Broken Toy

Warnings: angst, violence, abuse, some romance, hurt/comfort, simply NC17…
Author's Notes:
Wow! Definitely ravenqueen55 broke all records!!! I never got a chap back this fast! I still can’t believe it! *Hugs and kissies* for you! And even more *hugs* because you liked it!!! *dances*

It was strange to write this chapter. When I started this fic, I never expected it would include a chap like that. Oh, the plot was outlined all right, and I’m still following it (and I have already written the last sentence, *g*). But I never expected that my fav boys would develop whilst writing. It has happened so often now that I’m not surprised any more. Just when I think there will be just four or five chaps left, Harry or Draco says something which makes it necessary to think about why he said it. And they just take over and act… Stubborn gits! Seems like they don’t want to be finished with too fast…

Huge HUGS for your reviews! And to all of you who read the chaps… For me it’s still amazing that you are actually reading this.

Enjoy the next chap!

Chapter Nineteen

Darling? The last time anybody had called him by a pet name, he had been four years old. Draco flung his arms around Harry’s neck with such force both fell backwards onto the bed.

“Hey…” Harry protested. “You’re choking me…” Draco was lying heavily upon Harry’s chest.

He rolled off instantly and snuggled into Harry’s arms, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder.
It was dark now in the sleeping room; the sun had set at last.

Harry’s stomach rumbled audibly.

“Oh.” Draco instinctively laid his hand on Harry’s flat belly. “You’re hungry.”

“Don’t mind me,” Harry chuckled softly. “I’m hungry all of the time. Almost constantly, it seems. And sometimes I don’t mind two or three helpings… Probably that’s because they tried to starve me the first eleven years of my life.”

“What?” Draco couldn’t believe his ears. Sudden anger made him want to rise, but he was held back by Harry’s arms. “Relax, I was only joking… They didn’t starve me. Nevertheless…”

And Harry summed up his strange childhood. Draco was dumbfounded that Harry gave his account of his upbringing with neutral expressions; it was as unemotional as a technical report about the different methods of Levitation. And never once did Harry verbally abuse the Dursleys. Cold fury was still clasping Draco’s stomach in a tight grip when Harry finished with maddening casualness. “You see, for me it was absolutely normal to live in a cupboard under the stairs.”

“But did you never felt the urge to punish them?” Draco had to know. “You could have done it, easily! They treated you like dirt! I would have hexed them the minute I came of age!” Draco’s eyes were reduced to slits. “Oh, yes, there are several nice curses popping in my head right now…” He grinned malevolently, and his upper lip started to twitch slightly. “And I would have enjoyed it. Oh, yes. I would have relished it!”

Draco was happily imagining, in detail, introducing Dudley to a boggart, and having the obscene sneer wiped from the bastard’s face. It would be fun to see how the Muggle would react when his worst nightmare was presented to him. Probably he would get a seizure. But, no, that would be too quick; the punishment over too fast. Better, he would lose his mind. Almost certainly he would start to scream and wouldn’t be able to ever stop again. Draco grinned. Yes. That would be fun! Harry should have done something about his Muggle relations long ago. Thinking of Harry… Draco only now noticed that Harry hadn’t responded to his question.

“Harry? What about some sweet vengeance?” Draco was eager to find out if Harry was as imaginative as him. He raised his head a little, trying to get a look at Harry’s face. It was hidden in shadows; the moon hadn’t risen yet. Draco placed his hand on Harry’s chest to get a better view. The muscles underneath his palm felt tight and unfamiliar.

“Vengeance… Sweet? I don’t know. Vengeance can be very detrimental to one’s health and piece of mind…” Harry answered lightly, but Draco detected a slight note of unusual reservation in Harry’s voice. “There are more subtle ways…” Now why did Harry’s snigger sound so artificial? “When I was living with the Dursley’s, it was enough to remind them every now and then that I could harm them, you know? Sometimes they were really scared of me…”

“Bloody idiot,” someone whispered in Draco’s head. “How could you say something as idiotic as that? Make up, fast! Talk about your own miserable childhood. Be sure to mention Father’s favourite educational method, but casually. His soft heart will be distracted right away. Hurry up, dumbhead!”

“You’re right.” Draco snuggled once more against Harry’s tense body. “Vengeance can be unhealthy. But sometimes it’s just satisfying to imagine things, you know? You’d never actually do it. You just think about the things you could do to them…” Draco’s pillow of flesh and bones ceased to feel like a rock of stone under his head.

“I…” A calculated pause and a sigh, slightly suppressed, could do wonders, Draco was convinced. Harry’s body tensed up again. Featherhead. Hurry up!

“I used to think up ways to pay back Father. Do you understand what I’m saying? My father…” Draco’s voice was just above a whisper. “When I was little, I simply adored the ground he walked on. Everything he said was the ultimate truth, he could never fail. And when he told me that crying and hiding behind mother’s robes was out of the question, I believed him. I was four years old. “

At once Harry’s hand moved up and started to twirl little strands of Draco’s hair between his fingers. Draco knew he had his full attention now. But it was difficult to go on. He had never talked ill of Father before. Although he was dead, Draco was sure there would be consequences for his betrayal.

“It’s funny, but I can’t forget about my teddy. It was broken, and I was crying; I wished my mom would come and make it whole again. But instead Father found me and of course disciplined me. He used to strip off his leather belt and… well, you know. It hurt so much, but I didn’t dare make a single sound… When Father was satisfied I had learned the lesson that no Malfoy cried, ever, he left me lying on the ground. I was supposed to go upstairs and get myself into shape again; no Malfoy ever was seen dishevelled or untidy. But I couldn’t get up, my backside hurt too bad and I think I just crawled around aimlessly on the floor. The next thing I remember is mom taking me into her arms. She hugged me and called me her darling and kissed my face. I think both of us cried when Father pulled us apart. He…” Draco wasn’t sure he could go on. Harry’s embrace intensified immediately and Draco was amazed how gentle Harry’s lips felt when they touched his forehead.

“He punished both of us. And we definitely learned our lesson that time. Oh yes. It was my given name from then on. No more pet names. No more ‘sweetie’ or ‘darling’. There were tears every now and again, it was inevitable, but they were shed without any sound. It was all for the best, see? Father did it because he loved me. He wanted to be proud of me, a true Malfoy, and it hurt him as much as me, even more, when he was forced to discipline me. At least that’s what he told me afterwards every time.”

Draco stared at Harry’s chest; it was slowly heaving up and down at a soothing pace. The moon had arisen at last, allowing him to make out the fine, sparse hairs on Harry’s skin. Absentmindedly Draco started to pull at the hairs; pressing his body as close to Harry’s as possible.

For a long time nobody spoke. It didn’t seem necessary. Holding each other was more important than anything else.

Gradually Draco calmed down. It was amazing, but he hadn’t been aware of his tension until it started to lessen. With each gentle touch of Harry’s hand stroking his hair it seemed to diminish, slowly but surely.

Draco forgot about his anger and his urgent desire to vent. His fingertips picked up the rhythm of Harry’s hand; and he started to fondle Harry’s chest as gently as he could.

Draco forgot about Father and besmirching his name, and the betrayal of speaking of Malfoy family matters. Instead he smiled when he found out that their intakes and outtakes of breath met, the heaving of their chests had fallen in time with one another.

Draco forgot about being born a Malfoy and the remorse of not being able to live up to this name. The scent of Harry’s skin filled his nostrils, and it smelled so good that he couldn’t decide if he would rather keep inhaling deeply, or just bite into the incredible, luscious flesh.

Draco definitely forgot about anything else when he found out that Harry’s nipple was just an inch away from his mouth.

He couldn’t help staring at the nipple, and unconsciously he started to worry his lower lip. He had seen the nipple before. He had touched it before. He had tasted it before. It was nothing new.

So why for Merlin’s sake did it suddenly seem to be the most desirable piece of flesh on earth???
Draco wasn’t prepared at all when his body reacted. Nothing was left of the blissful contentment he had peacefully enjoyed only one second ago.

His mouth went dry, and his heartbeat started to pick up. Blood was rapidly rushing down towards his loins. His member twitched; once, twice, it was swelling fast; and Draco knew Harry could feel it thumping against his thigh.

What to do now?

Harry shifted slightly; and the movement of his leg against Draco’s prick excited him even more.

What to do??? Think fast, think fast!!!

It wasn’t wise to force himself on his naive virgin Harry, not when they were cuddling as innocently as this. It wasn’t the time for…

Draco’s hard member was pressing tight against Harry’s body, and his hips made an involuntary movement forward.

What to do, for Merlin’s sake???

Start to babble about something, anything? Some disgusting detail of his past? That would surely put him off. Or just wriggle out of the embrace, lie on his back, ignoring the existence of his stiff penis? Or better yet, get up, flee to the loo and squeeze and squash his treacherous wicked prick until it went limp?

It was too late, anyhow.

His hips jerked forward again, ramming his hard cock against the body he wanted.

Draco’s mouth made for Harry’s chest; it searched and instantly found what it was looking for. His lips and teeth started to attack Harry’s nipple at once; they were biting, sucking, teasing, and playfully hurting. He couldn’t hold his hands still; they wanted to touch and feel every tiny bit of skin they could take hold of. Frantically Draco let them run over Harry’s unresisting body, groping for the bones under his muscles, pulling at hairs, tugging soft skin.

But this wasn’t enough, this wasn’t enough by far. Draco wanted more; he wanted Harry’s lips, his mouth, his tongue and the sweet taste of Harry’s saliva.

Draco promptly straightened up and smoothly moved up Harry’s still body. How good it felt to rub his pulsating cock against the muscles of Harry’s leg when he glided upwards! Once more his hips jerked forward. His hands found Harry’s face and cupped it tight. Just before his mouth descended upon the lips he wanted so urgently, he wondered briefly why Harry was lying immobile like a corpse underneath him. Draco intensified the grip of his hands, compelling Harry’s lips to part. He was convinced Harry would respond sooner or later. It had worked out the last times; without doubt it would work out this time. Harry wanted him too; he wanted him, didn’t he?

Draco moaned when he forced his tongue between the gorgeous lips, pushing it deeper and deeper into Harry’s mouth.

He wanted to eat him up.

He wanted to make him his.

Another quick sidelong move and Draco covered Harry’s form completely with his tense body. He couldn’t help another moan when he shifted determinedly to position his prick above Harry’s groin, longing to get in touch with the other’s member, meeting him; needing to feel the other’s lust against…

Harry fidgeted, and his head wriggled out of Draco’s grip.

“No…”

The hurt that one simple word inflicted was worse than all the pain Draco had ever experienced before.

“No?” Draco’s response was mechanical.

NO???

He wouldn’t accept it. He couldn’t accept it. Frantically, he reached for Harry’s chin, adjusted his face, and his tongue shot out to...

“No!”

When Harry wrenched his face free again, Draco hated him more than anything else in the world.

Harry reached up and touched Draco’s cheek briefly with his knuckle. His voice was low, almost a whisper.

“Didn’t you ever make love?”

That simply did it.

“Make love? MAKE LOVE? Are you KIDDING??? Just a short time ago I told you I fucked I-don’t-know-how-many-times every single fucking day of my fucking life!!!” Draco was beside himself. Something in his chest hurt terribly, and he didn’t know how to fend off the unfamiliar twinges of pain. His voice snapped when he continued to scream. “So that’s what you like? That’s your kink? You like to humiliate? Well, GO ON. You win. Fuck me. Fuck me. FUCK ME WHEN I’M DOWN! ENJOY IT!”

Draco flung himself on his back, spreading his legs wide open.

“COME ON! WHAT ARE YOU WAITNG FOR? FUCK ME! AND BE SURE TO GET A GOOD ONE OFF!”

Harry didn’t move. His eyes never left Draco’s face when he spoke at last.

“Draco…”

“I ASKED YOU WHAT YOU WERE WAITING FOR! GET GOING!”

Harry shook his head, his eyes were pleading. One hand reached out towards Draco, but stopped in midair. Harry pressed his lips together then started again.

“Draco. I never mentioned fucking. I simply wanted to know if you ever made love.”

“WHA..?” Draco choked. He stopped screaming the instant his outraged mind took in the meaning of Harry’s words.

“So I reckon you didn’t.” Harry chuckled softly. “Hm, let’s see if I can show you something for a change… Accio candles. Close your eyes. And relax, for heaven’s sake!”

Draco closed his eyes.

Relax… RELAX? His heart was racing. He felt as exhausted as if he had run ten miles at top speed. And the madman commanded him to relax! To make love. Honestly. Did the stupid git really believe there was any difference? Fucking, love-making, ramming… It didn’t matter what you called it. It was all the same. Wanking, thrusting, jerking off. And if you were lucky, you earned a glorious orgasm for your efforts.

But ok. If Harry wanted him to relax, he relaxed. Draco snorted. As if he had another choice…

He could hear Harry rummaging about the room; and every now and then he percieved a low whisper. What the heck was the milksop up to? His heart missed a beat then doubled in speed when he felt his body being lifted. What kinks turned really turned him on? Draco’s half-mast turned limp in shock. Before Draco could panic his body was gently laid down again. The mattress he was lying on seemed softer than before.

The rummaging and whispering continued. Eventually Draco’s heartbeat returned to a normal pace. Somehow he was now sure nothing terrifying would happen. Harry wouldn’t hurt him. He had promised. He wouldn’t hurt him. He had said so. No. He would never hurt him.

“Open your eyes.”

Draco obeyed immediately. He gasped.

The bedroom was illuminated by at least two dozen candles, floating beneath the ceiling, and their unobtrusive light created a cozy atmosphere. The bedcovering had changed from white linen into a velvety, deep red silk. It felt like a caress upon his skin, and unconsciously Draco let his hands run over the incredible softness of the material. Little heads of marguerites and daisies were lying everywhere around him, and the white of their petals stood in a beautiful contrast to the red of the bedding. Where…?

“Socks.” Harry answered his question as if he had heard his thought. “I’ve transfigured them. I had to improvise, you know...“

Next to Draco, on the bedside table, a bowl with apples, peas and grapes had been placed. He could remember it being on the kitchen-table earlier that day. Right beside the bowl two glasses of white wine were waiting.

“I don’t know if you like it. The wine, I mean…” Harry obviously had followed Draco’s gaze. “Generally I don’t like wine at all. It’s just… I thought it looked nice…” His voice trailed away.

Draco grinned wanly. Very nice indeed. But it still came down to fucking in the end.

The bed dipped when Harry lay down beside him. Draco turned his head and looked up expectantly at Harry’s face. So, now. Kiss me with your hot lips, touch me, fuck me. It will be good. Sex always is good with you. All this romantic fuss isn’t necessary. They had wasted time.

Harry stared at him.

Why couldn’t he just start? What was he waiting for?

Harry’s intense gaze wandered slowly down Draco’s body, and it felt as if he was caressing him with his eyes.

After what seemed to be an endless amount of time, the concentrated gaze returned to Draco’s face. Harry’s green eyes shone brightly, scrutinizing every single detail of Draco’s features. Then his eyes locked with Draco’s.

“You’re beautiful. Did you know that? Simply beautiful…”

Draco couldn’t help it. He blushed so vehemently that he thought his head would explode. Thankfully Harry didn’t notice; his gaze was wandering over his body again.

Draco had never been this conscious of his nakedness before. He gulped hard; his mouth had gone dry. Suddenly he felt nervous. Nervous and shy, and he felt the abrupt urge to grab for the silky cover and hide underneath it.

Harry removed his glasses and placed them neatly on his bedside table. Then he turned around and reached up slowly for Draco’s face. Draco’s heartbeat increased in speed again when Harry’s fingers started to explore his face with utmost gentleness. Harry smiled, his expresion both happy and sad, and it touched something inside of Draco he hadn’t known existed.

“Close your eyes,” Harry whispered. “And now, touch my face. No, not like that. Gentle. Just try to imagine you’re blind and want to know what I look like by using your hands… Just like I’m doing now with your face… There… Yes. That’s it.”

At first Draco felt silly. But when he let his fingers run over Harry’s cheekbones he started to enjoy it. Harry’s face felt… good. His fingers moved upwards and cautiously touched Harry’s eyelids. He could feel the eyeballs moving beneath them, and Draco automatically envisioned the incredible emerald colour of them. Slowly his finger followed the line of Harry’s eyebrows. How thick they were… When his finger came to Harry’s lips Draco noticed his hand had started to tremble. They were so soft, so full, so… He could hear a moan and was astounded when he realized it had come from him.

“Open your eyes again, please.” Harry whispered into his ear. “I want to see them darken when I kiss you.”

Draco almost didn’t dare to open his eyes. The unusual shyness was back all at once, and he feared that Harry would notice it when he looked at him. He had to blink several times; his eyes were glazed as if he had just awoken from a deep slumber. Then he looked straight into Harry’s bright eyes, and they were smiling at him.

A kiss was placed on the corner of Draco’s mouth. It was so light Draco wasn’t sure he had felt the soft lips at all. But there was another kiss, this time upon his forehead, equally light as a feather. Then little kisses rained down upon his eyelids, his cheeks, his nose, his mouth.

Draco lay absolutely still. He didn’t want Harry to stop. This was… unbelievable. And Harry seemed to have heard his plea. He didn’t stop. Kisses were placed upon his jaw, his throat, his Adam’s apple. Harry’s hand accompanied his mouth, and they were all over his body, stroking and kissing every part of skin that could be reached.

When Harry’s head reached his belly-button and his tongue slipped into it, Draco suddenly became aware of his throbbing erection. It stood up expectantly, waiting, wanting, needing to be touched.

When the gentle lips descended upon his glans, Draco’s hips shot upwards involuntarily. This… He couldn’t stand it any longer. This was worse than pain. A longing had built up in his chest that made it hard to breathe.

“Please…” Draco shocked himself by actually whimpering the word.

But instead of sucking his head, Harry buried his nose deep into the rich pubic hairs, inhaling audibly.

“Please…” Draco repeated helplessly. His eyes watered, and he felt like crying.

“Hm, you smell sooo good…” And Harry’s nose wriggled even deeper into Draco’s loins.

A low wail escaped Draco’s mouth when he could feel Harry’s lips kissing his balls at last. And then Harry’s tongue was all over his balls, wetting them, moving up to the base, moving up along the protruding vein of his swollen penis, reaching the head, licking it, wetting it. Precome shot out of Draco’s glans, and it was licked off at once.

Draco’s hips shot upwards. Please, suck me; blow me off, please, now.

A pillow was pushed gently under his upturned hips. Oh, yes, come to me, oh, please…

The sweet weight of Harry’s body descended upon him, pressing him deep into the soft mattress. With something that was near desperation Draco thrust his pelvis against Harry, felt their erections meet, and started to rub his prick against the other one frantically.

“Look at me.” Harry’s voice whispered into his ear.

Draco jerked his eyes wide open, and stared wildly into Harry’s emerald ones. They were dark with desire.

With maddening slowness Harry got up and knelt between Draco’s wide-spread legs. Harry unscrewed a jar of lubricant (Draco had no idea where that had come from, but he didn’t really care) and smeared a good amount around his own erection. Again Harry’s fingers dipped into the jar. The next portion was for Draco, he was sure.

“Please… “

Harry grinned knowingly and reached for Draco’s erection. When Harry’s warm fingers coated it with the soft jelly, Draco’s thighs tightened. No. No. Not now. Not so soon. No!

The lubricious fingers wandered downwards, spreading the jelly generously around his tight opening. When Harry’s juicy finger slipped into his tight passage, Draco shouted.

“Aaahhh!” Draco was beyond thinking in words or phrases.

Slowly Harry positioned his member in front of Draco’s quivering entrance. Draco looked down, wanting to see when Harry penetrated him.

“Look at me,” Harry repeated hoarsely.

And Draco sank again into the depth of the emerald eyes, just when Harry pushed down and entered him easily. The usual impact of the penetration was missing, there wasn’t any pain, just the thrilling knowledge that Harry was inside of him, moving with agonizing slowness. Harry rotated his hips and pushed further in, and Draco’s hips shot upwards to invite him deeper.

Their eyes were locked, Harry held Draco’s gaze. Draco could see each slow thrust of Harry’s hips in his eyes, but there was more, something he had never seen before, and it was incredible. Their slow pace soon gathered in speed, the climax Draco had suppressed for so long was there all too soon. He still wanted to restrain, he didn’t want to come, he didn’t want Harry to come. Draco wanted this to last forever.

His buttocks clenched, he couldn’t hold back any longer, it was near, yes, so near.

Harry’s pupils contracted, and he croaked “Say my name, say my name, oh please, say my name…”

“Harry…” Draco sobbed when his balls contracted and his orgasm exploded, spraying come all over his stomach.

Harry‘s body convulsed at the same time, flooding Draco’s insides with his semen, crying out incoherently.

Harry collapsed on top of Draco’s body, and Draco enfolded him with his arms. Draco didn’t want him to leave. He wanted him in him forever, being a part of him.

He felt as if something precious was stolen when eventually Harry pulled slowly out and rolled off to lie beside him.

Harry reached for Draco’s hand, and Draco entangled his fingers with Harry’s at once.

“Draco?” Harry’s voice was soft as silk.

“Hm?” Draco was still floating somewhere between the floor and the ceiling, or at least that’s what this bliss felt like.

“I’m proud that I was your first.”