeons. All the times he wanted to touch Snape, desired any small amount of contact with him at all. All the confusion Harry had been feeling for the past month. He knew what he had wanted, now. It was here and it was this and it was finally happening.

Harry ran his fingers over Snape's neck, enjoying the feel of the only piece of flesh he could get at. It was as slender and smooth as he had thought it would be and Snape made a small moan as Harry caressed him. The scent of the man's hair was invading Harry's nostrils and his lips were moving over his and-

"Wait," Harry said, breaking away.

This was wrong. Snape was under the influence of a potion. He couldn't do this to the man. Not when he didn't know what Malfoy had done to him.

"Do you know what Malfoy did to you? What potion he used?"

Snape looked confused again. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Harry."

A light went on in Harry's head. "Look, see. You're calling me 'Harry.' You never call me Harry, not unless something horrible's happening. Don't you see, this isn't you? As much as I would like this," Harry waved a hand between them, "it's not real."

Snape smiled and approached Harry again. The scent of potion fumes and the dungeons invaded Harry's nostrils and he felt his resolve weaken further.

"I always refer to you as Harry." Snape pulled his body closer again and this time Harry could feel Snape's erection dig into his hip. "I've called you Harry since I've known you; since that day in the infirmary."

Harry frowned. Snape was making it seem as though they had only met a few months ago.

"I've known you for seven years, Snape. And what day in the infirmary are you talking about?"

Snape frowned but answered Harry's question. "When I was injured. You were there." Snape smiled and he petted Harry's hair again. "I did not realize it was you at first. I knew there was some gentle, giving man by my bedside but never in my dreams would I have thought it was you." Snape looked at Harry as though he were seeing him for the first time again, as though he was in awe of him. "Do you have any idea how fortunate I am?" Snape leaned down and kissed him again. "Everything about you is so beautiful."

Harry could feel himself coming undone as he tried to make sense of Snape's words.

Had Malfoy used some sort of truth serum? Some new form of veritaserum that forced the drinker to tell the truth about who they were in love with?

Had Malfoy thought it would be him?

"You think I'm beautiful?" were not the words Harry had planned on saying, yet they escaped his mouth. Harry cringed at how ridiculous he sounded, chasing after compliments like some silly girl.

Snape put a finger under his chin and pulled his eyes up to meet him. Black met green yet again as Snape begged Harry to believe him. "You are beautiful."

And then he was kissing him again. Harry sighed inwardly and let himself be kissed. He reveled in the feel of the man who was showing more passion than he would have thought possible.

All he wanted was to give in, to let Snape kiss him and tell him that he loved him and that he thought he was beautiful. Harry let out a contented breath as he felt a hand brush his own, interlacing their fingers. Harry smiled into the kiss and thought of the very first time he had held Snape's hand. He looked up to Snape's eyes and were startled to see that they were still glazed. Harry's conscience flared up again and he backed away.

"I'm- I'm sorry," he said, breathless from the kiss. "I can't let you do this. Not when you're under the influence of a potion."

Snape looked troubled so Harry continued. "Even if you don't know it, you are under the influence of a potion."

Snape shook his head and tried to pull Harry closer.

"Snape-"

"Why are you calling me that?" Snape asked, his face inquisitive.

Harry ran a hand through his hair and tried to quell the rush of heat flowing through his body. "Oh, sorry. Professor?"

Snape frowned and pulled the hand out of Harry's hair, brushing through it with his own.

"Why are you not calling me by my name, Harry?"

Harry looked up into dark eyes. "Severus?"

Severus smiled and placed a chaste kiss on Harry's open lips. "Yes. I have always thought my name sounded harsh but on your lips it is almost melodious."

Harry allowed himself to smile a bit but would not be sidetracked again.

"Severus-" Harry paused a moment, thinking how odd the name sounded on his lips- "if you still feel this way tomorrow, then just tell me. It's not that I don't want this or don't want you but... You're under the influence of a potion-"

"Oh, Harry," Severus said, running his eyes over Harry's face. "Always so noble, always putting other's needs before your own." Severus ran a hand through Harry's hair again. "I very much appreciate your attempts at protecting me, Harry, but it is I who am called to protect you."

Harry was confused, and he knew it was plain as day on his face. "Well, you do. You always have."

Severus nodded and pulled Harry's body tightly to his own. "Yes, and you have protected me. You have cared for me and moved down to the dungeons for me. I kept you locked away from everyone for months and you allowed it." Severus smiled and his face took on that look of awe once more. "The most beautiful creature the world has ever seen and all you could think of was helping me."

Harry felt Severus' erection graze his hip again and he moved his body against it mindlessly, seeking any small amount of friction he could attain. "Yes," he said, as he thrust lightly.

Severus made a small moaning sound and stilled Harry's body. "Not yet," he said, kissing Harry's face once more.

The Potions Master pulled Harry close to him, all the while petting his face and back. Harry closed his eyes involuntarily and leaned into the touch. When Snape began to speak again, he had to force himself to listen and not simply concentrate on how wonderful those touches felt.

"You have always protected others. Protected your loved ones, and always putting their needs ahead of your own." Snape looked deep into Harry's eyes as he continued. "You don't even realize you do it, do you? You even put aside your own mourning to help others in their time of need." Harry closed his eyes, and Severus kissed his eyelids again. "So noble."

Severus looked around suddenly, seeming to realize where they were. "Will you come with me?" he asked, and all Harry could do was nod, realizing they were still in the potions classroom, with the little window threatening to reveal everything to passersby.

Severus wrapped an arm around his back and ushered him to the door that led to his private lab, then his office, and moving quickly into his quarters.

Harry allowed himself to be led, the entire time reminding himself that he had to protect Severus from whatever was happening to him.

Severus closed the door to his sitting room and whirled around to face Harry. He took the younger man's hands in his own. Severus' expression was far more serious than it had been before when he began to speak.

"Harry, I have always protected you, and it is my greatest desire to continue protecting you, in all things."

Harry frowned, not knowing where this conversation was heading. Why did Severus feel the need to say this? He'd always protected Harry.

"You've always protected me, even when we weren't... friends." Trying to turn the conversation to where he thought it would go, he said, "But who's going to protect you?"

Snape smiled and said, "You will, Harry. You have, though I believe I require far less protection than you."

Severus pulled Harry close to him and led him to the sofa. He pressed Harry down and then took a seat next to him, their thighs touching.

Harry had not been here since the first day of September and recalled his thoughts at the time. He had never wanted to leave Snape. He'd wanted to make a home here and just be with the man forever.

How could he have missed this? Had he truly been so clueless?

Harry shook himself from his thoughts and looked at the man who was so close he was nearly on top of him. The man's robes were spread over his own, his hair over his face, seeming to form a curtain around them.

For the first time since this odd meeting had begun, Severus seemed focused on something other than Harry. He tilted his head, almost as though he was listening to something, something Harry couldn't hear.

Snape nodded his head and turned his attention back to Harry, who was now looking at him with deep concern. Snape smiled and ran his fingers down his cheek, trying to distract Harry from whatever odd thing that had just happened.

"Harry, I need you to listen to me. This is very important." Snape's voice became serious and low, his eyes never leaving Harry's.

"You need someone who will protect you. Someone who will love you and look out for only your needs and your best interests." Snape looked uncertain for the very first time since this strange incident had begun. "I want very much to be that person for you." Snape ran his fingers over Harry's cheek. "And you for me."

Snape's gaze only intensified as he continued. "I want to be the person who will love you, who will give you everything you could ever need." Severus paused and brought a hand to rest on Harry's neck. "There are dark times approaching, Harry, and I truly believe this is necessary. That protecting you in this way will be necessary."

Confused, he tried to take everything Snape was saying. "You would love me?" was all he could think to ask.

Severus smiled and kissed him again. "I would. I do. And you would love me as well. You are the most giving person I know and I would never take anything away from you. Not even your own foolish desire to protect me."

Severus' smile faded a bit and his eyes ran over Harry's body. He pulled him close again and spoke quietly in his ear. "I would love nothing more than to hide you away, you know. Keep you here in the dungeons and never let you out. Stand guard over your body and never allow anyone else to be near you." Harry gulped and felt his cock throb in his pants. Snape's voice was like silk, deep and beautiful and doing strange things to Harry's body. Had he never noticed how beautiful it was before?

"I want to protect you with my life and never let anyone else see you, never allow anyone else to marvel at your beauty. I want to make you mine and keep you to myself, selfishly, never sharing you with the world."

Severus pulled away and looked down into Harry's eyes. The fierce possessiveness in the black orbs astounded him.

"But I swear I will not. You would never forgive me for it and I love you far too much to take you away from the world you so love." Severus kissed his forehead and leaned back again to look at him. "What will exist between us will be a relationship of equals. As much as I would love to keep you from all danger, I know it would go against your nature not to protect me as well."

Harry was taken aback and he leaned away from Severus and into the pillows, trying to understand what the man was saying. Severus seemed to realize Harry was confused and he again titled his head slightly, listening to some unheard voice. His eyes were unfocused and Harry's concern for the other man grew.

His eyes moved to Harry's again. "Listen to me." Snape grabbed Harry's hands, squeezing them to the point of pain. "You will want for nothing. Anything you need, anything you desire, I will give to you. You are everything I have ever wanted and I will be everything you could ever desire, all you must do is say yes."

"But- I don't want you like this. I'd- I..." Harry stammered. "The potion, Severus." Harry's mind was reeling but he struggled to hold onto that one fact. It was the only thing anchoring him to the ground. "I don't want to start something with you that's false-"

Snape leaned over Harry, interrupting him. "I am very sorry you do not believe that I love you." Snape kissed his cheek, his lips lingering there for a moment. He pulled back and looked at Harry again. "It will be my goal in this life to show you how much I love you, how much I care for you, with my every word, with my every movement. Everything I do will be for you and I swear you will soon believe me."

Harry could hardly breathe. It was as though Severus was reading his mind and seeing everything Harry desired.

Severus never wanted to leave him. He wanted Harry to be with him, to love him, to protect him. It was everything Harry had ever wanted. To have someone who understood him, who knew him and loved him for the person he truly was and to be able to love them in return.

"Would I- " Harry broke off, his voice cracking. "Could I make a home with you?"

Severus' smile stretched wider on his face and reached up to his eyes. "Yes. Home will be wherever you are."

Harry couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. How could he resist this? How could he say no to everything he had ever wanted- given by the man he now he he wanted just as much?

Harry knew that Severus was under the influence of a potion and that even if he meant every word he was saying, it was still not right to take advantage of the man; this man of all men, who valued choice and responsibility above all else. He knew he should pull away now. He knew Severus would not force himself on him, and if he insisted, would go with him to the headmaster's office. He could say no. He could do the right thing, right by himself and right by Snape and let him go. Harry's conscience and his desires were tearing him in two.

He should say no...

But he had been alone for so long, and the touch Severus was giving him was the kindest he had ever known. He could feel his will to protest slipping away. That touch was so tender and Harry was so tired. He was weary in his body, in his soul.

Perhaps this was a mistake, perhaps Snape would hate him in the morning.

But Harry found he no longer cared, and he forced these thoughts aside as he gave in to what he truly desired most.

"Do you truly love me?" he asked, horrified with how weak and small his voice was, but needing to know this was real.

"With all that I am," Severus whispered, taking Harry into his arms.

And with that touch, he found he could deny Severus nothing. He raised his arms to embrace the man in front of him fully and said, "Yes."

He could feel Severus smile against his own lips and then he was on top of Harry. Whereas before the kisses had been tentative and tender, now they were passionate and mad. Harry's cock throbbed as he felt the weight of Severus on top of him, and felt the other man's larger erection settle on top of his own.

Harry hands were on Snape's back and he began to thrust lightly, frustrated with the amount of clothing between them.

Severus came up onto his knees and pulled away from Harry. The younger man groaned at the loss of contact and tried to pull the other man back on top of him.

"Are you completely sure, Harry?"

Harry frowned. Yes, he was sure. He nodded and Severus smiled again, gathering Harry up in his arms.

And suddenly Harry found himself being almost escorted to Severus' bedroom, far too nervous to protest at his handling.

Severus carefully maneuvered him onto the bed and began to unlace his shoes, and Harry found he couldn't bring himself to care.

The room was darker than it normally was, and Harry watched as the firelight danced over the sharp features of Severus' face. He quickly realized it would be far too dark to see much of the man's body and he considered asking him to stoke the fire. But then he realized that if he could to see Severus, then he would also be able to see him. And as much as Severus had said he thought Harry beautiful, Harry knew he was not.

So he said nothing, instead choosing to enjoy the strange sight of Severus Snape sitting at his feet, untying his shoe laces. The odd picture the man made perfectly fit the strange situation he found himself in.

Severus carefully but quickly removed his shoes, then his socks, long-fingered hands running over Harry's pale feet. He felt a bit apprehensive as he really didn't think his feet said much for him, but Severus seemed to like them very much and kneaded his arch for a moment before placing a kiss on top of his foot.

Harry smiled as Severus leaned over him again and kissed him while he removed his school robe and tie, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt and kissing Harry's scrawny neck.

Harry's apprehension grew as his body was slowly revealed, but quickly forgot his hesitation and gasped as Severus began to use his tongue and lips and Harry's eyes closed of their own volition. He moaned as Severus found a sensitive spot near his ear and sucked hard. Harry's hips sought any kind of friction they could find and Severus moved his own erection over his own.

Harry quickly found he loved the feel of Severus' body on top of him. It was the most wonderful, comforting feeling he had ever known and there was nothing in Harry's memory to compare. Nothing even came close. The man's weight was perfect and warm and covered all of Harry as though enveloped by him.

Severus sat up and Harry moaned at the loss of that weight. He watched as Severus removed his own cloak, then began to work on his jacket, fingers moving swiftly over a dozen tiny buttons.

Harry leaned back and allowed the man to do this himself. As much as he truly wanted to see Severus, he could not help the nerves beginning to invade his stomach.

He wanted this man very much but... He'd never seen another man before. Not like this at least. He really shouldn't feel this apprehensive over something so ridiculous, but he couldn't help himself. Severus seemed to sense his sudden fear and stopped once his jacket had been removed.

"Harry? Are you alright?"

Harry nodded but his eyes were on the man's white shirt. He was making an absolute fool of himself and in front of Severus. He didn't want the other man to think he wasn't sure about this, that he didn't want this or didn't want him. He may not have had any experience, but he hardly wanted it so incredibly apparent in his actions.

One pale hand came to grip his chin and moved his face to meet a dark gaze.

"Have you changed your mind?"

Harry considered the question for only a moment before he had his answer. "No, but- Could we go slowly? I know it's stupid-"

Severus placed a chaste kiss on his lips and then shook his head. "Nothing you want or need is stupid, Harry. Whatever it is you desire, I will give you. Do you still want this?"

And then he was kissing Harry again, and that wonderful weight was pressing him down onto the bed.

Oh, and it was even more wonderful with less clothing between them. The heavy wool material from Severus' robes was gone and the only thing between them was two white-cotton shirts. Harry moaned as he felt his cock harden further and, realizing he did want more.

"Yes," he said again, and Severus began to unbutton his shirt.

This time Harry's desire to see more of the Potions Master overcame any apprehension as he felt his cock swell at the feel of Severus Snape tracing his collarbone with his tongue. The sensation was wonderful, but more arousing was the sight of all that dark hair as it swished lightly over his heated flesh.

Severus kissed his chest as he undid each button, his tongue lightly tracing down Harry's pale skin. He paused when he felt a tongue entering his navel, biting his lip to hold back involuntary laughter. He didn't want the Potions Master to think he wasn't taking this seriously, but couldn't help the sound that escaped at the sensation.

Severus looked up, smiling. "It's alright, Harry. I want to hear every sound you make. Every sound out of your mouth is wonderful to me."

Harry smiled and then Severus was kissing him again, his tongue running over his own in his mouth, and Harry struggled to breathe through his nostrils, not willing to let the kiss end. He vaguely heard Severus kick his shoes to the floor. Then the other man sat up on his knees, beginning to unbutton his shirt.

Harry summoned all his courage and helped the man, staring unabashedly at the pale chest that was revealed.

Severus allowed Harry to slowly peel back his shirt, kneeling confidently before him. Harry sat back on his heels as he took in the sight of the man.

He put his fingers on the man's collarbone and gently ran them over the lightly muscled chest. Severus was nearly as hairless as Harry, with only a small trail of hair starting on his stomach and leading downward. Harry touched it lightly, running his fingers through it, and he could feel the other man restraining himself so Harry could look and touch his fill.

He looked up at Severus' face and again saw the unguarded awe there. He was looking at Harry like he couldn't believe he was real.

Harry felt much the same way.

Harry placed his hands on Severus' arms, which were firm and toned but not large. He ran his fingertips down his biceps and found a scar rough to the touch. He leaned around to look at it and saw that it was red and slightly raised. Harry met Severus' eyes and placed a kiss on it, not wanting the other man to think he found his body wanting. Harry's eyes roamed over the Dark Mark, his fingers skimming it and eyes examining the details he had not noticed before.

Still Severus didn't move, continuing to allow Harry to examine his body for as long as he wanted.

It felt odd to be exploring another person's body; almost as if he were memorizing it, committing every inch of flesh to memory. If Snape decided to kick him out in the morning, at least he would have the memory of the man's body. He forced those thoughts away and concentrated on the man in front of him.

Harry had never been so conscious of even his own body before. He knew he was scrawny and short and awkward. But Severus wasn't. No, this was definitely a man he was touching. Thin, yes, but elegantly so and definitely confident in himself. Harry had never thought that he would so enjoy touching another man in the way he was, his fingers continuing their silent exploration and taking in every inch of the Potions Master's upper body.

He suddenly remembered the first time he had truly noticed anything about the man's form. He recalled the hands so elegant and slender and realized the body he was currently mapping with his fingers was just as smooth and beautiful.

Running his fingers over the man's chest, he lightly massaged Severus' nipple earning a restrained moan from the stoic man. Harry smiled and looked up, realizing that Severus wouldn't move until Harry gave him leave to.

Still smiling, Harry leaned over and pressed his own lips to Severus', initiating a kiss for the first time.

That was all it seemed to take. Severus moaned and thrust his tongue into Harry's mouth, putting a hand under his back and pushing him down on the bed.

Harry soared. The feel of flesh on flesh was wonderful. The sensation of smooth skin combined with the weight was exquisite, and Harry opened his legs, wanting to feel more of Severus.

Harry rubbed his own skin along Severus', desperate for any touch at all. He could feel his cock grow painfully hard in his pants and he moaned as he thrust himself against Severus' hips.

Severus' lips left his mouth and began to trail kisses along his chest, stopping on his nipples and flicking them with his tongue.

Harry threw back his head and moaned. He'd never realized how sensitive he was there. Suddenly the fumbled sessions with his hand seemed like nothing as Severus began to show his body pleasures he'd never known existed. He cupped the man's head with his hand, not wanting the tongue to stop licking his nipple, not wanting the pleasure to end.

Severus smiled up at Harry before moving to other side of his chest, showing equal attention to his other nipple while his right hand trailed downward.

Harry bucked into the hand that was suddenly cupping his cock, becoming completely undone. He had thought he had been hard before when he was in Severus' bathroom, stroking himself to the thought of man now in front of him. But it had been nothing compared to this. He was so hard it was nearly painful, and he gave a pain-filled groan at Severus' continued ministrations.

Sensing something was wrong, Severus looked up, searching Harry's face. "Are you alright, Harry?"

Harry nodded, unable and unwilling to discuss his current problem. Severus, however, seemed to guess, and he lightly squeezed his hand, causing Harry's cock to pulse harder.

Harry groaned again.

"Oh," he said softly. "I am sorry, Harry." Severus nuzzled his ear, sucking lightly on an earlobe before asking, "Does it hurt?" Harry could feel Severus' warm breath in his ear and he shuddered. "Is it already wet and aching?"

Harry groaned something like an affirmative response and thrust himself into Severus' hand again.

Severus smiled at him. "I will never allow you to suffer, Harry. Never." Dark eyes looked deeply into his and Severus asked, "Would you like to come now, or would you rather wait until I'm inside you?"

Harry's eyes went wide and his cock throbbed harder.

Oh, gods. It was miracle he hadn't come then and there.

He considered the question and tried to slow his mind down, tried to wrap his thoughts around what Severus had just said.

On some level he knew what he had come to Severus' bedroom for. He wasn't stupid, nor was he ignorant of things most young men knew at his age. He knew the mechanics involved in sex between two men, but his addled mind hadn't fully comprehended what was going to happen until that moment.

Severus was going to penetrate him. He was going to fuck him; make love to him.

It wasn't as though he valued his virginity particularly. He viewed it probably the same way any other man his age would; it was just something that was there. Perhaps Harry hadn't been quite as keen to be rid of it as every other guy he knew, but that was more due to the numb depression he had been in for two years; it was hardly connected to his body's desire at all.

All of that entered and left his mind in an instant and he realized that he very much wanted this, very much wanted to have sex with Severus.

He forced his mind back to the present, only to find Severus once again staring past him, his head tilted to the side.

Harry cupped Severus' cheek and waited for his mind to come back to him.

Severus blinked and looked down on him, suddenly looking very concerned.

The Potions Master draped his body over Harry's and waited for his answer, which Harry promptly gave. "I think I can wait until you're inside me, Severus." He said this with a smile he hoped did not betray his nervousness.

Severus seemed to see it anyway. "Harry, are you sure? Please be sure," he pleaded.

Harry nodded and kissed him, raising his hips as Severus unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them off, his pants going with them.

Harry gasped as he felt the cool air of the dungeons on his cock, making it swell even more. Severus sat back on his heels and looked down, his eyes running the length of Harry's spread body.

Harry could feel his face redden as he watched Severus look at him. He forced himself to lay still, flat on the warm bed as dark eyes devoured him inch by inch. The man's face looked taken aback and he ran his fingers over Harry's hipbones and thighs. Severus' face took on that look of awe again, the hands that were touching him reverent. Calloused, potion-stained fingers traced the soft inner parts of his thighs and spread his legs further.

Severus' eyes were on his cock, which was red and weeping, but his hands went under Harry's hips to massage his buttocks. Harry moaned, enjoying the way he was being touched. He hadn't thought he would ever enjoy that exactly.

Harry's moan seemed to snap Severus out of whatever trance he had been in, and he looked up to meet Harry's eyes. "You're exquisite, Harry." Severus knelt down and rubbed his nose up and down Harry's cock, inhaling deeply.

Harry shuddered, then opened his mouth in a silent moan as he felt a tongue lick him, starting from the base of his cock and trailing upward until he reached the head.

Harry forced himself to watch as Severus looked down on his aching, kissing the head and watching as it twitched slightly.

"Severus, I think I'm going to come if you keep doing that."

The Potions Master's eyes met Harry's and he gave the younger man a gentle smile. "We wouldn't want that, now would we?"

Harry didn't think the situation was funny in the least and took in the other man, still half-dressed. "Would you-" Harry motioned to the other man's trousers. "Please?"

Severus smiled wider. "As you wish."

Severus stood up and unbuttoned his trousers, letting them fall around his feet. Black pants quickly followed and Harry found himself staring unabashedly at Severus' erect cock.

"Oh," was all Harry could say.

He was silent for a moment. Again, Harry had realized sex would involve seeing another man's cock, but actually looking at it in the flesh was- surprising; surprising because he had never wanted a cock so badly before this moment.

He tried very hard to slow his mind down. Surely, people didn't think this much during sex.

Harry had never really considered other men's cocks. How they tasted, how they would feel if he touched them, or how they would feel if they were fucking him.

But he was considering it now. Severus' cock was a bit longer than his was, and perfectly straight. It was lighter in color too, whereas Harry's was darker and slightly curved. His hands itched to touch it, to hold it. Harry inhaled deeply, trying to imagine what the smell of Severus' cock would be like and he shuddered slowly as he realized what exactly was about to happen.

He had no doubt that Severus would be careful and not hurt him. No, if he was confident in anything it was that Severus Snape would never allow any harm to come to him, ever. But he also knew, from hearing people talk, that penetration hurt a bit the first time, and even more so for gay men.

Harry tried not to allow himself to grow nervous, but his heart sped up anyway.

He raised his eyes to meet darker ones, realizing he had been staring for some time.

Severus seemed apprehensive and looked at Harry tentatively, as though he were expecting him to change his mind.

Gathering all his courage, Harry got up onto his knees and crawled closer to Severus, who was still standing by the bed. Harry reached out and gripped Severus' cock in his hand without hesitation, surprising Severus, who had undoubtedly expected Harry to be coltish and timid.

Harry lightly stroked the cock in his hand. It was warm and hard and felt heavy in his hand. His let his thumb rub the head, smearing the pre-come dripping from the slit.

Never losing eye contact, Harry brought his hand up to his mouth and licked his thumb.

Severus moaned.

He pushed Harry back onto the bed and covered his naked body with his own.

He moaned into Severus' mouth as he kissed him, his tongue invading and caressing him. Severus began to thrust against him. The feel of other man's cock on his own was sublime and Harry again opened his legs and lifted them to wrap around Severus’ thighs.

Severus drew back, breaking the kiss, and leaned over to retrieve his wand from the bedside table. Severus murmured something under his breath and his bedroom door opened, but Harry frowned as he heard the outer door to his office open as well.

"Accio healing lotion," the other man said, his voice husky with lust.

Oh, Harry thought again, realizing what the cream was for.

After a moment, a jar landed in Severus' open palm. He opened the lid and used one finger to scoop out some of the white cream .

Then he was kissing him again.

Harry enjoyed the kiss but felt his nervousness return as strong hands parted his thighs and Severus sidled into the space between them. One long-fingered hand began to stroke his inner thigh, and Harry was shocked by his sensitivity there. Severus had already had his mouth on his cock but the fingers caressing his thighs made Harry shudder.

One hand continued its ministrations while a finger began to circle his entrance lightly.

Harry had never touched himself there before. He'd never expected it to be so pleasurable, but the light massage he was receiving from Severus proved otherwise. It felt both dirty and wildly intimate at the same time and he was surprised how much he enjoyed it.

Slowly, the finger began to enter him, and Harry fought not to react to the slight burn that accompanied it.

Severus raised his head. "Not too uncomfortable?"

Harry shook his head.

Severus smiled and then the finger was moving deeper and deeper. His other hand moved from the inside of his thigh and started stroking Harry’s wilting cock back to hardness. Harry spread his thighs farther apart to allow it and concentrated on how wonderful it was to have Severus’ attention solely on ensuring his pleasure.

Eventually, the finger was no longer uncomfortable, and instead of being an intrusion, it felt like something was filling him.

It pulled out and Harry allowed his body to relax for a moment. He willed himself to calm, to open for the larger intrusion that was coming but was still unprepared when two fingers entered him.

This time there was some pain along with the burn. He struggled not to grunt and show his discomfort to Severus for fear he would stop. He reminded himself this had to hurt a little and any slight pain would be worth it. He wanted Severus on top of him, inside him; wanted his hands all over him, to feel him this way.

His tried to distract himself from the discomfort in his arse, instead focussing on the warmth in Severus’ eyes and the glorious sensations he was creating with twists and tugs to his cock.

Severus' fingers were invading him slowly, allowing him to adjust for which Harry was grateful. He moved the potion-stained digits in a circling motion, trying to open Harry more.

Harry smiled when an odd thought occurred to him: the fingers he was so enamored with were actually knuckle-deep inside his arse. The elegant, beautiful hands of Severus Snape were moving along his body and inside him, and Harry was overjoyed with that thought.

However, all thought was abruptly halted when an intense glow of arousal shot through his body. He moaned when Severus rubbed his fingers over what he knew was his prostate; the times he had masturbated and rubbed it through his perineum a muted pleasure compared with what Severus was doing now. Instinctively, his thighs parted and hips jerked upwards, urging the fingers in deeper.

Harry was enjoying the intrusion now. The pain became minimal and was drowned out by the pleasure Severus was giving him. Harry licked his suddenly dry lips with his tongue and Severus stilled above him. The fingers ceased moving and Severus leaned down to trace Harry's mouth with his own tongue.

He looked down on him, his face open and beautiful. Without thinking, Harry moved his hands to trace Severus’ sharp cheek bones, and he leaned into the touch.

Suddenly, dark eyes fixed on him and Severus looked at him with renewed seriousness.

"Harry, are you sure you want this, want me?"

Harry thought it an odd question to be asking when he had his fingers up his arse, but nodded. "Yes," he said, moving his head up to pull Severus down in a kiss. He bemoaned the loss of the hand on his cock as Severus was forced to balance his weight on it, but it was worth it to feel those lips on him again.

Severus moaned and pulled back. The long fingers pulled out of his arse and Harry felt odd without them. He watched with fascination as Severus took some of the cream and coated his long, red cock with it.

Severus stretched out, aligning his body over Harry’s, and kissed him briefly before sitting back again and saying, “Bend your legs up to your chest, Harry.”

Harry did as he was asked, pulling his legs back so his arse was tilted up, his knees bent with Severus kneeling in between them. Harry quickly found his calves pushed towards his chest and spread wide and he had never felt as exposed as he did in that moment.

The way their bodies were intertwined was an incredible sight and Harry willed himself to keep his eyes open as he felt the head of Severus' cock nudge at his entrance.

Suddenly, Severus looked up at him again. "This is forever, Harry. Be completely sure because I will not let you go after this."

Harry shuddered and moved his hips, loving the feel of Severus' cock threatening to enter him. As much as he wanted to believe Snape would want him after this, he dared not expect it. "God, I hope not."

Severus looked confused but smiled and lightly thrust his hips, the tip of his cock pushing inside Harry.

This time there was definite pain.

Harry gritted his teeth and tried to hide his grimace as Severus pushed slowly inside him, petting his hips and whispering soothing words to distract from the pain.

"Shh, I know. It will only hurt for a moment, I promise." He kissed Harry's eyelids, and Harry opened them- he hadn't even realized he'd closed them. He took deep breaths and tried to concentrate on Severus; the way Severus' face was twisted in ecstasy and determination, the way he could still make out the pale body in the low light. Harry willed his mind to slow down and try to enjoy what was happening and not concentrate on the ache.

Finally, Severus' cock was completely inside him and Harry could feel the soft hairs of Severus' thighs pressed up against him, his balls firm against his arse. Harry panted and focused on the feeling of true wonder at being physically connected with the man inside him.

The very realization of it was overwhelming. Severus was inside him and suddenly he felt the desire to speak it aloud.

"You're inside me," he said, realizing he sounded ridiculous even as the words escaped his mouth.

Severus smiled, kissed his chest, and began to move. Harry gritted his teeth against the pain of each slow thrust. He attempted to open himself wider, to allow his body to relax more to the intrusion, and found the pain was less pronounced. Severus canted his hips upwards and Harry felt that same surge of stimulation as the cock rubbed his prostate. The burn lessened and the pleasure increased.

Harry moaned as Severus' cock continued to hit that same spot, and he kept his hips as still as possible to encourage it. Severus was thrusting into him at a slow and steady pace, allowing Harry to become used to the sensation, to gain as much pleasure as he could from this first time. Harry wanted to share the emotion he felt and met Severus’ eyes so he would see the wonder in his own.

Dark eyes were focused completely on him, looking on him with equal parts concern and desire. Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around Severus' back, embracing him in some attempt to communicate that he did want this, that he wanted him.

Severus moaned, seeming to receive the message, his thrusts coming faster and more hurriedly. Harry moaned, loving the way Severus' cock was making him feel. He gave into the mindless sensation of Severus driving into him. The sound of skin slapping together and the smell of sweat and sex began to fill the air, and Harry felt his erection throb and his balls tighten.

Severus moved back, spreading his knees wide either side of Harry’s bottom and picking up his hips. He began to thrust into him deeper, harder. Harry was surprised to find that the pain was nearly gone; all that was left was pleasure. The feel of Severus' beautiful cock driving into him, of being connected with the man he wanted so much, was overwhelming, and Harry grabbed hold of Severus harder, trying to tell the other man how much he loved what he was doing to him.

Harry's dug his fingers into the flesh of Severus' back in an attempt to steady himself, as the man was now thrusting into him wildly. Severus moaned and moved a hand between them, the long fingers holding Harry’s cock tightly and stroking in time to the furious thrusts.

Sweat began to drip from Severus' brow and onto Harry, and he found his own body slick as he continued to try to grab hold of the other man, desperate not to let go.

Harry felt the pleasure mount inside him and he willed himself not to close his eyes; he wanted to remember this, wanted to watch Severus' face as he came. He could feel Severus' hand pulling on his cock, and Harry gave himself over to the sensation. The feel of that beautiful hand gripping him combined with the pleasure of having Severus inside him had Harry coming in pulses as Severus milked the shaft. He moaned as he felt his own muscles contract around the cock inside him and he watched as Severus' face twisted and he thrust almost violently into Harry, clutching the younger man as he came.

Harry was panting and unwilling to let Severus go just yet. He could feel as Severus’ softening cock slipped out of him and he moaned at the sudden discomfort he felt. His muscles were aching and his arse felt like it was on fire but Harry had never felt so whole, so loved and cared for.

He'd just had sex with Severus Snape, Harry realized. He was in love with Severus and he was loved in return. He smiled to himself and pushed away the thought of what had instigated this union, willing himself to enjoy this moment.

Severus sank down from his kneeling position, nearly collapsing on top of Harry. Harry caught him, wrapping his arms around him tenderly and moving him to his side, wincing at the sudden movement.

Severus looked up immediately through sweaty strands of black hair and took in Harry's pained expression. He rolled onto his side, tucked close against Harry and looked carefully at the exhausted face. Strong arms came around Harry's body and picked him up, cradling him against a firm, smooth chest.

"Are you alright?"

Harry was still trying to catch his breath, but he laughed at this. "Alright? Yeah, are you?" The haze of desire slowly seeping from his mind, Harry realized with a start that Severus was still under the influence of the potion and leaned away to look at him, trying to see if anything was different. "Do you feel alright? Is there anything you need?"

Severus laughed softly and pulled Harry to rest against his chest again. Harry quickly found he was completely exhausted, and allowed himself to be held. He knew he had to think about what had just happened; that there were likely to be consequences. But he was unwilling to think of them just now. Right now, all he wanted was to enjoy the man lying next to him.

"Always so noble, my Harry."

Harry felt sleep beginning to overtake him, but rallied enough to say, "Someone has to take care of you too, you know?"

Harry could have sworn he felt Severus smile against his forehead. "Yes," he said, softly. "We'll take care of each other, Harry." He kissed his forehead. "Some things are meant to be."


**********************

Severus smiled against Harry's forehead and kissed him softly through the fringe of his hair.

His Harry. His own.

Severus still could not believe his good fortune. How incredible lucky he was for Fate to bestow such a wonderful gift upon him. He held Harry tighter, wanting to savor this moment for just a bit longer before he would have to complete his task.

Again, he heard the soft voices in his ear and he subconsciously tilted his head again, straining to hear them better. They had been speaking to him, telling him to hurry his and Harry's coupling, telling him that it had to be done now.

But Severus had ignored them for as long as possible. He knew he would never force anything, especially not himself, on Harry and would have never forgiven himself if he had frightened his young lover.

Severus smiled to himself. Yes, he thought. He loved. And how amazing that simple fact was on its own. But to have Harry want him in return was nothing short of miraculous. The voices had told him Harry wanted him, that all he needed to do was ask and he would have the young object of his affections all to himself, his own.

But he had waited; he had explained what he wanted to Harry and his patience had been rewarded. He had wanted Harry to choose him, he didn't want to bully the younger man into being with him simply because it was fated to be. Severus wanted it to be Harry's choice.

He would never be separated from Harry now. No, once he had completed his objective, they would never be without each other again.

Severus picked up his wand from the nightstand, opened the doors to his chambers once again and summoned an empty vial. As much as he wanted to simply luxuriate in bed, holding his lover in his arms, there was still work to be done.

The vial connected with his hand and he put down his wand. He positioned a hand between himself and a sleeping Harry, careful not to jostle the young man too much lest he wake from his sleep. He took in his softly snoring lover and smiled, kissing his cheek. No, the young man in his arms was exhausted from their recent efforts and Severus wanted nothing more than for him to rest.

He let his hand drift over Harry's nearly hairless stomach, finding his semen and scooping up what he could and placing it in the vial. Then he very carefully maneuvered his hand towards Harry's arse, which he knew would be sensitive to the touch. Harry whimpered as Severus lightly touched the outside of his anus, gathering the bit of semen that had collected there and placing it too into the vial.

He kissed Harry's face and held him for a moment, being very careful not to spill the vial with its precious ingredients.

Harry quickly stilled and fell back into a deep sleep once again. Severus moved away from him, wrapping him in blankets to keep him warm until he returned.

Quickly, he slipped on his robes and shoes, then silently went through his rooms and office and into his private lab.

The voices were back now.

Yes, he had recognized those voices. How could he not?

He had heard them before on the night he had heard the prophecy, and the day Lupin had been present in his labs. But at the moment he had no idea why he had been so wary of Fate before. He could not fathom why he had so adamantly denied his feelings for Harry, denied the fact that some things were meant to be.

He stood at one of the tall tables in his private lab and allowed himself to see what was truly happening, what had been happening and what had led them here with unclouded vision.

All his denials had been for nothing, he realized. It had been as though he had forced blinders onto himself to deny what had been so very obvious since the beginning of this mad affair. It was as though he stood at the precipice of a mountain he had been struggling to scale his entire life, and only now could he see the raw truth.

He, Severus, had to be the one to take the prophecy to Tom Riddle. No one else would have been so affected by the death of Lily Potter. No other would have sworn vengeance, nor sought so hard to obtain absolution. Above all, no other would have sworn to protect Harry with their very life.

Ronald Weasley had been fated to die. Had he not died, Severus would never have been able to confide in Harry when on the train, would never have been able to talk to him and comfort him, to tell the young man how incredibly similar they truly were. Harry had to know it was Severus who had been responsible for his parents' deaths, he'd had to know it was Fate that brought him to that lowest of points.

And just as Fate had maneuvered Severus, it had moved Harry to rescue him from being tortured at Riddle Manor. Tom Riddle had been Occluding Harry for over a year. There was now no doubt in Severus' mind that Harry had been meant to have that vision, had been destined to rescue him and be with him in his altered state in the infirmary.

Severus could even recall Harry telling him of how Fate had intervened and had him shake the hand of his enemy in the name of saving Severus. He could see it clearly now- how every step had brought them closer to this point.

Now, after all his denial, after futilely shaking his fist at the sky to gods that hadn't any intention to listen, he was here at this place.

With Harry.

The voices told him what needed to be gathered to make the potion and how it needed to be prepared. It was a very simple potion, and wouldn't take very long to complete, which made Severus happy. He wanted to get back to Harry before he woke.

He would see to it that Harry would never again wake up alone.

Severus quickly chopped the gathered ingredients, allowing the voices to guide him through every stage.

Clockwise, then counterclockwise, Severus stirred and added the ingredients to the cauldron. Then time came to add his and Harry's seed. He took special care during this step, knowing that adding it even a moment too soon would render the potion ineffective.

The last ingredient was added and the potion turned a lovely blue color, its smell sweet. Severus allowed himself to think it was because of Harry.

The voices assured him his task was nearly complete and that all he needed to do now was speak the incantation that would bind Harry and himself together forever.

Severus raised his wand and thought of how glad he was Harry had said yes. He had been so apprehensive when he had seen that Harry was unsure. He knew that this was necessary; that this was needed in order to protect Harry.

But he had needed Harry's resolve to be firm and so he had asked him repeatedly if this was what he truly wanted.

This was for life, after all.

It was Fate that made Harry come to him, Fate that Severus would love him and protect him. And yes, Harry would love and protect him also but that was not the most important aspect.

No, Harry would now be Severus' bonded and he would always know when Harry needed him.

He smiled to himself and whispered the activation spell.

A feeling of contentment such as he had never known filled him, and he was almost overcome. Severus gasped as the bonding took effect. In that instant, it was as though he could feel Harry all around him, inside of him. It was as though he knew everything about the young man. It was the most intimate moment of his life and Severus found it ironic that Harry was not even in the room.

The moment vanished but Harry remained. Severus closed his eyes and he could feel the presence of the younger man there, inside him.

Harry was at rest, content and happy. Severus smiled and opened his eyes, finding that the potion had vanished upon completion of the spell.

The voices in Severus ear told him his task was complete and that he could rest for now. Severus left all his equipment where it was, desperate to return to Harry. He inwardly rejoiced at being able to feel Harry’s presence surrounding him, penetrating him, wrapping around him like the most comforting of blankets. But his own needs were not as important. It was the fact Harry would be able to feel his affections in return that warmed Severus' heart.

Severus returned to his bedroom and found Harry lying exactly as he had left him. Quickly shedding shoes and robes, he slipped back into the warm bed and gathered a still sleeping Harry in his arms once again.

Harry smiled in his sleep and grabbed hold of Severus.

This had been fated to happen. Harry was his now, Severus thought happily. Only death would separate them.

Some things were meant to be.

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Author's notes: Eternal thanks to WhiteCotton who held my hand through this first slash scene. If you enjoyed it at all then it's due to her help. Thank you so much, darling.

This chapter was the original plot bunny for this fic. It's been on my mind and wanting to be read since August of last year. Now it's here.

It was also the second chapter to ever be written. The next chapter was the first. Please review and let me know what you thought as I've put much of myself into this story.

I thank you all.

-- snow