As If In Wonderland

“You mean to say I have been carrying a piece of your soul round my neck! So it wasn’t a gift out of the kindness of your heart was it, once again it’s a way of using me!”, Hermione huffed while sat up in bed.

“Be glad you are still weak or I would torture you for being rude!”, Voldemort growled, “I tell you this now because I wish for you to make a horcrux”

“What?”, Hermione said blankly.

“You heard me. You are fragile, one hit with the killing curse and you will be dead like any other person…but I don’t want that, I want my wife to be stronger than that! You will create a horcrux, even if you don’t want to-you have no say in the matter”

“What, huh? Why!”, Hermione spluttered.

“It is not hard to understand wife!”, he came over and grabbed her hair, pulling her close to him. “I don’t want you to be mortal, I am better than that, and you are my wife, if you die…then I will look weak”,

“So you don’t want me to die because otherwise you look weak did you say? So you don’t actually care about me…”, she winced

“You know that’s not true”, he said quietly while letting her go, “I gave you the horcrux because I thought you would like to wear the necklace, and also I thought you would keep it safe-and you did. I would like you to carry on wearing it, see I trust you, I am giving you a part of my soul!”

“Ok, I get that…I guess in a way its nice of you, but still! I feel used, once again…im not feeling sorry for myself, but I don’t ever want to be a walk over, even if I sere you, the dark lord…I have my own mind, aren’t you happy enough with what I give you already?”

“I am very pleased. I am greedy, I want more”, he smirked, “and I always get what I want”

“I know, but to create a horcrux I have to kill”

“Something you are quite at ease with these days”

“No! I am not!”, Hermione exclaimed, Voldemort just chuckled, “I only do things for a reason, I killed those people for a reason…”

“Yes, and you have a reason to kill again, to create a horcrux. I wouldn’t like you to die, you are too hot”, Hermione laughed then pouted as he climbed on top of her,

“I hate it when you do that”

“What?”

“Piss me off, treat me like dirt…and then you make me laugh”

“Oh but you love it…gain your strength soon. Next time you use that curse you will be stronger”, he whispered before kissing her deeply for a few minutes.

“You are a rather good kisser”, she grinned.

“Of course, it is why they call me the dark lord-I just have extremely good kissing skills”, he smirked as she laughed, “I have a gift for you, to make up for giving you a gift that is more for my gain than yours”.

Hermione looked didn’t look like she believed him as he made a rose appear, beautiful but of the darkest black with one rose petal on its flower. “Its nothing special, just a token of apology”

“Its beautiful”

“It wont die, but has no magical properties other than that…I just thought you may like it”

“I do, thank you milord”, she smiled while playing with it, avoiding the sharp looking thorns.

“Since when have you been calling me that in private again?”

“Since I realised you like hearing me say it, it makes you feel oh so powerful over me doesn’t it”

“But I am so powerful over you anyway…even if you didn’t like me and still behaved how you did when you first came here I would dominate you. Make you do things…”, he breathed once again on top of her, is lips near her ear.

“either way I am still your servant, and let me tell you now…though you have done so many bad things to me, and forced me to do things, brought out a dark side of me and just been cruel and sadistic in your actions…I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, I must be going mad, but I really don’t care”

“Oh why did you have to say that, now I cant make an excuse up to punish you”, he smirked

“And why do you want to punish me?”

“Because I like to hear you scream”

“You are so sadistic”

“Yes, but you and I both already knew that”, he kissed her before getting up and changed into a long robe. Hermione pouted and raised her wand, before aiming a small ball of fire on to that robe, Voldemort looked down startled at being on fire before extinguishing it, “and what was that for?”

“maybe I wanted to hear you scream for a change”, she smirked before turning over and snuggling into bed.

*.

“I apologise, for putting you in that position, I shouldn’t have…”, Hermione apologised to Draco quietly in the small lounge they seemed to meet often, she had taken to wearing the emerald necklace whenever possible, she knew it probably wasn’t good for her but she felt she had to wear it to protect it and out of respect.

“Its ok, though the dark lord wasn’t that forgiving”

“Im so sorry, he tortured you didn’t he, and I asked him not to!”

“It doesn’t matter, though I hear you have caused some damage in the muggle world, around a dozen dead, random attack with no warnings…you really should be a death eater”

“Being married to the dark lord is hard enough…and anyway, I do exactly the same as a deatheater I just don’t have a mask!”, Draco laughed, “…how did the pureblood wife finding thing go?”

“Good I guess, I have many possibilities though I spoke to the dark lord about it, and he believes I should focus on my work first as I am young, and get married when I leave school, so not that long away”

“no rush really…can I tell you something? I think, I think I am losing it, really I do. I know I joke about it, but im being serious…its not like me to cause massacres and it not really care about it”, Hermione spoke seriously to him in front of the small fireplace.

“You aren’t, you just think you are because you believe it should feel wrong, but it doesn’t because you know it was really the right thing to do. I am not sadistic, I am a death eater so I suppose I am seen as cruel and terrible, but im always fair in what I do…I never kill for pleasure, and I always have options open to me. You have never seen me doing what I do Hermione, you have never seen me really hurt someone, but I have…and it is what I do. I wont change that-though I should probably feel wrong about it, I am in the same position as you and was at first disgusted at what I was capable of…then I felt what the power was like”

“You know what I feel then, how this is confusing-but oh so clear at the same time?”

“Yes. You shouldn’t think too much about things, it makes things complicated…just do what you think is best”

“I will, and im going to do what is best for me”, Hermione said while looking down at the emerald necklace hanging round her neck, “I might even surprise the dark lord”

*.

A week later, Hermione pretended to be listening to a public speech Voldemort was making in Diagon Alley to a small proportion of the wizarding population, he was speaking about something involving muggles and other things that bored her. It was raining, but they stayed dry via a small charm that kept the rain off them, but still it was dark and gloomy out. Voldemort had not bothered her anymore with the horcruxes because he had hardly seen her, being out and about a lot and doing whatever he did…he just made sure she had plenty of work to do, ‘homework’ she called it as it was just researching through books on various topics then making notes.
What the dark lord did not know, was that Hermione was keeping something from him…

“Hermione”, she heard him say, looking up she saw that he was looking right into her eyes, “please inform our people why it wasn’t a bad thing that a small massacre occurred last week by your hands”. Hermione narrowed her eyes at him, she may not be disgusted with herself for killing innocent people, but she did not like how he was portraying her-a sadistic witch.

“I do not kill for pleasure, that is one thing I can promise you all. I think it is a sick and cruel thing to do. But, sometimes things need to be done for the greater good, I killed some people last week…and Im not going to agree with my lords statement just now how it is ‘not a bad thing’, because it certainly wasn’t a good thing”, she noticed she was getting nervous glances but she carried on.
“I am standing by my lords side today, as his wife and follower, I support him in his actions-though some of the time I don’t agree with it. I-I killed them people because it was something I had to do”, she said simply.

“My people, the world is changing, things will change more…and for the better. I will make sure, that no other innocent is killed-no magic will be wasted-”,

-Avada kedavra!”, suddenly the sound of the deadly curse was heard through the crowds and a green light appeared, screams as everyone scatted from fright of being the next to be killed. A dozen deatheaters swooped round to protect the dark lord and his lady, but Voldemort wasn’t looking at them, he was looking at the body of that lady lying on the floor, rain tapping almost silently on her face which was surrounded by her once busy hair, her hand bent up as if she was waving yet she made no movement.

He let out a roar and turned his wand out, “who!”, his eyes glowed red as he sifted through the crowds to see an evil smile across Bellatrix’s face while lowering her wand. Voldemort blasted her with his strongest torture curse, before dropping it to question her.

“Now the mudblood is out of the way, things can go how they should have been milord”, she smiled with a madness gleam in her eyes. “She had to die milord, she has blinded you in some way, dirty blood should not be married to someone so supreme as you! I got rid of her for you”

Voldemort roared louder before cursing her some more before blasting her to death across the street. A new rise in power had surged through his body, anger and magic combined wasn’t good, he had opened up a new form of evil in himself and he was ready to kill.

He raised his wand again, but froze as he heard a tiny cough behind him, storming through his death eaters to Hermione’s body…he found it wasn’t a corpse that lay there, but a living Hermione coughing though in obvious pain. Charging over he picked her up and felt her heart which was beating faintly but it was still there.

“You’re not dead”

“You didn’t think you would get rid of me that easily did you?”, Hermione smiled before falling unconscious in his arms.

*.

“When is she going to awaken! It is Christmas in two weeks time, I have lost count how many weeks she has been unconscious-answer me!”, Voldemort growled to Snape in his study angrily.
He had realised she had indeed made a horcrux without telling him, he didn’t know how she managed to do it but it answered the question how a prisoner had managed to be found dead through unknown reasons. He did not know what her horcrux was concealed in and he did not know why she hadn’t told him. He was growing frustrated at knowing very little, though he was relieved she was alive, she hadn’t awoken since the day she was cursed with the killing curse. He didn’t love her-well at least he didn’t believe he loved her, it was not the kind of emotion he felt, though he didn’t understand why he was so angry when she had ‘died’. he told himself it was the fact that she was his, his possession and he didn’t want it broken or destroyed.

“I must be truthful milord, there is no way of telling, she is in a coma and could be in it for a few more hours or even years…”

“That does not help! Crucio!”, he cursed his servant, “I need her woken, I cannot have an unconscious wife! The dark lord unable to help his wife-it is pathetic. Why is she in a coma!”

“Milord, she was hit by a killing curse-it is clear that she made a horcrux, but obviously the effects of the curse impacted her body a lot…lets just say her body was killed but because her soul is separated she survived, her body is just regenerating itself…it is using every inch of energy she has”

“I didn’t mean that, I meant why is she still alive in this body? Not in a state of half life?”

“You know Hermione, she probably invented a new way of creating a horcrux so it doesn’t cause her to become a half-living person”, Snape shrugged. “Hermione is major news at the moment, no one knows that she survived…she is big news because she is your wife milord”

“Silence the newspapers…”, Voldemort poured himself a drink which he knocked back in one gulp.

*.

Hermione screamed after waking suddenly a week later, alone in darkness she screamed out of confusion and fright. Looking around her she saw nothing but darkness, tears filled her eyes as she had no idea what was happening, where she was or anything…her mind was blank, she tried to think of her name but it didn’t appear…’who am I?’, she thought deeply but coming to know conclusions.

She pushed herself out of the bed she was in weakly and pulled on a red robe that lay nearby, noticing a ring on her left hand, “am I married?”, she asked herself before feeling nausea as flashes from her past hit her, a boy with a lightning shaped scar, herself crying in a dungeon, walking down the aisle is a very full room to a mystery man with his back to her. She gasped as the flashes ended, her head hurt and she was still confused.
Deciding to at least investigate where she was, she crept out of the room via a nearby door, unlocked and leading to a familiar hallway, “I know this place, I live here…”. she continued her journey through the hallways, knowing where everything was but still not knowing anything else.

“Hermione?”, a voice that sounded more like a snakes spoke behind her, she turned to see a man…

“Is that me?”, she asked nervously, “please help me, I don’t know what’s going on but I cant remember anything…”, she started to cry.

“You don’t remember anything, me?”, he spoke quietly, looking deep into her eyes…searching for clues, but it was blank, like all her memories were locked up somewhere.

“I remember this place, I lived here? Please help me”, she pleaded timidly.

Voldemort looked at her, stunned to say the least, he had not expected to walk into her and especially to find she did not even recognise him.
Ten minutes later, he had Snape come to assist him in sorting out this problem, Snape was nervous as he knew if he did anything or suspected anything wrong, he would pay the price.

“Hermione is suffering some form of amnesia milord?”, Snape questioned as he sat opposite a confused Hermione in Voldemorts study.

“Obviously”, he sneered as he circled the two of them, his cloak billowing behind him.

“Can someone please explain what’s going on! I don’t even know who I am, I cant remember anything or who you two are!”, Hermione spoke urgently and worriedly.

“Your name is Hermione, and the dark lord is your husband”, Snape gestured towards Voldemort as Hermione’s eyes widened.

“How comes I don’t remember?”, she asked while still looking at the dark lord.

“You were involved in an incident that left your body dead, your soul survived but it left you in a coma like state as you recovered…I think the reason for the amnesia is that your body spent all its energy on recovering so your memories weren’t touched for a while, they are stored somewhere in your head and should be released in the very near future”

“That makes no sense…actually I don’t care if im going to get all my memories back soon”, she said quietly looking back at Snape, “so how is my memory going to come back to me?”

“A simple potion, I will begin it as soon as milord dismisses me now that I know what I have to make”

“You are sure you know the correct potion? Anything less than perfect, and your dead”, Voldemort growled.

“Of course milord”, Snape bowed before dismissed. Voldemort turned to his wife and continued to circle who, making her feel intimidated and scared.

“If you are my husband, then why do you circle me like I am prey and you are the predator?”

“Because I like to see you from all angles, its easier to study you”

“What do you need to study? You know me better than I know myself at this moment in time…im not stupid, I know you doing it just to make me nervous…but I don’t see why?”

“You have always been smart, one of the reasons I married you”, Voldemort sat down where Snape was before. “You don’t know me at the moment, you are confused and just see me as a random man who has entered your memory-less life. I wish you didn’t lose your memory, because when you do remember, then I can punish you for keeping things from me and then fuck you because I missed you”

“You don’t sound like the kind of person I would want to marry”, Hermione said while looking disgusted.

“You didn’t really have a choice in the matter”,

“Oh so it is a loveless marriage…”, Hermione looked away from him.

“You told me you love me before…I don’t need to explain things to you”

“No. you don’t want to explain things because you are afraid, I don’t know you, I am an outsider at the moment and you are not the kind of man who allows outsiders to know his feelings, you don’t like to show weakness and enjoy the feeling of power…from twenty minutes of knowing you, that is what I have concluded”, she laughed making Voldemort angry. He pulled her up and pushed her up against the nearest wall with a painful thud, causing her to cry out in pain but didn’t say anything else.

“You will not speak to me like that”, he spat, “I don’t care that you don’t know any better, I am your husband and master, you will respect and obey”

“I don’t even know who you are, I just know you are my husband, I cant remember you at all…though I do know im scared of you”, she cried out.

“You would be foolish not to be”, he released her and sat back down, “I cant believe you cannot remember, you frustrate me”

“You are obviously a very powerful being, but I detect you have a weakness”

“And what would that be?”

“Me”, she smiled. “I may not have any memories from my own life, but I remember facts and figures, and also what means what. I don’t know how important I am to you, but clearly you care for me at the very least as a possession…im not sure if there is anything there. You don’t seem the type to feel much else”

“You are mistaken”

“I don’t believe you, then again I don’t believe in any of this. I don’t remember, so how do I know you are even telling the truth? For all I know I am some homeless girl you found off the street and are trying to brainwash me into being a servant”

“think what you wish, in a few hours I will once again have my lady returned to me”

“you sound like you care for me in some way, I don’t know why but I guess I will find out when I am given this potion”, she sighed. “Why do you think I love you if you hurt me? It is obvious you do hurt me”

“Maybe you are just a masochist”, he smirked.

“Somehow I don’t think so”, she rolled her eyes.

“For someone who has no memory of her past, you seem quite calm”

“Trust me, im not calm in the slightest im just good at hiding it…tell me about myself, I don’t believe im going to remember what we are talking about…I remember reading something about amnesia and magic, usually the stage im in now will be forgotten to myself as my memories return…I don’t get how I remember that kind of stuff, just nothing that is actually part of my life”

“Just the logical side of you decided to stay. You have given me an idea…if you don’t remember what I tell you now, I can get a few things off my chest”

“Like what?”

“Crucio!”, he chuckled as she screamed in pain, not letting the curse go for several moments while hearing her screams and tears like music, when he eventually lifted it she was crying on the floor.

“What are you doing!”, she screamed while he roughly pulled her up and threw her onto the chair she as seated in before.

“Well you didn’t tell me you had made a horcrux-it is a-”

“-I know what it is! Ive already told you, I know everything, I just don’t know anything about myself or anyone connected to me!”

“Oh that’s good, makes it so much simpler. So you made a horcrux without telling me, I of course wanted you to make one but you should have told me…if I torture you now, it means I get to torture you again when your memory returns…I always loved to hear your screams-but only when im responsible”

“You are sick! Just stay away from me!”

“You wont remember this, so you will get over it”

“But still, me not remembering just makes me think how the real me must think…I must hate you. Wait, we are married…we aren’t thinking of children are we?”, Hermione’s eyes widened at the thought of having a child by such a cruel man.

“I don’t need an heir, im immortal”, Hermione sighed in relief. “But you look so happy that you wont have to give birth to my child”

“I don’t even know you”

“Ok, I guess you have a point…”, Voldemort sat down and put his feet up on his desk. “let me continue getting things off my chest…lets see…I have fucked quite a few woman since you became my…what do they call them? Oh yes, ‘girlfriend’, but after our marriage I decided to stick just to you”

“Why tell me that?”

“Because I just wanted to let you know…also I have considered killing you on many occasions, giving you to my followers to play with and many other things…”

“Why didn’t you then?”

“Because I like you…it’s a love-hate relationship”

“Without the love”, Hermione muttered, he ignored her. “I don’t like you, you are not the kind of person I would like…can you get that man, Severus? Can you get him to hurry with that potion, I hate this confusion…”

“I hate your babbling, I am a busy man yet I must be here, be grateful”

“Grateful? I don’t think so…”, she narrowed her eyes and rubbed her forehead before seeing an object she recognised instantly on his desk, “you gave me that rose”, she said while picking up the black flower that Voldemort had given her before, she winced as a thorn stung her causing a drop of blood to fall onto the desk.

“You remember the rose?”

“I feel complete”, she said in a dazed voice, “when I touch it…I remember it”

“Complete?”, Voldemort looked down at the rose before taking it from her, noticing for the first time it was heavier than when he gave it to her the first time. “You crafty little witch…ive had your horcrux on my desk this whole time…”

“Wow, I must be clever if I put it in something so obvious that you wouldn’t notice”, she smirked. “I think, me being like this may do you some good…you can see how I would be if I didn’t have the memories of my past, not knowing the bad things you have done or whatever may have happened to me before”

“Yes, it has been eye opening…I can see now that you are definitely the best choice of wife I could have made…I would like it though if you were more supportive of what I do”, he said quietly while creating a few invisible protective spells over the rose.

“Maybe, maybe you could do something for me as well…the real me will probably want more respect, to be treated more like an equal rather than as a servant…I don’t know, but I know that is what I would want, so im guessing me with memory would want that too”

“I’ll keep it in mind”

“Im sure I will appreciate it…and im guessing you don’t particularly like me, as I am now…so maybe you realise you might actually appreciate my personality more than how I look or my logic. Because that is all I am now, how I look and my logic, without my memories I haven’t got my real personality…”

“Maybe I don’t like you just as an object then”, he said thoughtfully, “though im going to punish you, fuck you and then im going to treat you to do whatever you want…im in a good mood”

“What sort of thing would I want?”

“Im not sure, its Christmas in a few days…I assume you will want something pretty for that”, Voldemort grimaced. “its strange talking to you like this”

“Its strange to have no past, knowing only what you have told me”

“If there wasn’t a way of restoring your memory, I probably would have gotten rid of you, no offence”

“None taken, I don’t like you and there is no reason for you to like me”

*.

Hermione lay on the dark lords chest staring up to the bedroom ceiling which had been charmed to show the night sky, he whispered a few healing charms for his use of the cruciatus curse on her, as well as his tendency to get slightly rougher than average when he was turned on. She didn’t mind though, it wouldn’t be the same if he was easy ft on her…
“I detect that you missed me”, she smile softly.

“I was inpatient and frustrated that I was powerless at that time to do anything…that is one feeling I despise, being powerless”

“I know, and you never are. Im sorry, the last thing I remember was a green light, and then I woke up with you and Snape watching me, I thought it had only been hours…not weeks. I was stupid, I have been trained by yourself, I should have at least dodged the curse, but I wasn’t prepared…I should always be prepared, always be aware…”, she sighed.

“What’s done is done now, I have punished you for that and I am pleased you are back to me. You don’t remember anything between being hit by the killing curse and being woken by myself and Snape?”

“No…why?”

“No reason, I just thought maybe you remembered some things during your coma, it happens…people seem to recollect their surroundings even though they are unconscious”, Voldemort said smoothly. He didn’t need to tell her the truth, it was easier this way and it didn’t really matter either…to her. It meant a lot to himself, he learnt that he liked her for her personality, not just her brains like he originally thought, he also learnt he liked her more than he thought before and many other things…
“I wish to give you something, anything, you decide…just to show my joy in you awakening. It is Christmas in a few days, maybe something for that?”

“Really? Wow…well, something I would like…for you to have a day off and we spend Christmas together, just the two of us here…you know like people in proper relationships do”, she added with a laugh while rolling off of him to face him.

“I have never cared much for Christmas”

“Yes, but just that one thing for me…I would like to spend it with you, get to know you a bit better…come on I haven’t seen you for weeks”

“Very well, an unexpected request but ok…im not guaranteeing anything”

“Well if you go away I can just pass the time reading ‘Secret of the darkest art’”

“Where did you get that? I haven’t read it since I was a teenager!”, Voldemort exclaimed.

“When I was at Hogwarts, Harry wanted to go searching for your Horcruxes to destroy…before the battle happened unexpectedly, I ‘stole’ you could say, the books from Dumbledore’s private storage room. When you know what you want, its not hard to find it…anyway, that and many other things I kept safe somewhere, and when you mentioned me creating a horcrux I remembered it so just accioed it to me…simple”

“You are very devious, but it is the book I used to create my first horcrux…I like how we both used the exact same book to gain information for ourselves. So my sweet, I haven’t had you with me for weeks, you owe me”

“Yes but it was not my fault, I believe it was Bellatrix”

“She is dead, so you are all I have to blame”, he grinned and began nibbling on her neck before biting hard making her cry out in pain. “But I know you will just enjoy it”

*.

Hermione woke early to find her husband still asleep, their limbs entangled, she smiled and got up while pulling on a robe nearby. She had lied, of course she remembered when she awoke with no memory of anything at all, to be introduced to a husband she had never heard of and to be told she had a horcrux. She didn’t tell him she remembered, because she thought it best, like he thought it best that she did not know that she had awoken with no memory. She had taught him some things about her, and she had learnt some things about him, and it was true what he had said…it was a love hate relationship, they despised each other but still enjoyed being together-though he probably would not admit that.

----------------

Bit of a random chapter, just to show the dark lord how he may actually like Hermione because of who she is rather than what she is…
So do you like? Please review!